100 lb. Club - Relationships/resentment




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freefall
06-15-2011, 11:42 AM
OK - I need some honesty... I feel like since I've been changing and prioritizing my eating and exercise and losing some of this excess body weight my reactions to people in my life have been changing... Is it that I'm grouchy because I'm struggling with this? I don't feel like I'm struggling though - I feel good. I just seem to have a lot less patience for people's stuff lately and have been telling it like it is, or at least the way I see it, much more, even if it invites negative response...
My husband and kids have been supportive and great, but I see so much stuff from my parents and friends and the way that they treat me that never bothered me in the same way... Trying to decide if I've been "eating" those feelings or whether I'm just more testy now...
Anyone else dealing with anything similar??


ButterCup85
06-15-2011, 12:01 PM
I am not a member of the 100lb club so please forgive me. I just wanted to say you are not alone. For me, when i weighed 260 a few years back and then lost some and gained some back and now losing again- for good hopefully. I think that being over weight caused me to be a people pleaser. I felt I had nothing more to offer so I took a lot more s%^t from people. As we get smaller, and gain confidence and believe more in our selves and don't do the whole I want everyone to love me thing- I think we gain a sense of our self back as well.

Maybe it's just me and I am way off and if that is the case I'm sorry. Just my 2 cents though. That's how it is for me. My weight loss journey is more more emotional and mental than physical.

OnMyWayDown
06-15-2011, 12:43 PM
Oh my god I was thinking this same thing this morning. I HAVE BEEN A COMPULSIVE PEOPLE PLEASER FOR YEARS. I always cared what people thought so rarely voiced my opinion. Especially with my mom who I just assumed was always right.
I think that some of my patience level with other people comes slightly from the fact that now that I am actually doing something for myself I have less energy to devote to other people but I TOTALLY agree that people treat you the way you let them and for years I have let people walk ALL over me because I did not have the confidence to tell them not to.

Maybe we can learn to stand up for ourselves more without making others feel bad.

THANK YOU so much for the thread. Nice to know I am not alone


Lovely
06-15-2011, 01:31 PM
I don't think you're alone on this one.

When I decided to put my health first, I ended up dropping some contact with people that I realized didn't care about me to begin with. They annoyed me more. I could see that they didn't respect me that much. And I was able to notice it, because I was really starting to respect myself.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

It might not be completely the same for you. Change can be hard, and sometimes emotions run a little hotter when we're changing things about ourselves. But, sometimes one change leads to another unexpected one. Your unexpected benefit could be not putting up with other people's crap! :)

Just be sure to strike a balance. Patience is a virtue, being a doormat is not.

astrophe
06-15-2011, 01:44 PM
My husband and kids have been supportive and great, but I see so much stuff from my parents and friends and the way that they treat me that never bothered me in the same way... Trying to decide if I've been "eating" those feelings or whether I'm just more testy now...

Well, could be that you are cranky from dieting. It is possible to get testy -- boy I know it -- from changes in my blood sugar.

Or it could be that as you take better care of your physical health, you are turning that same scrutiny over to your mental, emotional and spiritual health and feeling the need to "tidy up" in those areas of your life too. So you are rethinking relationships that don't help with your "overall health hygiene" so to speak.

Third -- maybe it is both!

But however it is for you -- you are not alone. And overall I think it is a good thing to strive to be a more balanced, healthier person.

A.

IAteIt
06-15-2011, 02:01 PM
You are starting to gain self esteem and realize how you want and should be treated. This is perfectly normal.

Blinky963
06-15-2011, 02:02 PM
I agree.
Also I found that now that I don't accept excuses from myself that I'm less tolerant of excuses from other people.
I am completely honest with myself on how I got to this place in life and instead of focusing on all my problems and giving reasons for how I got here I try to look at the situation and find solutions.
When people at work or people in general give me a list of excuses as to why something didn't get done or why things were done wrong I get frustrated with them- not for doing it wrong- but for spending so much time coming up with good excuses, and not presenting one single solution.

Trazey34
06-15-2011, 02:29 PM
I liked the "patience is a virtue...being a doormat is not" comment, it's so true! I think for a lot of people, once the weight comes off their 'true' self can shine a bit more. There's not a thing in the world wrong with having your needs met, being heard, not being walked on, and having your 'say'. I'd never apologize for speaking my mind as long as it's done with kindness and not mean-spiritedness. Other than that, you're good to go.

I have to tell you, losing all this weight DID result in losing a few friends. Not many, but some, who i can see now were NOT friends at all - just eating buddies. So i say good riddance and embrace the ones who have stuck by me thick and thin (heh).

Keep speaking up!

starfishkitty
06-16-2011, 01:48 AM
Absolutely.

Even when it comes to guys, I find myself turning down the d-bags way easier without having those thoughts of "Maybe I shouldn't done that, I probably can't any better than that anyways!". Which is awesome. Cos I definitely don't need to regret those morons cos I can DEFINITELY do way better....... and could even at my heaviest, but I doubted myself!

Also.... controlling yourself, your weight, your health, etc.... you've probably come to appreciate and value yourself a lot more because you know everything you've been through and how hard you've worked....... and you know that as a valuable human being you do NOT have to put up with people's BS!

Lori Bell
06-16-2011, 10:20 AM
Something I tell people a lot here at 3FC is a quote I heard once from an old friend who was a member of AA. He said in order to stay sober he had to, "Change his playgrounds and his playmates". Meaning that he needed to steer clear of people who he closely associated with alcohol, (his drinking buddies) and places that made alcohol the prime attraction (bars).

I also think that many of us who ate our way to morbid obesity have some sort of food addiction, (primarily sugar). Coming off an addiction makes people irritable and testy. Feeding that addiction occasionally, (trying to moderate), only prolongs the agony.

So, I think it could be a little bit of both. You are realizing that some people can no longer be you playmates because they make you want to indulge...and in turn that makes you just a little ticked off that they can, (because of choice) and you can't (because of choice.) Throw in a good cheat of sugar here and there and you got all the addiction withdrawal thing to deal with time and time again...Then you can become just a bit of a mess. (I'm speaking of myself here...and my experience.)

I think you just gotta do what keeps you on the wagon. There are more fish in the sea.