On the outside, I am a normal girl, a normal college student who hides her weight as best as she can.
But I'm so embarrassed about my terrible food addiction.
If I'm eating a lot in front of my boyfriend, I'm like "omggg i havent eaten all day! haha" even though i probably ate 45 mins before.
today i was home alone and ordered way too much from dominos. when i went to pick it up, i pretended i was on the phone and was like "yeah im picking it up now!" so the guy wouldnt know it was all for me.
i officially vote myself as the most pathetic person in this world. thank you and goodbye.
Food addiction is a terrible thing. I totally understand how you feel. If you are addicted to heroin and quit, you are sick for a week then fight the urge to use for months, but eventually it get's better. Same with any opiates. If you quit cocaine cold turkey, you might crave it for a while, but it too eventually gets better. If you quit food cold turkey, you die of starvation. It's the only addiction you have to come to grips with and control.
I've used excuses to hide my shame in the past, too. Eventually, you'll have to find a way to let go of the shame so you can be the person you were born to be.
I've done the same things before. Using "we" at the McDonald's drive through to hide that the whole large order was mine. Running through BK on the way home to make dinner because I can't wait that extra half hour to eat.
You're not alone, and you can change it. Take a deep breath and think about your goals, then decide if you want to be healthy and happy more than you want the pizza or fast food or junk.
but you dont die if you quit fast food and binge eating. I understand your heart is in the right place ewim please dont compare apples and oranges-- as a person who has struggled with addiction of EVERY kind my entire life. Food addiction is psychological, mental and emotional. Incredibly devasting and consuming, and as hard to beat as anything, but ive never come close to doing some of the horrible things i did for meth, for a piece of chocolate cake. Ive never become violently ill and had to be hospitalized, like when i detoxed from opiates, because there wasnt a drive thru......
The lying is a defense mechanism that is trying to protect a very fragile and already hurt ego. And you are spending so much energy trying to impress people (external stimuli) who really don't matter instead of focusing on the person who really matters YOU! You are special, and don't have to compete with anyone, except yourself. In small baby steps, decide a goal that today you will do something for you and measure it by your own standards. In reality, only what you do today matters. Today you can control what you do, what you eat, what you say. And if you don't met every goal that you set for yourself today, you can forgive yourself, love yourself, accept yourself and try again tomorrow. There is no place for shame for you. It is a self-defeating concept, and your goal is to do something to improve yourself each day, whether it involves food or not.
The day isn't over, so you still have time to hug yourself.
We are in this together.
but you dont die if you quit fast food and binge eating. I understand your heart is in the right place ewim please dont compare apples and oranges-- as a person who has struggled with addiction of EVERY kind my entire life. Food addiction is psychological, mental and emotional. Incredibly devasting and consuming, and as hard to beat as anything, but ive never come close to doing some of the horrible things i did for meth, for a piece of chocolate cake. Ive never become violently ill and had to be hospitalized, like when i detoxed from opiates, because there wasnt a drive thru......
I think you're being just a little bit tough on him. A food addiction can and will kill you just as well as a heroin addiction will...it just might take longer. Yes, it IS apples and oranges...but it's a sound comparison for this situation.
Emotional eating is one. You may be trying to "stuff away" feelings you don't want to be feeling right now.
Hormones is another -- I'm guessing you are college age? That late teen/early 20's phase is second adolescence. Not as dramatic a growth spurt as puberty perhaps, but still... another surge!
Malnutrition/undernutrition is another if you are eating a lot of process/junk food type stuff. Calorie-wise may be high but nutrition may be quite low. "The End of Overeating" goes into the food processing and what makes things so deceptively addictingly tasty.
Me? I hardly ever feel FULL. I am PCOS/IR with the IR bit in remission. I eat low GI to keep it that way... but I still never feel full.
When my IR was uncontrolled I could eat a horse and his barn and the farm and it felt like I inhaled it all and still nothing... and I couldn't take the hunger and it made me nuts and omg I so want to binge on toast and jam! Cakes! Cookies!
Now I'm still hungry but I can step away and go "Ok, not feeling full, but neither am I blood sugar crazy. I can deal and stop here."
But I have no idea why I was destined for my body chemistry to be wired this way.
Take a step back to reflect on what it is you want to do. And don't beat yourself up. You have worth and value. Treat yourself so.
I've done things like that before - you're not alone.
I went through a phase where if I was ever going out for a meal with friends I would eat my dinner at home first telling my boyfriend "I'm going to eat now so I won;t eat loads later". Then I'd get to the restaurant and everyone would be saying they hadn't eaten all day in preparation for the meal and I'd say I'd done the same.
You need to find that voice inside your head BEFORE you do these things, so it can question why you're being like this. It's like that feeling when you're stuffing your face and you suddenly realise you aren't even attempting to chew or taste any of it, just cram it in... You need to stop and take a step back to re-evaluate how you're behaving.
Maybe easier said than done - but try and have those conversations with yourself so you realise what you're doing before/while you're doing it, rather than looking back and feeling disgusted.
The reason you're trying to hide it is that you know something is wrong. That's why people hide things.
Food can be addicting, actually--certain kinds of foods. They are deliberately designed by the fast food and restaurant industry to make people want to eat more. Read THE END OF OVEREATING--it explains how it works, with studies to back up the ideas.
Have you looked for a counselor or therapist? These days, some specialize in food issues. You might find some help there around your need to overeat.
I lie because I'm ashamed.
please dont compare apples and oranges-- as a person who has struggled with addiction of EVERY kind my entire life. Food addiction is psychological, mental and emotional. Incredibly devasting and consuming, and as hard to beat as anything, but ive never come close to doing some of the horrible things i did for meth, for a piece of chocolate cake. Ive never become violently ill and had to be hospitalized, like when i detoxed from opiates, because there wasnt a drive thru......
