Looking Good, Feeling Great - Looking good for real, or in the head?




LockItUp
03-08-2013, 11:46 AM
Bear with me while I try and make this make sense outside of my head.

Does anyone else wonder if they look good to just themselves or actually look good? Like, yes I look a heck of a lot better than I used to, so compared to my former self I look freaking amazing. But do I actually, for real, look good?

I ask because I'm afraid of being one of those people who wears something they really shouldn't be wearing, something that isn't flattering and is actually pretty WRONG for me.

I'm not looking for compliments or reassurance, just wondering if this is relatable to anyone else?

Now, I know when it comes down to it all that matters is what we think of ourselves and if you are confident and are loving your body and your clothes and how you look who cares what anyone else thinks. BUT I don't want people snickering behind my back at my inappropriate clothing choices.

So, whatcha think? Am I alone in this fear or is this pretty common? And how do you know? Or should I just adopt the WHO CARES type of attitude and wear whatever the heck I want and not worry?


elvislover324
03-08-2013, 11:54 AM
I think I might have the opposite problem so maybe I shouldn't reply here!

I think I dress normal for my weight and am really cautious in how tight or loose my clothes are (too loose, I look like a slob; too tight, no explanation needed!).

It's like I don't feel as good as I look, if that makes any sense? I am wearing mini-goal clothes that I couldn't wait to get into but they just don't look as good as I expected them to.

I think at your height and weight you probably look beautiful in everything that you wear but that could just be me being envious. :)

berryblondeboys
03-08-2013, 12:18 PM
No, I totally get it. For what it's worth. I think you look great and you have every reason to feel great about how you look.

But I get the "head" stuff.

Just now I was doing zumba at the gym and I could see myself. What do I see? the wrinkly chin from where my double chin used to be (loose skin). My soft jiggly stomach. My jiggly inner thighs THROUGH my shorts. My wobbly arms and the extra pounds I still need to take off.

So, when my husband says, "I got my beautiful wife back." I think, "really? me? With all this... blah!!!???" We are our own worse critics and we focus on the bad things about our bodies. Most people don't do that. They take an overall snapshot with the most concentration on the face. Only weirdo (nasty) people look for flaws...Uhm... people like my mother in law. Which, probably doesn't help me with overcoming my insecurities as she points out things (negative things) that I hadn't even noticed until she had to point them out, "Oh, look, now that you lost weight you can see your stretch marks on the back of your legs." No... you could always see them. Or, "You look straight from behind. You have no waist." Nice, very nice... stuff like that. :-(


newleaf123
03-08-2013, 12:25 PM
Totally get it. I use my DH as my litmus test, since I just honestly don't know.

berryblondeboys
03-08-2013, 12:28 PM
Totally get it. I use my DH as my litmus test, since I just honestly don't know.

Yep... my husband doesn't lie. So, if he says I look good. I must. Knowing that is good to know!

bethFromDayton
03-08-2013, 12:34 PM
. Only weirdo (nasty) people look for flaws...Uhm... people like my mother in law. Which, probably doesn't help me with overcoming my insecurities as she points out things (negative things) that I hadn't even noticed until she had to point them out

Your MIL sounds like a peach. And she's probably one of the people who wouldn't respond to a subtle response such as:

--"Did you just say that out loud? How embarrassing for you"
--"Wow"
--"How kind of you to say so."

and if you said "My weight and appearance are off-limits topics for you", I bet she'd say you were being too sensitive.

At least she raised DH to be wonderful.

elvislover324
03-08-2013, 12:40 PM
I don't know how Melissa can deal with comments like that. I'd be feeding my MIL a knuckle sandwich! Well, not really, but I'd like to. My mother-in-law makes backhanded compliments and now I just stare at her or ignore her. We moved a state away and she thinks she and my FIL are moving near us. I almost lost my eyeballs on the Thanksgiving dinner table. If she moves here, I will move with her son again. :)

wannaBfitnessbuff
03-08-2013, 12:40 PM
I have definitely had these moments. Right now I am heavier than ever and not so prone to feel like I am looking good in something. (I am working on that though. Even while I am working to lose weight, I need to love myself regardless). But in the past I would lose a like 5 or 10 lbs and feel REALLY good. And I'm not trying to say I didn't look good. But I did have a few times that later in pictures I realized that I was dressing a bit more body hugging or revealing than my smaller size was ready for. For example, before going on vacation last summer I managed to whittle down about 10 lbs. On that trip I busted out some pairs of shorts from my thinner days and some really fitted T shirts. I'm glad that I felt so good about myself that I wanted to wear cloths like that. But now looking at pictures I see that I wasn't quite ready for that size. Something less body hugging would have been more flattering. And since that expericence I think I am hyper sensitive about getting dressed these days.

