100 lb. Club - How do I remove my head when it is lodged so firmly in my behind?




dudesmom
10-10-2010, 12:13 AM
I'm really frustrated with myself lately. I went off plan Wednesday night, not too bad, stayed off plan on Thursday (oh yeah, really bad), was on plan yesterday, and just lost it again today. I think part of my issue today was because i was tired and having a bad day, and I tried to drown my sorrows in food. I don't feel any better, but I am still not in the mindset to get my head out of my butt and get back in the saddle.

I think I'm so frustrated to because this is kind of a cycle for me, regardless of how I change my eating habits. It seems that I'll be doing really good for a while, I'll be really into it and seeing a lot of changes, both on the scale and physical changes, and then I hit a wall and just go into this downward spiral where I eat horribly unhealthy things (and lots of them) and completely slack with exercising. Maybe it's just self sabotage because I'd rather quit than actually put in effort but possibly fail. Whatever it is, I'm really tired of it!

Does it ever get better? Is there anyone out there who went through stuff like this and eventually got to a point where it didn't happen anymore? Or am I doomed to repeat this stupid cycle? This is just so ridiculous because I know how I'm just setting myself back, how I'll have to re-lose whatever gains I have from this, how this unhealthy food and lack of exercise makes me feel crappy. If I know all this, why do I still go through these rough patches?

I'm really discouraged right now, I just feel like a failure. I think this whole issue may have been triggered by a visit with family. I last saw these family members when I was at my highest weight, and I was hoping I'd get some sort of comment about how i lost weight because I've lost about 35 lbs, but no one said anything. I know there is a difference too, so I think that really got under my skin and maybe that is why I'm doing this. Hopefully identifying the cause will help get me back on track.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. If anyone else has been through this and knows a way out, please comment. If you have words of encouragement, I'd love to hear those too. Maybe I need some tough love too, but I won't be happy about that until it works!


smisen
10-10-2010, 01:09 AM
Hugs! I know how frustrating times like these can be :(

But first of all, congrats - you've lost almost 40 pounds, and that's no small achievement. Celebrate your body and your success so far, and try not to be too hard on yourself for what you see as a slip up.

Personally, I don't think it's possible to be 100% good, on-plan, etc. Dieting and weight loss requires energy and willpower, and we all only have so much of that to give. If you're feeling stressed about losing weight, maybe take a week's break where you eat at "maintaining-level" calories in order to clear your mind.

Another interesting idea - I've been reading about motivational techniques lately, and while I found this one specifically related to business, it might work for weight loss too. Basically, the unconscious mind is bothered by unfinished tasks - which is why we watch bad movies to the end or refuse to put down horrible books until we're done.

Therefore, the blogger's recommendation was to take one small step that begins the action you want to accomplish in your mind. If you're a freelance writer like me, that might mean working on only the title of an article. Even if I take a break from writing, my mind wants the process to be finished, making it easier for me to come back and finish the body of the article later.

I can see it working for weight loss too. If you're struggling to exercise, simply getting into your workout clothes might be enough to trigger your mind to complete the process. For food, maybe prepping the ingredients for a healthy dish earlier in the day will encourage your mind to see the process through to completion instead of opting for "easier" unhealthy alternatives.

Just a thought - I hope you're happy and back on track soon!

Jelbelle
10-10-2010, 06:33 AM
Aw, that is really terrible that no one made any comments! That's such a great amount of weight loss SURELY your body looks much different. Maybe they were just stunned into silence! (looking at the optimistic side)

I find that when I go off of my plans whether it be diet, exercise, or both, usually I'll get it in my head that I've already messed up, and so what does one more screw up matter now? It's a terrible frame of mind! In one day I feel like I could completely undo everything I've worked for, but you can't let it get to that. We all have goals that we're working towards, and we're doing it for OURSELVES, because when we look in the mirror we don't like what we see, or because we just don't feel as good as we want to, whatever our motivation is, we have to remember that. You might have one bad day, or two, or three, or even a bad WEEK, but you have to hop back on the wagon and fight it out. I think there will always be struggles, even at your goal weight. Sometimes you'll feel bad, other times you'll feel like you're just going to fail inevitably, but that is very, very untrue. Just pull yourself back up and keep working.

