Yes I have I totally understand. I'm 28, I am married, but I'm still working on bettering my career and we have no children. I see a good majority of my friends married (some divorced) with kids and are set in their careers, etc. It sometimes makes me sad but then I remind myself that it'll happen when the time is right. I'd rather wait for a good time rather than rush forward and make things harder on myself!
i hear what your saying..but i feel myself in the opposite position.. i have a daughter and im 25 and i have a loving fiancee.. and my life is..home home home.. I stay at home every single day with my 8month old baby girl. I have no life at night. My daughter is in bed at 7pm every night. I eat dinner every night at 8pm and go to bed at 10pm. During the day my life is to care for her..feed her change her play with her..Its not until she goes to bed that i have time for me. And where is work? where is college? There is none..why? Because i had a child instead of going to college to get education to be able to get a job that pays well..so instead of having two incomes.. we have one.. and instead of having the brand new treadmill i want or the ability to buy well needed clothes, these things are put on hold so that i can clothe my daughter , make sure her needs are met and spend time doing things with my family..So..while i understand your feelings of feeling like life is passing you by and there is nothing in your life but work..i would ask you to re-think parenthood and families too..because the grass is not always greener on the other side, no matter how pretty it looks..There are ups and downs to every situation and compromise and sacrafice everywhere you look..If i had to re-do life again.. i would have gone to college first and then had a family..i would have set myself up for success..and now.. i have to try and do that by going to college at night time after my daughter is in bed while my fiancee is at home..and study when she naps..to try and put myself through college so that when she goes to school in grade 1 and im not tied to the house, that i actually have a life outside of taking care of my daughter.
I married rather late compared to the people I grew up with and while I wished it would have happened sooner, I don't think I was really ready yet. I had to wait for life to be ready to give me that moment. It's true the waiting is the hardest part but the pay off is worth it. I think you'll find just as many of your friends wished they'd made different choices b/c their road might have been more easily traveled. They may not regret getting married and having children young but I can almost guarantee at least one of them wishes they'd waited until they were more secure or mature. Don't want what others have, want what is meant for you to have. When you get it, you'll know it's mean for you.
So interesting the different perspectives! While I definitely don't feel like you are too young to be a mom, I am so glad I didn't have my daughter till I just turned 30. Her future is her own to decide, but I really secretly *hope* that my daughter will wait till late 20s to even think about getting married and having kiddos of her own.
My sister had her daughter very young, and I saw her home with a LOT of responsibility, while I was traveling and basically having a ball in my 20s. Settling down and living the mom life, shuttling her to activities, helping with homework, going to bed very early so I can be up and about to make her breakfast and get her off to school, basically just making someone else's needs an absolute priority, came very naturally after having a full adult life of my own for quite a few years.
There is no right or wrong, but do try to enjoy your current situation to the fullest, because there is more than enough time for settling down later on, honest!
There is no right or wrong, but do try to enjoy your current situation to the fullest, because there is more than enough time for settling down later on, honest!
This is true!
I constantly feel like I am stuck. But the things I can't control- I have to let go. And things I can change, I must work to change.
I wasn't able to finish my degree because I have carpel tunnel in both wrists (I was a music major)... no classes to take, just a recital that I physically couldn't prepare for. I tried to find every possible loop hole to get around it and got shot down. I had planned on changing my major to general music instead of performance, and going back to get those last 15 credits.... and I became pregnant with my daughter. And from there, life changed drastically. I used to teach music, had to change jobs because that wasn't a viable job for raising a child.
So here I am, 31 years old... my 4 yo daughter and I live with my mom because my (now ex) husband just got up and left, I'm working at a good job that is no where in my field of schooling. But it's not a career. I wanted to go back to school and get my degree in education.... there are accelerated programs here because I already have 200 credits... but they want you to student teach for 5 months, and you are not allowed to work in that period of time. How would I pay for my daughter's school, food, etc? I can't. Not to mention teachers are getting royally screwed in our area presently.
Another thing I really love is Psychology. Thought about going back to get my degree in that.... but no one can afford to go to therapy because of the recession, etc. (Not to mention I have no idea how I would pay for school )
So I'm stuck. And I'll wait. Until my daughter is a little older and is not so mommy oriented. (because if she could crawl back inside me, she would!)... I'll wait until the job market and recession calm down and make my decision then of which way to go. I always have to remind myself that 31 is totally not old. I still have so much time. And I'll play the hand of cards that I currently have. And it's all I can do at the moment.. so no point in stressing
Routine is part of life. This can sometimes make you feel like you're stuck or that your life isn't going in the direction that you want.
