100 lb. Club - RANT UPDATE (Awakening)




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free1
09-18-2011, 05:28 PM
Thanks to everyone who read and responded to my wild "weight loss" rant. Thanks to everyone who reminded me that others have bigger and more life threatening issues. You're right, I have a lot to be thankful for. :)

As an update, I tried again on Saturday and to my surprise, I found a beautiful and professional 14/16 dress for only $9.99. The victory is that this is my first time buying a 14/16 since about 12 years old. (I've been in this weight battle a long time).

I thought about what really made me upset. The shopping experience shattered the image of myself that I allowed myself to believe for years. I convinced myself that I wasn't as big as I was. When I see myself now, I don't really see weight loss because in my delusional mind....I was always the size I am now. I think the shopping experience really made me face what I've done to my body. And when you really look it in the eye, it is really hard!!!

As a larger woman, I avoided mirrors and allowed myself to believe that I was still the size I was in HS. It was large but not as large as I actually was. The reality is sobering.

The good thing is that I've committed to change. I'm no longer a 24. I can jog slightly. And while I bought a 14/16 dress it has alot of stretchy material. But I'm close....really close. I've tried other 16s and they've fit. I am still claiming an 18 for now because it is more comfortable. But I'm making progress and for that.....I'm grateful.


Trazey34
09-18-2011, 08:09 PM
WOW do I know what you mean!! I SWEAR I never 'noticed' how fat I was, I thought buying a size 24 was normal, even tho there no sizes BIGGER than that anywhere i shopped -- where did i think i was going to 'go' after that??? I spent a lot of attention on hair and makeup and being clean and presentable but never really 'saw' myself. When I did it was always "wow that camera 'shot' is horrible' LOL never ME!! I always wondered if there was some kind of reverse anorexia where no matter how fat i go i always thought 'it's not so bad' geeesh!!!

best of luck, moving down sizes (even if it's not a cute dress or top) is ACES!

Curvaliscious
09-18-2011, 08:19 PM
Wow! You've been doing some serious thinking. Love it! I completely know what you're talking about. In my mind I'm 25 and a size 14/16. I remember walking at an outdoor mall once and feeling good about myself. Then I walked by a large window, saw my reflection and felt sad. Don't worry, I cheered up once I walked by the brick wall and forgot what I had seen. :) But, seriously...I see people who wear size 8s and they look chunky to me and then I realize I must look way, way larger than I realize.

I'm a photographer, but work very hard to be on only one side of the camera.


linJber
09-18-2011, 08:57 PM
Great attitude adjustment! Self realization is a fantastic / horrible thing! LOL We are so very good at denying that we have a problem. I love Curvalicious's comment, "In my mind I'm 25 and a size 14/16," becaue in MY mind, I'm still in high school and a size 12. LOL.

I'm really glad you found something nice that fits - it feels so great when that happens. And very soon you'll be in the regular department, no plus sizes at all. Things get easier there. I'm 60 - just imagine the frustration of someone my age shopping the plus size department and everything is gathered, glittered, or shredded. THAT ALONE should have prompted me to lose years ago! Hang in there.

Lin