Why?? Why am i feeling this way over someone at work that just came back after gastric bypass. I want to be thin sooo badly, however my bmi does not quite meet the surgery. But then i think, why am i jealous, their lives drastically change right? There are many restrictions right?
I guess i want a quick fix and have to realize that life isn't about a quick fix. I've always thought that if i was thin i would be SO much happier. I watched My 600 lb Life and one of the girls said it perfect. She said, "I thought i would be so happy thin on the outside but it doesn't matter unless you're ok on the inside with yourself."
So why do i care so much :( so stupid!!! Anyone else feel this way?
02-29-2012, 09:33 AM
Your not the only one!! My sister in law had it in september and has lost 100lbs!! Went from a 20 to a 4 already and from what im seeing (and i know every case is different) this was totally the easy way out for her. Yes there are restrictions, like no sugar, alchohol and other certain things you cant eat for a long time. She had t o drink nasty protein drinks and take lots of vitamins. Other than that it has been a freaking breeze for her. She is never hungry, doesn't crave anything. She doesnt even like food anymore and it doesnt bother her. What makes me mad is she told everyone that she tried so hard to diet but i know differently (i babysat her kids for a year) so i was there all the time when she at whataburger every morning before work and chik-fil-a etc..all while she was "trying hard" at weight watchers.
UGH it makes me so mad that i'm busting my but to lose weight and she did nothing but have some surgery...
02-29-2012, 09:42 AM
That's how i feel. I'm happy for her but i know because i'm friends with her that she loses weight like it's nothing. I think that's what bothers me the most, there is no effort and i bust my butt to no end to lose .6 lbs at weigh in lol! She had to lose 10 for the surgery....she did it in like a week!! I'm surprised it doesn't take more requirements before giving the surgery like having to really try on your own.
02-29-2012, 10:11 AM
My cousin just had bypass in Dec. and has lost 45 lbs already. I'm extremely happy for her. Like myself she's battled with weight since she was little and now we're getting to an age where it isn't about looks anymore it's about quality of life and not dying at a young age. I ended up with the diabetes and she didn't but I know we are both a heart attack looking for a place to happen. I don't see her surgery as an easy way out at all. I see it as a life saving procedure. It takes a lot of courage to have this surgery. I'm doing WW and have lost 12 lbs since Jan. 29th so I'm doing it my way. I see it as quitting smoking. Some go cold turkey. Some use the patch. The end result is the same. Healthy living. I know I'm going to have sagging skin after losing 140 lbs myself but as I saw someone post once. I'd rather stuff sagging skin into skinny jeans then a fat belly into fat jeans. I'll have sugery some day but I know that unless I address the emotional part of my heavy life, then losing weight isn't going to fix those issues. She had to go to counseling for 6 mths AND lose 50 lbs before the surgery. Some people think that is to show that she can lose the weight and eat healthy to maintain the loss but the surgeon said it was to lose the fat from the liver so they could push it aside during surgery. I love watching her progress in pictures. I picture myself doing the same only in my own way. We're both in our 50's and we've spent all our life trying this diet and that diet and never getting ahead. This time I'm not losing for looks I'm losing so I don't die young.
02-29-2012, 10:12 AM
I know several people that have had the surgery and I have to say I've never really been jealous of them. Mainly because of the restrictions, issues some had, some gained it all back (one girl still ate so much in her first year after the surgery that she had to go back in and have it redone) and of course the saggy skin from losing weight so fast.
In my opionion, a lot (not all) of the people do use WLS as a quick fix. I do think some are at such a high weight and so unhealthy that they need something so dramatic. BUT if they don't change their lifestyle it's really not going to matter that much in the long run.
I've tried the quick route with diet pills and I've learned that I'd much rather work hard and lose the weight slowly. If I gave weight loss my all - 110% - and I couldn't lose THEN I would consider WLS. But I know I haven't given it my all. Even now, I know I could give more - but at least I am seriously trying and suceeding and looking at food differently than ever before.
And I'm not saying just because I'm doing it slowly that I won't have saggy skin. I've been overweight so long I don't see how I can not have some. But I am hoping losing slowly and exercise will help to minimize the amount of sag as opposed to losing quickly.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, when you find yourself being jealous of your CW remind yourself of all the advantages of losing the weight with hard work and dedication, how much healthier it is and how proud you can be of yourself for reaching your goal weight. :-)
02-29-2012, 10:29 AM
I've never felt that way about gastric bypass. I would NEVER want to have to undergo surgery and the possibility of dying rather than do WW. Wouldn't want the scarring and the pain. They literally get to eat like 1 cracker a meal after their surgery (my aunt had it done and then gained it all back).
