General chatter - Social politics at work: this is more of a vent




fitness4life
06-22-2011, 12:52 PM
I have posted somewhere on here before that my boss (who is leaving because she got the job I was 90% SURE was mine :mad:), has been in trouble in the past for having an inappropriate relationship with someone who works for her. He got transferred. Then fired. Then rehired back where I work, then fired again.

No one knows how far the "relationship" went, but my boss has a live in bf, and the coworker is married. The firing revolves around an incident where the coworker had his wife on speaker phone and the boss was there listening and the two were hurtfully making fun of the wife (but the wife didn't know it).

This boss is extremely flirty with my bf, who also works there. Our staff has gone from 4 women and 1 man to one woman (me) and 4 men in her tenure. All of the men are extremely attractive, 3 are single yet she flirts with my bf the most. Maybe I'm more sensitive to that, but I try to be objective and here's what I observe: When he and I come into work together, she smiles and says Hi to him and grimly says "Hey" to me. She texts and calls my bf about work stuff several times a day, yet even though I have been there 2.7 years longer than she (and 2.5 years longer than he) she almost never calls me. She asks my bf if I could work at certain times but doesn't call me to ask me. When my bf asked me for a piece of gum, she quickly got out her gum and gave him a piece of hers with no acknowledgement that he was addressing his request to me. She keeps him after work to talk to him for an hour or more. She comes in to work out only when he's staffing the gym. When he opens, she's there. When I open, she comes in on his later shift.

Am I being paranoid?

My bf and I have had two disagreements in our 15 month relationship. Both of them have been about our boss and the above topic. I trust him and that wasn't the issue of both disagreements. My opinion over-all is that she is unprofessional. His opinion is that she does a great job and he assumes I hate her.

I don't hate her! She fun, funny, complimentive to me but almost in a way that exudes jealousy. Like, she said to me recently, "You're so fit, you should be one of those models in the fitness magazines for fit moms in their forties" with a laugh. She's 26. I get those remarks every now and then. Sometimes they're genuine and nice, sometimes you can tell they're back handed.

When I'm at the gym, working or working out, I feel she loathes my presense. If she talks to me at all, it will be either that my bf is there, too, or she'll ask me about my bf. I've even heard that she asks my bf Qs about me but in the form of, "Has the flame died down yet or is the relationship still hot?"

I have 2 more months with this situation before she leaves. I know I just have to suck it up and it'll be over soon. This is the ONLY area in my life where my bf isn't 100% behind me. If I have any sort of issue with anyone, he'll ALWAYS see my side. With her, he ALWAYS defends HER!

I just needed to vent!


bargoo
06-22-2011, 01:44 PM
When she asks your bf if you can work he should reply " I don't know , ask her." The boss sounds like she is jealous of other women, Be thankful she will soon be gone.

CrystalZ10
06-22-2011, 02:17 PM
If she's been in trouble in the past, than it wouldn't take much for her to get fired, especially if its been documented on paper.

She has no boundries, and has no issues sleeping with men who are taken. She's probably tried to get your guy in bed, and got no where, based on the questions she asks him. In fact, she probably tries so hard cause he isn't taking the bait.
It sounds like your boyfriend doesn't have issues with her questions, but they are inappropriate and out of line.

I'd take her aside and talk woman to woman that if she continues to pay anything other than professional attention to your boyfriend, than you will throw her under the train professionaly. But thats just me, and I'd probably get fired.


Coondocks
06-22-2011, 04:02 PM
Not approrpriate in any way.

granted I don't know her, of course, but from reading what you've witnessed or been party to - she has some self esteem issues. To me anyway, that's what it sounds like . . . reminds me of the girls in highschool that would do anything and everything to get a guys attention . . . the gum thing is what brought that to mind.
Seems very juvenille.

Kaonashi
06-22-2011, 04:18 PM
Unfortunately, some people never mature past High School. She seems like the passive-aggressive sort that views other women as competition and does "little" things to prove her status as Queen Bee. Unfortunately, most men don't pick up on this behavior since it's not directed towards them and they see these sort of women as simply being nice and friendly. Ugh.

Fortunately, she's leaving in 2 months so it seems like this situation will take care of itself nicely. And unless there's other issues that you don't feel comfortable sharing here I wouldn't worry too much about your BF either. Just because the restaurant is open for business doesn't mean that he's going to go in and order a meal! ~_^

alaskanlaughter
06-22-2011, 04:41 PM
Unfortunately, some people never mature past High School. She seems like the passive-aggressive sort that views other women as competition and does "little" things to prove her status as Queen Bee. Unfortunately, most men don't pick up on this behavior since it's not directed towards them and they see these sort of women as simply being nice and friendly. Ugh.

