General chatter - How many genuine friendships do you really have?




FreeBird3
11-28-2010, 11:53 PM
How many true friendships do you really have in your life? I'm not talking about the "friends" that hang out with you during just the good/happy times. I'm talking about meaningful friendships...friends that actually stick around and emotionally support you when you are going through some really bad times. I'm talking about friends that you can tell your deepest and darket secrets to without having the fear to them spilling the beans to others. I'm talking about the type of friend where neither he/she feels threaten by your accomplishments and vice versa....no social comparison games or the secret desire to "one up" each other so to speak.

Do you have any genuine friendships like that in your life? I, unfortunately, only have 1 true friend that I can completely and utterly trust. I have many social friends, but those are superificial friendships.

I find the older I get, the more difficult it is to find people who want to make the effort to go from just a social friend to an actual closer/meaningful friend.


Shopaholic1204
11-29-2010, 12:00 AM
I only have 2 true friends. I've known them both for almost 12 years. I have some close friends..but it's nothing like the other 2.

lizziep
11-29-2010, 12:35 AM
none.


krampus
11-29-2010, 12:41 AM
I fortunately have two separate lives, which means double the amount of bosom friends. I have probably 8-10 people I trust and confide in at such a level, but I've never been the secretive or overly self-protective type to begin with.

As I get older (and I'm 23, hardly an old lady here) I find I am much pickier about the people I feel deserve my time and efforts.

Pint Sized Terror
11-29-2010, 12:43 AM
I have one. I met her last year. She recently moved to the opposite coast, but we still talk daily. :)

wfonseca3017
11-29-2010, 12:44 AM
I have 2 , no counting my DH i tell him everything.

NiteOwlMommy
11-29-2010, 01:00 AM
Not counting my DH and my mom I don't have any :( I tried being friends with one lady and she was all smiles and giggles whenever I was helping her but if I dared put my daughter's needs before hers she would throw a fit! I stopped talking to her all together she was just a one way street. I once told her about my weight loss goal and she said you will never get thin so just give up now! I was shocked!

Rochester
11-29-2010, 01:19 AM
I have two friends that I've known since early childhood and they are both like sisters to me. Another friend was my best friend in high school. We call each other several times a week, and there's nothing I can't tell him. Another friend I've known for about 10 years, and even though he and I don't talk very often, when we do it's like we just saw each other yesterday, and I know if I ever really needed him, he'd be there in a second. I treasure these friendships; I know I'm very blessed to have these people in my life.

rainbowstripe
11-29-2010, 02:17 AM
I have my sister. My boyfriend. One of my cousins. My mum. And then I think perhaps I have 2 others who aren't relatives, but even then, sometimes I don't see them for months at a time (and we live in the same city).

I find friends really hard to make and to keep. I feel like I do something wrong all the time with friends. I love people but I'm shy and always assume others have better things to do than talk to/hang out/do things with me. I know it's bad, but it's kind of true.

lauralyn
11-29-2010, 05:51 AM
Just one, we have been best friends for 22 or 23 years now. We talk almost every day on the phone but only get to see each other around once a year.

SheriWantsToRun
11-29-2010, 07:50 AM
Just one. We met at work 6 years ago and have caused wonderful shenanigans ever since.

Ponderer
11-29-2010, 10:03 AM
I have 1. We have been best friends for 33 years and are going strong. It is one of the greatest gifts I have had in this lifetime and is not something I will ever take for granted.

Eliana
11-29-2010, 10:12 AM
Five. :D My two dearest friends from college and their husbands. I can tell any one of them absolutely everything. And fifth is my husband, even when I'm frustrated to the gills with him. He started out as my best friend and has remained so, even in really trying times.

gardenerjoy
11-29-2010, 10:48 AM
DH, my brother, my SIL and that's it in real life. I'm an introvert, so, oddly enough, 3FC and especially the Beck group play that role quite adequately for me. Also another small collection of on-line friends from a different venue.

Lauren201
11-29-2010, 03:50 PM
I hope relatives count! I have 3: my husband, his mom and his dad. I have 2 very good online friends that I chat with and trust but have never met in person.

I used to have co-workers for friends until I got stabbed in the back.