The best way to pull through is to just stop, take a moment, and reorient yourself. Remind yourself why you're on this journey, and what you like about it.

Just because your family didn't say anything doesn't mean they didn't notice, and it doesn't mean that other people won't! Even the smallest comment will perk you back up! Don't let it discourage you. Get back on track and keep moving forward, because I can almost guarantee that the payoff will be totally worth it!


toobig
10-10-2010, 07:35 AM
It seems like there is some sort of wall between the thirty and forty pound loss marks. It took me forever to get over that wall!!! And now that I have, the weight is just flying off again.
I guess what I am saying is that you will get through this. Hang in there and stick to your plan!

caryesings
10-10-2010, 09:58 AM
Does it ever get better? Is there anyone out there who went through stuff like this and eventually got to a point where it didn't happen anymore? Or am I doomed to repeat this stupid cycle?


For me, no, it never gets better. However you will reach a point where you realize it doesn't have to for you to succeed. You just put bad choices behind you and go back to your plan. The only thing that will really stop you is letting a bad meal, day, or week completely derail you. The cycle is always going to be there. What changed is my reaction to it.

rockinrobin
10-10-2010, 10:47 AM
Does it ever get better? Is there anyone out there who went through stuff like this and eventually got to a point where it didn't happen anymore? Or am I doomed to repeat this stupid cycle?

For me it got better the stricter I was. Sorry. But I think people give in waaay too easily. Sometimes you've just got to suck it up, regardless of the circumstances and work past the discomfort. No matter what. No. matter. what. Because each and every time you let something in (instead of pushing through it), you don't allow the good habits to get established and worse - you keep re-enforcing the bad ones. So you are always struggling and white knuckling it. So it seems like a vicious cycle. BAck and forth. Back and forth.

So for me, banning many foods (basically the *white* stuff) , setting boundaries and limits, making definite no's, making things black and white, no gray, learning to tell myself no, not giving in, not giving in, not giving in - that's when things became, dare I say - easy.

And without a doubt planning ahead is key. "Failing to plan IS planning to fail". Know where each and every meal and snack is coming from. You can't wing this. Eating well won't happen on it's own. Plan, plan and than plan some more. Much easier to stay on plan when you've got one. Set yourself up for success.

Stick to your plan. Stick to your plan. Stick to your plan. Stop giving yourself permission to veer, because again, I believe that's what makes it so difficult. You can't let anything stand in your way - not comments or lack of them, not having a good weigh in, having a bad weigh in, not stress, not boredom, loneliness, anger, rain, sleet, snow, parties, holidays, weekends, Tuesdays, what have you. Make yourself a sensible plan, tweaking as need be, eat delicious yet healthy foods, always be prepared. Embrace this healthy life style. Stop thinking its' some awful, uncomfortable way to live, when the awful uncomfortable way to live is remaining obese. Become passionate about it. Find the joy in it. It's nothing to fear and loathe. It's a delightful way to live. Push yourself. Give it 150%. Push. Reach. Stretch. Strive. Grow. Prosper. Amaze yourself!

JayEll
10-10-2010, 11:52 AM
Yeah, what she said! ^^ :cheer2:

Here's the deal. A day is always possible when for whatever reason--bad planning, unforeseen changes, etc.--you are at the H.A.L.T. point: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Any two of these can be dangerous to making good choices.

So there you are, in this state, and someone plops down a bowl full of chips or some other tempting food right in front of you.

What makes it or breaks it at times like this is how fast you can think. Yes, THINK! Can you pass this up and get something else to eat instead? Can you suggest going out for some other kind of nourishing food? Can you ask for something different, like some fruit and/or yogurt? Can you simply say no, and leave if necessary? Or, another strategy, do you know how much you have already eaten that day, and can you estimate how much of this highly caloric food you can have and then stop?