Fortunately, she's leaving in 2 months so it seems like this situation will take care of itself nicely. And unless there's other issues that you don't feel comfortable sharing here I wouldn't worry too much about your BF either. Just because the restaurant is open for business doesn't mean that he's going to go in and order a meal! ~_^

My thoughts exactly....I remember when my DH was taking college courses...Girls saw him as an older (30s) man, good-looking Native guy, and hit on him like none other....I wasn't around to defend "my territory" because I wasn't on campus with him for classes. However, I trusted my DH that he wasn't going to be sampling the goods LOL

ferretgirl
06-22-2011, 07:05 PM
What a cruel, unprofessional woman. I'm really sorry you and your bf have to put up with that. You're not being paranoid... sounds like she has some insecurity/self-esteem issues (to be so flirty with an already-taken man AND rude to you for no reason) and not many morals (based on behavior with her former employee). I definitely agree with your opinion of her: she is unprofessional. Your bf may think she does a great job because he doesn't see her ulterior motives; he may think she treats everyone that way.. He assumes you hate her- has he ever questioned 'why?'... Has HE ever mentioned to you that she asks about y'all's relationship in an inappropriate way? Or was it another co-worker who told you? What would he say if you made him aware of this? She could be making him uncomfortable too, but he may not speak up to not start work troubles.. Wish you luck in this, hope she leaves quick.

Lovely
06-22-2011, 07:32 PM
Of all of that, the one part that rings extremely unprofessional in my head is this line...

She asks my bf if I could work at certain times but doesn't call me to ask me.

Why on Earth would a boss EVER ask anyone else if an entirely different person can work? It doesn't matter that another employee can contact you. SHE can contact you. A good boss does not play that game. They are direct. If they have a question, they get the answer straight from the mouth of the person's mouth.

The second part that makes me squint is...

I've even heard that she asks my bf Qs about me but in the form of, "Has the flame died down yet or is the relationship still hot?"

Normally we don't want to take ANY information secondhand. There's a lot that people tell others when they're just gossiping and can misinform. That being said, this is more a problem for your boyfriend than you. Your BF in a situation like that should be the one who says "*laughs* Why that's none of your business, boss!" and keep a charming smile on his face.

I don't know about the rest. I wouldn't specifically call it "unprofessional". More like strange and iffy. Although, I don't like any professional being iffy... once had a boss who got fired for being iffy with a female employee. Anyways.

Gum? She solved a problem. Your BF wanted gum. He got gum. At least in the mind of most guys that's the way it'd be.

Compliments? This one is harder, but we cannot assume that any compliment given is backhanded. Even if we know with ever fiber in our being that it is, there is only one solution... the most sincere and oblivious "THANK YOU!" in the world. Added with preening a little as if the compliment were true. If it's a "true" compliment, that makes the person who gave it feel good. And if it was a backhanded compliment, it makes the person more annoyed that you wouldn't "get" the insult part. At the same time, while tone means a lot, we will never know exactly what is going on in someone else's mind. Until mind-reading comes along, we just have to give the benefit of the doubt.

Hanging out more with your BF? Some people get along better than others. She probably doesn't dislike you, either. But, it doesn't sound like you want to hang out with her anymore than she wants to, though. Not in a rude way, but she doesn't want to hang out more than needed. She might get along with your BF better. That being said, as a boss it's kind of obnoxious that she'd hold a person after their shift to just talk.

I do agree that some of her actions are a little iffy. From this post and some of your previous ones, I would not like this woman as my boss. She needs some schooling in what a PROFESSIONAL person does. Being "fun" is not being a good boss. Not that bosses can't be a little fun, but there comes a point when professionalism has to trump everything in a work place. You can be friendly and even be friends with your co-workers, but there has to be a good structure set up in order to make sure work and co-worker/friend is separate.

The only issue I'd think even at all would need addressing is that questions asking if you can work... that she ask YOU and not whoever she feels like.

Everything else can be "breathed" through. Best of luck for the next couple months, and I wish you much mental strength. :hug:

ryeb
06-22-2011, 10:42 PM
I think that you might be over sensitive due to the rumors you have previously heard about her. Also, you have a lot of resentment towards her since she got the job you had your mind set you were getting.

I do not think she is completely out of line, minus the part where she asked your man if you could work. However, being that I work in a place where my whole family worked here too, management would make the mistake to ask one of us sibilings about some one else.

My advice, talk to your boyfriend and tell him you are uncomfortable, no matter how innocent, with his relationship with this woman.

fitness4life
06-23-2011, 10:32 AM
Lovely, you make some good points. I have told her three times to call me directly for work because, I told her, my bf does not know my whole schedule. He is not my secretary. It seems that instead of calling me, she just calls him and he gets the extra hours. Which he needs more than I do, so I'm OK with that.

Her getting the job came after the other incidents (besides the gum) and she and I were actually supportive of each other while we waited on the news of who got it. She and I were pretty cool about that. I don't think there is any anomosity (sp?) there.

The asking him relationship Qs bothers me because it sounds to me like she's opening the same door as she did with the other co-worker to make fun of the relationship. It's OK in that we all joke around about our SO's, I can take that and have fun with it, but in the scope that she supervises both of us, I think it's totally inappropriate. Add to it that her history includes making fun and mocking that other coworker's spouse, I wonder if she's capable of making fun and mocking me.

Compliment was probably just a real compliment with a little stab at my age to keep my head from getting big. ;)

Overall, she's just ok. Someone to keep one eye on at all times.

But I'll bet money that she continues contact with my bf after she leaves for the other job.

Then, I don't know what I'll think. I have male friends outside of my relationship, too. So I'd have to let that go.

4myloves
06-23-2011, 06:15 PM
Maybe you should give her cell # to the lady who needs a friend :)