[spreadhead]

I lost my job several months ago, and was able to take it easy for awhile. I really enjoyed the first couple months of "vacation," and entertained an active social life, exercise habits, etc. In mid-February things began to get all "life-y" again, and in addition to other annoyances, great and small, a lover moved on to greener pastures, leaving me utterly depressed. I stopped walking. I ordered take-out. A lot of it. I watched movies, and the entire Weeds series in various states of undress, while sitting in my room and ignoring the phone. I spent way more of my savings on food-stuffs than I'd be willing to admit. One day I put on my clothes, and there was no ignoring the fact that my depression had caused severe physical symptoms. I told myself that I would get in gear in March, and look for work in April. Then I told myself the same thing in April, but have yet to achieve my aim.

I have been "watching my weight," since that time, exercising again, and really trying not to binge, with moderate success. Also, I have been applying for, and being rejected by, several jobs per week. This has never been an issue in all of my decade-long "career." It's f'in waitressing, for Christ's sake! In the past, I have been fired by one place on a Friday, threw a big party, and waltzed into another job come Monday. Of course, at the time I was younger, and yes- thinner.

I do have another interview tomorrow, and I am no where near the size I prefer to be. I am so concerned that this is the reason I can't seem to find a job, as it's not unusual (is it?) for waitress gigs to be staffed by a manager looking for "hot chicks." So, I'm terribly afraid that I'm being overlooked to make room for "pretty young things," whose group I can no longer claim membership in. Really?! I feel unworthy of a waitressing job?! Has my self-esteem really crashed this far?! Is this all a matter of weight?!

Of course, all this negative energy is not helping my situation; it's making me a depressed bundle of nerves- with an appetite! In fact, I have had over a gallon of ice cream in the last two days, as well as other meals. Damn my self-destructive thought (or rather, non-thought) patterns.

If you're still reading this, thank you. I did need to vent, and any encouragement would be appreciated. I am also interested in what y'all think about this kind of situation. Have you felt that your weight has overshadowed your qualifications in the work place? Did the "Thin You" have an easier time finding employment? Am I crazy to assume that it is my weight that is the cause for all this rejection?

[bronzeager]

Hi! You're in Austin? I went to grad school there. Now it has been a few years, and it may have changed a bit, but it seemed to me that in the places I hung out, people were hired for their personality and competence, rather than their appearance. Not to mention that your weight doesn't seem that out of the ordinary for your height. I think it's more likely that you have a lot of competition right now (when did the school year end?) and your run of bad luck doesn't anything have to do with your appearance. It sounds like you have a lot of experience in the job, and that will probably be your selling point anyway in a college town.

So put down the spoon, get on your funky clothes, your cheerfullest, coolest attitude, recolor/style your hair (as appropriate) and get back out there.

And to answer your other question, I'm a university academic, and in most places we come in all sizes and shapes, though I have a feeling in some departments appearance may figure more than others. I'm in a field discipline (archaeology) which does require that we are in reasonably good shape if we're going to be doing outdoor work -- which is not necessarily everyone, and also there are plenty of people who may be of larger size, but are pretty fit.

Good luck.

[crimsons]

Hey Spreadhead -- I know what you mean about feeling self-conscious in job interviews. I think the last comment was spot on regarding both personality and sprucing up non-waistline bits. Maybe you could also get a new interview outfit that fits you perfectly and makes you feel great and exude confidence. You might even be able to find something great at a thrift or consignment shop.