This is why it is called a LIFESTYLE change. You actually have to change the way you do your life with food!

I've said this recently, but I'll repeat it again. Suppose you had a friend who had had too much to drink, and they said, "Oh well, I'm already drunk, so I guess I might as well keep on drinking!" :dunno:

It doesn't make any sense, and in the same way, it doesn't make any sense to let messing up at one meal be a reason to keep on eating. No free passes!

You can get a handle on this, but you need to be willing to not let yourself off the hook, so to speak, because you made an error.

Jay

MiniMo
10-10-2010, 11:52 AM
*standing ovation*
:cp: :cp: :cp:

Robin, that was like the most inspirational thing ever. I should print that post out and put it above my bed, and read it every single morning when I wake up and whenever I get discouraged.

fjcinzion
10-10-2010, 11:58 AM
Stick to your plan. Stick to your plan. Stick to your plan. Stop giving yourself permission to veer, because again, I believe that's what makes it so difficult. You can't let anything stand in your way - not comments or lack of them, not having a good weigh in, having a bad weigh in, not stress, not boredom, loneliness, anger, rain, sleet, snow, parties, holidays, weekends, Tuesdays, what have you. Make yourself a sensible plan, tweaking as need be, eat delicious yet healthy foods, always be prepared. Embrace this healthy life style. Stop thinking its' some awful, uncomfortable way to live, when the awful uncomfortable way to live is remaining obese. Become passionate about it. Find the joy in it. It's nothing to fear and loathe. It's a delightful way to live. Push yourself. Give it 150%. Push. Reach. Stretch. Strive. Grow. Prosper. Amaze yourself!

I don't think that I could of said this better!!! I am 59 years old and spent my 20's, 30's, 40's & most of my 50's playing the DIET GAME. This time it was not a game it was a TOTAL LIFESTYLE CHANGE. I change the way I ate, how I ate, when I ate and what I ate FOREVER. I also started walking daily and some strength training weekly. I have to say that after living this new LIFESTYLE with no backward slips for 14 plus months it has now become a normal way of life for me. I lost 100 pounds in a year and am now at over 108 pounds gone forever! I will NEVER go back to my old way of living! I continued to lose weight through holidays, special occasions, trips etc because I refused to change my focus on my ultimate goal and continued to work towards my short term goals. You must set goals to achieve them! I've made many short term goals along the way and some long term goals. I expect to reach my ultimate weight loss goal sometime in the Summer of 2011. At that time I will NOT return to my former ways of poor eating and no exercise. You must totally commit to a lifestyle change and not just go on some diet to lose weight and then return to your former ways because as I have proven over and over in my lifetime it done not work!

Good luck achieving your goals in 2010 and beyond!!! Faith
:hug:

ubergirl
10-10-2010, 12:22 PM
I think I'm so frustrated to because this is kind of a cycle for me, regardless of how I change my eating habits. It seems that I'll be doing really good for a while, I'll be really into it and seeing a lot of changes, both on the scale and physical changes, and then I hit a wall and just go into this downward spiral where I eat horribly unhealthy things (and lots of them) and completely slack with exercising. Maybe it's just self sabotage because I'd rather quit than actually put in effort but possibly fail. Whatever it is, I'm really tired of it!

Does it ever get better? Is there anyone out there who went through stuff like this and eventually got to a point where it didn't happen anymore? Or am I doomed to repeat this stupid cycle? This is just so ridiculous because I know how I'm just setting myself back, how I'll have to re-lose whatever gains I have from this, how this unhealthy food and lack of exercise makes me feel crappy. If I know all this, why do I still go through these rough patches?



Oh yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

I'm 49 and until June 2009 I never managed to lose more than about ten or fifteen pounds before I lost it.

I believed that success was not possible for me. I spent so much time wondering WHY???

I thought I had a psychological quirk that prevented me from staying on plan.

