General chatter - "I'd rather be" comments




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ilidawn
04-22-2011, 03:23 AM
I was scanning over a website I had joined and was disappointed to see a certain status update. The girl said "I'd rather be a skinny **** than a ugly over weight *****"...part of me wants to chew her out and but I know it would just turn into "well you're a fatty so of course you're offended".

How do comments like that make you feel and how do you handle them when you hear them? (personally, I feel like being petty and saying at least I've got a beautiful face instead of being only hot to a guy when he's doing me from behind...grr lol) I think it's sad that today's society puts so much emphasis on weight. Skinny or fat doesn't mean beautiful or ugly because there are gorgeous large women out there and hideous skinny girls too. What do you think?


icedragon6669
04-22-2011, 03:35 AM
I would rather know people for who they really are then just based on the shell thats on the outside. I don't get the way people judge others on their weight, as I don't see the body, I like knowing the mind behind the body.
But yes there are so many people who just see the shell,so glad I am not one of those judgemental people who miss out on having so many incredible people in their lives that they walk on by instead of stopping and saying hello.

Kaonashi
04-22-2011, 03:41 AM
I consider the source and let it go. The Internet is FULL of people with no filter (or common sense), people trolling, and people who deliberately let their hate out online because they're too cowardly to do it IRL.


Morethananumber
04-22-2011, 03:49 AM
What makes someone skinny or overweight "ugly"? I think that society puts way too much pressure on "skinny=pretty". Im 30lbs overweight but Im pretty. Do I look smokin hot in a 2 pc bikini? No, but then again, who really cares? I know Im pretty.

milmin2043
04-22-2011, 03:59 AM
Don't feel bad about it. Many people use the anonymity of the internet to say things that they would never say otherwise. More than likely, it's a bored teenager with nothing better to do than attempt to pick a fight out of boredom. Don't give them the satisfaction.

PS: You are very pretty.

Ciao
04-22-2011, 09:12 AM
http://i845.photobucket.com/albums/ab15/JeMappelleSierra/Pictures/clipart2-1.png

Ya know, the thing about people and their weight loss
is that they go through a whole bunch of different
stages. Right now she may truly think thin = pretty
and big = ugly. Will she think that a couple months
from now? Maybe, maybe not. May she think that
the rest of her life? Maybe, maybe not.

I'm guilty of going through that stage and I'm sure
millions of other people go through it too.

Now I'm just thankful and blessed that I'm healthy.
There's times when I would get so weight concious
that I would purposely skip meals despite the dangers
everyone told me. I didn't have respect for myself
and that continued until I reached 122 lbs (where I
was completely grumpy and skeleton-looking).

I changed my whole mind frame, gained weight up to 135 lbs,
and have started running/toning up instead and I'm down to 131.4 lbs.
Each day I eat two breakfasts, a big lunch, and two dinners to
help my body get the nutrition it needs.

Though you may be disappointed that she said that, in her mind
she's going through that stage (and quite possibly a mental illness)
where she truly doesn't see that HEALTHY IS THE NEW THIN!

http://i845.photobucket.com/albums/ab15/JeMappelleSierra/Pictures/clipart2.png

FitGirlyGirl
04-22-2011, 09:56 AM
We all know that inner beauty is more important and nothing that is on the outside can change that. When it comes to physical beauty it is all a matter of personal taste. It changes depending on who you ask, where you are, what century it is, the reason you're asking, etc. To some people a fat person is not physically attractive and that's ok, as long as they aren't out there bashing anyone they are allowed to have that opinion. To some people a skinny person is not physically attractive, and as long as they are civil they are also allowed that opinion. Some people don't think blonds are pretty and some people would only ever date a blond. Some people like an athletic look, some don't. Some people think freckles are the ugliest thing ever and some people think that they are gorgeous. Some people think extreme body builders are hot and some think they are gross. There's a type for everyone and I think that's wonderful. We don't have to all be the same and we don't have to all like the same thing.

kateleestar
04-22-2011, 10:09 AM
I was scanning over a website I had joined and was disappointed to see a certain status update. The girl said "I'd rather be a skinny **** than a ugly over weight *****"...part of me wants to chew her out and but I know it would just turn into "well you're a fatty so of course you're offended".


