Ok so Im so freaking big right now over 200lbs and It seems like I cant get in the right mindset to lose weight!!! I dont know wth is wrong with me .......I really want to lose weight but then Ill get off my diet that I go on. It seems that I go on a new diet every damn week!!! Why cant I just stick to one and do it right??
I really need some help here.........those of you that have lost alot of weight, how did you get over the urge to cheat and give up, Ive lost a large amount of weight before and I remember I was just sooooo determined that I didnt cheat or anything NOW Its completly different Idk if just bc I dont "want" it enough or what?
Both times I started a major diet nothing particularly special happened- I had been unhappy with my weight for some time, of course, but I can't say there was a specific event or motivation that got me started. Although I hate to give a frustratingly vague answer, I just knew I was ready.
There have been many times when I was just as frustrated as you, depressed and feeling terrible about myself, and simply fed up with being fat. But for me, at least, none of that raw emotion was enough to put me on the right path. I think this is because these emotions are fleeting, and if they make up the majority of your resolve, you risk that being temporary as well. This could be completely different for others, but this is how I work.
Oddly enough, it has always been the times when I was happy in which I was ready to start and continue losing weight. Not amazingly happy, but just decently content with my life. Only then could I approach the problem the way I needed to approach it- by thinking about what an amazing and sometimes fun (sometimes difficult, granted) thing losing weight is. Thinking about how much I'd love to be able to do certain things in my life and about how much freedom losing the weight would grant me. When I spend all day beating myself up and getting really frustrated, its very easy for me to slide into disillusionment, depression, impatience, or even more frustration- a total recipe for "failure."
I don't know you, but I doubt you don't "want it enough," as you said. Almost all of us want it, most of us want it very badly, and it seems like you do too. It's a lot like learning something new, for example, a new dance. If you approach it thinking about how frustrating it is that you don't already know the dance, or that it's so difficult, or beating yourself up for how much time it's taking to learn the dance, then we move into an increasingly bad state, and it becomes so much more difficult for us to learn the dance. I hope this helps.
I also don't have any real answers on this subject. I've had many times when I've started and couldn't do it.....more times than I can remember even. I've lost weight also only to gain it back. It's soooo hard. All I can say is that the one thing that helps me get my "head on straight" is very intense workouts at the gym. The act of going there and doing what I need to do and seeing everyone else doing it too....that really helps me. I also have to have a plan. I resolve to put nothing into my mouth unless I put it in my food log first. I also take it one day at a time and sometimes even one hour at a time. It's soooo hard...for me at least. I have a child with special needs and that hurts all the time. I have a very, very hard time with that. I also have chronic daily migraines. I have very good reasons or excuses or whatever you wanna call them...but I came to realize that I could handle all the stress much better if at least I could get this under control. I still am struggling. Today I hit my goal and was really wanting to eat more. My younger son has the chicken pox and now I do too ....and I have PMS going like crazy. I resisted it but it took a lot of white knuckle effort. I'm not sure if that'll ever go away but what I can say is that it's worth it. Take it step by step, one foot in front of the other.
Don't ever give up. Visualize yourself one year from now and take the steps to get there.
I agree with luckymommy's post. For me, it was much less about the food, and much more about moving more and intense exercise. This is not true for everyone. Many people here have lost their weight entirely through their diet. I have too much of a love relationship with food. I hate "diet" foods and stuff that tastes fake. So, I had to make exercise my number one priority.
After about 6-8 months, it became routine, like brushing my teeth, and now I just do it everyday without really thinking about it. Sometimes you have to white-knuckle it through the day, somedays you don't. I don't mean to make it sound simplistic, but it really is. I think we make it too hard. Calories in vs. calories out is what was the biggest factor in me losing 101 lbs. in under 12 months. I had to actually MOVE. Get up off the couch and move. Walk back and forth while folding laundry and putting it away. Work harder, not smarter. LOL. I had to change the way I thought about things. I park as far away from the store as possible now. I walk wherever possible. All of those extra steps add up to hundreds more calories burned every single day.
You can do this. You have to really want it, more than you want the food, more than you want to sleep in, more than you want the dessert everyone is having. I have confidence that if I could do this, anyone can. Best wishes.
Thank all of yall for the replies........... So for excercise Ive been doing, zumba about 2-3 times a week but I know I could def. step it up some. Now as far as eating goes Are yall on a diet or just making better choices, chosing healthier food. I really think that Im SOOOOO over being on a diet, Ive been on one since I was 17 and it hasnt gotten me anywhere except being overweight and hating myself because I dont stick to them.......BUT my problem is Im scared to just trust myself to eat right being I dont know how to do it myself without some diet to follow.
sorry if that doesnt make any sense!! Im rambling here,lol
Maybe avoid "diets" and focus on eating smaller portions of healthy, whole foods? I don't know your way of eating right now or what your typical diet is, but perhaps try to slowly replace fast food/junk food with high quality fresh delicious substitutes.
