How do you change how you perceive yourself? My whole life I thought I was fat, so I told myself, I may as well be fat.... and so I am!!!
This weekend I dug out some old pics and damn, was I thin! But I still thought I was fat. Why do we do this to ourselves and how do we change how we think?
I believe you have changed your perception slowly, if you think you look thin in those pictures. I think these perceptions change very slowly for most of us.
My daughter found an old picture of me from 1993 when I was 235 lbs, which at the time was my highest weight ever. I thought I was so fat then and my (now ex-) wife said the same. My daughter likes the picture so much she framed it and keeps it in her room. Funny how perceptions change so much... now if I could only be 235 again!
Even at my current weight, I know my body image isn't aligned yet. Even my proprioception is still off, I still knock things over when I walk by, bump into people in crowds, that sort of thing. However, I do believe that my image has changed, but very very slowly over the years. For some reason I expect an equilibrium about 225 lbs. Which would have felt very fat when I was younger.
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I have a different problem. When I was in the 130s I always thought I was fat and was always trying to get into the 120s. Now that I am in the 190, I am so shocked every time I look in the mirror or see a picture. In my mind's eye, I am still 130 lbs. When I am in a store to try on clothes, I am shocked when I can't zip or button a pair of pants. When I go out and look at the next size up, it looks humungous! Sometimes when I'm walking through a store and see my reflection in one of those big mirrors I don't even realize that it's me I'm seeing. I can't lose weight if I don't think I'm fat!!
I read once in a blog by Geneen Roth something that made a lot of sense to me. She said that what we see in the mirror is an interpretation of the truth, not the actual truth.
As part of my ED therapy I have spent a lot of time and energy in reshaping my interpretation of myself because just like you I look at old pictures and think "wow I was hot" but I remember back to when the picture was taken thinking "omg I'm so fat." Now I look at pictures of my present self and think "one day I'm going to look at this and love it."
So the thoughts we have in our head can and should be changed if all they are offering is negativity. I can't tell you how many times a day I used to look in the mirror and say to myself "gross" "you're so fat" "that's disgusting" "your thighs are huge" and lots lots of thoughts like that. Negative thoughts beget negative thoughts and then suddenly you've swallowed them as if they're truth. Everytime I caught a glimpse of myself I'd wince and look away. Do you know what that is? It's self abuse. So what's the answer? Just change your thoughts!
I started out by looking in the mirror and observing everything about myself OBJECTIVELY! No judgement, just casual observations. After a few days you start to express some gratitude for each part of your body. "Thank you legs, you took me around the whole city today and you're not even achy." "Thank you tummy, you nourished my son for 9 months and walked away with only a few stretchmarks." "Thank you back, you're strong enough to lift my kid, and even move some furniture!"
After a while this starts to feel normal and then you can start complimenting your body, the skin, the shape, the size, the figure, everything! At first this may feel false or like a lie. But after a while you believe it. And now I catch glimpses of myself in the store fronts and think "sexy mama!"
Just be careful about the negative thoughts that creep in your head, swing at them with a mental bat. My NT gave me a really good exercise for this. Every time you think a negative thought immediately stop yourself and counter it with at least 3 positive thoughts! For example say:
"Ugh, my breasts are so big, I'll never be able to find a shirt to fit me, this is so embarrassing."
I immediately turn it around and think "My breasts are perfectly shaped and sized." "My husband wouldn't trade them for the world." "People pay good money to get breasts like this."
You know how so many people say they hate their jobs? They complain about work, and how much they wish they didn't have to do it, and how that one co-worker talks behind people's backs, and how the customers are always jerks, and everyone's just in it for themselves and so on and on and on...
Well, I like my job, but I've liked all my jobs. For instance, I once worked at a grocery store till, being friendly to people and making sure price checks happened quickly if they were needed. I liked being fast, and efficient, and having a system. I liked that I could put up the cheerful front and deal with that kind of social situation because it's a skill I was still working on at the time and the grocery store was a nice predictable sort of interaction I could work with. I liked that I could be helpful to people.
Some people at my work were neutral, and others were downright bitter. Just about everyone disliked the manager, and talked a lot about how things should be different in this way or that way, or how bad they had it because other people have better jobs, and the economy sucks and... who knows what else.
Do you see where I'm going with this?
It's easy to be negative, especially when people around us are negative. We see other people complaining so we look at ourselves and say "wow, I have something to complain about too" or "I have it even worse." It becomes acceptable not only to complain, but to think of our situations differently than we might otherwise. I think it's cultural, and I don't entirely know how I've managed to escape it but...
I like my body in the same way I've liked my jobs.
And I think the trick is that I focus on the positive. I like my thick thighs, for instance—thick thighs are something I see as sexy. I have a good face, oval-shaped. My hair is well behaved. I'm relatively strong and muscular, and tall, which lets me do things others can't. I might not have as many points of pride as I used to (I used to love my flat square of belly fat, for instance, and now I'm quite a bit rounder)... but that doesn't mean I have nothing left to be pleased about.
That's not to say I'm not bothered by some things about my body. I was dismayed, for example, when I realized my belly was no longer narrower than my hips. I could easily obsess about my chewed-up fingernails, or my acne or cellulite, or any number of other things (never mind the nitpicky stuff). But all of these things, I've decided, are less important than the things I like about my body.