What do you think?

Lol @ the behind part.

ALSO: I might say something like "at least I'm not ugly on the inside, too."

And I pay those people no mind. They are not worth my (or your) time. She's likely young and petty, and pretty soon might have her very own brush with being "ugly"... in her own way.

And you are pretty!

****, even at almost 260 I thought I was pretty. :lol:

Dilli Doo
04-22-2011, 10:41 AM
You know, people do not change. Trends change, fashions change, people do not. At one point in history, there was an English queen ( I can't remember which one) who made fat beautiful. Because she was rich and could afford food and sweets during a time when many struggled just to survive, people associated being fat as being well to do and beautiful. Today, society pushes skinny = beautiful because well to do people can afford health food and gym memberships and expensive beauty products. What doesn't change is the way people act towards those that don't meet whatever guidelines society is pushing down our throats at the moment. It's sad but true. We live in a judgmental society. I think that people as a whole are getting better each generation, but it will never be perfect.

4star
04-22-2011, 11:16 AM
Well that just comes off as shallow. She'd apparently rather be a nasty human being than be overweight? LOL! Even if she is ever really stick then, she still fail at being a decent person, is that ever disordered...but to each their own, I guess.

I have been fat and I have been thin and my people who value who I am as a person have never added or subtracted points from their view of me b/c of what the scale said...beauty is skin deep but ugly is to the bone.

AZ Sunrises
04-22-2011, 01:06 PM
I was scanning over a website I had joined and was disappointed to see a certain status update. The girl said "I'd rather be a skinny **** than a ugly over weight *****"...part of me wants to chew her out and but I know it would just turn into "well you're a fatty so of course you're offended".

How do comments like that make you feel and how do you handle them when you hear them? (personally, I feel like being petty and saying at least I've got a beautiful face instead of being only hot to a guy when he's doing me from behind...grr lol) I think it's sad that today's society puts so much emphasis on weight. Skinny or fat doesn't mean beautiful or ugly because there are gorgeous large women out there and hideous skinny girls too. What do you think?

Frankly, I simply don't care. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. Like me, don't like me, doesn't matter. However, there are plenty of reasons for both that aren't contingent on my appearance.

Skullarix
04-22-2011, 01:31 PM
I'd just ignore her...

dragonlady1978
04-22-2011, 01:43 PM
I admit I get ticked off sometimes too, but in the end there's something to remember in these situations that almost always applies....
Generally people who feel the need to purposefully makes others uncomfortable by putting them down do so because they have negative feelings about themselves. I'm not talking about jealousy, which people are quick to point to-oh she's just jealous. I don't think this woman is jealous of overweight people-but I do think she is insecure about her looks and her rude comments are her defense-"well atleast I'm not FAT" implies that while she may be skinny she does not think herself beautiful.

We just have to learn to let these comments go in one ear and out the other. In an ideal world we would all encourage one another and feel great about ourselves, but it will never be. If you let it get to you then they have accomplished what they set out to do by making that comment in the first place. Don't give any ***** the satisfaction.

VegDay
04-22-2011, 03:51 PM
I consider the source and let it go. The Internet is FULL of people with no filter (or common sense), people trolling, and people who deliberately let their hate out online because they're too cowardly to do it IRL.


I completely agree. This person is probably only bold because she is anonymous behind a computer screen. Or would only say this to someone with a posse behind her as back up. Coward is the word.

Let it go and don't let it get to you. I know easier said than done at times. Stick with the positive. And I agree you can't argue with someone like that.

ilidawn
04-23-2011, 01:17 AM
Good to see all the feedback. I was really curious how other people feel about things like that (peoples opinions fascinate me). I just let it go because I don't see people like that changing often and even if they were capable of change, it's not worth my time and energy (I've got way too much going on right now to bother lol). It's like how I was at the store the other day picking up groceries for my home health client and I heard two girls say "look at that fat chick go" and saw they were pointing at me. For a moment I get upset about the way I get treated as a large girl but I've gotten better over time to just say "whatever" because I'm a good person, beautiful in my own way and my friends would all be upset with me if I let it bring me down.

Speaking of the feedback though, a lot of responses are in relation to online comments of the sort but what about when you hear it IRL? :)

chickadee32
04-23-2011, 02:28 AM
Regarding real life comments...