02-29-2012, 10:31 AM
ANGA...My sentiments exactly.
02-29-2012, 10:46 AM
She said, "I thought i would be so happy thin on the outside but it doesn't matter unless you're ok on the inside with yourself."
I can say, for myself, that is 100% accurate.
This is my 3rd time on WW. Why? Because the first two times I did it, my goal was to be thin so I could be happy. Only it doesn't work that way and after 6 months (both times) I felt just as unhappy as before and I lost all motivation.
This time around I've been on WW for 13 months and only feel more motivated each time. Because *this* time it's not about being thin, it's about being healthy (with the weight loss as a bonus). And this time, I am okay on the inside and know I'm not defined by my weight, whatever the number.
02-29-2012, 10:57 AM
I am ok with doing it on my own, i just have such a hard time once i plateau, which is very quick. It's like my body doesn't lose the weight and will not let go. My boyfriend's brother had the surgery a few years ago and sadly is back to 400 lbs. He never mentally changed and his eating habits remained the same. I know if were me, i would bust my butt to do it correctly for the rest of my life!!!
I know people do it for health reasons and to live longer but who doesn't also do it to physically look better? I certainly would. I guess i've just been longing to be thin forever and feel i'll never get there as i've been doing ww on and off for 10 years.
02-29-2012, 11:14 AM
And this time, I am okay on the inside and know I'm not defined by my weight, whatever the number.
This is what i've been striving for forever! My therapist and I work on this monthly! I can't wait to get there! I think about the surgery and all the restrictions and like others have said, i don't want the complications, the lack of certain foods and other stuff that doesn't seem so pleasant :( I also want to get pregnant and that's a double edged sword because i wouldn't think it's healthy to lack certain food while pregnant but i don't want to get pregnant at this weight.
03-01-2012, 10:30 PM
I understand how you feel completely! My x husband's new wife had it done last yr and has lost over a hundred lbs. While, I'm a lil jealous at times I keep in mind that she can't have alcohol, certain foods and most of all she can't enjoy a whole meal in one sitting. I'm sorry, but I love to have a margarita at times or enjoy a slice of cheesecake lol. I too have been on and off ww's a bunch of times but I will keep on trying with all my might until I get to goal!! She can never enjoy life the way it should be so with that being said we are all better off with ww's :)
03-02-2012, 11:42 AM
A friend of mine is going to have it done, and it really pisses me off. She's a big girl, bigger than I am, but she's never (by her own admission) tried eating healthy for longer than a week. She "doesn't like dieting" so she's going to get this done instead. She sees it as a quick fix and doesn't quite understand the bigger picture - that if she doesn't fix her bad habits, nothing is going to work in the long run.
While I'm not jealous of her having the surgery because I wouldn't want it, I know that I'm going to be jealous of her losing tons of weight pretty quickly while I'm struggling to lose 1-2 pounds a week.
03-02-2012, 01:17 PM
Slow and steady wins the race, don't you remember the tortise and hare?? Yes, it does get frustrating, but you are learning along the way what works for you. With WLS you don't get that. You get told "this is how you need to do it." Just remember, you didn't put on the weight overnight, so how can you expect to lose it over night!
03-02-2012, 01:40 PM
I also watched "my 600 pound life" and the woman they had on there had to have so many surgeries after the gastric bypass. She had a scar that went almost all the way around her waist when they had to cut the excess skin off her stomach. Then they had to cut it off her thighs. I would personally rather tighten my skin and muscles as i lose. They also had a guy on there that got down to 200 pounds and never worked hard enuf to get out of his wheel chair and walk, then he gained it all back and was still stuck in a wheel chair.
03-02-2012, 01:42 PM
A family friend had it done within the last year, and her "meals" had to fit inside a Tylenol dosage cup for quite a while. Heck no! On top of that, all the food restrictions, protein shakes, etc- if I wanted a regimented diet plan, I could do all that without the risky surgery. She lost a TON of weight, and yeah, I was jealous because I was losing it slooooooooooowly on WW and it frustrated me, but she's got ridiculous amounts of loose skin, and it looks kinda silly. She had a tummy tuck to get rid of the hanging belly, and almost died within 24 hours after surgery because of blood loss... AND she's got some scary looking scars. I'd rather lose it slowly, and reduce the chance of loose skin. Plus, she's back to eating/drinking ridiculous amounts/types of food she shouldn't be eating, so I'm betting she'll be back to square one at some point.. all that money spent & life-threatening drama for naught.
