...I know it's so wrong, but my DH has always been playful with me and we joke around about our flaws all the time. Never has he made fun of my weight until now. He says he can't find my boobs and I'm anorexic, etc. It doesn't bother me, but today I snapped back with a few jabs about his weight. He's about 40 lbs overweight, eats horrifically and doesn't exercise. He laughed it off, but I just feel really ashamed. On one hand I feel like it's just not ok to ever do that, but on the other I feel like 1. He deserves it for making fun of me and 2. He hasn't heard any on my polite concerns about his health, setting a good example for our son and getting healthy so he'll be around to see our son grow up that maybe he'll hear this. I don't know, I guess I was just surprised that I sunk to that level given where I came from.
Fortunately my DH has never commented on my body or my weight except to tell me how hot I am---and he says that no matter what my weight is. Yeah, I agree with you that wasn't a very nice thing to say to him. Men can be sensitive about their weight just like we can. You can't change his weight; only he can make changes when he is ready. I agree with you that it is probably not okay to say those things. Even though he laughed it off, it might be worth sitting down with him and offering him an apology. Maybe he'll change the way he comments about your body, too.
My close friend and I often joke about each others weight, him being on one side of it (very underweight) and me being on the other side (very overweight). I honestly feel a little bit guilty joking with him even though I don't care when he does it to me. I think it's because I've had weight issues for most of my life, so talking about weight has more of an emotional attachment for me than it does for him. Since your husband isn't severely overweight like you once were, he probably sees it as more of a trivial thing than you do and wasn't bothered by it. This is just a guess, though.
Do you think it's possible he's expressing a true concern in a dumb, guy sort of way? I would take a deep breath and chat with him. Tell him that what he said hurt your feelings, but you want to give him a chance to explain himself. In general, I don't find my husband to get emotional about these things and is usually shocked/can't remember that the conversation even took place, even while I'm chapped about it 3 days later. But, if he does have a concern, it might be good to let him air it.
It sounds to me like maybe you both have stronger feelings about each other's bodies that you realized. I agree with hatethesweatpants, perhaps bring it up when you are both in a more serious mood and see if DH wants to really discuss it. But whether he does or doesn't, at the end of the conversation I'd suggest that bodies are off-limits for the joking around.
Do you think it's possible he's expressing a true concern in a dumb, guy sort of way?
Nah, he's thrilled with my new body.
To be fair, all that was said was he was bragging about an amazing dessert he had had the day before while we were driving home from a basketball game and I said "must be nice to eat whatever you want", and he said "it is, you can't because you want to be a trophy wife," and I said "what you don't want to be a trohpy husband?". That developed into a conversation of how I needed to deal with it because he accepts me always even when I was at my heaviest. It was really all in fun, but I still just feel bad in general about poking at his weight. I really don't have an issue with his weight, I love him no matter what, but I do have a problem with his health and eating habits, but that's a whole other thread.
Ooh, that's a tough one! I don't have any words of wisdom, just to say that I've been there, too. I think we all say things that in retrospect we'd rather we hadn't to people we love, who are not only "safe" but usually around us a lot more, so more opportunities to stick foot in mouth.
It's especially tough with weight, because it's such a sensitive subject for us -- we're reading 3FC, after all. My DH and I have a kind of deal that he puts up with all my diet wackiness without comment, and in return I don't nag him about drinking non-diet soda or ask him whether my pants make me look fat. But, there are slip-ups every now and again, on both sides. We talk, and move on.
My DH and I are in exactly the same position. I've lost the weight and am maintaining. He's 50 lbs. overweight and isn't even trying to lose weight, despite a health problem that's getting worse.
He jokes that I'm getting "bony" and that I need to get my curves back etc. etc. (which is a joke since I am very muscular and curvy). I worked very hard and am still working every day to maintain so sometimes this rankles a bit. I tell him how proud I am to have done this.
Other times he tells sme how sexy I am and how much he loves my body, particularly my *ss.
I do not joke about his weight. I'll smile and laugh if he does it but I think he's really sensitive about it. I have tried everything I can think of to encourage him to start walking and dieting but he's just not listening.
I think it's going to take a health crisis (including emergency surgery) to motivate DH. And this might not even keep him motivated. That makes me sad but I can't do anything about it but wait.
That developed into a conversation of how I needed to deal with it
because he accepts me always even when I was at my heaviest.
It was really all in fun,
but I still just feel bad in general about poking at his weight.
I really don't have an issue with his weight,
I love him no matter what,
but I do have a problem with his health and eating habits,
but that's a whole other thread.
This Thread reminded me of
a "general unfairness of life" in our Culture.
I believe that all women have some tiny kernal of resentment (or more)
because...in general...
"acceptable" women are expected to be "decorative",
while, men don't have the same cultural pressure.
It's a fact of life that most of us accept,
however, we aren't unaware of the essential unfairness,
and I think sometimes our comments are simply disguised resentment
about that basic situation...rather than about an individual issue.
Retailiation...
Yeah, I agree with you that wasn't a very nice thing to say to him. Men can be sensitive about their weight just like we can. You can't change his weight; only he can make changes when he is ready. I agree with you that it is probably not okay to say those things. Even though he laughed it off, it might be worth sitting down with him and offering him an apology. Maybe he'll change the way he comments about your body, too.
But, if he does have a concern, it might be good to let him air it.
But, there are slip-ups every now and again, on both sides. We talk, and move on.