Last week at the gym while I was doing some ab exercises, I overheard two thin, young (~20 year old) girls and a guy talking about a woman who was on the treadmill. Their back and forth comments to each other went something like, "I see her on the treadmill everytime I'm here, and all she's ever doing is walking. If she wants to lose weight, she needs to run. When I was trying to lose weight, I ran for 30 minutes every day. She's not going to make any progress just walking." And then the other girl "I know. All these women I see in my zumba class have the same body shape, and they look the same every week. They're not going to lose weight by going to zumba three times each week." and then "You have to eat healthy too. You're not going to lose weight without eating healthy." And so forth.

They were just being gossipy, nasty little girls, but it took a lot of restraint for me to keep my mouth shut. First, they were standing around and occasionally lifting their 5 lb hand weights, and it was clear that their gym time was much more about socializing that night than about actual exercise. Second, they were literally standing right next to the machine that I was on, and it was quite obvious that I, an obese woman, could hear everything they were saying... and I wouldn't be surprised if that was their intent. I too spend several days each week "just walking" on the treadmill - just like the woman they were talking about - and at the same time of day. All I could think was... what do these girls know of that woman on the treadmill, or of those women in the zumba class? What do these girls know of their diet, and how hard some of them may be working to lose weight? What do they know of me? I've lost nearly 50 lbs, and I'm damn proud of myself. I've done it by working very hard and very consistently every.single.day., and my "just walking" on the treadmill and my lifting 2x/week - which is much more intense and focused than the work they were doing that night - has helped a LOT. Those girls see us 'fat women' in the gym every night... and their reaction is criticism??

But I didn't say anything, because it simply wasn't worth it. There is nothing I could say that would give them the perspective I have on the effort and committment it takes to lose a serious amount of weight. I hope they gain that perspective some day, but for their sake I hope it doesn't come from having to lose that kind of weight themselves.


In regards to "pretty" - I'm not pretty, I've never been pretty, and I won't be pretty even when I'm a normal weight (and I WILL be a normal weight, just give me another 8 months :D). That's not putting myself down; it's just a fact. And most days I'm ok with that, as I know I'm a good person, and that's what counts among those I love. :)

FitGirlyGirl
04-23-2011, 12:31 PM
Real Life comments - Some of these comments (such as the ones about the walking and zumba and saying something about a "fat girl" in the grocery store) are not the same thing as thinking someone is pretty or not. I try really hard not to say anything to these people because I know it won't usually do any good anyway, but sometimes I just can't take it and I end up going off on someone. It doesn't anger me for my own sake because I am strong enough to hear their crap and keep on going and still love myself because I know I deserve my healthy groceries, my workout, love, and every other good thing life has no matter what my weight is. It makes me mad because not everyone they say these things to or who overhears their nasty little gossip is strong enough. It hurts me for those women, girls, men, and boys, especially the young ones because they are the most likely to not be strong enough. Hearing that mess can cause some serious issues for some people and can go so far as to be the final push that sends someone toward suicide. Even if it doesn't get that bad it can make them give up on trying to lose weight and get healthy. So, yes, I have gone off on people in public. I don't think it does any good most times, but there are times when I just can't help myself. I have a very thin friend who once heard someone talking that way to a bigger girl and she just walked up, slapped her, and walked away. I do think that was going too far, but I can understand the desire.

As for the comments about walking and zumba: these girls have no idea, walking is the #1 exercise for losing weight and keeping it off and there are tons of people the world over who are losing weight and inches doing nothing but zumba. So they aren't just nasty and mean spirited, they aren't very well educated about these things either.

ilidawn
04-23-2011, 02:18 PM
You're such strong women! I hope to be as strong someday.
chickadee32 It's odd to me how even if they weren't talking about you, it seems pretty inconsiderate. I hope they gain perspective too and I agree that I hope it's not from having to lose the same kind of weight (I wouldn't wish that on someone). Congrats on your weight loss so far! You're doing amazing and it's good to have reinforcement that it's not what other people think of our weight loss journey, it's how we feel about it.