A good idea would be to write down your goals. Short term and long term and try to take steps towards reaching those goals. Some things you can control, some you can't. Work on the ones that you can and try not to worry too much about those things you can't control.
Your post struck a cord with me because when I turned 25, some years ago , I felt totally depressed for not having what I thought I wanted. I figured by 25 I would have a great career, a wonderful husband, kids, house, etc. Turns out I had none of that.
As the years went by, my idea of what a perfect life should be kept changing. I have to say I am very happy with my life now and you know what? Most of the things I wanted at 25 I don't want any more, not because I got them, just because I feel that's not what would make me happy.
Some people find that writing down what they're grateful for each day helps them keep things into perspective. You tend to focus more on the positive rather than the negative.
Routine is part of life. This can sometimes make you feel like you're stuck or that your life isn't going in the direction that you want.
A good idea would be to write down your goals. Short term and long term and try to take steps towards reaching those goals. Some things you can control, some you can't. Work on the ones that you can and try not to worry too much about those things you can't control.
Your post struck a cord with me because when I turned 25, some years ago , I felt totally depressed for not having what I thought I wanted. I figured by 25 I would have a great career, a wonderful husband, kids, house, etc. Turns out I had none of that.
As the years went by, my idea of what a perfect life should be kept changing. I have to say I am very happy with my life now and you know what? Most of the things I wanted at 25 I don't want any more, not because I got them, just because I feel that's not what would make me happy.
Some people find that writing down what they're grateful for each day helps them keep things into perspective. You tend to focus more on the positive rather than the negative.
Good luck!
Yes i know what you mean, its not like i want it now now just sometimes it seems like such a impossibliity financially to even consider. I know evertything will fall in to place just them feelings of "i thort id be doing this or this by my age" creep in suppose its part of getting older. Im concentrating on my business now and trying to grow it , after all im half way there i have a great partner i dont know why i let it worry me sometimes i just think the age thing worries me
I am 25, not married, no kids. I've never had a serious relationship. I see all of my former classmates getting married, having children, settling into their careers, while none of this has happened to me. I finished my Bachelor's degree in English, but am now just working in a completely unrelated field, trying to figure out what to do with my life. Because I am not "tied down" (in the sense that I can go anywhere without having to consider a significant other's job/child's education/etc.), I feel that I still have a lot of things ahead of me. I am taking a lot of "me time" and deciding where to go and what to do. I am waiting to hear back from grad schools, but if I don't get in, who knows where I will go? I could go overseas, back home, to another part of the country, etc. It's a bit exciting, and though I do often long for a husband and a child, I won't fret over it because I know these things will happen when they're meant to happen, IF they're meant to happen.
I say, don't stress over it. Take time to enjoy your life now for what it is and with day and age we live in, it is not too late to have a baby way into your 30's if that's what you so choose.
One of the reasons the divorce rate is so high is that a lot of people get married before they are emotionally ready to do so. They are young, haven't really lived, traveled, or really found themselves. So once they are tied down with a husband and child, they find themselves resenting each other. A lot of them will just up and leave their spouse to go "find themselves", breaking hearts and family bonds.
Not trying to be morbid about your friends who are married, but honestly, how many of them do you think might still be married 10 or 15 years down the road?
Wait and be paitent. It will happen for you. It did for me. I was 32 when I got married, and I love that I waited (maybe cause I had to.) and really know who I am.
Like the other posters said, enjoy your life now and get the most out of it. If you are truely satisfied, that seems to be when Mr. Right shows up. At least that's how it happened to me.
yes i am trully satisfied with my life , my partner is amazing and i could not ask for a better man.
I guess its a time thing, maybe my biologica clock has went off and will continue ticking through my 30s its just a nagging that hits me sometimes , and wandered if anyone experienced the same
When mother nature strikes but life says NO
)
, I felt totally depressed for not having what I thought I wanted. I figured by 25 I would have a great career, a wonderful husband, kids, house, etc. Turns out I had none of that.