Flamethrower
11-29-2010, 07:10 PM
I think I have a fair few genuine friends. I have lots of friends, but am quite selective with super close BFFs who I talk with about anything. One of them happens to be one of my ex boyfriends (we're now best friends), another was my best friend at secondary school, but unfortunately she moved away this summer. But we're still as close as possible, even though she's in a different country now. There are probably about 5 or so other people who I'd consider really really close friends that I'd, say, talk to about MY FEELINGS and sappy stuff like that.

But don't get me wrong, I love all my friends =)

Elladorine
11-29-2010, 07:20 PM
My husband . . . we were best friends long before we started dating. And an online friend I've never met in person (we started out as penpals 14 years ago); she and I can pretty much talk about anything.

My old best friends were angry with me for moving across the country a few years back "for some guy" (but it was more complicated than that) and don't seem interested in talking to me anymore. :(

Serval87
12-01-2010, 04:26 AM
My husband and my mother. Seriously. It's sad. I would count my first cousin, because it's so great hanging out with her, but she moved away. We still send emails to each other from time to time, but that's about it.

bacilli
12-01-2010, 06:21 AM
I have several, as I've learned in the last two weeks. My family experienced a profound loss and I'm amazed at the number of people who genuinely care - and who aren't getting angry when I unintentionally snap at them because I'm in a weird grief/rage place right now. Most of them are life-long friends, people I've been friends with since grade school. However, a few are people I've just recently met in the last few years. It's been eye-opening, as I'm a very private person who doesn't make friends easily.

terrod99
12-01-2010, 07:19 AM
I have been thinking about that lately. There are 2 long time friends that I haven't seen in awhile (My choice ) and I really don't miss them. There were issues with both that I just didn't want to deal with anymore. So I chose not to deal!

Terri

shasha12
12-01-2010, 08:58 PM
2 friends that i feel close to like that. Plus my honey, my cousin, and my aunt. And sometimes, my 2 sisters, although they tend to be more concerned with themselves, unfortunately. And a few others who would probably be kind if I needed them, but I donít feel as close to them.


my early-to-mid twenties have diminished the list, haha.

Wysteria
12-02-2010, 01:58 PM
Funny how I found this thread, because I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

I'd say I only really have one close friend, but I'm not even sure if she wants to speak to me at the moment because it just seems like we've drifted apart due to me having to work stupid hours and not having enough money to visit her etc etc. Plus I think I've probably made her mad because every time I comment on something she writes on Facebook, she deletes it. Fair enough, screw you then.

As for everyone else... I know lots of people but don't really consider any of them PROPER friends. Someone told me once that a real friend was someone that you know would be there for you if your entire family was wiped off the face of the planet. I don't have anyone like that, sad to say. I haven't got any friends from school or university really - well, a couple, granted, but I don't really speak to them. I've made lots of new friends in the past couple of years but I'm still a bit wary of them. I don't trust easily, you see, and I've had too many people let me down in my life to call them 'friend' yet.

Oh no wait. I do have one proper friend. I know he's a real friend because I threw up on his shoes and he wasn't mad :3 plus he's tolerated me for ten years and I allowed him to stick silver foil on my face with Prittstick (long story). Yay :)

annie175
12-02-2010, 02:17 PM
I have 8. I am blessed. Including relatives I have 12.

prepping
12-02-2010, 02:22 PM
Best Friend for 9 years, my husband, my mother, and my cousin.

And I'm prefectly content with that. :)

couponmom85
12-03-2010, 08:44 PM
my bff from high school.
we can be apart for months but whenever we get together its like we've never been separated lol.

then theirs my mom, sister and dh.

but i don't really have any friends where i live, i like keeping to myself.

WinterJinx
12-04-2010, 06:12 PM
I have my 2 best friends that I've known for 9 years and of coarse my sister (who've I known my whole life).

It's funny I went back reading the other people's reply's and with the exception of a few people most people have two close friends. Seems to be a magic number.

CanadianCutie
12-07-2010, 10:38 AM
For me it's my man. Two of my aunts (I have a ton) also qualify, and a friend I've known 30 years (woah that makes me feel old).

Bac0s
12-07-2010, 11:52 AM
I have a great group of girlfriends. We've been together through a lot of ups and downs. Sometimes some of them make me so angry, but we always work things out. I know if I needed something, they would come through for me.