FitGirlyGirl I've always been too chicken to stand up for myself. I do have to say though your friend went too far (because I'd be too afraid of an assault charge for even a slap) it did make me smile (hopefully that doesn't make me a bad person). It's wonderful to see people who stand up for others. Speaking of not being well educated, it seems like there's a lot more conversations regarding anorexia/bulimia than on understanding binge eating and all the problems associated with being heavy and losing weight. The common perception is anyone big must be watching tv and eating burgers and ice cream all day. I wish there would be more done to educate people so they would be more understanding rather than just jumping to conclusions.

MiZTaCCen
04-27-2011, 01:20 PM
I was just thinking about something. This guy I'm seeing he's 5'6 210 pounds isn't a healthy weight, he's clearly over weight (cute as a button though) but has a issue with fat people. Makes comments about fat people and fat girls and this and that and even says his fat cat needs to lose some weight. OH and if I call him a fatty or a pudge cake he gets pissed! Yet he can tell me I'm fat...It's interesting the insecurity people have upon themselves so they try and bring everyone else down around them, or be judgmental on everyone else just so they can feel better about themselves. As for the girl, meh I'd ignore it she's probably needs to come bully on the internet so she can feel better about herself because she's more than likely a push over outside the computer.

ilidawn
04-27-2011, 04:15 PM
PopRox83 the internet seems to bring out the best and worst of people it seems huh? That's why I love this site though because everyone's so supportive :)

MiZTaCCen wow..your guy sounds like he needs to look in the mirror and take a humble pill lol (just teasing hun) It's weird, I've noticed a lot of guys who are bigger put off an attitude like they think they're at a perfect weight. It's driven me nuts with some of my boyfriends they would make comments about fat girls then when I get insecure and depressed thinking "if they're gross then ****...I must be hideously disgusting" they go "but you aren't fat!" even if the girl is obviously smaller than me D: I guess it can be chalked up to people are weird...and probably all my boyfriends just wanted to get laid so they didn't want to tick me off lol

MiZTaCCen
04-27-2011, 05:50 PM
MiZTaCCen wow..your guy sounds like he needs to look in the mirror and take a humble pill lol (just teasing hun) It's weird, I've noticed a lot of guys who are bigger put off an attitude like they think they're at a perfect weight. It's driven me nuts with some of my boyfriends they would make comments about fat girls then when I get insecure and depressed thinking "if they're gross then ****...I must be hideously disgusting" they go "but you aren't fat!" even if the girl is obviously smaller than me D: I guess it can be chalked up to people are weird...and probably all my boyfriends just wanted to get laid so they didn't want to tick me off lol

Oh he knows he's over weight but doesn't want to do anything about it. He'd rather criticize other people then look at himself to become a less selfish better person. Like he'll say how pepsi is so bad for me and I shouldn't drink pop, yet he smokes and is over weight so 1 can of pepsi every so often isn't going to kill me but like half a pack a smokes a day is gonna kill him lol.

ilidawn
04-27-2011, 05:55 PM
Oh he knows he's over weight but doesn't want to do anything about it. He'd rather criticize other people then look at himself to become a less selfish better person. Like he'll say how pepsi is so bad for me and I shouldn't drink pop, yet he smokes and is over weight so 1 can of pepsi every so often isn't going to kill me but like half a pack a smokes a day is gonna kill him lol.lol it's kind of humorous though about the pop being so bad. "oh nooooes! the one can of pepsi once in a while is soooo horrible! so much deadlier than half a pack a day!" :dizzy: I fully understand how addictive cigs are (I smoke) so I'm a bit hypocritical not wanting diet sodas because of their chemicals. At least your guy can give you some comic relief :D

MiZTaCCen
04-28-2011, 10:33 AM
lol it's kind of humorous though about the pop being so bad. "oh nooooes! the one can of pepsi once in a while is soooo horrible! so much deadlier than half a pack a day!" :dizzy: I fully understand how addictive cigs are (I smoke) so I'm a bit hypocritical not wanting diet sodas because of their chemicals. At least your guy can give you some comic relief :D

That's his whole issue with the pop is because of the chemicals. He used to deliver the ingredients and the stuff that went in was hazardous you couldn't touch it, drink it whatever but when it came out the pop was normal and alright to drink. So I see his point but I want my pop when I crave it damnit! haha :carrot: