When your OL friends know you better than your IRL friends...
In another unrelated post, Saef pointed out that I'm constantly here every few days with a new set of goals. I found that she was so spot on about that, that it made me realize that there have been lots of instances where people have made observations about me that are so true and things that I feel sometimes my IRL friends don't even notice.
So I wonder, am I more me in my posts? Am I more honest, or maybe I don't spend enough time with my IRL friends and I'm here every day.
I'm just curious what other observations people have made about me. Have you noticed I'm a total OCD nutjob, am constantly needing something new in my life, constantly needing something to do, am never satisfied and always feel the need to get more, make it better, make it different.
Also have you had a similar experience between us here and their IRL friends. It's kinda comforting though, knowing I have a place to come and just be me, however, still being kept in check, because people do remember what you write and who you are I always love it when someone posts something and then someone replys with yeah, but in another thread you said...because sometimes we feel like we're writing here in anonymity, but really we're not.
HI! I'm the same way in comparison to IRL and OL friends. Real life people don't understand, can't relate, or have heard me talk about it WAY too much. Online, I can be me, because if someone wants to throw in their two cents, by all means. If not, keep on surfing. It isn't a big deal. Online we chose what we want to read and respond to, and I feel that I can relate to a lot of people here because we all have the same goals.
In regards to if we think you are a nutjob, no. I don't anyway. But I think you tend to over analyze a bit. Don't take that the wrong way. I do the same. You ask a lot of questions I would want to ask, and make very valid points. I say be who are you. In school, a teacher once told me to not be afraid to ask a question, because chances are, others want to know or feel the same thing, but they are too shy. You are just the pupil that isn't afraid to ask. And I applaud you for that! Thanks for being here.
not here, but I've definitly experienced that on other message boards. I think you are somehow more yourself. Or maybe people focus on what you actually say more online.
I don't know...for a long time I felt online friendships were as genunine and "real" as any flesh and blood friendship. I had a sad experience here with someone I thought was a genuine friend and I realized online isn't the same at all. It was a little deflating and I haven't been around as much.
ME TOO! From my weight loss, the cause and effects of what I eat, to why the heck was that cashier rude to me at the grocery store! It's ok. Overthinking a lot of things, has helped me stay out of trouble, but it's also gotten me in some trouble, but that's a different story.
..for a long time I felt online friendships
were as genunine and "real" as any flesh and blood friendship.
I believe that they are.
Friends are just people, and people have flaws.
Online people aren't different from "real" people.
Life is an ongoing process of shifting through and singleing out people as friends.
My online friends are as special and real to me
as the people I frequently see face-to-face.
My best friends know absolutely everything about me. They are two women and their husbands. I love these friends of mine, every one of them.
But aside from them, yeah, you guys know me better than I know myself sometimes. And definitely better than anyone else in the real world! I'm the kind of person you have to get to know one one one and all of our conversations here are kind of one on one.
And you guys never interrupt!
Ncuneo, yep, you over analyze. And you're a bit OCD. I've noticed. But I think that's a pretty darn common trend among the formerly obese. I have both traits myself.
I know I find myself coming here to bounce things off all your wise heads. And I have a secret obsession right now that I am dieing to talk about but can't! It's too personal to put on a public forum and my friends probably don't want to hear about it! So what do you then?!
@Eliana, I think all of us have crossed over the TMI line one way or another since we've been here. We need a place to escape. If you need something, why don't you PM one of your closest 3FC gals? I have a few things I'd LOVE to put out there too, but I'm too scared. EEK! So I'm seeing a shrink.
Ding ding ding! So true, I so over analyze - everything!
I would also agree that maybe you worry too much about things BUT, I am much the same and thats why I like reading your posts In fact, many times I've come here with a question on my mind and I think "should I post this cuz people might think I'm crazy" and then I notice that you already started a thread on the same issue LOL!
I definitely think I am more ME on here.....because too many people in the "real world" would think I'm obsessive about my weight if I talked the way we do here.
It's just the nature of this place. It draws people who want to set goals and are seeking accountability.
