Support Groups - Read This To Die Laughing




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PamPSM644
03-24-2005, 11:29 AM
:lol: Girls, A friend just sent me this and I HAD to share.. I've been laughing so had (I need CPR. Enj
I love this stuff.
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>They're Back! Church Bulletin Bloopers:
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>Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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>1. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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>2. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
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>3. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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>4. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
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>5. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
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>6. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "****" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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>7. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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>8. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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>9. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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>10. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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>11. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
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>12. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
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>13. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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>14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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>15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is ****?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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>16. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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>17. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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>18. Please place your donation in the envelope a long with the deceased person you want
remembered.
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>19. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
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>20. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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>21. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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>22. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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>23. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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>24. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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>25. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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>26. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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>27. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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>28. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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>29. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."


nibs
03-24-2005, 12:29 PM
OH MY GOD PamPSM644 that is SOOOOOO funny :) :D :lol: :rofl: :lol: :D :)

FrouFrou
03-24-2005, 01:43 PM
Pam~those are cute! :lol: As a matter of fact I posted most of them on the Laughlines thread! :D If you want you can add them to the thread below somewhere-we have the Laughlines thread and an Inspirational thread also. Just thought I would give you a heads up on it. :)


PamPSM644
03-24-2005, 04:23 PM
Thanks Cristi,I was in such a hurry to pass it on that I didn't realize. I'll be sure to post things in the right place from now on.

Pam

FrouFrou
03-24-2005, 09:44 PM
Oh Pam, you can put anything anywhere you want and/or start a new thread of anything anytime also. I just thought I would give a heads up to you and everyone that there is a thread with jokes on it in case no one saw it. I know I tend to stick to the newer threads at the top of the page and some of the older ones tend to fall to the bottom of the page.

When I saw the second one it cracked me up so bad! :lol3: :rofl: My DD thought I lost it! And #15 too! Only because listening to the choir at church is liking being in ****. They definitely need more practice-they are so off key and not together at all!