That being said, you look really good, and while any body (even models) can wear stuff that when they later look at it deem a bit unappropriate, I have a feeling that as long as something fits you comfortably you likely look great in it. You dont seem to need to hide too much and look like you are healthy, slim and fit as far as I can tell. :)

LockItUp
03-08-2013, 01:17 PM
Thanks for all the input!

What spurred this is I had to run to the store last night and I already had on some cut off shorts I made the other day for around the house from a pair of jeans that are now way to big, with a tank top. I haven't worn shorts in public since like gradeschool, so while I felt fine in the house, out in public I felt extremely self conscious. I felt like people must be looking at me thinking "wow, that chick should not be wearing shorts". I asked my husband before I left if I should put some pants on, he said no and that I look great. I said please tell me if I ever wear anything I really shouldn't, I really want to know. He said he would, but I feel like maybe he is in fear of his life LOL. I feel so confident at home, I feel like I look good and have nice legs even, but when it comes to feeling that way everywhere I'm not quite there yet. Guess it's something to work on.

dstalksalot
03-08-2013, 01:17 PM
I have a hard time discerning my appearance in clothing. Forget about flattering and modern styling. I have a hard time figuring out what suits my current body shape. I have been visiting a fashion forum and they have been helping me find the best formulas for my current body.....been working well.

avalonmoon
03-08-2013, 02:16 PM
Stephanie, I agree w/ Heidi. Your hubby will probablly know best and I doubt he'd let you leave home looking all wrong. Although he may be your biggest supporter, at times you might wanna triple check but I'm sure you can count on him. =)
Maybe the shorts had them envious, some women won't wear them until it gets even hotter out .. I think burrr right now to going out in shorts, maybe you,re lucky in a better climate than me .:^:. But your legs are also well toned .. don't let others bother you.

BreathingSpace
03-08-2013, 02:21 PM
I haven't worn shorts in public since like gradeschool, so while I felt fine in the house, out in public I felt extremely self conscious. I felt like people must be looking at me thinking "wow, that chick should not be wearing shorts".

I totally understand this. I have this fear of shorts, and even when I'm at goal I'm sure I will still feel the same.

But I have to say, from your pictures you should definitely be wearing shorts, all the time, and loving the fact that you can and look great!!! Seriously, you look amazing and your legs look fabulous. There you go, that's seeing you from a stranger's eyes :-)

missunshine
03-08-2013, 02:50 PM
when i leave my house i never go out like a slob, i'm dressed up to a t and when i walk down the street with my head held high and when people stare at me i feel so strong and empowered and in my head i feel like a million dollar baby, even if they think "oh look at that chubby girl, or some other flaw on me. i put this shield around me and i feel awesome, but when i see some other girls who look so much better than me it sometimes breaks my spell and when i'm home i usually have negative thoughts about my body. i need to stop comparing myself to poster girls.

AlmostMe
03-08-2013, 04:18 PM
Ha! Melissa - I have a MIL and a mother a bit like that - and a verbally nasty husband. But my H doesn't pick on my appearance - although he is quite honest if an outfit doesn't work!

But in general I think I know what looks good on me and what doesn't.

And like Melissa I think most people don't pick at flaws in other people. Sure some people do and I admit to having negative thoughts about people in particularly ill-judged outfits from time to time, but so what?

Stephanie I can tell from the pics that you don't need to worry about going out in shorts. I'm just jealous that it's warm enough where you live that this is an option for you!!

I have to wear unflattering white shorts on the rugby pitch and I look like crap. Even the girls with great legs and behinds don't look good in them - and us chunky forwards...well, we all look terrible. I remember thinking before I ever dressed out, well...at least everyone else in the front row looks bad. And there are some really attractive women on our team.