Personally I would have a really hard time on a "diet" that restricted what I ate, or allowed me to only eat prepackaged frozen meals, or that I considered diet to be a day of 100-calorie packs and Lean Cuisines. For some people those "diets" work, but not for me I LOVE food-- real, whole food- fresh salads, homemade pizzas with fresh dough, low-fat flaxseed muffins for breakfast- yum! I don't consider any of it "diet" food and I don't feel deprived- it's just smart and healthy and in proper proportions.
i know that for me personally, the emotions and frustration never kicked me into action. i lost 70 lbs and have returned to drop the 20 i gained back. both times i decided to get going i really had no motivation. ive been on track for about a week now. i have absolutely no motivation. i just made a commitment to myself that i was going to do this, and then started.
exercise isn't usually terribly beneficial to me as far as weight loss. i tend to lose the same whether im doing it or not, i just feel better when i am. i am a calorie counter. not looking at it as a "diet", or just trying to "eat better" has also never worked for me. i dont seem to have a good idea of portion control or proper nutrition without looking at the labels. for me personally, i just decide to stop waiting around for any mindset to occur and just do it already. its horrible and it sucks, but its going to be that way no matter when i start.
i usually find that the drive and commitment dont kick in until i have reached a few mini goals.
Thank all of yall for the replies........... So for excercise Ive been doing, zumba about 2-3 times a week but I know I could def. step it up some. Now as far as eating goes Are yall on a diet or just making better choices, chosing healthier food. I really think that Im SOOOOO over being on a diet, Ive been on one since I was 17 and it hasnt gotten me anywhere except being overweight and hating myself because I dont stick to them.......BUT my problem is Im scared to just trust myself to eat right being I dont know how to do it myself without some diet to follow.
sorry if that doesnt make any sense!! Im rambling here,lol
I felt just as you did---i.e., being "SOOO over being on a diet"---for at least five years. I had regained all the weight I lost, and I was so discouraged that I just gave up and stopped trying. Over those years, I kept growing out of my clothes. Finally, this year I had to buy the biggest size I've ever worn just so that I could have some shorts to wear this summer. That was the impetus for me to start doing something about my weight this summer. Also, I tried a diet that was completely different from anything I had ever done before. It was the 17-day diet (there's a group on this forum), and just sticking to that for a mere one week gave me the confidence I needed to get back on plan. Even though I lost some weight that week on the 17DD, it wasn't a plan that was right for me longterm, so I switched to calorie counting. I'm as surprised as anyone that I've stuck with it for nearly two months now. Just like you, for year I would start a diet and then just give up after a DAY or at most, two days. This time that extra bit of motivation I got from staying on the 17DD for 1 week & losing some weight helped to motivate me. I've gone from a snug size 14 to a good-fitting size 12 (I don't weigh myself, so I have no idea how that translates to weight loss).
The takeaway from all this is that maybe you need to try something completely different, something that will help you lose a good 5 lbs. or so relatively swiftly to get you motivated. That's what helped me. I will say, though, that FOR ME, I cannot lose weight by just "watching" what I eat. I am not naturally good at moderation. I either eat too much or too little (and if it's the latter, I end up dropping the plan and overeating). At least w/ calorie counting, I can work some treats into my normal day. Also, getting a calorie counting app on my phone (something I poo-pooed when my sisters were raving about it) has REALLY helped to make calorie counting a lot easier than it was in the past.
There's a lot of good advice on here but to add one more golden nugget.
I did not feel like following my diet and exercise program the first 4 weeks. I was terribly disgusted with myself (for gaining a lot of weight quickly) for about the first 6 weeks. Following the workout plan was simply an issue of "I can either stay heavy and be depressed about it or do something and lose weight." In short, it is ok if you do not feel like a million dollars every morning. As it relates to exercise "Just do it."
Now the food issue is different because it is more of an avoidance than it is doing things like exercise is. Of course, you want to eat the right foods but the greatest part of your weight loss is eating less food (or carbs or fat depending upon your diet) because it is the overeating that caused us to gain weight. My greatest advice for you is to keep busy. I am not sure if you work or what not but play with your daughter, visit with friends, and get out of the house when you can. I know that when I am with other people I usually do not think about food unless I am physically hungry. When I struggled with my weight I know that I did not enjoy life. I hermited myself in my house and I was embarrassed to be seen in public and especially seen by people I knew. I really just had to make peace with the fact that I am working on my weight but I cannot hide from the world while I do. Enjoy life!
If someone told me a few months ago that I could lose the weight, but I couldn't eat the foods I love (and I love food) then I would still be at my starting weight.
I still ate what I wanted, but less of it and the weight came off.
Now I simply have less of a desire to eat "bad" foods and focus on smaller portions of healthy foods. Instead of eating when I'm bored (which I used to do ALL THE TIME) I now drink water.
Try just limiting how much you eat to start out. DO only eat one helping, DO only have one slice of pizza, DO eat breakfast, DO exercise, and MORE of it!
Once the weight starts coming off, you'll love the results and you'll think twice about eating "bad" foods, or if you do you'll just have a little bit of them.
The most important part for me has been learning to learn from my mistakes. For example stuffing myself with muffins, hash browns and bread for breakfast used to make me feel something, bit of a power binge I guess, and i would repeat these binges or slip ups almost every day, not really learning from the times before.
