Ugh...ok, so I'm feeling bad, but obviously God must think I needed a reminder. In the last 2 weeks I've had comments on my weight.
1. we were at a neighborhood party when my 6 yr old runs up to me while I was talking to someone else and says loudly that another boy said I'm fat. He then proceeds to run over to the boy's mother and tell on him. I could tell she was mortified and couldn't even look at me for the next hour.
2. While visiting my husband's very elderly family member, I go to say goodbye and she comments in front of everyone that I've lost weight (she hasn't seen me in 15 yrs). This wasn't a compliment...my SIL said she told her just how big she was last time (and she's only a sz 12). Her daughter's were embarrassed and tried to compliment me about other things later on. Ugh.
What's with kids and the elderly thinking they need to be so honest? *sigh* Nothing I can do about it. I'm still huge, on vacation out of state and struggling to hang in there. I've not officially fallen off the wagon where I've given up. Simply maintaining and anxious to get home!
It's amazing how people can come across so insensitive sometimes. There's been multiple instances through "the words of babes" that have hurt to be honest.
My favorite is "you're fat just like my Mommy! Daddy said so!" That was from my friend's 3 year old brother I had never met... ouch lol.
Also, my cousin's little boy [he's turning 6 tomorrow] told his grandpa "you can't ride in the car with us because you're SO FAT you'll bust the bottom out of the car FATTIE!"
It amazes me stuff people say, but also the stuff people let their kids get away with :/
lolll reminds me of when i was walking to the grocer and this obviously crazy lady ran out her house, threw a bucket full of water across the street and yelled at me to stop talking bad about her son because she didnt care how tall and fat i was she could totally knock me out and then started yelling that i was a big ugly fat b word all while shaking her now empty bucket at me. ive never met her or her son lol i am tall-ish and fat but she was crazyyy
I'm sorry they were rude to you. People's weight and diets are the last acceptable prejudice, as though there is something morally deficient about being fat as opposed to skinny. It's never right, for anyone of any age, on either end of the equation.
The kid I can excuse, if it was an honest observation and not an attempt to be cruel (I am fat, if my girls commented on that I wouldn't deny it, but rather explain to them a more socially sensitive way to comment on someone's features), but it sounds like this kid was just trying to be a turd. And the older man? Incredibly rude. I just let those things roll off my back, or gasp and tell them how embarrassed I am for them, that they'd say something so completely inappropriate.
I am sorry you've had your feelings hurt - I remember how I felt the few times hurtful things were said to me.
Children just say what they think - they don't learn to be gracious until they are older. When I taught preschool, some of the children would ask me if I was having a baby. I would tell them, "No I am not having a baby, but, yes I do have a big belly."
The older person... just rudeness...unless he is having some kind of diminished thinking and just blurted it out.
Try to get past it if you can. So sorry you are feeling badly.
I folk dance and we do a "karma gig" at a nursing home every year. At the end of our dancing, we play a waltz and dance with the little old ladies in the nursing home (there are very few men). I was dancing with a woman who was probably in her 80's:
She: "Oh I think it's just wonderful how active you are."
Me: "Oh thank you."
She: "You move so well for someone so fat. With how much you jump around I am surprised you are fat at all."
THANKS, JESSICA ~ you made me laugh today ... I was just commenting in our Canadian thread how people used to insult me becuz of my weight; now they are doing it about my lack of boobs & loose skin & my belly, which one lady is sure is a tumor. Not enuff, NO -- they wanted me to have surgery to lose weight; I lost it without. Now, they want me to have surgery to morf myself into a teenager ...
I excuse the seniors with dementia, and the little kids who are just speaking plain; but like you, the ones that should know better -- I wanna smack 'em silly, but I'm not the violent type.
Yeah...I'm kinda waiting it out on the rudeness of the over-75 crowd. That generation is simply not going to get any nicer. I don't do geriatric visits because of it.
I love messing with kids, though. It's kind of a kick to engage them in the process of coming to terms with their behavior. I don't rely on their parents to do the job. The kids got their stupidity from somewhere!
Today at the Starbucks, two teenage boys huddled around their laptop looked up at me, then snickered and commented to each other quietly, then continued to stare at me after I sat very uncomfortably close to them with my coffee and Kindle Fire. I stared back. Freaked them out a little. Yes, I know I look like crap. I have a headcold and I'm breathing my germs on you. Tee-hee-hee! Eventually they left.