It's also a kind of confessional booth. For me, anyway. I say things here that I'd only say to the people I am closest with. But only on certain subjects.
But there's that thing about being online ... So much is filtered out. We're limited to the expressive power of typed-out words. We don't get all the cues you'd get in real life, such as body language & tone & intonation.
Also we know only what people tell us here. Huge chunks of their personal history, daily routine, relationships & thoughts are all missing.
And there's the persona thing. I mention that because I work for a consulting company that has a written policy regarding how its employees present themselves online. The written policy actually mentions a persona: Sometimes you're commenting on something with The Voice of the Company, sometimes you're writing in your professional persona, which is a bit more personal & expressive & indicative of your individual opinion, but still could be understood as giving professional advice; other times you're online & not at all at work, and you're just writing about stuff in your life, and so you're in the persona of a parent, or a music lover, or someone who worries about her weight, or someone who loves books. Whatever your interests are. Which is what we get here: People's accounts of themselves & their lives are filtered a lot by our shared interest & our hewing (more or less) to the topic of weight loss & food & eating & health & health-related obstacles & body image & athleticism & etc.
My point is, I wish I knew a lot of the people here in real life, but I know that I don't yet, and probably never will. The experience is mediated & filtered in so many ways.
So, basically, ncuneo, because of where we're both writing, I know about your athletic goals, your goals for your body, your running, taking up yoga,etc. I know just a little about your desire to have a second child. You're not a mommy here. Or a professional with a job. Not primarily. Here, you're a woman who lost a lot of weight, is athletic & is trying to get your weekend binges under control. So I'm under no illusion I'm getting a whole, rounded picture of you. I get pieces of you that I assemble into what I imagine you're like. It may or may not be accurate.
So, basically, ncuneo, because of where we're both writing, I know about your athletic goals, your goals for your body, your running, taking up yoga,etc. I know just a little about your desire to have a second child. You're not a mommy here. Or a professional with a job. Not primarily. Here, you're a woman who lost a lot of weight, is athletic & is trying to get your weekend binges under control. So I'm under no illusion I'm getting a whole, rounded picture of you. I get pieces of you that I assemble into what I imagine you're like. It may or may not be accurate.
I think that's such a good point, Saef, and I'd like to expand on it a little. I do see criticisms from time to time that some of us in maintainers or on 3FC in general (whether we're losing or maintaining!) are 'obsessed' because it seems all we ever focus on is our food plan, exercise plan, scale, pants-o-meter, etc. The reality is that, while our weight loss or maintenance efforts are important, they are just one part of our entire person. I am many other things besides my weight loss struggles. So even if it seems to be obsessive or what-not here at 3FC, it's important to remember that this is primarily a weight loss support website. Sure we talk about other things, like doggies and husbands and bodily fluids and tulips, but those are not the prime focus. Ah, now I'm on a tangent.
Last edited by midwife; 03-03-2011 at 10:56 PM.
Reason: typo
I absolutely talk about things here I wouldn't other places. Heck, I'm thinking about posting a review about this week's experience with my new Diva Cup - no way I would walk in and tell that same thing to my coworkers. And yes, most of what we talk about here comes back to weight loss and food plans and exercise regimes, and how our lives are shaped by those things. That is because this is our outlet for that. And in discussing that we get to other things that give us snapshots into each other's lives, which I really enjoy. I do wish I knew a lot of the folks I know online in real life, absolutely. But I wonder if they would like me if they saw all of me and not just the parts I talk about here... But, I wandered into a tangent, too...
I have belonged to a star trek community for the past 5 years. We just learned today that one of our members passed away earlier in the week. The grief people are feeling isn't lessoned because they didn't know him in real life.
When your OL friends know you better than your IRL friends...
I always love it when someone posts something and then someone replys with yeah, but in another thread you said...because sometimes we feel like we're writing here in anonymity, but really we're not.
And definitely better than anyone else in the real world! I'm the kind of person you have to get to know one one one and all of our conversations here are kind of one on one. 