My husband is by far my biggest fan and best friend ever.

mom4life
12-07-2010, 01:03 PM
I've always been a loner. I used to have 2 best friends but as we got older and married, we sort of drifted apart. Well one ended but the other is pretty much at a facebook friend. She stopped calling after she had me get onto facebook so we can "Chat more," true it happened but we don't talk in depth like we did before.
I now have a couple very close friends, one of which is sort of funny cause I never saw her as a "Close friend" type at all. I liked her as a social friend but then one day on facebook we sort of started commenting on how we were both self-proclaimed misfits. We are both seen as odd because we don't thrive on having many friends and yet like to be loners who love being with our husbands and family. As time progressed we started PM'ing each other with problems or venting about stuff. Now we get together for meaningful chats since we both grew up in horrible family situations. She's become one of my very close friends. The other two are growing and I'm trying hard to not let them fall through the cracks and become social friends like the rest.
My best friend of all is my husband. :)

babygrant
12-07-2010, 01:08 PM
None. :o(

The people I'd consider my friends are my mom, my sister, my auntie, and my husband. Other than that, I don't have anyone to call just to chat, to call when I'mf eeling down, to call and just vent about something to. It sucks. My husband was 19 and I was 20 when we got married and we had our first baby when he was 21 and I was 22. It seems in our area people get married in their 30's and have babies in their late 30's and early 40's, so we don't fit in with 90% of the other parents at our kids school. I had a couple of close friends in high school, but even now they party pretty much every free moment. Lots of drinking, lots of bar hopping. It's just not our thing. I have had one alcoholic drink on 8 years. The single/kidless friends just don't understand that we can't go out and stay out till all hours of the morning. They don't realize babysitters cost a lot now adays. So at this time in our lives, the kids are our life. But that's ok. Wouldn't trade it for the world.

FreeBird3
01-22-2011, 10:38 AM
I'm re-visiting this thread because this topic has been a struggle for me. It's reassuring to see that I am not the only one struggling with finding/making/keeping friendships in adulthood.

I find that it's very easy to create social friends, but it's very difficult to develop those social friendships into deep/geniune friendships. I'm an introvert (INFJ Meyers Briggs personality type) that can talk easily to strangers, but craves sincere friendships. It seems like no adult past high school/college age wants to go past the social friendship phase...and I'm trying to teach myself not to take it personally. Maybe if I was married and/or had strong famliy relations (i.e. being actual friends with my immediate and extended family members instead of being familiy mmembers...though my family is convservative-minded and so I can't talk to my mom like how I would talk to a galfriend), then I wouldn't long so much for deeper connections with others.

I'm currently seeing a therapist about this extremely strong need for wanting sincere friendships instead of superifical ones (I'm seeing her for more than just this issue of course). :) I still have 1 deep friendship connection, but she lives in another state and we only talk once a week. Which leads me to another question. In adulthood, what is considered "normal" in terms of the frequency of meeting up and hanging out with friends?

Sorry for all the strange questions. I'm just trying to compare notes. It seems like so many people have so many social events and friends to hang out with....and I know that looks can be deceiving, but I find myself wondering "What are they doing right and what am I doing wrong? Why are they okay with not wanting sincere friendships and just keeping it at a social friendship level while I'm not okay with it?"

I'm embarassed to confess that, in my isolation/loneliness, I find message boards a subsitute for social interaction. I get a false sense of belonging by posting threads, replying to messages, and being "virtual friends" with a bunch of real-life strangers. LOL I'm currently reading a book titled "The Friendship Crisis: Finding, Making, and Keeping Friends When You're Not A Kid Anymore". It's definitely an interesting read! I've also realized that my isolation and craving for deeper connections with people (without getting that desire met) has lead to me gaining 30+ pounds these past few years.

Michou
01-22-2011, 10:54 AM
Good question, I understood a long time ago that friendship as different levels.

I have a lot of social friends to go out at a restaurant or going for an evening at there house, usually it is casual talk, discussing art, movie s, music, not much personal information exchange. People to spend time with and nothing more.

I have a few friends that I know I can share my personal life with and they do the same, I have 2 of those but I keep certain things private.

Then my best friend and the funny part is that we barely see each other but it does not matter I know she will be there with me through thick and thin and vice versa.

Then a whole bunch of ex friends, people that were draining me emotionnally, always about their need, never wondering how I was, out, out, out I cal them emotional leech.

My husband and I are quite social and like to do something with people we know at least once a week, to change the routine. Some of these people have been in my life over 40 years but the relationship never change it remains shallow.

I think what you are dealing with is a reflexion of our society where people are more isolated because of work, distance, etc.