ChickieChicks
03-08-2013, 04:28 PM
I know exactly what you are saying. The whole, "No seriously...tell me FOR REAL how this looks..." Sometimes I just don't know. Des the outfit go together? D I have too many stretchmarks to wear a bikini?

I won a mental victory this week by getting my belly button pierced. My stomach is and never will be what I want, outside of surgery. I finally decided to just claim it and feel good, instead of that being the spot that always makes me feel like crap. Bt then all the "what ifs" spring up in your mind. "What if I am too old for a belly button ring?" "Too cliche?" "What if I am that chick at the pool that you point at and secretly giggle?"

I have never had confidence issues, so I don't plan to start now. You look great! For real.

LockItUp
03-08-2013, 08:43 PM
Thanks so much everyone! Getting everyone's input (and reassurance) really has helped. If nothing else it's nice to know I'm not alone! Going to just try and have confidence and hopefully as the months go on and I get used to being in this body, I won't constantly be questioning myself.

Mountain Mamma
03-14-2013, 11:45 AM
Does anyone else wonder if they look good to just themselves or actually look good? I ask because I'm afraid of being one of those people who wears something they really shouldn't be wearing, something that isn't flattering and is actually pretty WRONG for me.

So, whatcha think? Am I alone in this fear or is this pretty common? And how do you know? Or should I just adopt the WHO CARES type of attitude and wear whatever the heck I want and not worry?

Stephanie, I know this is a late entry to this thread - but I go through this all the time. We all do. Twice as bad for me, one of the, um, mature chicks: "It fits. I can wear it. But should I?!" Sometimes I see middle aged women who look ridiculous in too young clothes - but then I'll see someone even older who looks fantastic. But you know? Would we even have been thinking about this a year ago? :cb:

And though you weren't looking for reassurances, you look great!

Roo2
03-15-2013, 04:15 AM
I am able to wear my skinny teenagers clothes tops ,jackets,dresses and shirts.

There are some of her clothing that would not be age appropriate for me and she does not wear any provocative clothing .

Just because it fits does not mean I will wear it.
I would not be wearing exercise bra with Capri jogging on the path in our neighborhood.
Also me personally I would not expose my abdomen with stretch marks and jiggly belly out in public Bikini just because I could fit into one.
Even if I did not have those would I be wearing that right now, just a personal thing for me.
I am more casual /classic then trendy and attention seeking....but to each their own. Live and let live.

SuzziD
03-17-2013, 05:03 PM
Hey Stephanie, I know what you mean about it being in your head and definitely about the shorts as well. My other half often says you you'd look great in those shorts too but I'm not so sure. What's 'good' these days anyway? So now I wear the longer type shorts...

586
03-17-2013, 08:23 PM
Another straggler to the thread :)

I remember when I first hit goal and had to make a grocery run in my exercise kit: high-thigh running shorts, tank top, ponytail. I actually sat in the car debating whether or not I'd go in. I had just been running in the park, right? But somehow I compartmentalize running in the park with other fitness-minded folk of all body types and going into a public (ha!) space where everyone is dressed 'normally' and not being stared at in a critical manner.

I would have never gone into a grocery store in this sort of outfit when I was heavy. I made the decision that day to roll with it. Screw being ashamed, I'm getting healthy! So that is the approach I take with all my clothing options. If it fits well, I wear it proudly.

It's mostly in our heads when we think we don't look good, or in the heads of very negative people who just like to bring others down and vocalize that.

Mozzy
03-17-2013, 10:11 PM
It's been so long since I dressed "appropriately". I've lived in yoga pants and tshirts for almost 4 years (kids happened!)

I'm really not sure I can dress my body in anything other than yoga pants/jeans/tshirt without failing miserably...

threekidsandasheltie
03-26-2013, 08:45 AM
But I get the "head" stuff.

Just now I was doing zumba at the gym and I could see myself. What do I see? the wrinkly chin from where my double chin used to be (loose skin). My soft jiggly stomach. My jiggly inner thighs THROUGH my shorts. My wobbly arms and the extra pounds I still need to take off.



these are areas I see every time I look in the mirror:( I can not get my head to wrap around my weightloss

dstalksalot
03-26-2013, 11:00 AM
Mozzy,
Go watch a couple of episodes of what no to wear and go buy your self a pair of jeans and blouse at the very least.