I've been extremely self conscious my whole life due to weight and appearance. I recently had multiple job interview and landed a part time at retail. The problem is I feel like I am so closed up inside I have a awkward time trying to open up and talk to people. I am 22 years old, never been drinking, never had a smoke, never went clubbing or group party (not counting the birthday parties i had when I was -13 and I stopped celebrating my birthday at 15. Ive been to maybe 5 dates and they were all terrible. The only reason that I am engaged is because of online gaming (where I met my fiancé), and he was able to look past the weight and appearance.
I feel like a social awkward person that really craves attention but when someone talks to me I back down so fast, i actually feel uncomfortable talking to people.
I thought maybe after i lose my weight I will be more confident but all i feel now is still insecurity and awkwardness. I realized that i was just using weight as a excuse and i am never going to be a confident person, it bothers the **** out of me.
I am not sure what to do, I don't have any friends that I would stay is my bestie or even considered a good friend. I tried some online website where I try to find people of my age in my area but no one ever wanted to reply to my message and after so many failed attempt i just gave up, people are kind of mean online.
I don't want to be this for the rest of my life, i want people to want to come to my wedding besids my relatives, and I am completely out of ideas.
uhm I used to be a shy person. Very shy. I think part of me now still shy.
The only reason I seem to be a very outgoing person right now is I force myself to talk. I studied quite a lot about conversation and how to talk to people, body languages, etc...
Basically, I try to practice everytime. It's kinda like homework.
I usually have some topics on hand so I can talk to people (strangers or friends). Such as, weather, work, news, what you do in the weekend, vacations, holiday, shopping, books, movies , etc... and ask their opinions or give them your opinions. As you get closer to them, you'll find the conversation go smoother and more natural.
But all in all, try to talk. Or smile at least. It takes practice *i'm serious - it took me few years and i'm still practicing everyday*. But it'll get better and it'll feel more natural to you.
One of the best things I ever read on this website was "Fake it 'til you make it."
I used to be a very shy person (still am) but I had to be somewhat outgoing for my job, so I just started "acting" like I was outgoing. Yes, I still feel shy and awkward all the time, but once you get used to *acting* like you're not, some of the shyness/awkwardness goes away. I still get that way, but I have a sort of a "nothing to lose" attitude now. Yeah, I could stay in my comfort zone and not talk to people, or I could push myself and make new friends, meet new boys, etc.
I am in the same situation... I was invited to a party this weekend where I will only know the hostess... and I feel like I will stand there while every one else know each other... I am not really sure how I will be able to move on from this... but I never used to be this way!?!?
I'm really shy as well, but working at a bank I've had to learn to be outgoing whether I feel that way or not. I've learned to cover it up with bravado. Sometimes when I'm in social situations, if I'm feeling awkward, I'll set a goal of doing one thing that's outside of my comfort zone, and then once I've achieved that, I'll try another one. It becomes sort of like a fun mental game. The other thing that helped was reading the book How to Talk to Anyone, by Leil Lowndes. It talks alot about making other people feel comfortable which makes them instantly think that YOU are comfortable. One of the things that surprised me the most once I started talking to people was that at first most of them thought I was stuck up, which I'm not. I realized that I wasn't portraying who I really am, and that they were painting a drastically different picture of me. I really wanted to change that, and now I think people have a different response.
Do you love who you are? Do you have all the self belief that you're an awesome person, and could be an amazing friend to someone? Because if you don't - that's going to come across to other people. Self belief is the key to confidence, and if you can't say yes to all of those questions then you need to start learning how to appreciate yourself before you can let others appreciate you.
I'm not a shy person, but I'm not overly confident either - but it's all about talking. Ask people how they are, what they do, what they like and get a conversation going. People love to talk, and people love to talk about themselves even more. Maybe if you can listen to people it will put you more at ease rather than you being the one who's talking.
Just because you haven't partied or drank or smoked doesn't mean you're lesser than anyone. Remember that! And I also agree with "Faking it" to an extent. Put yourself out there, throw yourself in the deep end or you're always going to hide away. The internet is great to meet people, and you've obviously found a great connection with someone that way, but it's very much a safety blanket. Use your internet persona in real life, it will get you results!
And congratulations on your weight loss, that's such an amazing achievement. Well done!!
Confidence, when does it come in?
You'll be great at it.
