General chatter - has anyones husband kind of lost interest in sex?




bskaar
01-12-2006, 09:28 PM
I think my husband isnt attracted to me anymore. We used to have sex all the time and now we hardly ever HE uses the excuse im tired or i have a headache anyone else going through this?


charliekay
01-12-2006, 10:23 PM
well my hubby hasn't he still wants it all the time,but i have.i don't want sex at all or to take off my clothes at all in front of him.i used to be so proud to show it off but not any more :(

bskaar
01-12-2006, 10:29 PM
im sorry. but to tell you the truth if he still wants it then maybe you shouldnt be ashamed


DeeJae37
01-12-2006, 11:43 PM
I'm the same as the other lady, My husband has never in the 15 years of our marriage not wanted sex, I call him a sex addict....although my desire for sex is not there.

Yogini
01-13-2006, 12:24 AM
im sorry. but to tell you the truth if he still wants it then maybe you shouldnt be ashamed Well, if it were just about HIS feelings then this would make sense but SHE feels ashamed and it has nothing to do with HIS feelings, it seems.

My man wants me all the time. He tells me I am sexy and beautiful and constantly has his hands on me. This has little effect on the fact that I feel more uncomfortable being naked around him than when I was thinner-my feelings are about ME and not about how HE feels about me.

TMunday
01-13-2006, 12:28 AM
bskaar...

Hi Neighbor!! I am in Earlville! I use to live in Dekalb though. Small world. Anyway, I am like the others.. my hubby wants it all of the time. But I do not want any part of it. Until my body is normal I am just not interested. Maybe your hubby is truly tired though. Has things changed... job, hours, stress, demands at work, kids, your health, whatever it is... it could be stressing him out and making him tired. Or maybe he is thinking about you and how you may be feeling. It could be anything. But I would ask him about it. :)

mommyof4in5
01-13-2006, 01:06 AM
I have the same problem with my husband I was 120-125 when we met and had 4 kids in 5yrs. I am now 173.(5'2")It hurts I was 7mo. pregnant with our 3rd child when we got married and we got a jacuzzi room what a waste we didn't make love once during our honeymoon and I will always remember that.I lost all my weight and then some after our 1st and 2nd child. He never says anything, but treats me differant. we are only intimate about 8 times a year or if has had some alcohol(which is not often). It hurts I know. That is one reason I want to lose my weight. I want the romance and passion that was there before I became so heavy. Good luck

kykaree
01-13-2006, 01:38 AM
It could be about him and not you, and nothing to do with your weight.

We have some exciting bedroom activity in our house, oh 4 times a year at the moment it would average out at. It's about him, he's getting older, he feels tired at the end of the day (and in the morning when he might be interested, I am out the door and off to work). I know he still loves me and is still attracted to me, it's just the mechanics are a bit lazy.

It's something we are trying to work through.............his solution was to buy me ahem a battery operated solution!!!

It's no substitute for the love of a good man though. But try not to make it about you, because it probably isn't.

Danzer5570
01-13-2006, 01:45 AM
Well, if it were just about HIS feelings then this would make sense but SHE feels ashamed and it has nothing to do with HIS feelings, it seems.

Um, I think bskaar was saying this because, I don't know...she just told people something personal that's hurting her, then someone comes along and rubs it in that her husband always wants sex, when in reality, this post is about bskaar....not how everyone else's husband "can't keep their hands off them". I just think it's a little rude (and probably more hurtful) to say stuff like that...just my opinion though ;) Take it with a grain of salt.

