Husband bought a bunch of binge food, I want to scream!!
My husband binges. We went to the store today (I usually don't bring him for this reason) and he bought two boxes of ice cream sandwiches, a regular size container of some peanut butter ice cream and a single serving container of ice cream.
I battle my issues with binge eating (and recently binge drinking, because, you know, I needed something else to tempt me ) every single day.
Living with him is like an alcoholic living in a wine cellar.
I've talked to him about it and he's made it clear he'll do as he please.
Now there's all this ice cream out there. I know I'm going to not eat it, cause I just crossed into the 140's a few days ago, and just just fit into my size 8's and I'll be darned if I mess up. I also haven't drank any wine in about a week, only because I was going over board.
I am really trying to conquer (that doesn't look spelled right) this demon. Its really hard living with someone that still lives the way I used to.
And the other issue is I buy specific snacks for me. Like I bought these low cal cheese sticks, 50 cals each. And I could keep them stocked for weeks, then one day he'll "be in the mood for them", and eat them all, not tell me or put them on the list when they are getting low, and then I go to have one and they're all gone. But I can't just buy double the amount next time, because then he's not in the mood for them, and then I have this huge pile of the snack in question, because now only I'm eating it.
This is not new. This has been an on going issue. I just needed to vent. My husband is obviously not ready to take on a healthy lifestyle, and I can't force him. But I feel like this stupid life style change of mine has driven a wedge between us. But only for me. He eats whatever and as much as he likes, and has also said how great I look now that I've lost weight. He loves the changes to my body. He's very encouraging when I'm sitting down to a cup of tea at night and he's got a big bowl of ice cream, and he tells me what a great job I'm doing as I'm sipping my tea and wishing I was eating the ice cream. Ugh. It's not his fault. He has the right to eat whatever he wants. Its just harder on me. And I'm grateful he is encouraging, but I guess I wish he would live this lifestyle with me.
I see why people that are into health and fitness marry people of like mind...but what happens when one person changes mid-marriage? I feel like I've betrayed him.
Please don't feel like you have betrayed him by changing your lifestyle for the healthier. I'd have him read this post, and then the two of you sit down and discuss it. I think possibly he should make a few compromises, and you should too, and hopefully meet in the middle. I know you said he will do as he pleases, but explain how that makes you feel. Maybe he could put the junk food in a separate refridgerator/location where it is out of sight, out of mind for you?
I feel your pain, though, and hope you guys can adapt.
I retract my prior statement LOL. You guys are right. I was thinking how pissed off I'd be lmao
It boils down to communicate between you though. He needs to understand that you cannot have certain foods in the house. You mentioned that he loves your new body, explain to him that you can't keep your new body if he doesn't shape up.
Last edited by KaylaChristine; 11-02-2011 at 06:04 PM.
Don't feel like you're betraying him. You aren't! In all honesty, I think he needs to be a bit more sensitive to your needs. My husband would never, ever touch my snack food (I too have "my own" snack foods) without asking. If he did that would be extremely disrespectful of him knowing I buy these foods specifically to help me on my journey!
I really think there is a communication break-down here that just needs to be bridged. You have to sit down and talk this out and see where there are gaps and problems and just get it all resolved out in the open.
Venting about it helps, but ultimately it would be best to have a heart to heart and resolve any problems at hand.
Now, this sounds harsh, but I would throw out all the binge food while he is gone. Either tell him you tossed it, or tell him you ate it all (but don't eat ANY of it).
I strongly disagree with this. This is the start of a conflict in my opinion. Also the second part about saying she ate it all is outright lying, and you don't need to add lying to everything else.
You need to start with a calm meeting-of-the-minds in order to make any long-lasting change. Otherwise it will just continue to happen over and over again.
With my husband, he has some extra weight but is not on any kind of diet/change. It isn't really my job to make him change. Sometimes he buys junk food but that's his choice and not one I'm going to take away from him by force since he is an independent individual with a mind of his own and a life of his own even though we also share a life.
Ultimately though, if he and I sat down and talked about it, I knew he would change the way he did things. It's just that right now I don't see a need to make any changes, so I'm content leaving things as-is.
But if I went in guns flaring throwing out things he purchased, you could bet there would probably end up being a fight, and we don't fight ever. That's how much I think a tactic like this could hurt the relationship more than help it.
Now, this sounds harsh, but I would throw out all the binge food while he is gone. Either tell him you tossed it, or tell him you ate it all (but don't eat ANY of it). The point is that you HAVE to get rid of it all. Tell him that if he's in the mood for ice cream or whatever, then he can leave the house and purchase a SINGLE serving for just him. Throwing it all out will cause a fight to begin with, of course, but it might give him the jolt he needs to help support you more on your food choices.