03-02-2012, 02:35 PM
You guys are all right. I fogot about all that sagging skin on My 600 lb. Life. I know it's none of my business what she does but it bothers me that there are not stricter rules when it comes to this surgery like having to actually try to lose weight for a year or so. I've been struggling since i was 15, ALWAYS been overweight and i can't get a quick fix. Just doesn't seem right to me.
03-02-2012, 03:22 PM
I have six acquaintances who have had some kind of weight loss surgery. All but one have gained the weight back. That one has really dedicated his life to weight training and healthy eating for the past two years.
I read an article once about someone following the recommended gastric bypass diet (something like 1oz every hour) and losing a lot of weight quickly.
It's not a magic fix - it simply makes it very difficult to overeat for a while.
I think it's time to be thankful that you can follow a plan relatively easily and you're not at the point where it's a last resort. I say this as someone who has definitely had my food/body demons and I can completely understand where you're coming from.
03-03-2012, 12:53 PM
Kind of a wordy reply sorry!
I don't talk about this much because I find it a little embarrassing. I had a gastric bypass a little over 10 years ago. I saw a couple of other people do it and lose weight so fast, I was desperate to try.
I went from 302 to 199, then hit a plateau, then had a really bad year with a lot of stressful things - got laid off from a job I loved (company got bought out, gradually laid everyone off) and was having trouble finding something new, close family member died, was having some pain from a medical prob that ended up not being serious but the pain for a while was enough to derail my workout routine. I was unprepared. I had gone to a surgeon that was inconveniently located, because I knew two people that had their surgeries with that particular surgeon. But it was really hard for me to get to the support groups held at that hospital, so I never went. And, totally my fault, I never sought out other options I COULD get to.
My nutrition education involved being told to basically eat high protein low carb, and a thin booklet with a few ideas. I gradually went back to eating the same stuff I used to, just in smaller portions. And half the time I would take my leftovers and just eat them later as a snack instead of saving it for another meal.
I gained everything back. The only reason my starting weight is (slightly) lower than my pre-WLS weight is because I managed to keep a little off from a weight loss attempt a few years back when I stalled out in the 260s, then regained some again.
But now I'm even lower than I was post-surgery. I've had a slow/plateau-ish couple of months, but I still feel very committed.
Having WLS didn't make WW easier this past year either. I do better when I track, measure, stay within my points/cals, just like everyone else. I eat the same amount of daily points as anyone else with my weight/size and have NO problem getting them in. I started working out 3 days a week and now most weeks I work out 6 days a week.
There are things I'll always have to deal with from surgery - a tummy scar, gassy and sometimes (sorry a little tmi) irregular, and if I don't chew certain foods very carefully they get stuck and I have to throw them up. Though I'm better at avoiding this now, so maybe once or twice a year.
Surgery doesn't force you to eat the "right things" or stop you from eating if you are sad or stressed out. You still may plateau. You still may get derailed. Some people see their body change and it motivates them enough to keep going. Others are going to need to address issues with their eating and weight gain face on, and surgery won't let them avoid that. Personally I've found that I respond MUCH better to gradual changes too.
I take total responsibility for my weight gain, I don't think the surgery "failed." Obviously I made a lot of bad choices, hit a lot of stumbling blocks I had trouble overcoming. Just like anything else, there are no guarantees!
03-03-2012, 11:13 PM
I completely understand I am still struggling with weight and my sister who had the procedure is thin. 5 years ago we were both the same weight. She had medical issues and made the best choice for her. I have lost 25 pounds since however, it has been a much slower process for me.
03-04-2012, 12:11 AM
Kind of a wordy reply sorry!
I wanted to thank you for posting your point of view. Sometimes you just gotta do what's right for you- but I can't even imagine how hard it must have been going through all that without the support you needed. :hug:
03-04-2012, 12:36 PM
I totally understand how it looks like an easy fix, but it's not. My sister Amy had gastic bypass several years ago, and she would give anything to go back in time and do it the 'regular' way. With that said, I'm not sure the regular way would have happened for her without seeing it in hindsight (more of that below). I'm very neutral on the subject - it's great for some people and not for others. But after seeing what Amy went through, I know it's not an easy way out. Going to WW is much easier! She shares her story freely with people, so I'll give you some details.
