It's My Body! Not a Car, Not a House, Not a Bank Account! So Why Can't I Own It?
Hi guys, just want to share a thought.
I've become very obsessed with my weight. I have always been self conscious because of my weight (even when I was thin). But right now it has taken another turn.
These days I'm always watching other women and paying constant attention to their size. On TV, on the street...everywhere. I can't help but feel envious of slimmer women. I has become systematic right now. So for a few weeks now I've been thinking:
After all, it's a body we're talking about. I can work on it. I see thin people and feel jealous. I used to be thin and quite attractive before life happened. There is a thin me and really the only person standing between overweight me and that thin me is ME.
It's my body; it's me. It's within me already. I'm carrying it about, covered in fat. So why can't I have it? I can admire cars that I may never have. I can admire houses that I may never possess. I can admire so many things some people have which I may never be able to own.
But this is ME. This is MY BODY. I can have it! I can own it.
I would be mad if someone tells me: Look at that body? You can't have it. But right now I realize that I'm the doing who has been saying this and doing this to by body. It's my own body, so why can't I have it? I have it within myself and I have been envying people who have it!
I think it's good to have faith in yourself and know that you are capable of a lot. But the other things you speak of are serious issues that will stand in your way. Obsessing about weight and other women's weight is a type of negative thinking that can spiral out of control. Weight is only a byproduct of our behavior, that's why Intuitive Eating works for me so well. It helps me address my behavior including:
- eating when I'm hungry
- stopping when I'm full
- honoring my cravings
- finding ways to cope with stress/anxiety/emotions without food
- separating food from events and emotions
- self reflection without judgement
- learning to appreciate my body for what it does and how it looks NOW
- exercising for the love of moving my body and feeling good rather than burning calories
- getting rid of guilt
- getting rid of the diet mentality
It sounds like this could be helpful to you too, because your body is what you have now, don't wait to love yourself until you've reached a magic number on a scale. There is no thin you, there's only you. And you have to like yourself unconditionally. You would never say to your child "I will love you when you get good grades and after you clean your room." When you put conditions on people they start to resent you, and so the same thing happens with your body. If you put conditions on it and withhold your self love then your body starts to rebel and you start to overeat.
For me, it was all about finding the key to my lock.
We all have individual keys to weightloss but the challenge is one size does not fit all.
There are foods I eat that help me with my weightloss that won't help you.
And there are foods that I eat that will aide my weightloss and your weightloss and that I could eat forever but you can't stand.
Same with exercise.
The challenge for each of us is to find our personalized combinations for weightloss that work for us as individuals and that match our individual preferences so that they are sustainable habits that facilitate maintenance once we have lost the weight.
Find the key to your lock. Experiment a little. Find what works and throw out that which does not. It's like dating as a teenager again. And if you do it right, it should be fun.
Eat 1000 calories for the first week, up it to 1200, 40% protein, 40% carb, 20% fat, no grains or added sugar, fruits and vegetables (no starchy vegetables like corn or potatoes), lean protein like grilled chicken, no bread/pastries etc, hour of cardio per day, running not walking, work up to it, weights, yup, that's it. Are you willing? You will be 120 lbs. If not, you won't. Your choice, your body, as you said. Good luck. I'll even pm you my shopping list if you want.
Are you willing? You will be 120 lbs. If not, you won't.
1000 calories for a 185lb body is starvation = that's dysfunctional and leads to binge cycles. I don't know anybody or have never heard of anyone that can sustain that kind of caloric intake starting at that weight without rebound weight gain. Have you ever even had a weight problem? If you haven't then what do you know about the metabolic needs of a body that is overweight/obese? Your caloric needs are far fewer than someone overweight, you can't impose your plan on someone else's physique.
If only it were a matter of being "willing" to do it. It is so disappointing when people keep on promoting the idea that weight loss is a simple issue of willpower and determination. Promising someone that they will be 120lbs by starving themselves is not only irresponsible, it has no basis in reality and sustainability.
It may be your body and you might 'own' it, but it doesn't operate like a car or a bank or a house. It has its own metabolism and preferences, as IanG noted above. I think his example of finding the right key is absolutely on target.
So, yes, i believe you can reshape your body - but there might be a point at which your body refuses to move, or requires so much 'maintenance' that it's way too hard to do [at my absolutely lowest weight, I could eat nothing but fish and veggies. no fat. almost no carbs. it wasn't sustainable for me].
While you're working on the physical aspect, please don't neglect your mental and emotional health as well. Being happy at any weight is great - you don't have to love your weight, or your job, or whatever, but you can continue to work on them while being happy within yourself.
Eat 1000 calories for the first week, up it to 1200, 40% protein, 40% carb, 20% fat, no grains or added sugar, fruits and vegetables (no starchy vegetables like corn or potatoes), lean protein like grilled chicken, no bread/pastries etc, hour of cardio per day, running not walking, work up to it, weights, yup, that's it. Are you willing? You will be 120 lbs. If not, you won't. Your choice, your body, as you said. Good luck. I'll even pm you my shopping list if you want.
I'm pretty sure this site is generally against promotion of any diets under the "minimum" 1200 calories. So recommending 1000 to someone is problematic on that front. I think some people do need to eat under 1200 calories to lose weight, but those people probably have an unusually low amount of lean mass, are at/below 5'0, and have a lower reasonable goal weight.