That "belief" about myself allowed me to eat an awful lot of cookies, candy, cake, pizza, chips, submarine sandwiches, french fries, etc. etc. etc.

Honestly, eighteen months ago, I was convinced that I would not only die fat, but that I would die a lot fatter than I was... because I had gained weight every single year, year after year, for twenty straight years. Plus, I figured I'd die young. I couldn't walk up three flights of stairs without feeling like I was about to have heart attack. I hadn't run a step in at least ten years. Let's face it. I had trouble rolling over in bed and getting up off the couch.

Here's what changed for me.

I finally realized that I did not have a special psychological quirk.

But I DID really want to eat. I was indulging myself, plain and simple.

I wanted to eat more than I wanted to change....

What is so hard about weight loss is that the benefits come slowly. In the beginning it feels like all sacrifice with no reward... I mean, yes, you lose, but you are still fat, and at least in my case, I remembered all the times I had failed before.

Losing weight is not that hard, but you HAVE to kick yourself in the butt and DECIDE. That's not wanting, or wishing, or hoping, or trying until you give up or give in or change your mind.

Honestly, no matter how much I thought I wanted to lose weight, I wanted the food more. It wasn't until I really and truly, down to my toes realized that I wanted to lose weight more than I wanted to food that I did change.

I still have hard days, but I have not touched the kind of food that made me fat at all, ever, since I started this journey unless it was a planned situation, like out to dinner on my birthday when I planned for a single serving of dessert.

So to answer your question: does it ever get better?

YES. YES. YES. What seems impossible becomes a way of life and far faster than you would believe. And pretty soon, it's so clear that the benefits outweigh the sacrifices a million times. Passing up on "the bad stuff" doesn't feel like a sacrifice AT ALL to me any more. I look at things I used to crave and they look like poison to me-- unhealthy things that made my life miserable.

The power is in your hands. But you have to choose to use it.

AZ Sunrises
10-10-2010, 01:02 PM
Yank until you hear a popping sound and can see sunlight...now I'll go back and actually read the thread.


Aww. :hug: It's going to be okay. You can see the difference. You're feeling better physically and about the way you look. Sweetheart, you don't need their validation. They likely noticed but didn't want to make you uncomfortable by mentioning it.

:) Time to get back on plan and do this for yourself.

Glory87
10-10-2010, 01:50 PM
I completely agree with Robin. People post all the time "but I keep eating all this bad food." Well, stop. Is that your hand putting food in your mouth? No one else is in control only you.

And I have to occasionally give myself tough speeches too. I am not perfect, I occasionally eat off plan. When the scale starts to creep up, when I have too many treat meals, I tell myself "stop that, eat on plan."

To be successful, I put a lot of foods on my "no" list. I started saying to myself "I don't eat that." It made things so much easier for me. I don't have to figure out how something will fit in my day, I don't have to regret my food choices. Now, I know there's a lot of people on this board who are successful at "all things in moderation" - I am not one of those people and it sounds like there are other people like me.

Moderation people (and non dieting people) seem to think that saying "no" to certain foods is a life of horrible deprivation. I have come to believe that food is just food, eating whatever I wanted didn't make me a happy person, it made me a fat, depressed person.

When I don't eat foods like packaged baked goods, cookies, candies, I lose the craving for them. I can look at a sleeve of Chips Ahoy cookies and think "eh, those taste okay, but I can skip them." If I eat a single Chips Ahoy cookie, I instantly want the entire sleeve. I really prefer the ease of avoiding Chips Ahoy than the horrible out of control feeling of trying to stop at a reasonable portion.

Fast food is a definite no for me because it's such a slippery slope, it's so EASY. If you work late, if you're tired, if you want something fast, it's soooo easy to slip into the trap of "I'll order a pizza" or "grab Taco Bell." If I do it, I will want to keep doing it, because it's easier to eat junk than to eat well. I have to stick to my plan - grocery shop, make dinners, pack lunches.

