[PinkHoodie]

With families lack of support. I am determined to make this my way of eating. Period. I don't want to go back to who I was before. I feel so healthy, energized. But my family just doesn't get it. We are going on a camping trip in June and July and I was telling my Dad that I don't think I will be eating with them, because I can't have a lot of stuff (I'm going to always be strict on sugar...as much as I possibly can). But that I was fine with bringing my own salads or precooked stuff that I could just throw together and have when the rest of the family is eating, and he just didn't get it. And wasn't very supportive either. In fact even made me feel GUILITY for complicating things...I just don't understand, how its complicated?? I will just take care of myself. Plain and simple isn't it? It seems so in my mind....Any advice on how to deal with this? I know it seems awhile away. But I have learned that for me, if I plan ahead, and think about obstacles that could/will be in my way and how to deal with them, I am way more likely to be successful...

[MissKoo]

What I have had to do in these type of situations is what I learned in assertiveness class years ago. I state a simple fact, such as "I need to bring foods I can have on plan." When they give me negative feedback, such as "Why can't you just go along and eat what we eat? Isn't it good enough for you?!" or something like that, I would need to reply & mention that I understand their side but NOT defend my position! My position isn't up for grabs. "Hey Dad, sounds like you are worried there might be confusion about the food on our trip. I'm sorry you feel that way" It sounds a bit strange but after a while people figure out that you are not trying to get their approval or permission to decide how you will live your own life!

Not always easy to do. Takes practice. It is so worth it! Assertive isn't aggressive, just persistant. I bet after a while of your dad seeing you making your own decisions, sticking by them, and doing something positive for yourself he will relax about it and maybe even be supportive!

Just my two cents!

[astrophe]

Food is not just fuel. For some its an expression of love or nurture. It's also family culture or family bonding time. And then there's other people's self esteem weirdness.

So when you break away from the typical food culture of your family, don't be surprised if some take it as you are rejecting their love/nurture, some take it like you are shunning the family or bonding time, or some take it like you are judging or dissing them personally and it is an attack on their self esteem somehow.

We are going on a camping trip in June and July and I was telling my Dad that I don't think I will be eating with them, because I can't have a lot of stuff (I'm going to always be strict on sugar...as much as I possibly can).

I agree with being assertive about your needs but consider how you put things across to others.

I assume Dad is the camping host/leader person. I've been the big family organizer and it is a PAIN. :P

"I can't eat your food. I will bring my own and make my own" sounds different than "How can I help you with planning the food?"

One can be seen as rejection, setting you apart from the herd.

The other is an offer of help and trying to maintain the family unit while putting you in a position to make sure your needs are going to be met.

A.

[CatMat]

What kind of camping are you doing? Tent or trailer? Maybe you can come up with some food suggestions that everyone will enjoy.

[Lexxiss]

Here is a thread from last summer; http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/sbd-...real-life.html.

What astrophe said really rang a bell with me...there's alot to be said for strategic planning and finding a way to explain your feelings without hurting his. I'm wondering if it would help him to if you explained that with your PCOS diagnosis and your trying to start a family that this is a way of eating that has been recommended?

Best wishes!

[KellyEnix]

Debbie, thanks so much for posting the link! I read the thread and found it very helpful and inspiring.

[PinkHoodie]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to answer me! I just don't think my Dad understands eating in a healthy way...I'm hoping he will get used to the idea before we go camping.
Some of us will be in tents, some in trailers. So its a big mix, but I do think he sees it as "bonding time" for our family to sit together and eat. I will have to try some of these suggestions.
I don't have time tonight to read the link but will be back tomorrow to read it and get some more ideas!
Thanks again everyone!

[Mmckellen]

Perhaps your dad is sensitive because he feels he should take a look at his diet too. You can also fall back on the "doctor's orders" excuse if you feel it might set him off less. What needs to happen is that it is as easy as possible for you to stay on plan, and if making false excuses so others just accept it is what works, then that's what works. So many people feel that food is love.

[sarahyu]

I've found my family is more supportive of my weight loss when I put it as a health issue-"my blood pressure is getting high, I need to change my eating habits" And since you have PCOS, that's a medical thing so use that excuse. And when Dad gets all upset about you wanting different food you can talk about your ovaries and hormones. Should get him to change the subject rather quickly.

I agree tell dad you'll help with the food planning. They don't need to know it's SBD, it's just fresh and healthy eating. When they dig out the chips and dip sit as far away from it as possible.

Bring a ton of heatlhy snacks so that everyone can eat yours too-but save some in case they like yours better then the junk so you'll have something to eat for the rest of the time.

Most of my family didn't even realize I was on a diet because I would bring food to family dinners that looked "normal" and not like diet food. And when the junk food came out I'd say I was still full from the meal. And I would bring some sort of dessert that was healthy and on plan so I'd have something to eat for dessert when they brought out the yummy stuff.

Don't make it sound like "I won't be eating your food" That sort of sounds mean, especially to a dad. He's probably thinking, "What's gotten into that girl? It was good enough for us" Especially when it's a big family thing. He's probably remembering the old times when everyone was little and ate this way. It's tradition. So, it's time to revamp tradition a little bit.

Food is love in a lot of family and if you don't eat the food you don't love them. I know it's weird, but even I feel that way sometimes. I spend all this time cooking a special meal for my friends and family and someone doesn't eat I feel bad. I have to remind myself that it doesn't mean they don't like me it means that don't feel like eating. It's not personal.

But anyway, good luck with the camping trip. Take long hikes and play a lot. Enjoy the fresh air and mosquitoes, and avoid the poison ivy.

Sarah in MD