[uncomfortable]

Ok. Truth be told I am a terrible dieter. Zero self control. I am trying however, but on Day 2 (yup - I couldn't make it 2 days) I had a late night impulsive sugar cheat. However I was doing significantly better than my "candy for breakfast" normal regimen so I still felt pretty good that for 2 days I ate low carb and nothing out of a package and although I consciously chose to cheat, I also consciously chose to resume dieting after my cheat which is better than the "I blew it forever" mentality I have had in the past. Problem is, my daughter came home and saw my cheat (again I feel this is a step above my usual "hide what I eat so they never know" mentality) and then proceeded to yell at me for cheating on my diet. Like really yelling at me. She is only 17. She was on it with me and did not cheat so she felt I betrayed her. The thing is, she never yells. (My husband however has just recently moved into our house after living bicoastal for the last 7 years and he yells at everything so perhaps she learned this new wonderful behavior from him). Problem is, I don't want to be yelled at. Like ever. By anyone. So to get yelled at for cheating on my diet not only embarrassed me in front of my pain in the *** husband who probably enjoyed that little yelling tirade but made me feel ashamed for my lack of self control. I am to the point that now I don't want to diet with her or at all which just hurts me of course but I don't want them to "win" however quitting makes me lose so I'm just left with being pissed off. I am the kind of person who responds to positive - I am the kind of person who would respond to the nice Bob Harper trainer and never the Jillian hard *** kind of person. What pisses me off more is that right before my husband moved back in I had lost 28 pounds and felt great but his constant critical nature of everything (not just food) just had me emotionally spent and I forgot my good eating and went back to my old ways gaining all of it back. I can't stop being annoyed by the fact that I was yelled at! Thoughts...?

[FitFatForty]

I hate the Food Police, too.
People commenting on my food or choices concerning food has often made me eat worse - it has never helped me lose weight.... It wasn't until I learned to ignore the Food Police that I managed to lose more than 5-10 pounds (and not put back on 10-15 afterward). I don't always manage to block out the Food Police - so I slip sometimes, but I try really hard to not let them cause me to put food in my mouth that I shouldn't - it is a constant battle. Food Police suck!
Hope you manage to ignore the "shouting" in your house and move forward. Good luck!! I know it is hard!!

[Wannabehealthy]

Welcome, Uncomfortable! I'm sorry that you had to go through this. Most of us have gone through it at one time or another. I think your daughter was just trying to help you, but she went about it in the wrong way.

Here are my thoughts. Start over from the beginning, and don't call it a diet. Call it a lifestyle change. You are going to change your eating habits for the better. You don't have to do it all in one day. And you don't have to be perfect. You didn't mention what eating plan you were using, but start out by cutting back. Look to make better choices, but don't beat yourself up if you slip. Usually, it helps to have a cheering section, but since your family is being critical, it might help if you just do it and don't discuss it with anyone, that way they won't be watching every bite you take. You can do this!

{{{{Hugs}}}}

[MrUki]

That sounds like a tough situation. Your daughter might have wanted to help you but didn't go about it in the way she should have. Ultimately it is your body and not anyone else's so the idea of Food Police has always been absurd to me. Perhaps you could talk with your daughter and let her know that her concern came off as more of an attack than a help. There is a difference between showing concern and criticizing.

You said you had healthy eating habits that were successful prior to your husband moving back in. You could talk to both your daughter and husband so they know that what you eat is a part of your new healthy lifestyle and that you'd rather go at it alone. They're not always going to be around to monitor what you eat so doing it know is just hurting you monitoring yourself. If they want to join you in a lifestyle change, that's a different story.

My mother is severely overweight and it's hard to not say things to her sometimes. She eats things that are horrible for her and binges on things like salt and sugar. Often times I have to bite my tongue or just leave the room, so I understand what your daughter might have been feeling. But even still, when I voluntarily comment on what she's eating I can tell I'm only hurting my mom. Now, I keep to myself unless she asks me about her diet and I can only be honest. It hurts her to hear the answer still, but I can tell that it also helps because she's starting to reflect on herself and listen to her loved ones opinions are instead of blocking them out as harassment.

Good luck, I hope things become easier for you!

[AshliRose]

Hello Uncomfortable,

I was thinking along the lines of "wannabehealthy". Those are some great suggestions. Even though I haven't had anyone yell at me, I just want to share my experience with you.

I have found almost every time I told someone, usually my husband, I was "starting a diet", for one reason or another I ended up quitting shortly after. I think I was setting myself up for failure. It's like the "rebel" in me. Once I say it then I feel like I'm resist it! That's why I like the idea of not telling anyone anything, and just making the commitment to myself to make some lifestyle changes.

In the beginning of my journey here, I shared that I was quitting sugar, white flour, alcohol, because those are my weaknesses. Someone suggested not to try to quit everything at once, but to do a little at a time, because I might feel too deprived and then have a binge. I really liked that idea, because that is what has happened in the past.

I started first with my biggest weakness, which is cookies, cake, pie, ice cream, you know all those yummy night time snacks. I started eating healthier. Then I cut out excess white refined flour, pasta, breads, but I will have sourdough or whole wheat, just not 5 slices a day! I was still putting vanilla syrup in my tea and having a Dr. Pepper or a mixed drink (vodka & cranberry juice) like once a week. But I started exercising 4 - 5 times a week. You know what? I'm losing weight and still having those little treats once in awhile, and it's not causing me to want to binge. Now, amazingly, the more I avoid all that other stuff, the more the cravings seem to be diminishing. I think I can get through the holidays without binging or overeating. I'm not even sure I want to put all that sugary stuff in my body now!

So...I realized that I don't need to tell anyone and just do it for myself. Of course, that's why I joined this site, because I do feel that I need the accountability and support, which is working wonderfully!

I know you can do it, because I didn't think I could, and now I am!

[PinkTaffeta]

I've never been a fan of the food police either. That's why with this current weight loss regiment I have completely changed my approach. I no longer consider having a sweet or carb-y food as "cheating". To me, I am having what I want to eat, but I make a conscious effort to only have a small bit. There is no way on this earth I can give up chocolate, so I budget in a piece of chocolate everyday. I usually do this by having chocolate covered banana slices (100 calorie pack by Dole) as my treat during the day. I can only speak for myself, but I have lost sixteen pounds (in about two months) by just budgeting my calories wisely, weighing and writing down everything I eat, and staying accountable (I use an app for this).

Don't beat yourself up. If I can do it then anyone can. I'm the happiest I have been in a long time since deciding to lose weight. Keep at it.

[SenseAndSensibility]

I agree with everyone, don't beat yourself up!!!

I'm really sorry about the yelling, it does sound like your husband could be rubbing off on her. But, she's also your daughter and should show more respect to you (at least what my mother always taught me). I suggest a good talk, maybe without your husband around first, cause that sounds like a two-fold problem to me. It's one thing to be critical to a parent, and another to be just completely disrespectful. I would suggest though, being ready to hear her out and understand the blow out. It could have very little to do with you, and maybe its misguided stress at other things happening in her life. It could be a bonding moment, and I'll pray that it is for you!

I also definitely like the suggestion of not calling it a diet and to cut one thing out at a time! I think, as long as you're getting support from somewhere (these forums seem like an amazing place for that!) You don't have to tell the whole world. I've only let my husband and three closest friends know about my lifestyle change because I don't need the nagging and the judging from everyone else either (or even the over support and trying to get me to eat foods I should not cause I'm "perfect" already. Yes, I'm perfectly beautiful, but I'd also like to sleep better and feel fitter and bend over!!!)

You can do this, you have proven to be able to loose the pounds before, as you said, so you know you can.