It isn't all doom and gloom. At maintenance, I do eat treats. On Friday night, I had a great dinner at Rappongi in San Diego. I also split a chocolate decadence dessert. Splitting a dessert in a restaurant once a week is manageable for me.

Lyn2007
10-10-2010, 02:19 PM
I agree, push yourself, battle the cravings. It does get easier. For me the "easier" part came with cutting out sugar and refined carbs. I still fall. But I get back up. You can do this, just do not give up.

Rochester
10-10-2010, 05:06 PM
Basically, you have two choices:

1. Stay fat and out-of-shape and continue down the road to misery and medical complications.

2. Say no to what needs to be said no to, say yes to what needs to be said yes to, commit to fighting the battle to reclaim your health every second of every day.

What are you going to choose?

dudesmom
10-10-2010, 07:55 PM
Thanks to all who commented on this post, I really needed some help putting this in perspective. I did a damage assessment this morning, at right now I am up 3.2 lbs, but based on my puffiness I know that there's some water weight in that number. Based on the way my clothes are fitting, I know there haven't been any major changes in inches either. I know this all can be fixed, so I won't let the numbers throw me off of my plan.

Mentally, I didn't wake up with a new lease on life. I didn't wake up pumped to get back to work or jump into a workout. What I did do though is wake up in a crabby mood (almost TOM) to find my husband eating hershey pie and pepsi for breakfast, and I CHOSE not to follow his lead. I CHOSE to drink lots of water today, I CHOSE to eat healthy, on plan foods even when others around me weren't.

I know that this is all a choice, and I have a tendency to take the easy way out not only in dieting but in other areas of life. I know (from experience) that I don't need to worry about what people say, or don't say, to me. I have to make my own happiness, and I need to actually work hard for it. Thanks to all of you for helping me back up onto the horse and reminding me how to ride.

ubergirl
10-10-2010, 09:12 PM
Maybe the most important thing I've learned so far is that I can screw up a little and it really doesn't change anything.

I'm a former binger, and I don't binge any more, but sometimes I do get a little out of control with something "healthy". We keep almonds in the house, and normally I don't touch them. I'm not one who can count out the almonds and just eat ten or whatever-- they make me want to finish the whole bag.... my mom is visiting and she grabs a handful of almonds now and then, and the next thing you know, I was doing the same.

But this time, after two days of chucking back a couple of handfuls of almonds after dinner, I moved them into the cupboard. Out of sight out of mind.

In the past, that never worked for me, but now, I have so much more practice telling myself no. Before, if I wanted chocolate eclairs, I would have driven to the store in the pouring rain even if I had something more important to do.

Now, I can put the almonds away and go about my life.

It's incredibly freeing.

PinkHoodie
10-10-2010, 10:12 PM
You have been offered a lot of advice, so I won't add anymore. Just realize you aren't the only one that struggles with it. But I always feel so much better when I get back on plan. And that is what I try to focus on, how my stomach hurts so much more after eating that kind of food then when I eat my good stuff.
I think for me personally its finding the balance between having a really good meal out, and that being the end of it, not letting it turn into a huge days on end binge.
Hugs though! You can do it! :)

GirlyGirlSebas
10-10-2010, 10:24 PM
To be successful, I put a lot of foods on my "no" list. I started saying to myself "I don't eat that." My first thought was, "Well, I wish it were that easy!" Then, I realized something. This is how I quit a 1 1/2 pack a day smoking habit! Whenever I thought about having a cigarette, I just told myself "you don't smoke." Amazingly enough, it worked. I haven't had a cigarette in almost 5 years. Why couldn't this work for some of the unhealthy, addictive foods that I stuff myself with?:D

ubergirl
10-11-2010, 09:36 PM
My first thought was, "Well, I wish it were that easy!" Then, I realized something. This is how I quit a 1 1/2 pack a day smoking habit! Whenever I thought about having a cigarette, I just told myself "you don't smoke." Amazingly enough, it worked. I haven't had a cigarette in almost 5 years. Why couldn't this work for some of the unhealthy, addictive foods that I stuff myself with?:D

This is what worked for me too. And I NEVER dreamed it would work because I struggled for YEARS before I hit on the one thing that worked.

rockinrobin
10-11-2010, 11:21 PM
I have used self talk from day one and still do.