Anyway...bskaar....back to YOU. You should probably just talk to him. Tell him how you're feeling, and ask him for his honest opinion. If it is the case that it's your size that's bugging him, maybe that'll be your motivation to lose the weight. But, in order to successfully lose weight, you need to love yourself first and foremost, and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I know it must hurt, so tell him this. If he insists that it's not your weight, then maybe he really is stressed out or has a headache. Just remember, no man is worth your tears, and if he's not doing his job in making you feel beautiful no matter what size, maybe it's time to start looking for someone who DOES...but you need to be happy with yourself, and more confident in order to do that. :hug:

jules1216
01-13-2006, 07:55 AM
I think my husband isnt attracted to me anymore. We used to have sex all the time and now we hardly ever HE uses the excuse im tired or i have a headache anyone else going through this?

I have been with my hubby for twenty years and our sex life has been up and down. I am a touchy-feely kind of person. He has never been a touchy person and when I met him he had been celibate for almost 2 years. I was the one who had to reach for his hand to hold and I initiated sex most of the time and I weighed 125 lbs then. Over the years we go through slumps, sometimes he's the one saying no and sometimes it me. He was really upset recently because I was so depressed about turning 40 and the whole empty nest thing after being super Mom after almost 21 years that I just was not interested in sex and I didn't even want to be touched.
I hope all works out for you...

healthierat30
01-13-2006, 09:34 AM
I have to agree with some of the others, about he really could be tired, stressed or whatever. I think the idea that men always want it all the time is crazy. When they are teens maybe but like women they to go through times when it is not on the top of there lists. Like what others have said, in my marriage there has been times when he is not interested and times when I am not. I have noticed though when I take the focus off the sex and more on just loving on him (more hugs, kisses backrubs whatever) he usually starts to become more interested again. I think they need to feel the love just as much as we do and sometimes that is all it takes.
Take care!!

honey-dipped
01-13-2006, 09:46 AM
Um, I think bskaar was saying this because, I don't know...she just told people something personal that's hurting her, then someone comes along and rubs it in that her husband always wants sex, when in reality, this post is about bskaar....not how everyone else's husband "can't keep their hands off them". I just think it's a little rude (and probably more hurtful) to say stuff like that...just my opinion though ;) Take it with a grain of salt.


It didn't sound like she was trying to rub anything in to me. If she was trying to rub it in, I doubt she'd say that she wasn't interested in sex because of her body image. In the end, she did ask if anyone had been in a similar situation and, to me and I'm sure a few others, it sounds like she was leading the way for an open discussion about people's experiences with the situation.

zoritsa
01-13-2006, 12:23 PM
I think talking to him about how your feeling is best.Others have mentioned maybe he's tired,age has some effects,and so on.Without knowing how long you've been married,or how old he is,it's harder to get an idea of what could possibly be going on.

My husband and I certainly have our ups and downs in the bedroom,but if it becomes a problem for one of us,we try to talk it out and come to some sort of comprimise...or at least come to an understanding of why either of us aren't in the mood.

Good luck!

la3y_un1c0rn_37
01-13-2006, 03:54 PM
Some time the ahem the "battery operated solution" could be a good thing for the both of you to well .....;) ......you know the rest. I feel the same way with my hunny sometimes. I just feel like someone who just does house work..That one of the reasons I am tring to do this. I want to be the one who turns his head...Try to talk to him see how he feels. Get to know whats on his mine. He may want to talk but just dont know where to start..who knows...Hope this helps

Leigh

L144S
01-13-2006, 04:13 PM
I agree with talking this out it could just be and intamacy connection issue, but I also would recomend a visit to the Dr. There could be a medical issue neither one of you are aware of and his Dr. may be able to help with a little pill Bob Dole like to use :) Good luck
-L

liz321
01-14-2006, 04:44 PM
Just keep talking.......compromise for one another and thinking of your partner.....is what true love is all about....that being said lots of times there is more to it, medically, emotional, physical etc.
Being human we assume why people are doing what they do or don't do........and we usually assume the worst......if we talk we can sometimes avoid the assumptions.

Hang in there.

Liz

RobinW
01-14-2006, 05:11 PM
I think my husband isnt attracted to me anymore. We used to have sex all the time and now we hardly ever HE uses the excuse im tired or i have a headache anyone else going through this?

yes....when I first starting loosing weight during our first year together.