My approach would actually be the opposite to this. If thirti decides to count calories, I would recommend starting at around 1600 calories max per day (based on her height of 5'1), and evaluating for three weeks or so. Then if she's losing weight over time, keep it the same, and if not, reduce to 1400 for another three weeks.
I really don't think anyone should be doing an hour of cardio every day if they're eating under 1200 calories. I mean, maybe someone really small, like if you had dwarfism. But most bodies need more than that. You need energy to function, and you don't want to be taking vital glucose away from areas it's needed, like your brain.
It's my body; it's me. It's within me already. I'm carrying it about, covered in fat. So why can't I have it? I can admire cars that I may never have. I can admire houses that I may never possess. I can admire so many things some people have which I may never be able to own.
But this is ME. This is MY BODY. I can have it! I can own it.
Although the rest of your post was problematic (because of the obsession with what other women look like, and with being thin), I can appreciate the enthusiasm and inspiration you seem to have.
Thing is, you do have a body, and if you can't love it now, I doubt very much that you're going to love it when it's thin.
If you're carrying it around covered in fat, then I think you should love it anyway, right now. It's fine if you see yourself as a thin person covered in fat, but you should love that thin person, even when she's covered in fat.
That's your body, and it takes pretty good care of you or you wouldn't be here.
Owning a nice car, or a house, requires that you work for it. Owning your body and losing weight also requires work. A different kind of work, but still, it won't happen overnight, or without effort. Thin people you see, a lot of them work very hard to stay that way.
I'm pretty sure this site is generally against promotion of any diets under the "minimum" 1200 calories. So recommending 1000 to someone is problematic on that front. I think some people do need to eat under 1200 calories to lose weight, but those people probably have an unusually low amount of lean mass, are at/below 5'0, and have a lower reasonable goal weight.
My approach would actually be the opposite to this. If thirti decides to count calories, I would recommend starting at around 1600 calories max per day (based on her height of 5'1), and evaluating for three weeks or so. Then if she's losing weight over time, keep it the same, and if not, reduce to 1400 for another three weeks.
I really don't think anyone should be doing an hour of cardio every day if they're eating under 1200 calories. I mean, maybe someone really small, like if you had dwarfism. But most bodies need more than that. You need energy to function, and you don't want to be taking vital glucose away from areas it's needed, like your brain.
I run for an hour a day and lift weights for another half hour, at 1200-1300 calories and am 5'5" and 121.6 lbs as of today. I've been doing this for 23 years and exercise longer if I have time because I like it. I look like I fell out of a fitness magazine. Reality.
I agree with the letter of your replies. Probably the point I would like to reiterate here is that I have heard some bigger people claiming that it's a matter of good genes for thin people, glandular differences, or other things they say to try to absolve them from taking responsibility over their weight. In my case, anyway, I know 100% of my weight is my fault.
As I progress through my journey, I understand and appreciate the effort it does take, and respect those who are able to do it, but I will never forget what it was like on the other side.
Us heavier people can be very sensitive. I try to tread very lightly here, as I understand how being heavy can make you feel.
For example I am into a certain hobby, and I got to know this community online, well there was a big convention coming to a nearby city and people really wanted to meet up there. Well I canceled the trip, as I was just so ashamed about my weight. I did force myself to go the next year, of course my fears were unfounded, nobody cared about my weight. I am curious though, to see if anyone notices a smaller me when I go again. That will feel great if someone does.
However, none of that stopped me from canceling a trip to a family reunion. I couldn't handle the thought of all those relatives who I hadn't seen in years, thinking, wow, he sure ballooned up. However, the next family reunion I am definitely going to. Even if I am not thin, I feel so much better about myself and won't be at all ashamed of my appearance.
We know it takes a lot of work. it is just easy to get overwhelmed with it all, knowing it will not happen quickly, and requires us to change our lifestyle, put in the time and effort.
One thing that helped was an old Tao mantra, goes something like this: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
I run for an hour a day and lift weights for another half hour, at 1200-1300 calories and am 5'5" and 121.6 lbs as of today. I've been doing this for 23 years and exercise longer if I have time because I like it. I look like I fell out of a fitness magazine. Reality.
I'm glad that this works for you. But the thing is, it applies to you because you don't have much weight to lose, and it appears you have been in a reasonable weight range for a long time. I think it's great you enjoy exercise as well. I'm surprised you're not losing weight, but perhaps your body has become incredibly efficient at the exercises you do. That would make sense, given how long you've been doing them for.
Most of us do not need to drop to 1200 calories to lose weight. There are people on here your height who will lose weight easily in the 1600-1800 calorie range. So it's my opinion that recommending 1200 or fewer calories for those people is a bad idea. Compared to their accustomed diet they will feel like they are starving, and they will be more likely to binge and then regain any weight they lose. This has certainly been true for me in the past. I have had to find something sustainable to keep myself on track.
It would be good if you could provide your "advice" in a more constructive and less challenging manner. In your previous post you said outright that thirti will fail at losing weight if she doesn't embrace your method of losing weight.
That is not the type of attitude that this site is all about.
It's My Body! Not a Car, Not a House, Not a Bank Account! So Why Can't I Own It?