It boils down to communicate between you though. He needs to understand that you cannot have certain foods in the house. You mentioned that he loves your new body, explain to him that you can't keep your new body if he doesn't shape up.
I have to disagree with this, too. Personally, I do not think this is a healthy way to communicate. How would you feel if all the vegetables in the house were thrown out because he didn't like eating them. Or if your favorite (insert whatever) was thrown out because he didn't like it.
As much as you would like to see him make healthy choices you can't force him. No one forced you (I'm assuming) to make changes, you wanted them for yourself. Hopefully he will reach that point, too.
I think you need to compromise. Have a discussion, and not one where you are all fired up (because then it becomes about you winning). You can't change other people. I'd choose certain trigger foods or big temptations he can't get, but still allow him to have other treats, because it's his body and I don't think policing a grown man will work. Do not treat him like a child and throw away his food, that is not going to make your relationship function better.
My first impulse was to say throw it out, but that might cause more problems than you already have. Your husband is entitled to eat anything he wants , it is not up to you to tell him what he can eat, BUT he should not be eating the food that you have specifically bought for your weight loss efforts.Is there someplace where you can hide away the things you want for your diet. ? In the garage ? In the trunk of your car ? The attic ? Under the bed ? Leave half for him and hide the rest away, but don't tell him you are doing it.
first, you're fighting with your urges to eat junk and he has it around and eats it as he pleases. with that, you need to just get over the fact that there will be people who are making the decision to eat large amounts of crap food while you are abstaining in order to be healthy, look better and live longer. it is tough that your house has large amounts of crap food in it due to your husband but it makes it more meaningful that you are showing self control and keeping away from bad foods.
2. boundaries and food issues/respect at home-- on one hand, it depends on who makes the money that pays for the food. if he makes the money that pays for all the food, that may be where his "i do what i want" thing comes from, whether justified or not. you still need to have discussions about him eating ALL the healthy snacks that you have bought. i have had to get mad at my husband for eating my specific food but for me i try not take out my frustrations at not being able to eat whatever i want out on him.
I also have tons of unhealthy foods in the house, because we have 3 kids under the age of 8. Let's start with Halloween candy.. chips... chocolate.. sun chips.... rice crackers.... cheesies... cookies. You get the idea. They're kids, so I'm not going to deprive them of 'fun' snacks (but yes, only every now and then!). None of my 3 are overweight, so I'm not going to start policing their food. I cook very healthy meals for all of us, but on weekends they might get into the 'fun' food, including DH.
I look at it as normal. Wherever you go, you'll be faced with temptations. You always have a choice, and you are supremely powerful. You will decide whether or not you will succumb to the temptations.
I have only been on my journey for about 6 weeks now, but I can honestly say that it hasn't been a problem. I even make chocolate chip cookes and banana bread for DH and the kids' school lunches, and don't even give a second thought to having any. (Believe me, I always used to!). But I've made a decision, so it doesn't matter what is in front of my face... I'm not having it!
I think everyone is right. You need to have a discussion, especially about him eating your good snacks. He should at least replace things if he eats them. I've gotten upset more than once because my kids go after my snacks. Then when I want something, it's not there, yet they still have their snacks. They go through mine, then theirs and I get nothing. Hmf. Everyone stays away from my stuff now.
You can't expect your husband to give up everything, which you know. Yet, there is a reasonable expectation, IMHO, that he scales it back, shows more discretion with what he brings home, and how much. Maybe he could bring home an ice cream bar that you're not particularly fond of, or a snack item that you can live without. That way, he gets what he wants, and you're not so tempted. Above all else, sorry, but he needs to stay away from your snacks!
Shortly after starting my diet, my husband started bringing home junk 2-3 times a week. At first I said nothing, event though some of the junk included a few things that I really like, and it was really hard. Finally, after a few weeks, I pointed out to him what he was doing. You see, he hadn't been making so many trips to the store before, and it wasn't even like i had stopped buying stuff either. Nothing had really changed except my announcement that I was starting a diet. I also asked him to place the snacks out of eye level in the pantry. Put them up high or down low. And, I suggested how helpful it would be if he'd bring home things that I'm not very interested in before he brings home things that I love.
He complied. I'd know the junk is there, but it's much easier to resist when it's not so "in your face". I also find resisting some things to be so much easier. Ice cream sandwich? Forget it. Pop Tart? No problem.
It was short lived. Before long, he started again. I reminded him again, and this time I told him (and my kids) that anything left out was going to go in to the trash, no comment, no warning. If it's left out, then it must not be all that important. I stuck with it. Many things went in to the garbage, and yes, there was some anger. I felt like my request was a reasonable one, as well as the consequence. Everyone started taking more care, and putting things away.
If I dive in to a bag of chips, it's my own fault. I realize that. But it sure isn't any help at all to be surrounded by temptations. It's nice to have the support of family, even if you have to ask for it. Sometimes, they just don't realize what they are doing.