I talked to him, and discussed what was bothering me, and what has been going on with him....we worked it out. It wasnt weight related at all....but he truly was tired.

So....talk to him, find out what is underneath, if he truly is tired, get a sitter on a saturday afternoon, and plan a nice afternoon with your dh...when he is rested, and feeling less stress.

GreatBigMonsterMomma
01-15-2006, 12:51 AM
Yes, it seems that at every major milestone, my husband's sex drive takes another nosedive. First when we got married, then when we weren't newlyweds, then when our first child was born, then when our second child was born, then when our third was born. I'm actually right now the same size I was when we met, so I know it's not my weight. There are other issues I'm not going to talk about on a public board (no, he's not cheating), but let's just say I have reason to know it's not a physical issue either.

It is frustrating, but luckily for me, although sex is something I very much enjoy (& I've always had a higher sex drive than he has), it's not something I need.

Yogini
01-19-2006, 05:57 AM
It didn't sound like she was trying to rub anything in to me. If she was trying to rub it in, I doubt she'd say that she wasn't interested in sex because of her body image. In the end, she did ask if anyone had been in a similar situation and, to me and I'm sure a few others, it sounds like she was leading the way for an open discussion about people's experiences with the situation.
:yes: Open discussion is what public forums are all about!

flipafart
01-23-2006, 08:37 PM
maybe he is sick and ashame to tell you talk it over with him

Venus In Mourning
01-24-2006, 01:09 PM
I think it could be a number of things. It could be something physical, like a hormone problem. I don't know how old he is, but there IS such a thing as male menopause. There are treatments for low sex drive. Don't be so quick to blame yourself! Have you tried to take the initiative to spice up your sex life? Start slow. Valentine's Day is coming up you know. Buy some post it notes and write romantic and maybe a couple racy notes and leave them in unexpected places. Maybe he just needs a bit of a jump start. :)

bskaar
01-27-2006, 10:22 PM
everything everyone said was helpful. I was a little hurt by the first couple comments on how everyones husband cant keep their hands off them but it got better as i read on. Maybe he is tired and its not me im just feeling a little unappreciated sexually. But i wasnt trying to say that all i need is sex and that thats the only way i know he loves me. I know he loves me very much i guess i just wanted to see from other peoples perspective if it was me being emotional or if it really was a problem. Thank you guys for your help and the more advice the better!
Brandy

GreatBigMonsterMomma
01-28-2006, 05:23 AM
Yeah, I can say from experience it stings like heck to read about how many guys supposedly can't keep their hands off their wives when the well's running dry on your property. The thing is, though, that men's sex drives are just as variable as women, for all that there is this popular theory that they're on all the time. If you really think about it...Wouldn't you be mad if it was suggested something was wrong with you because your sex drive took a dip? But we say that about guys all.the.time.

Gymgurl
01-28-2006, 08:36 AM
I think every situation is different....I still have sex with my hubby 4-5 times a week and we have been together for 20 years...but I have friends whos hubby is just not that in to it anymore...due to stress, job, being tired, age you name it...if you and your hubby have a good realtionship talk about it....have him go to the dr to see if his test is low they do have creams for them. Toys are alwasy a great fun option to use together .......

liz321
01-28-2006, 11:23 AM
Hi

Creams for them? What do you mean?

Liz

peggy_63015
01-30-2006, 04:11 AM
Mine never wanted it. On our wedding night he invited people to our room to watch tv! We have talked about it and I have cried about it. It hasnt changed. He thinks hes normal. Its a serious problem in our realationship. Roughly 2 times a year he approaches me. Now I tell him to leave me alone. It feels like hes my brother instead of my husband. Its creepy now. I wish I had made wiser choices.
To keep my mind off of it I keep myself so busy that Im too tired to even think about sex. It helps.