First, in the beginning, she still had her food issues. Head hunger, as well as eating for the love of it. She wasn't prepared to smell food, and need food, and want food, and know that if she took a bite it could make her very sick, or possibly even kill her. It wasn't possible to learn life skills like moderation. It made it difficult to cook for the family, or deal with her teenagers coming in with friends eating pizza or fast food. Gone were the options to control her eating. Her choice was abstain or face severe consequences. I'm sure some people can deal with that just fine, but for many people, like Amy, the reason they couldn't lose weight before was because of the difficulty in getting past these moments where the first bite begins. Losing that freedom to choose was even harder for her.
She also has some long term issues that will probably never go away. Herbs such as basil and oregano make her sick. Soy sauce makes her sick. Ground beef causes problems. Actually, for a couple of years, she had to practically mince her food because it didn't feel like it would pass unless she did. Her blood sugar spikes dramatically after eating sweets, and sometimes it makes her ill. There are so many things that don't agree with her now that she is reluctant to try new foods.
She's now limited in what medications she can take. Some things pass through so quickly that she doesn't absorb it all. Nutrition wise as well as medication wise. And this causes problems in the bathroom, which interferes with travel and even just going out for the day. And she can now eat as much as she did before, so she has to 'diet' just like everybody else, but now with her permanently re-routed stomach and lifelong digestive issues.
But like I said before - I am not sure she could have lost the weight without it. For her, it was the right decision at the time. It took a lot of bravery to go through with it, and a lot more strength to endure the physical and psychological changes that were quite overwhelming for several months.
I'm glad she did go through with it though, because she was reluctant for some time to go for a physical. When she lost weight, she got an exam and found out that she had a cyst in her ovary that needed to be removed. They found cancer cells in it, but it was early enough that she didn't need chemo. So had she not lost the weight quickly and gone to the doctor, the cancer may have advanced. So overall it's a happy story, but it would have been even better had she been able to do it on her own.
03-05-2012, 09:27 AM
What great replies! I see both sides now. My friend who just had the surgery came up to me the other day and we were talking. I was asking how she was feeling and she admitted that mentally it's so hard because she still wants the foods she wants. She hasn't dealt with those issues yet, which i'm sure is the hardest part.
Jennifer, i'm so glad your sister is ok with the cyst. I've had 2 rupture and it's not fun :(
Somni, thank you for sharing your story, i'm sure it's not an easy way of life.
I guess i'm just frustrated, i weighed in this past Sat after having a great week and only lost .6 lbs. I"m still in the beginning and already plateauing and annoyed. I only eat about half my weeklies and now feel maybe i need to see what happens if i eat all of them. This is why i get so frustrated and makes me say forget it! I'm only on my 4th week for the millionth time doing ww and it's discouraging to lose 4, up .4, lose .6. I want solid losses :(
03-05-2012, 06:45 PM
2 years ago I was approved for Lapband Surgery, I had 2 weeks to go before going under the knife and decided not to have it done. I think it was the best decision I've ever made because I proved to myself and everyone else that major weightloss can happen with diet and exercise alone!
03-05-2012, 09:49 PM
I had gastric sleeve on 7/6/11. It has not been easy, but it has worked for me. As my surgeon's office support groups are not easy for me to get to I joined Weight Watchers for support and for the long run.
I am so happy of my choice for the sleeve and going back to WW. I think everyone has to do what they need to do. I had tried for years (yes I really tried) and I would lose a few, then gain a few back. It is hard to actually change a lifestyle, which is what I am trying to do. I am about at the weight I want to be now, and my plan is to continue with WW to keep it off.
03-05-2012, 10:16 PM
I think we're taught to be jealous and uncharitable about weight loss. We're taught to judge, envy (and sometimes even hate) people who make different choices than our own. It's as if we're TRAINED to see one and only one right way to accomplish the task of weight loss.
Everybody seems to have it easier than we do.
People who have less weight to lose, they have it easier because their problem isn't as big as ours.
People who have a lot more weight to lose than we do, bhave it easier ecause they (usually) get to see greater results than we do.
People who live alone have it easier than those of us living with families, because they can be selfish and devote more time to themselves.
People who live with families have it easier than those of us living alone, because they have the love and support of family.
Those of us who don't have to work have it easier than those of us who do, because they have more time.
Those of us who work outside the home have it easier than those of us who don't, because we have to be within reach of the fridge all day.
It really is always greener over the other side of the weight loss fence.
