100 lb. Club - My first stupid "anorexic" comment




Eliana
09-29-2010, 09:47 AM
Come on people. Really? A woman caught me this morning and said, "Hey, skinny girl." Nice right? Then..."So long as you don't go anorexic on us."

People have complained about it on here before. I didn't quite get it until it was directed at me. It's quite a slap in the face. It's a balancing act between obsession and will power good old-fashioned hard work to lose weight. To say I have an eating disorder to have gotten here? That's not fair.

Not to mention, I'm still 17 pounds over weight. (and counting ;))


cfmama
09-29-2010, 12:12 PM
I like how she assumes that people can just "go anoexic"... dumb*ss.

I'm sorry you have to encounter that attitude. People start to feel threatened when others are living their own dreams and THEN they start to get catty. 'Now... if I can get HER to fail... then I won't feel like a failure"

Human nature sucks at times.

Lyn2007
09-29-2010, 12:26 PM
I got the same comment when I was still over 200 pounds! People are ridiculous.


StringBean
09-29-2010, 12:39 PM
I've heard that same comment over and over again - it's not fair and actually can be hurtful too. I try not to take those comments too personally, but it's hard not to sometimes :(

Eliana
09-29-2010, 12:45 PM
Truly, it's offensive. I never have said anything like that to a person before, and certainly never will. Eating disorders are just off the table for me unless I'm discussing one clinically. Yes, I come across as having a stick up the rear sometimes ;) but I don't find jokes or random comments about disorders of any kind funny or relative ever unless I'm sitting in a professional meeting discussing the specific disorder from a clinical aspect.

And this statement was somehow just as defeating as a "you must have had surgery" type comment. It's like the natural progression in my transformation is going to be from fat to thin to anorexic. It also makes me feel like I am somehow not in control over my own body when in fact I feel more in control now than I ever have before!

Now, if you SEE me start to divide a lettuce leaf into ten bites and take the entire lunch hour to consume it...THEN you can talk to me about anorexia. However, if you catch me taking half a browning to indulge myself on a special occasion, well that's called moderation, leave me alone.

DaughterOfVenus
09-29-2010, 02:11 PM
I haven't lost enough to get that comment yet, but it pisses me off when anyone comments on my eating or weight at all.

Yesterday a guy at work said, "She's supposed to be on a diet, but all she's done since she got here is eat."

EFF YOU. I was eating green salad, then a little later some apple slices, then a veggie sandwich, then some vegetarian chili... I ate as many calories all day as he did with his two donuts and extra sweetened coffee breakfast. Who the HECK is HE?

*steaming*

No matter what the comment, our weight and eating habits are nobody's business and I find it frustrating that everyone seems to make it theirs.

stacygee
09-29-2010, 02:30 PM
I think sometimes when people see others losing weight they like to give what I call "under-handed compliments". For instance I am down two pants sizes and pulled out a pair to wear this weekend that I haven't worn since before being pregnant with my now 3 year old. My sister in law said "Are those the really old pants you used to wear before you were pregnant." UNDER-HANDED because she is JEALOUS!

carter
09-29-2010, 02:47 PM
I haven't lost enough to get that comment yet, but it pisses me off when anyone comments on my eating or weight at all.

Yesterday a guy at work said, "She's supposed to be on a diet, but all she's done since she got here is eat."

EFF YOU. I was eating green salad, then a little later some apple slices, then a veggie sandwich, then some vegetarian chili... I ate as many calories all day as he did with his two donuts and extra sweetened coffee breakfast. Who the HECK is HE?

*steaming*

No matter what the comment, our weight and eating habits are nobody's business and I find it frustrating that everyone seems to make it theirs.

This is why I do not invite people I only know casually, like work acquaintances, into such intimate and personal matters as my way of eating.

I like to think people have a better sense of what kind of comments are appropriate and what are not, but posts like this one have convinced me that sadly it's not so - workplace acquaintances cannot be trusted not to be tactless idiots with absolutely no filter between brain and mouth.

So, to protect myself, no one in my workplace has any idea that I am "supposed to be on a diet" - therefore no one, no matter how socially stupid they are, would make such a comment about me.

xty
09-29-2010, 03:04 PM
I try to remember that while people are often thoughtless, they rarely intend to be rude.

I totally understand why you were appalled by the comment, but people who have no exposure to eating disorders dont necessarily think in the same terms we do. As you noted, it was intended as a compliment.

Depending on how you judged the persons receptivity, it might have even been a possibility for gentle education :)

PinkHoodie
09-29-2010, 03:04 PM
I find it interesting that it happens just when someone notices you have lost weight. I am to the point now where people are noticing, and my SIL said "You aren't on that 500 calorie a day diet, are you?" No, you look good or anything. I had brought my own salad to have with our bbq instead of chips and had two hamburgers with no buns.
It was kind of stupid really when I think about it...it doesn't make sense to say those kind of things to people really...How does it help? It doesn't I guess unless it makes the other person feel better...
People... :P

saef
09-29-2010, 03:13 PM
What's sad about your coworker's remark is the co-opting of this rather frightening & serious word for use in casual conversations & jokes.

I'm old enough to remember kids saying "you ree-tard" to each other in much the same way, with the same complete lack of regard for what mental disabilities really mean.

And yet, though it probably doesn't seem that way, in one sense, it's actually good that your coworker used the word "anorexic" aloud when addressing you.

It means the person doesn't actually think you are anorexic, they're just trying to be snotty-witty, like actors on TV shows.

It's when your coworkers are convinced that you really are anorexic & in serious need of help that no one says the word in front of you. Ever. Because they haven't decided yet whether to do an intervention & who's the chosen one whom they'll elect to talk to you. (I know this from having had an eating disorder, many years ago. I was an anorexic until it exhausted me, and then bulimic, then simply suffered from binge-eating disorder. Yeah, I went through the whole spectrum of unhealthy relationships with food.)