BerkshireGrl
01-30-2006, 11:20 PM
On our wedding night he invited people to our room to watch tv!... Now I tell him to leave me alone...To keep my mind off of it I keep myself so busy that Im too tired to even think about sex. It helps.

That's terrible! :( I'm so sorry! :hug:

Can you get therapy/counseling together maybe? Have him checked out by a doctor for maybe physical reasons why he's not interested?

Is your marriage happier in other ways? Have you been married long?

This sounds so sad to me, speaking as an outside observer only of course, I'd say not to stay... I mean, some people have low-to-no sex drives and are ok with that... which is certainly fine, but not so great when they date or marry people with more of an interest!

peggy_63015
01-31-2006, 04:11 AM
Well.... mine is a long and complicated story. ( I should write a book). I am an American firstly. My husband is Turkish. He didnt want to come to America so I sold everything and quit my job. My family cut all ties with me when I left. I moved to Turkey. They arent as open minded here about therapy and sexual problems. We have been married for almost 2 years but we have been together for more than 5 years. When I came here the banking crisis had just happened and my husband was unable to find a job. ( I supported him for 4 years with my savings and working as a teacher) His family wouldnt accept me because I wasnt Turkish (they have now but its too late for me )so you can imagine how much it cost to move to a country and into a compleatly empty apartment and buy everything that you need. He blamed his problems on depression and stress and swore that it wouldnt be a problem forever. He opened his own shop and things didnt change. His business didnt do well. About a year ago he was able to get a banking job. He once again blamed his problems on stress saying that banking is a stressful job. He has been to a doctor who told him that it was all in his head (after tests ) and gave him some pills to help him. (just before our wedding) He took them for less than a week and threw them in the rubbish. He doesnt sleep like normal people. He goes to bed as late as possible and gets up as late as possible. When he wasnt working he slept all day and watched tv all night. Now he does it on the weekends.Some times he gets up as late as 3 pm and goes to bed as late as 5 or 6 am. I however have to get up early (6am) for work and on the weekends I have private lessons in the mornings so I go to bed around 11pm. Its a real shock for me. My former husband couldnt keep it in his pants. He chased every woman he saw. He just couldnt get enough. My current husband never takes it out of his pants. Do I love him? Yes ..... but as a husband.....Im not sure anymore. I know I walked away from everything I ever knew but this isnt the life I was expecting. It makes me angry that he doesnt appreciate me. Im an attractive woman who doesnt look her age and my husband isnt attracted to me. I do all the cooking cleaning shopping (which here isnt easy for me and isnt expected of a Turkish woman) and I work at my school and I give 12 hours of private lessons weekly. I make more money than he does. I wore a sexy nighty and he laughed at me and asked why I did that. I ran to the bedroom in tears and never wore it again. Everyone tells me how lucky he is to have me but he doesnt seem to realize it. If I keep myself busy enough I dont think about it. At night I collapse in to bed. He has recently been approaching me for sex ( he usually does every 6 months or so )and I told him that after years of sitting next to a block of ice for years that I myself have grown cold. I told him that he created this situation and that apparently he wanted it this way and to leave me alone. I want to see him sexually but I just am not able to anymore. I dont want to cry anymore. He promised me change for years and each time I was dissapointed. I blamed myself for years but now I know its him not me.

kaplods
01-31-2006, 06:43 AM
My husband has always had a much lower sex drive than I. We both have chronic pain issues that have made lovemaking a challenge at best and painful and futile at worst. The odds of us both being in the mood, and pain-free enough to enjoy the intimacy have been pretty poor.

I never would have imagined that I would be ok with a situation like this, but we go out of our way to compensate. We talk about it alot - what we miss, and what we'd like to do if we were up to it, and touch and kiss and say "I love you," and call each other pet names... I had to coax him into being this open, as he was ashamed of not being able to "perform."

Talking it through may not change your sex life, but it could change your love life.

Good luck,

Colleen