If they are going to dish it out, they'd better be able to take it!
I remember one time I was driving through a college apartment area with my window open and a couple of guys hanging out on their porch were like, "hey girl come on up here....oh wait god no you're fat." Trust me, that wasn't the only time I've had fat comments flung at me.
That was maybe 20 years ago and I still remember it. Now I'm going to be harsh a bit here and maybe some people won't like what I say but, no matter how rude or mean or hurtful these people are, the bottom line is THEY ARE RIGHT. Are they saying something untrue? No. I really am fat - freaking huge.
Yes I wish the world wasn't filled with jerks but it is, and know what may help make the comments start to slow down - no longer being fat. That's why we're all on this board aren't we?
Try to maybe not let it depress you and try to make it motivation instead. I know it's easier to say than to do - it still hurts.
I folk dance and we do a "karma gig" at a nursing home every year. At the end of our dancing, we play a waltz and dance with the little old ladies in the nursing home (there are very few men). I was dancing with a woman who was probably in her 80's:
She: "Oh I think it's just wonderful how active you are."
Me: "Oh thank you."
She: "You move so well for someone so fat. With how much you jump around I am surprised you are fat at all."
She's lucky I didn't break her hip.
HAHAHAHAHA! Old folks!
I work at a nursing home and have had one man in the dementia unit comment on my weight while I was leading them in exercise. They are not always the most tactful people.
what they are saying maybe true but you dont go around and be like darnnn dude you are a fricking stick whats wrong with you go eat a burger! or omg you are so short what happened did someone lop you off at the knees! or whoaaaa dude youre achne is so fricking nasty why dont you wear a paper bag! unless the person knows you personally they are judging your weight on appearance only and ppl generally dont do that so rudely with other things about a persons appearance as they do with weight, not saying they dont at all, but it happens less. i dont make comments about other ppls appearance unless its good. if you dont have anything nice to say shut your mouth lol
anyways that story makes me glad that i live in an area where most guys dont care about weight
Last edited by CherryQuinn; 12-30-2011 at 10:03 PM.
... and maybe some people won't like what I say but, no matter how rude or mean or hurtful these people are, the bottom line is THEY ARE RIGHT.
I disagree. Essentially they are saying you don't deserve respect, common courtesy, love, or human decency. I can't say this enough -- no matter what your size, you deserve ALL these things. Believing that you don't will only hinder your weight loss, not strengthen it. Hating yourself and letting others hate you will not make you lose weight.
I have worked with both young children and people that are 70+. People do change as they get older. I have heard older people say things that I know they would not have said 20 years ago. I have a theory. Young children say whatever comes into their head. Then as we start growing up, we develop a filter that keeps us from just blurting out our thoughts. I think that as we start the advanced aging process, we lose our filters. I have patience with the young children and the aged. The ones I have a problem with are those who never developed their filters in the first place.
I have learned in a training I attended that people with dementia do loose their filters. Some loose the filters they have when they deal with strangers and non family members. They will just blurt anything that crosses their minds about anyone. One thing that I have a harder time dealing with is that they don't always have much compassion for each other.
Some people with dementia loose the filters they have for dealing with family members and treat them real badly. These people will be very nice to total strangers and people they aren't very close to.
I tend to be very forgiving with them because it is part of a very scary disease.
I am not excusing all older people. Some of them are just not very nice, have never been very nice and it has nothing to do with age.
Thank you all for the response and for making me laugh!! Honestly, I'm pretty sure the older woman did not have dementia. She spoke very clearly about current times, her situation, etc. Some people just don't like fat people. Period. I was once at a college youth group where the pastor made fun of fat people. Are you freaking kidding me!??! I called and said something about that one.
Yes, if they don't know better or are not on their right mind, I totally understand. It's still the truth and it hurts. BUT...I do have a great sense of humor, but that's not always easy to laugh at. Laughing on this message board is totally different. You all understand.
Do you ever have people confuse you with someone else just because the ONLY thing you have in common is that you're fat? My gosh if the parents and kids at my son's school confuse me with the chunk (who really looks nothing like me) one more time..... That just shows some people can't or choose to not get past it just to know the person. Behind all this fat I'm pretty amazing. Ha! I should make a t-shirt!
Honesty is not the best policy...
