100 lb. Club - Freedom!!

View Full Version : Freedom!!

05-28-2010, 04:20 PM
I just realized last night as I was making dinner, that I really feel free from my out of control eating behavior. I used to feel so completely out of control around food. I felt hopeless and helpless. I probably ate 5000 calories a day easily. Most of it was fast food, processed, refined, etc. etc. I ate mindlessly, didn't plan ahead and often had a overwhelming fear of going hungry. I would panic if I thought I might miss a meal!! Imagine fearing starvation at 275 lbs. I hid food in my car and at my desk so I would never be without!

I was griling a chicken breast last night, steaming carrots and working on a salad. My one not 100% whole food part of the meal was a super wonderful crusty sourdough roll. I can't find the taste and texture I like in whole wheat. Somehow baker's have not perfected the whole wheat sour dough thing as of yet. Planned, scheduled, tracked, enjoyed.

I ate my dinner, cleaned the kitchen, spent time with my unruly oppositional defiant, adhd 9 year old (button pusher, argumentative, uber sensitive!). Good Lord, is all I can say!! In the past my "go to" drug of choice for dealing with stress was food, high carb food. A mixing bowl of sweetened cereal was like Valium for me, I had one almost every night before bed, after tucking my son in. Last night, I parented my child to the best of my abilities, calmly vented my frustration with my son in an adult fashion, maintained my boundaries and composure with my son, vented to my boyfriend in private after my son had gone to bed. My self soothing treat last night was a cup of chamomile tea with stevia sweetener.

I reflected on my feeling of freedom over food as I was cooking and then again in how far I have come in not stuffing my feelings with food when dealing with extremely stressful situations.

I'm curious if anyone else feel's free-er while having actually more limitations put on their eating??

05-28-2010, 04:30 PM
I do 'better' with food but food is still an addiction for me. I am careful around bread because it was one of my number one binge foods, I'm also careful around ice cream like products because that was probably number 2. I don't bring ice cream like products into the house any more unless I am ok with the idea of eating them all within a day or 2. Luckily, being vegan, most of the ice cream like products come in pints versus half gallons :) Also, I am careful about bread as I won't buy bagels, english muffins, crackers, tortillas or loafs of bread. I do buy sprouted grain bread for my husband which is easier to control. I also have a small package of corn tortillas which I am allowing myself 1 per day.

Anyway, I definitely have more control of my eating and when I do binge/overeat, it is definitely healthier food but I am afraid it is an addiction I will continue to have for the rest of my life.

05-28-2010, 04:43 PM
I can't even really express how much freer I feel now than I did before, when I was a slave to sugar. When I allowed myself to eat everything, oh I did...and I was never satisfied. It's like night and day, the difference.

05-28-2010, 06:40 PM
Great Job!!!!