More recently I have started to conciously remember the feeling of bloating and sluggishness these binges gave me (and also didnt always fill me up, or supress my appetite) so that each time I think 'I really want these chips for lunch, not my protein shake' I can attempt to think back to what actually does the job of satisfying me and really attempt to make my healthy choices happily!
Your problem may not be binging, and fair enough I still over eat sometimes and make the wrong choices, but before I started doing this process in my head, those chips would have led to full blown binges.
From your post (and all the previous ones I've seen) it sounds like you have a very "on the diet/off the diet" mentality.
So, stop dieting. Stop choosing plans that require you to be so strict with yourself that you "cheat" and then just don't go back on plan. It's not working for your life, because the second you "cheat" or "fall off" you aren't getting back up.
There are plenty of plans that will help teach portion control that don't disallow certain types of foods.
Controlling intake doesn't have to be a diet, it's a learning process. One that we hope to learn for the rest of our lives. Sometimes we make mistakes. Sometimes we eat something that we later realize we didn't really want. But, so what? Healthy people do that. They just go back to choosing healthier things the very next moment.
You need to change your mentality, not your diet.
ETA: I don't want that to sound snide. (Internets and all) I sincerely mean that a lot of change is mental first. Sometimes we have to change how we're THINKING before we can change how we're DOING.
From your post (and all the previous ones I've seen) it sounds like you have a very "on the diet/off the diet" mentality.
So, stop dieting. Stop choosing plans that require you to be so strict with yourself that you "cheat" and then just don't go back on plan. It's not working for your life, because the second you "cheat" or "fall off" you aren't getting back up.
There are plenty of plans that will help teach portion control that don't disallow certain types of foods.
Controlling intake doesn't have to be a diet, it's a learning process. One that we hope to learn for the rest of our lives. Sometimes we make mistakes. Sometimes we eat something that we later realize we didn't really want. But, so what? Healthy people do that. They just go back to choosing healthier things the very next moment.
You need to change your mentality, not your diet.
ETA: I don't want that to sound snide. (Internets and all) I sincerely mean that a lot of change is mental first. Sometimes we have to change how we're THINKING before we can change how we're DOING.
No you dont sound snide at all........I totally agree with you!! Can you recommend any reading material or anything to help me with not dieting and changing my mindset about food? Thanks
I really like Kelly's idea of formulating a new lifestyle being compared to learning a new dance. I had no idea how to live a healthy, active lifestyle when I was first getting started, because I never had before. So I've kinda approached it one step at a time. First was to overhaul the eating. I stuck to my eating plan like glue, only veering from it when I had given myself prior permission (Christmas day, eating out one day on vacation, very few times). I made a declaration to myself that THIS is how I am going to eat, and I stuck to it, I really did. I could give myself a big hug for that, because we all know how hard it can be, but sometimes you just have to draw a line in the sand.
Once all that really started to become habit and well ingrained, I moved on to incorporating some exercise. I could still definitely step it up in that area, and have fitness goals in mind. Thing is, the better I feel from eating well and having lost some weight, the more I just absolutely WANT to move my body in pursuit of fun and fitness. It's only getting better and better!
I quit smoking about 11 months into my lifestyle change, because I couldn't rationalize it with this fit and active lifestyle I am pursuing. Next step, I haven't been to the dentist in a couple years because I'm absolutely phobic about it -- so I'm going to get my dental/gum health in order next! One thing at a time and I am slowly moving from the least healthy person I know to one of the healthiest!
I think the bottom line, like a lot of people have said before, is that you have to be so fricking sick of living the way you are living that the excuses just no longer hold water. That is what happened to me. I felt so awful that I simply could not continue with my old ways. Unfortunately, I don't know what one person can say to another to make that click happen. But keep working on it, I believe if I can keep moving in the right direction, anyone can!
I agree with what Shannon suggested as a way to approach it and I'll add that I think at some level, you being overweight and overeating is helping you in some way and that's why it's hard. Maybe it's being overweight that makes you feel safer or maybe it's overeating that helps you cope with stress, emotions, whatever.
But whatever it is, you have to figure out what it is that's keeping you overweight.... and eventually (because it is a PROCESS) you'll figure out that it's not worth it to you anymore.
I finally started on this journey (coming up on two years!) because I became sick and I realized that this was too much for me. Being overweight and eating whatever the **** I wanted wasn't worth getting hospitalized for it.
So, I changed and now it's easier to eat healthy and exercise than NOT to.
Why cant I get my head right??
I LOVE food-- real, whole food- fresh salads, homemade pizzas with fresh dough, low-fat flaxseed muffins for breakfast- yum! I don't consider any of it "diet" food and I don't feel deprived- it's just smart and healthy and in proper proportions.
I had no idea how to live a healthy, active lifestyle when I was first getting started, because I never had before. So I've kinda approached it one step at a time. First was to overhaul the eating. I stuck to my eating plan like glue, only veering from it when I had given myself prior permission (Christmas day, eating out one day on vacation, very few times). I made a declaration to myself that THIS is how I am going to eat, and I stuck to it, I really did. I could give myself a big hug for that, because we all know how hard it can be, but sometimes you just have to draw a line in the sand. 