My hubby was the king of Junk food and he could pull it off because he is so fit and muscular. Recently he talked to a doctor and found out his blood levels arent so "hot" and he needs to change his diet.
1. He hates salad or any veggies
2.He is a midnight "Nachoer"
3.He drinks a 6 pack of Pepsi daily
4.He eats candy and should have rotten teeth by now and does not.
He asked me to help him change his ways and help him eat better, teach him my eating habits. It made me feel better to know he wants my help. The little voice in my my head wants to point and say "I told you so" but I just cant do that to him. There is hope!
Thank you all for your responses. This is a road my husband and I have been down many many many times. For some reason, I think its the amount that he brings home that bothers me. And i don't know why. If he had just bought one container of ice cream I wouldn't have cared. I mean, the guy is allowed to have ice cream. Or if he just bought one bag of chips, instead of two bags with 2 different dips, which he does rarely anyway. He's more of an ice cream guy.
BUt its not like that. He buys enough to feed a football team. Its never just, I stopped at the corner market and ice cream sounded good. Its I stopped at the corner market and got ice cream, chocolate syrup, sprinkles, whipped cream, nachos, cheese sause, oreos and a bowl of mac n cheese...
Ok I get it, its a binge. I used to do the same. And by "used "to" I mean I am trying to stop, but I most likely will do it again, at some point in my life. Heck, we used to binge together. But honestly, he has the right to binge too. I guess its hard trying to recover, and still being around someone who's still "sick" for lack of a better term, and isn't even on the road to recovery. Did you ever hear how hard it is for a smoker to quit when they live with a smoker?
As for eating my snacks, if I remind him they are for me, he's usually pretty good about laying off, BUT the problem is, if I don't say anything before he gets to them and eats them, then after the fact is too late, obviously. And if I remind him before he gets to them, he gets snippy. Often when I get home from the store I'll say the XYZ is for me, or if I see him going for one of my snacks (like today while writing my OP he came out of the kitchen eating a cheese stick, saying "hey these are pretty good"...I just said that they are one of my snacks and would you please let me know if they are getting low, and if you like them I can buy more next time I go. (We went shopping today, and he doesn't say this while we are there!! ) But what I want to say is Stop eating all my snacks! I mean he just bought tons of ice cream...
I think its more my hang up. I really just came here to vent. Its not my husband's fault I have binging issues. I don't know how to approach him, or if I even have the right to ask him not to bring such quantities of junk in the house. I do not ever want him to start feeling like he has to hide and binge.
No, it's not his fault and he has every right to eat what he wants, when he wants and how much he wants. But when you're living together and you're making a choice to be healthier, I don't think your "hang up" is just a hang up. You have just as much right to be free from the temptations (and I understand what you mean about quantity over quality). It's really about balance, and your husband really should be considerate of your needs as much as you are of his, and scale it back a little, and making sure to leave behind some quality snacks for you.
I see nothing wrong with a good ol' fashioned temper tantrum if that's what it takes. Seriously Or even plain ol' bluntness. Sometimes they don't get it when you ask to let you know when a certain snack is low, but they understand when you tell then point blank not to eat it, it's yours, and quit bringing home so much crap. They don't even get offended like us girls might!
This is addiction stuff, and addictions are very very hard, especially when two people are involved. I'd suggest getting professional help. Overeaters Anonymous may be useful here, as they approach overeating as an addiction. Some of their theories are a bit odd, especially since they've basically taken the twelve step programme used by alcoholics and minimally adapted it, but apparently the groups can be excellent (and as with many twelve step programmes, can be fairly selective about how much of the theory they actually use), and the food addiction focus is what you need here. If you were to turn up and say, "Hi, I'm learning to deal with overeating, and I'm living with a husband who is still addicted and we're having problems with this," I'd hope that the group would be useful. Or maybe ring one of their numbers, I'd imagine there are some around. Failing that, couples counselling. This is a big problem and it's very evidently not going away.
Husband bought a bunch of binge food, I want to scream!!
) every single day. 
And I could keep them stocked for weeks, then one day he'll "be in the mood for them", and eat them all, not tell me or put them on the list when they are getting low, and then I go to have one and they're all gone. But I can't just buy double the amount next time, because then he's not in the mood for them, and then I have this huge pile of the snack in question, because now only I'm eating it. 
But I've made a decision, so it doesn't matter what is in front of my face... I'm not having it! 
Are we married to the same guy?
) But what I want to say is Stop eating all my snacks! I mean he just bought tons of ice cream... 
Or even plain ol' bluntness. Sometimes they don't get it when you ask to let you know when a certain snack is low, but they understand when you tell then point blank not to eat it, it's yours, and quit bringing home so much crap. They don't even get offended like us girls might!
