100 lb. Club - Please let me vent!
07-23-2011, 11:10 PM
So I know I'm writing this more for me than anyone else and I hate to take up space on this forum, but if I don't vent I'm going to explode!
We still have company. And when this company is here they, and my husband, like to sit. All day. ALL day! Company likes to have wine, mixed drinks and make sweets. It was Oreo Truffles the other day and today it was home made cinnamon buns. Then more grazing and sitting.
I'm surprised I'm a chunk, because I do like to keep busy. And if I dont' make things happen at home, they don't. I love my husband. He works hard at work and is great with the kids but when it comes to keeping up a house it doesn't happen. So....while they sat and sat I weeded and edged the garden. I usually mow the lawn too. Yes, great calorie burning for me, but still. My husband said they talked about the fact that I dont' like to stay home. It's not that I don't like to....I just like to be productive at least every other day!!
So fine, I'm a complete wimp and gave in and had a cinnamon bun. Fine. Two! I'm thinking yard work burned some of it off. I don't like to cook and haven't been great about doing so while company is here. They grazed so much that we decided to not cook, but pick something up. I usually share with my husband, but get some chips with it too. He told me "NO"!! No chips. Normally this would be ok, but I"m edgy and restless and he is clueless. AND he told me know in front of company. So then I was edgy, restless, embarrassed and pissed! He said I didn't need it and didn't want it. Really? In front of company?? I know you're all going to take his side and maybe tomorrow I'll see things differently. However, tonight I think he needs to sleep on the couch.
As much as I love them, I really need for company to go.
07-23-2011, 11:30 PM
I'm not taking his side for sure! That's just wrong. Sometimes if we're out with bf's parents and he wants junk I will squeeze his leg, just because I know he's thinking he's out and needs to splurge and sometimes we forget we're even trying. But I would never think to say no to him.
07-24-2011, 12:14 AM
I hate it when someone tells me not to eat something in public. My father, although well-intentioned, used to do it to me as a child. It was completely embarrassing. To get revenge I would go back and eat more when he wasn't looking. I was only a kid so I didn't realize that my spite only hurt myself.
My husband will do this sometimes, but not usually in public, and if so very discreetly. Sometimes I appreciate it, but others, it sends me back into when I was kid and I get mad. It's nice that he keeps me accountable, but on the other hand I like to make my own decisions and I'm sure you feel the same way. I don't think it's right to do it in front of others, that's just humiliating.
07-24-2011, 12:37 AM
Oh man, not cool at all. It might have been alright to say that in private (I wouldn't take it very well, personally), but it was out of line to say it in front of company...ESPECIALLY after all the snacking they've all been doing.
07-24-2011, 01:44 AM
:hug: :hug: :hug:
I'm sending out patience vibes to your neck of the woods. :goodvibes
It's one thing if your husband asks you privately if you -really- want the chips, but another to reprimand you in front of company. Not good. :no:
You have it within you to be good to yourself while the company is here. Keep busy, and keep your hands off the sweets! Before you know it they'll be gone, and you'll be back to normal. :yes:
07-24-2011, 01:46 AM
Oh, no WAY am I taking his side!
It is not anyone else's place to govern your food intake. You're a grown-*** woman, not a child; what he did was thoughtless and patronizing. It's even more outrageous considering how you spent your day fending off the temptation to sit there and scarf treats as he did. (More power to you for that, by the way, and for stopping at a couple of cinnamon buns.)
Keeping busy is always good. Stay at it while your company is visiting; by the time they leave, they'll have picked up five pounds and you won't have joined them in that.
And tell your husband that he is not the Chip Police! Grr!
07-24-2011, 02:45 AM
They like wine and mixed drinks ALL DAY?
Who supplies the liquor?
My parents had a few relatives that would stop by to visit MAINLY for "free drinks". They rarely invited my mom and dad to their place. They were out for the freebies.
Maybe you need to pour off half of each bottle into another one and hide it.
My dad started bringing out just a half bottle of liquor to make mixed drinks.
As soon as the drinkers saw the bottle was empty, then they would leave.
Instead of a 4-5 hour stay, the visit would end in a couple of hours. Maybe this approach would work for you.
07-24-2011, 03:22 AM
No way. Not okay. He isn't with you 24 hours a day. He is incapable of policing you. You can eat enough calories within a few hours to sabotage an entire day. So why would he mess with your head and antagonize you? And worse yet, to embarrass you? This is your journey - your choices. You can eat cinnamon buns and chips and still lose weight. Probably not the quickest or healthiest way, and I wouldn't guess they're a part of your plan, but at least theoretically, they could be. But people can go off plan and still continue to lose weight, as long as they get back on.
Hang in there! And yay for you to vent here instead of burying your anger in Oreo truffles and sweet buns!
07-24-2011, 03:44 AM
Not cool. Def not taking his side. Who made him the food police?
But what have your learned from this? Maybe company needs to stay somewhere else next time? Like a hotel? Because while visiting is fun, it doesn't sounds like you are getting enough of your own space and down time. Always having to be "on" as the hostess is wearying.
07-24-2011, 06:24 PM
Did you really think any one of us would take his side? OK, I'll say it - you didn't need the chips. If we're honest about it no one ever NEEDS chips! But would I say it in public? In front of company? NO. He was wrong, and he probably realized it as soon as he said it. I know from a different thread that these are his parents visiting, right? No matter how long you've been together, they probably revert back to life before he was with you when they're together. Not necessarily cool, but probably the way it is. Just get through it and move on. Everything will be back to normal soon. I hope the time goes quickly.
