I am sooo out of touch with the opposite sex that I can no longer read signals, so I need to know whether I am reading too much into things.
I am used to being totally ignored. But a couple months ago, a guy smiled at me in the hallway at work. Someone I didn't know. Then when I was traveling a couple weeks ago, the guy sitting next to me smiled and after he sat down he asked he smiled again and asked how I was, in a sort of flirty way IMO, but I wasn't sure. Then as I was leaving the gym yesterday, another guy who was coming into the gym, who I had never seen before, smiled at me and said good morning.
I know these sound like such unremarkable events, and for those of you used to getting lots of male attention you're probably thinking these events are no big deal. But I NEVER got attention from men, at least not in the last few years, so I just can't remember any of the typical signals. I feel stupid even asking in this forum. I guess I'm just trying to build up some confidence because this is the year to find a relationship. Hopefully.
I don't know whether we actually get more attention when we look slimmer, or whether we're just far more confident (even subconsciously) so we notice and read into things more. Regardless of what weight I am, when I think I look good I am far more likely to read into things in a positive way; when I feel ugly I will think someone is smirking at me - they could do the exact same thing but if I feel good I will interpret it as a compliment.
Either way, enjoy it and enjoy the huge success you have had!!
I can name 3 different times that guys were nicer to me in the last month and I swear it's because I lost weight. Guys flat out ignored me when I was large(r) since I think they thought if they were nice to me, it would mean something more (as in, if they held a door for me it could have been a marriage proposal?!).
My husband has noticed I dress up more (even if it's just boots and jeans vs. my workout clothes), I do my hair more (which just means I blew out some of the curls I still have) and I wear my makeup and jewelry again. Seems like little things but I can tell I carry myself so much better.
I am sad on one hand as I am the same nice person I always was; on the other hand, I am embracing the old new me who was a social butterfly in the past and she's back!
Enjoy the new attention, even if it's just social interactions and never leads to anything. Or...maybe you will meet Mr. Right if you don't have him already!!
And...ask anything in these forums. I sure do. I trust the ladies and men here to be honest with me. I don't really have anyone to be as honest with in my real life, I treasure these online relationships!
Last edited by elvislover324; 03-17-2013 at 03:00 PM.
Okay, this may come off as sounding rude and insensitive, but I don't mean it that way at all! (I'm just chiming in)
I come from a very heavy family and most of those I associate with are heavy (family friends etc) and I think that the reason that heavy people do not get more 'recognition' in society is not that people are specifically 'looking down' on them or trying to be rude.
I think it's because people are scared of fat.
EVERYONE knows that it is just a matter of a few poor choices here and there, and weight can add up. Our society hears about obesity as the new disease constantly, referring to it as the epidemic that could wind up toppling a kingdom. People are scared of becoming fat and unhealthy, in the same way they are afraid of developing cancer or other diseases.
Seeing very heavy people is a reminder that 'it could happen to you'. It's like the reality check of visiting the cancer ward at the hospital. It may be good for you soul to do stuff like that, but it's hard as heck to face your own mortality like that.
They aren't always 'trying' to make make heavy people feel invisible, but heavy people feel the reservation of others around them, and how folks tend to mentally 'pull away' at times. With no obvious reason why people would do this, other than prejudice, heavier folks feel ostracized and minimized by society.
When you get thinner and more in line with our subconsciously perceived imagery of health, then that reservation and reluctance is not there in day to day interactions with total strangers (that have no back story or interest in your past other than the limited interaction). Thus perfect strangers will be more inclined to hold eye contact with you, or carry a short conversation. You aren't 'uncomfortable' to them any longer in that way.
I'm not saying it's OK for this to happen, and I'm not attempting to act like there is not REAL prejudice out there, but I do believe that fear of becoming 'that' plays more of a role in this than we give credit to at times.
Having said that, of course they were flirting, now go out there and start flirting back!!
I think it's a combination of so many things - all of the things mentioned above.
1. I think people like to see attractive people, so when they see someone who looks attractive/healthy at a quick glance, their first impression will usually be a good one.
2. I think when we feel better, thinner, healthier, we appear more attractive. We walk more upright and more confidently. We radiate some inner confidence which makes us appear more attractive and approachable.
3. I do think people are afraid of fat catching too and it sort of is! If you hang out with people with bad eating/exercise habits, you ARE more likely to gain weight too! So much easier to pick up bad habits than good ones.
4. I think people's first impressions of heavy people are lazy and low class - first impressions are strong ones.
I remember when I became invisible. And I was fully aware of when I became visible again - not just by men, but women too. Even YOUNG men will be somewhat flirty and friendly with me in stores/out and about.
And part of it is that being overweight DOES say something about you, especially if you are morbidly obese - you wear your troubles on your body.
@Katydid77
That is a perspective that I had never thought of, and I am glad you shared it. I struggle with forgiving the thin portion of the populace for their treatment of fat people, myself included.
I was very overweight as a child, and therefor invisible from a young age. When I was a Junior in HS I attended an Oregon National Gaurd Youth Challenge school and lost the extra weight. The school is a lengthy residential program involving strict military discipline and several hours a day of physical activity.
When I returned to my regular HS, tan, healthy, and fit, I experienced "becoming visible" in a very unique way. I got comments ranging from, "You're hot now!", to "Are you new here?" from boys I'd gone to school with for years. HS aged males have a special way with words! LOL
While many women report being happy about receiving more attention in this way from men, I was heart-broken and actually very angry. I avoided the attention, and any male whom I did not have evidence wasn't shallow in his judgement of women, and the weight came back on. I didn't want to be a part of a society that refused to value me for traits worthy of the praise.
I vowed I would never be with a man who treats fat women as though they are invisible. Not to say I expect men to suddenly become attracted to people they are not, but all people deserve simple acknowledgement and courtesy. We can teach these principles to our sons and brothers, and that gives me hope.
I'm not kidding, people used to run into me. How could you freaking miss me?
Ohhh... This... 100%... In my office I will walk up to someones desk and stand there a while and there will be like "oh my gosh I didn't see you there" . And its as big as I am how could you miss me (mind you I am twice and for some three times as big as some of the people in my office).
I agree with berryblondeboys - it is very likely a combination of things. I know from experience that it often has to do with one's confidence. Take some pride in getting noticed! Pat yourself on the back! Just remember that it's about more than just being thinner.
I would say they were flirting, and it is a bit of everything mentioned above.
Especially what was said about dressing better more, doing hair/makeup and wearing jewelry. Now that I have lost over 25 pounds, I feel more confident and have started doing those things again.
You are most likely carrying yourself in a more confident manner, and that is attractive to others. In fact, my husband told me this morning that he has "never been happier with me than he is now" and that my "motivation and dedication is really attractive."
It does make me sad that the bigger we are the more invisible we are. And the post about fat fear was something I have NEVER even considered! I personally have never looked at a fat person (even when I wasn't) and was afraid to talk to them for fear of gaining weight myself. However, now that the point has been brought up, I can see that being an issue for some people.
Enjoy the smiles, hellos, and how ya doin's...Positive attention is flattering and well, you deserve it!!
Am I imagining things?
