I know most of what is dealt with in this forum is binge eating, but I feel like any ED has something to do with control.
I'm a little concerned about my behaviors lately. Part of it might be due to stress from finals and to the fact that I just started an antidepressant which I am pretty sure is causing an appetite decrease, but I've noticed myself going toward the other end of the ED spectrum. I'm restricting my calories to a point that is unhealthy and weighing myself multiple times a day. Whether I have a good or bad day is largely dependent on what number I see on the scale in the morning. I'm obsessive with my calorie tracking and how my clothes fit. I'm dropping weight rapidly-- 5 pounds last week, though that might just be water weight. Sometimes I go a whole day without eating. I can tell my mind isn't always in good shape because of hunger. I see a largely overweight person in the mirror. However, I'm at a normal weight. Obviously, I can't keep doing this, but it's a compulsion, just like binging is.
I want to lose weight healthily, but I'm wondering if maybe I need to back down for a bit and take things a bit slower before I redevelop a full-blown eating disorder. I'm seeing a therapist and trying to curb these behaviors before they explode, but it can be difficult to work through issues like this while losing weight. Has anyone else had issues before with prior cases of anorexia threatening to come back during an attempt at healthy weight loss? Should I slow up my pace/intensity for a bit while I'm trying to get my mind healthy again, or is that just an excuse? Any input anyone might have is welcomed.
hey lady, i hear ya. it's so good you are already talking to a therapist, and you definitely have the right idea --- "curb these behaviors before they explode."
one thing you might try is getting rid of that dang scale for a while! i know that intellectually we all understand that the scale has a mood of its own and so not to take it too seriously...but i know the feeling of compulsive weighing...it's hard to resist the call. whether it's curiosity, or hope, or punishment i find myself weighing far more frequently than is necessary for accurate measurement of my body's changes.
there are 100 reasons you might not want to get rid of it, but maybe just stick it in the trunk of your car until finals are over?? i know the first few days would probably be hard, but it might be really good for your body, mind and spirit to take that off your plate.
just a thought! good for you for recognizing where you are and that you might need to do a little more mental work than you counted on...we all probably could :P
20 pounds! you're hot stuff!
Last edited by partypantalones; 04-27-2010 at 12:40 AM.
Hi Bama Girl! Yea, put the scale away. (trunk is a great idea!) Tell yourself everyday in the mirror, "I'm going to make healthy choices today!" Plan out your meals for the day. Eat with balance, don't starve. Keep seeing your therapist. Keep coming on here, 3FC. Take care of yourself. Blessings to you!! Well, that's my two-cents... --Audrey
Now sit down with a piece of paper & a pen, or at your laptop, and write a commitment to yourself. The commitment should say something like this:
"I am going through a stressful time. I need to take care of myself, the way a good parent would take care of a child dealing with a difficult schedule & a lot of demands. That means ensuring my child gets enough sleep & eats regular healthy meals. I will not let her go hungry. I will take very good care of her & let no harm come to her."
Promise yourself that you will not let yourself go hungry. You will NOT do that. You will make healthy choices. But there will be NO HUNGER & no denial that what you are feeling is hunger & no telling yourself that you can put off eating a little longer. That is downright cruel. You would not do that to a child entrusted to your care. (If she cried to you "I'm so hungry!" you would not say: "Later, kid. Suck it up & deal with it. No food today for you.") So why do it yourself?
There is a difference between eating healthily & denying yourself food. Keep that difference in mind. Consider that to be your red line, which you won't cross.
Pledge to take care of yourself the way you would of someone else whom you had to care for.
This is a really interesting topic--whether you compulsively overeat or severely restrict yourself, they both seem to be opposite ends on the same spectrum. I've been there, bama--I went through a "diet" of nothing but cigarettes and coffee for a month, I've convinced myself that 500 calories a day is sufficient for a normal human being. I've also managed to eat entire bags of snacks and have a full pint of ice cream for "dessert."
What's different this time for me is that I'm not just focused on weight loss for aesthetic reasons--I really, really want to be healthy. And trust me, I have a lot of stress right now that would make it so easy to flip-flop in my efforts--either eat nothing, or inhale whatever edible things are in reach. What's going on in your life right now that makes you fixated on weight? Does it make you feel calmer and more focused not to eat? If so, then yeah, you're probably using food, weight, and body issues to channel your stress and anxiety. And girl, it can be REALLY tough to find new outlets for that stress. But if you want to try to curb any eating disordered behavior, you just have to. Writing, yoga, making voodoo dolls of your professors...almost anything is better than getting entrenched in an eating disorder.
In regards to your therapy, it might help to keep a journal where you track your mood in relation to what you eat, don't eat, when you weight yourself, etc. and then share it with your doctor. Writing it all down will really help you get a handle on what's driving these behaviors, plus you're lucky enough to have a therapist to help guide you through it.
Finally, good for you! It's really easy to just wave off or downplay these behaviors, especially if you're losing weight. But it's great that you realize it might be harmful to you in the long run. Just the fact that you're concerned about it shows that you care enough about yourself to make good choices.
Thank you guys so much for replying. It's so good to know I'm not alone in this. I'm going to put the scale up for a while and only weigh once or twice a week for now, I think. I'd like to keep track, but at the same time, 3 or 4 times a DAY is NOT necessary or healthy.
I'd definitely have to say that much like binging, restricting for me does have a calming effect when I'm stressed out because it's like I have a sense of control when I don't otherwise. I'm just going to have to find other ways to do that without hurting myself.
Definitely back off for a while. Slow down and put your mental health first and your physical health second. Put up the scale, even put it at someone else's house while you work on you. As someone who has struggled with Anorexia, Bulimia, COE and BED over the course of about 16 years now, I can totally relate to what you're going through. Weight loss for me will never be a simple and painless process, I will always walk the razor thin line between being healthy and slowly killing myself. I'm glad to hear you're working with your therapist, does your therapist specialize in eating disorders? It might also be worth looking into an outpatient program for ED treatment. Better to do it now than to wait until the issues are so serious you need to go to inpatient therapy. Another thing that helps is to talk to a nutritionist and have them help you write out a healthy plan for losing weight.
Good luck with your journey and I hope everything works out great for you.
You mentioned that you have recently started taking an antidepressant that might be decreasing your appetite. I would definitely talk to the prescribing doctor about this ... especially if the antidepressant is making you jittery or hyperactive. You may need to switch to another brand. I would try to slow down my weight loss goal for a while, especially during finals ... that is just too much pressure on you. What's the hurry? Slow and steady is the best way to lose weight permanently. And keep in mind that your mental health is more important that a few extra pounds right now. Good luck and keep us posted!
When I was 18, I was taking an antidepressant that made me suicidal. My doctor switched me to a different brand, and that never happened again. I remember having suuuuch low self-esteem, not only because of my age, but how I looked compared to other girls, etc. Looking back, I was a bajillion times thinner than I am now, so it was very much to do with that particular anti-depressant. I think you should talk to your doc. And finals week sucks, I'm going through that right now too, and I have four year-old twins, one with a broken leg , money problems, and am trying to plan my July wedding with all of this too--just breathe, forget the scale, and remember--this too shall pass!
Do I need to back off?
, money problems, and am trying to plan my July wedding with all of this too--just breathe, forget the scale, and remember--this too shall pass!
