30-Somethings - Baby Bumps and Longing....
01-03-2011, 12:55 AM
I don't know if it is just me, but it seems like everywhere I turn I see or hear about someone being pregnant. Of course, it seems like almost every celebrity in Hollywood got married over the holiday season and/or announced their baby bump. Even reality tv actors with questionable relationships are hooking up and having babies as well....sigh.
I feel a longing to have a child. I also realize that being this overweight is 1) preventing me in some part from meeting the right guy for me---but only because the pool of men into big women in my area is a bit smaller than the general population, and 2) that my weight could make fertility difficult, once I actually start to try to have a child, and/or 3) that being so overweight (I am over 100lbs over weight) could make labor difficult.
I am going to focus on making this year the year that I really do improve my health and use all of the skills that I have. I feel sadder and sadder when I hear of more and more people getting married and having kids. I am not sad for them, of course, but sad because I feel a bit behind and alone and I wonder if it will happen for me. I figure if I treat myself better, people will see that in my appearance and maybe I will attract someone who would like to swap his DNA with mine.....in a geeky way it would be so cute if he actually asked that! Could you imagine that being written in icing on a cake? Ha!
But anyway....does anyone else have this pang of longing in regards to baby bumps, marriage, hearing the pitter patter of little feet running through Walmart?
01-03-2011, 08:13 AM
I saw your post and wanted to send you a reply. I felt just the same way you are feeling now awhile back. I had resigned myself to going through life single...and I had really actually made peace with that. Then I decided to do something about my weight - and it was funny because I didn't even really think about how losing the weight might make having a boyfriend more likely...I just wanted to live a better life and feel better physically. But of course, once I started feeling better about myself, I started attracting people. Go figure. I would say focus on yourself and the rest will come...and if for some reason it doesn't, you are focussed on your happiness and wellbeing, so life will still be good.
Now I am married (well, common law) and I have a 2 1/2 year old son. I never would have imagined that a few years back.
I wish you all the best and hope that your longings ease a bit while you focus on yourself....but still keep your vision of what you life could be as a motivator.
01-03-2011, 10:27 PM
Thank you, Chippie! :) I don't feel I am strong enough yet to be calm about the being single aspect. I do feel as if I keep searching....I keep meeting weirdos, so part of me is really afraid of dating (only because I have met sooo many weird guys that people usually are shocked when I tell them stories about this or that guy, etc.) and part of me tries to be optimistic and keep on searching. Also, there is that whole issue of loneliness.
I am resigned in some ways to being open to the idea of being a single mom. I worry about not having family support, however. That would be tough. I soooooo want to be a mom, ya know? But, I know that first I have to get myself together to a point where I can be a great and healthy mom!
I ate some fattening fried food today, but I did avoid buying trigger foods and doughnuts. Tomorrow I will eat a lot healthier. :)
I figure the more I do to better myself, maybe the more people will notice, and the more that guys will notice and some guy out there will decide that he wants to make little mini-me's with me. :)
01-04-2011, 04:21 PM
I'd felt that way too, for a very long time, OP. It wasn't until shortly after my 36th birthday that I got pregnant, and now my son is almost 3 months old.
I was looking into joining an alumni group in my area a couple of years ago, and just didn't feel like I fit in with the other ladies b/c I had no kids and wasn't actively trying. I still feel like I am behind the curve a little bit, but I reconnected with some high school and college friends on Facebook and found a number of them just started families in 2009 as well, so I am not as far behind as I was feeling.
Good luck, OP! And you certainly are not alone.
01-04-2011, 10:12 PM
Thank you, Bettybooty! :)
I have to try and make sure that I don't get discouraged. It seems like everyone is having babies, and I just have to focus on getting things right in my life so that when it is time for me to have a baby, I will be able to. I want to have a healthy body, a healthy bank account, and healthy relationship, etc. :)
AND, I am staying conscious of the fact that as I meet some weird dudes, that some of them are soooo weird that I wouldn't want to have a baby with them, because they seem so unstable, ya know? So, when it comes to dating, I don't think I will date just for the heck of it, I want to date with a good goal in mind.
01-10-2011, 11:25 AM
BBW - I hear you about the weird dudes and noticing how everyone is pregnant when you aren't. I teach high school and that's when you really notice the preggos. I don't know about you but I had several moments of seriously questioning some of my decisions when most of my friends were getting pregnant and married and I wasn't. I would stop and wonder what was wrong with me and question why I didn't just stay with this boyfriend or that one. But in the long run I had to trust my instincts. It sounds like you know what you want and you know how to do it so trust that.