And my very first mantra that I used was very similar to Glorys'.

It was:

"I just don't do that anymore".

I told myself that every time I went to eat something that I *shouldn't*. It stopped me in my tracks. In the very early days, I had to tell myself that over and over and over again, as I needed to actually remind myself of that fact.

AngelicLyna
10-12-2010, 12:08 AM
When it comes to unhealthy food, I usually tell myself, I can have that few mins of pleasure followed by a whole day of misery for going off plan OR I can move on from my cravings and be proud of myself later for accomplishing my goal for that day. Try recording your feelings, remember how awful you feel now and ask yourself later if you want to feel that way again. This really works for me. As for exercise find something you love that gives you results, the more you see results, the more you'll love it. You can become addicted to a healthy life as you can to an unhealthy one.

rockinrobin
10-12-2010, 07:33 AM
You can become addicted to a healthy life as you can to an unhealthy one.

This is so true!!!

I'm going to remember this one and I hope you don't mind, but you will be seeing it in future posts of mine. It seems unfathomable, but that is what happens. Bad eating begets more bad eating and without a doubt good eating begets good eating.

Thanks for the reminder.

Deena52
10-12-2010, 08:04 AM
I completely agree with Robin also. Well said!

One thing that really helped me this time....and I can thank this forum for this mainly, was that I learned and listed all the possible pitfalls and was fully prepared to battle them.
A few were:

*Do NOT allow yourself to get angry at the scale because you didn't get the reading you wanted. Do not go to the place of "I'll never lose this weight, so what's the point? Why am I depriving myself?.....or to "this is gonna take me forever and it's just pointless." Just push forward.

*Do NOT decide that since you lost a few pounds, what's the harm in adding a few more? The worst that could happen is that "I'll just end up back where I started and won't do that much damage". Just push forward.

*Do NOT use dieting/your current WOE be a punishment. Just push forward.

*Women fluctuate quite a bit when it comes to water retention. Avoid excess sodium/salt and don't let this affect your dedication. This just happens and it is normal. AND people trying to lose weight usually DO hit episodes of water retention. This happens and it is normal. Do not let this get you off track. Just push forward.

*Do NOT allow stalls or plateaus to derail you. These things happen to all of us....and it's normal....and not a major problem that should cause you to go off plan. Just push forward.

*Try to read as many of the stories here as possible.....and observe and learn what behaviors lead to success and which ones usually do not. Generally speaking, the trend will be that the successful ones either did not go off plan ever or very often. Seeing it happen to real people can really make this meaningful to you and help you to stay on track.

*Do not allow other people to convince you to go off track...no "well, I don't want to be insulting or hurt her feelings (at her house or at her party, etc.)....so just this once." Just come right out and tell them you are trying to lose weight and this is what you can eat and this is what you cannot eat. I did it all the time and nobody ever got mad at me....even the ones who were really persisting...the "oh just one little taste" guys. No is no and no exceptions.

*And of course....if you DO happen to veer off plan...do not allow this to upset you to the point where you then stay off plan for several more meals....or days. Just push forward and put it behind you (and vow not to do it again).

And finally, let me say this (as a person who never cheated). Strictly following a plan makes it easy, actually. There are NO situations where you have to use your best judgment or improvise. You just stick with the plan, no ifs ands or buts. You don't have to make any decisions that way....it's already done for you and it's simple.....just do NOT go off plan. Just follow that cardinal rule and no matter what life throws in front of you, know that this WILL get you there....but you must stick with it...and no exceptions.
Being already prepared for the pitfalls, knowing they would most likely happen and being prepared to not let them derail me...was extremely helpful for me.

deena :)