It's exactly like when you're really fat & people go far out of their way to avoid using the word "fat" in front of you.

People on this board mention instances when someone says something aloud to them, but I swear, rather than getting comments -- except from drive-bys & as an adolescent -- what really made me uncomfortable was the lack of comment, the obvious dodges & avoidance & the straining for tact. I was the elephant in the room, literally & figuratively. Sometimes I think I can deal with cheerful unthinking rudeness better than hush-hush it's-not-to-be-mentioned, which is next to impossible to confront head-on.

Eliana
09-29-2010, 03:56 PM
Depending on how you judged the persons receptivity, it might have even been a possibility for gentle education :)

You don't know how badly I wanted to do that! Unfortunately it was a quick comment made as children were arriving to school. It was not the right time.

Eliana
09-29-2010, 04:01 PM
What's sad about your coworker's remark is the co-opting of this rather frightening & serious word for use in casual conversations & jokes.

I'm old enough to remember kids saying "you ree-tard" to each other in much the same way, with the same complete lack of regard for what mental disabilities really mean.

And yet, though it probably doesn't seem that way, in one sense, it's actually good that your coworker used the word "anorexic" aloud when addressing you.

It means the person doesn't actually think you are anorexic, they're just trying to be snotty-witty, like actors on TV shows.

It's when your coworkers are convinced that you really are anorexic & in serious need of help that no one says the word in front of you. Ever. Because they haven't decided yet whether to do an intervention & who's the chosen one whom they'll elect to talk to you. (I know this from having had an eating disorder, many years ago. I was an anorexic until it exhausted me, and then bulimic, then simply suffered from binge-eating disorder. Yeah, I went through the whole spectrum of unhealthy relationships with food.)

It's exactly like when you're really fat & people go far out of their way to avoid using the word "fat" in front of you.

People on this board mention instances when someone says something aloud to them, but I swear, rather than getting comments -- except from drive-bys & as an adolescent -- what really made me uncomfortable was the lack of comment, the obvious dodges & avoidance & the straining for tact. I was the elephant in the room, literally & figuratively. Sometimes I think I can deal with cheerful unthinking rudeness better than hush-hush it's-not-to-be-mentioned, which is next to impossible to confront head-on.

The "ree-tard" stuff bugs me equally, especially since that is my targeted group of kids. :) No one has any right when their lives are so easy, ya know?

I knew about your struggles with bulimia. I didn't know you struggled with anorexia too. My only real experience with it was when my husband was on suicide watch (depression) and two women in his ward struggled with OCD related anorexia. My heart still breaks for them. I don't know how they overcome it.

VickieLou
09-29-2010, 04:27 PM
Sorry that woman made that comment. Why people can't just make a nice comment and leave it at that.

doingmybest
09-29-2010, 05:03 PM
Here is what I want to do to people who make stupid comments: :frypan:

I don't get why people don't just mind their own business!!!!!

WebRover
09-29-2010, 05:04 PM
I think as a society our perspective of what "normal" looks like is so skewed that people see overweight people as being normal or even underweight. I think that drives some of the foolish comments like this we hear.

saef
09-30-2010, 12:05 AM
I knew about your struggles with bulimia. I didn't know you struggled with anorexia too. My only real experience with it was when my husband was on suicide watch (depression) and two women in his ward struggled with OCD related anorexia. My heart still breaks for them. I don't know how they overcome it.

Eating disorders are a very strange animal, and a person can cycle through more than one of them in her lifetime as she goes through the phases of her illness, from its worst to being on her way to remission.

The joke is that a bulimic is a failed anorexic.

Anorexia is not a praiseworthy thing by any means but it requires a steely will & focus. And if, after a time -- in my case, just about a year -- this effort exhausts a person, she may lapse from her adamant fasting. And the lapse is likely not to be as simple as eating a sandwich. (As people sarcastically urge them to: "Just eat a burger.") No. It's likely to occur as unleashing of the floodgates, into a flat-out binge. And then, in horror over what she's done, she may recover some of her steely will & attempt to undo the damage by purging in some way. Overexercising with a purpose, in my case.

Then, with a therapist's care, a person may conquer the purging impulse, without healing the bingeing impulse, and end up with symptoms of binge eating disorder. And when that calms down, will simply end up with a bad tendency to overeat.

It's all in remission now. That happened more than 12 years ago. The thing that I still have to watch for in myself is bingeing.

But I remember the demonic possession of anorexia pretty vividly. I think it's like being in a manic phase. (I've got a bipolar friend & we have discussed the similarities.) Yeah, it's definitely about more than being skinny. Women & very young girls die from it. So it's sad that it's become an easy term of disparagement & synonymous with simply being thinner than the person making the accusation.

ValRock
09-30-2010, 12:36 AM
UGH I hate that. I get it all the time too... on a military base full of snarky women with deployed husbands.

I overheard the other day "Have you seen Val lately, she looks great!" which made me smile... but then it was followed by "eh yeah... that's what happens when you don't eat".

WTH is the matter with people?!

marielenrdz
09-30-2010, 12:47 AM
It's a strange thing to hear for me, especially since I'm still considerably overweight. But, I get it a lot: "You look great. If you lose anymore weight you'll look sick." or "Hey Skinny Minnie." I hear it all the time: Don't lose anymore weight. What? I don't understand what they see. I'm 5'2" and 153-158 lbs depending on the week. I'm still considered overweight. I think they intend it as a compliment and in comparison to what I used to look like, I guess I would seem skinny. But if I just walked into a room full of strangers, no one would consider me skinny! I really do (at least in my case) believe that the people who say these things still have my former image in their minds and compare that image to how I look now.