Trying to change my life for the better
I'll start by telling you all I am a 14 year old girl. I have been battling depression since the end of July. It's difficult, sometimes when it seems as though things are getting better, it suddenly grows worse. Also, for a few months now I have developed a sleep schedule where I go to bed at 7-8 am and wake up in the evening. I do online school. The past few weeks I've been in such a slump, I wake up late and miss the whole day, then basically stay in my room/in bed all night. I feel hopeless, as though nothing will ever change. Apart of my depression is my body image. I hate my body. Everyday I look through pictures of gorgeous, perfect girls and models on Instagram and in the magazines, and I wish to look like them. I feel as though I have zero self esteem. I am the biggest critic on myself, and will scrutinize and find every possible fault. Sometimes I used to just look in the mirror and cry. I want to change myself and the way I look, but the depression is just making it harder. I have no motivation anymore. I gave up working out 3 months ago. But I'm willing to try again.
I'm 5'6, and the last time I weighed myself I was 135 lbs, I'm sure I'm more by now. All my life as a little kid I've been so so skinny, but ever since puberty everything changed. My problem is I don't know where to start. I'm not very fat, I think most of it is in my mind a lot of the time, but I do know I could get in better shape. I want a flatter stomach, toned and non flabby legs, and most of all I really want a toned and or bigger butt. I'm going to be joining a gym very soon, I'm thinking planet fitness. I just have a few concerns. I'm worried that if I lose too much body fat, I will have smaller boobs/butt as a result? Is that true? I really need guidance, I'm so new to everything and it's so confusing. I'm sorry this is so long but I've been dealing with all of this for so long, just feeling terrible about myself. I need guidance and I need motivation for achieving my goals. I want confidence for the first time in a very long time. All help is appreciated. Thank you <3
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