You can choose to focus on the things you like about yourself. The benefits are obvious—you'll feel good instead of bad—but I think too often we decide we deserve to feel bad or guilty, so we do this weird punishment thing. We nitpick, then we feel bad, and assume it will help us do something about our problems.
Don't.
Don't pick at yourself to try and spur yourself to action. Because even if it does work (which it doesn't), it's not worth it.
When I joined 3FC, one of the long time members had posted in their signature, "You can't hate yourself thin." It's still the most powerful phrase I know, and the one I reach for when that crappy little negative voice tries to derail me. Like meditation, it takes practice but we CAN teach ourselves to switch out those thoughts. Our bodies continue to function despite systemic, chronic abuse by toxins, lack of movement, garbage food and negative thoughts. The great news is they will reward us pretty quickly if we show them just a little appreciation or love by treating them well. I strongly recommend watching "What the Bleep Do We Know?" - it was a real eye-opener.
I never saw myself different thin or heavy, I was just me. No one ever believed me.
I mean, if I saw myself in pictures when I was in the 300s (there are very, very few, trust me) then I thought it was just a bad angle and I did everything I could to destroy said picture. Then I lost 150lbs and people started calling me skinny (I wasn't, I was still almost 200lbs) and I thought they were all making fun of me. I'd see myself in a picture and again, hated every one of them and got rid of them. I'd see myself in the mirror and not see any difference between 350 and 200. But again, no one believed me.
Our mental interpretation of weight gain and weight loss is literally mindboggling to me. I guess if I saw myself gaining weight I might have stopped but maybe not. I just kept buying bigger clothes and not thinking anything of it (and not caring for that matter). It was the same on the way down, I'd always grab the 2x or 3x from the rack and I was a medium-large at 190. I'd go into Lane Bryant and the ladies would offer me the sales on jewelry and shoes. I didn't understand that they didn't have any clothes to fit me. I'd get the hairy eyeball from plus-size women for being on their territory. But that was my territory too at one time (of course they didn't know that).
This time around, after gaining 60lbs back with some medical stuff, I feel larger than ever. But I'm still keeping over 100lbs off so why can't I be happy and thankful for that? It's a dreadful feeling now. I almost wish I didn't care.
I saw a quote on Pinterest that said something to the effect of "There is someone right now wishing to be where you are". And I know that feeling. When I was in the 300s, I would have given my right arm to be in the 220s and never thought I'd do it. But here I am.
Last edited by TheLastStraw323; 01-13-2015 at 12:28 PM.
I change my self body image by enjoying the weight loss process and letting it sink in. I lost weight once without dieting, and I still thought I was fat because I wasn't purposefully trying to lose weight. Last year, when I first dieted and actually lost, I took my time to compare the new me with the old pictures of me, see how my old clothes fit, see the changes in my body and cherish them. It became a positive process and one that I'm looking forward to get back into, now that I had my baby and I'm back to the saddle.
It's a weird thing. 30 years ago, at 135, I thought I was fat. Fast forward, through life, when I got back to 165, I was rocking it! I felt good and thin!
It's kind of like living somewhere, where the weather is crap and cold from mid October until mid April, so you don't clean out your car, because it's cold and dark. Then finally, there is a nice spring day, and some daylight, and it's not colder than a well diggers back side in the Klondike, and you clean out the car, and you're like OMG! I've got a cool ride! Where have you been all this time?
I've always been the fat one in my family. My mom and sister have never weighed more than 100lbs, even my dad is about 135 soaking wet.
When I left for college I weighed about 120lbs and I knew I was a fat girl -- I always had been. The pounds have piled on over the years but the knowledge has always been there.
It's hard to change mental thinking patterns that are a lifetime old. I don't think I'll be able to maintain a loss until I find a way to manage it.
My young adult years, my weight was between 96-105 pounds. Once I started hitting 105 pounds, I felt "huge". I remember, somehow my scale crept up to 112, and I felt like an elephant. I thought 135 would be a death sentence... -- Now at 150+ pounds, I am longing to see 135 pounds; I would feel so thin!
My young adult years, my weight was between 96-105 pounds. Once I started hitting 105 pounds, I felt "huge". I remember, somehow my scale crept up to 112, and I felt like an elephant. I thought 135 would be a death sentence... -- Now at 150+ pounds, I am longing to see 135 pounds; I would feel so thin!
Possibly not. How you feel is an internal decision, it cannot be dictated by external factors. That's why you felt "huge" at 105lbs, because your mind decided it. It is possible that you could feel wonderful and beautiful right now if only you practiced doing so.
You have a very good point. In my case, I think I can not be helped. I was professionally trained ballerina; I was under scrutiny over my weight since early childhood, which in turn has left deep scars what comes to accepting my body as it comes. Fat was the enemy, and I can not shake that phobia. I was told and taught that a trim body is the ideal body, and it is ingrained into my brain. -- As one of the posters mentioned; she is shocked when she goes and buys clothes and they don't fit because she feels "smaller". I feel like I am 105 pound person somehow trapped in 151 body; and this body does not belong to me.
How do you change your self body image?