07-24-2011, 07:22 PM
I am not taking his side, but if someone had over heard the conversation I had with hubby tonight (who wants to lose weight but has sweet cravings )they would think I was just as wrong as your hubby with the chips. "Honey, how many cookies have you had today? Do you really want another?"
Yet this morning when we were at Cosco, I said "Your not really buying the chocolate chip cookies are you?" To which he said, "I want to take them to work tomorow." Sounded reasonable to me, he wanted to bring in something to work, and he would only end up having a few. Then when we got home he said, "Why did you let me buy the chocolate chip cookies, I can not stop eating them."
Sooooo...have you ever had a similar conversation with your husband?
I hope you are able to enjoy some time with your company, and that they are on their way home soon. It is always nice to have company, but nice when they leave too!!!
07-24-2011, 09:43 PM
Yikes! I agree with everyone here too and I'm definitely not on his side. There's a time and a place for providing that kind of support and that really didn't sound like it and yea, it sounds like it could have been a little more tactful. I'm sure he did with good intentions but you know what they say about that. :)
07-24-2011, 11:43 PM
I HATE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mum used to do that to me. And yep, she'd say don't have a biscuit so I'd have 134.
it's never ever right to do that. I'd be telling him that too!
How to get rid of the in-laws a whole other issue...
07-25-2011, 10:27 AM
Nope, definitely not OK at all! And I am not a sitter either - I can't stand just sitting around. I would have been like you, up and doing things. I can barely stand to sit and watch TV for any length of time. I will admit I have talked to my husband about his food choices (and he has mentioned mine at times) but if we do say anything it's most definitely in private...yesterday I asked him how he would like me to support him in his current effort to lose 10 pounds and shared some tips I used to avoid temptation, because I had noticed he ate something extra when no one was around (he's not great at cleaning up evidence :D)....what I mentioned was that once I realized that everything I ate added up even if no one saw me (really silly but private scarfing down type eating was a huge problem for me...and I think part of me really believed those calories didn't count or something! :dizzy:). Realizing it all adds up helped me kick the habit....anyways I just shared that with him but I would never "police" him in any way, even in private.
07-25-2011, 10:39 AM
He said I didn't need it and didn't want it. Really? In front of company?? I know you're all going to take his side and maybe tomorrow I'll see things differently.
There is no one on this planet that better try to tell me what I can and can't eat. And vice versa, if I'm having a salad and my boyfriend is have a double bacon cheeseburger, that's not my concern whatsoever.
07-25-2011, 11:26 AM
Not cool. Def not taking his side. Who made him the food police?
With this thought in mind I would just ask the original poster: have you sent him mixed messages about whether you want him to be the food police?
I'm not going to take anyone's side in this as I don't know either of you and wasn't there. ;) I'm not accusing you of anything - I'm just asking you to think about this, because I think it's something a lot of us do to our partners, often without even thinking about it.
Have you asked him in the past not to let you stray? Have you asked him to support you and at times expressed frustration to him when he didn't stop you from overating?
If there have been times when you have wanted him to stay your hand, it might have been hard to read your mind and guess that this was not one of those times.
07-26-2011, 02:32 AM
My parents used to always do this... and I am pretty sure it almost always back fires and leads to eating in secrecy as many others mentioned, and even binging then I believe. For example instead of having a handful of chips now I will go eat half the bag later when everyone else is not around. Of course this can be counterproductive.
My boyfriend is also helping me with my diet (although it is from quite a large distance, some 5000 miles) and sometimes I feel frustrated as well- like it is TOM and I would like some chocolate after sticking to this strict diet so long-- ya know?? Though I want his help, and asked for his support (intervention)... Sometimes it just brings me back that knee jerk reaction from being a kid... I can't help it. That "you can't tell me what to do- I will just do it when you aren't around!"
If you asked him to help then you can't really blame him other than to talk with him about it later- like if we are in public can we have like some code word or phrase or hand signal or something- instead of telling me not to eat something in front of others?? Because then you know what he means- and no one else does - and you still have the choice, but he helped in his own way. Explain how it makes you feel when he did (or does) that in front of others- embarrassed, offended, angry, sad- and explain why (my parents used to do this to me, then I began sneaking food, whatever the reason). I feel this will really help drive it home, because maybe he just doesn't know how it makes you feel, and maybe knowing why would drive the point home... And if he uses that secret signal when you are out or with company-- you choose to have those chips then that is your choice, but at least he was able to do his part in supporting you.
Even after I get mad at my bf occasionally- when I dream about having Mexican food or a cookie and he tells me no- *pout* it really isn't serious on my part I am dedicated to my diet but even so, having that extra person to tell you no, because you have come this far, and doing so well... It really gives you that extra confidence and will power to make the best choice for yourself. Sometimes you are already thinking... "I really shouldn't be doing this..." and that extra voice from someone you trust and has your best interest at heart will give you that extra boost you need. :)
For the record, I don't think that he is right. He should not tell you what to eat at all- unless you have asked him to help. And even if you asked him to help it was not the right time, place, or way. Never in front of others, it comes off as patronizing.