The easy way is always the way we aren't choosing. It is human nature to assume that one's own life is much more difficult than average, in fact most of us thing so. However, the very nature of average makes it impossible for all of us to be worse off than the average). Most of us are a lot more average, and far less exceptional than we think we are.
I think the biggest reason for assuming that we're working harder than everyone else is because we get to see and feel our own effort, but we almost never reallly get to see anyone else's effort. We only get to see their results, and their outward demeaner and sometimes it's easy to assume that boh are effortless, because we didn't get to see the effort. And if it seems effortless, it's very easy to envy. But usually walking in someone else's shoes isn't any more or less difficult than walking in one's own - it's just different.
Envy usually isn't a positive emotion. It usually doesn't inspire one to better behavior, it inspires anger, resentment, frustration, and sometimes even powerlessness. And it makes it difficult to support one another. You can't give or receive support from someone who inspires anger, jealousy, envy, or resentment. Only sympathy and empathy make giving and receiving support possible.
It's virtually impossible to sympathize and empathize with everyone, but the more you can the more you help yourself and others. You can make the weight loss journey easier on yourself and others, or you can make it harder. I think envy and other negative emotions only make it harder.
One of the reasons I love 3FC and my local TOPS (taking off pounds sensibly) is that both groups stress how difficult weight loss can be for everyone, and that no matter what our situation we can be of support and assistance to each other. It's not always perfect, but giving up the negative emotions can really make the process so much easier.
03-06-2012, 04:16 PM
First let me say, I understand exactly what you are saying. However, I want to give you all a different perspective on this subject. 11 years ago, I had a gastric bypass. I was 5' 7 and 288 pounds. My weight issues started at when I was about 13 years old. I went up and down 10 to 30 pounds for the next 10 years and was on various diets including weight watchers. Later got married and pregnant (2X) and gained lots of weight. Also during this time lost both of my parents. Given that I have issues with food, I continued the path until my health was in serious jeopardy. The decision to have the surgery was very difficult. I wanted to be able to do this on my own and knew that I should have been able to do it. Other's can. Why not me? However, I was terrrified of where I was headed if I did not get my weight under control and I had failed many times over on various programs.
I had very serious complications from the gastric bypass due to a undetected tear in my intestine. I spent many weeks in the hospital and off work recovering. I was one step from complete organ failure due to the infection this tear caused. This was a known risk with this type of surgery. So the decision process is not easy and the recovery is often difficult as well. Not to mention the out of pocket expense we had from this experience. I lost 120 pounds before my weight loss tapered off....with another 15 pounds I needed to lose. I have been working on those pounds for the past few years. I keep my weight within a 10 pound range of my goal. Yes it is still a struggle, but one that I can now manage. The surgery was a tool to help me get control of my weight. It is not a cure. Yes, it was a drastic tool.... with lots of risk. This is not the right decision for everyone, I am just saying it was for me. I have always envied those who could do what I was not able to following a weight loss plan. So I guess there is some envy on both sides. :)
03-07-2012, 08:29 AM
So sorry you had so many complications, i couldn't imagine. I lost my father the day after Christmas last year and completely fell off any wagon i was on. I was doing well, losing weight, slow but losing. After he died, my world came crashing down. Also had ventral hernia surgery this pas May. With all this i started numbing my sadness and pain with going out to eat nightly to see my friend that bartended in town. With that came all the drinking to erase the pain of my dad dying. Finally by Oct i got a grip and stopped all this madness but never returned to WW until beginning of Feb.
I tell myself when i think about where i was a year ago....coulda, woulda, shoulda and need to keep going forward. It's just disheartening to think i'm NOW trying to get off the ADDED weight of where i was a year ago instead of moving forward where i left off :( Very frustrating and saddens me as unfortunately i define myself by my weight.
03-08-2012, 01:27 PM
He was in the wheel chair not because of his weight but because he contracted a disease after his surgery that paralyzed him from the neck down and he couldn't move anything for over a year.
Weight loss surgery is never the easy way. For it to be successful, you have to follow a limited food plan and you can gain it all back. To me, if you can follow that food plan, you could have lost weight with conventional means. I think the insurance companies are paying out millions for people who care too little about themselves to have the surgery and fail. Weight loss surgery should be self paid like other plastic surgery.
03-09-2012, 08:27 AM
I agree, I'm surprised insurance is paying for it like they do. I work in insurance and it amazes me that there are not higher requirements for this surgery. My friend walked in, had a high enough BMI and scheduled the surgery. Another friend of mine has a neighbor that purposely GAINED to have the surgery. It's crazy to me!!