So as some of you may know, I mentioned in passing I had recently split up with my bf of 5 years...
I'm not looking for anyone because I think it never happens when you're looking for it. So anyyyyway... Last summer I met a guy who shares mutual friends with me. He pursued trying to get me to go to dinner with him, but after realizing I had a bf he backed off, and we've just been friendly with one another. So I see him out a couple of weeks ago and he mentions something about the bf and I correct him and tell him I'm single now. So he says he will give me a call...
3 days pass, nothing. Then Friday I go to meet up with some friends and hes there. He went to the place I usually hang out in hopes of seeing me because he realized he didn't have my number anymore. I thought, that's kind've impressive to put in that kind of effort...since then he's stopped in to the dental office I work at, (which he's also a patient but hasn't been in 5 years) ...he brought me coffee and made an appt for me to clean his teeth. When he showed up for that appt he brought coffee for everyone in my office. He's been so polite, and generous and acts like an actual gentleman....I guess my problem is, I'm soooooooo not used to having anyone put real effort into any type of relationship with me!!
Do you ladies ever feel like that? Like its almost not deserved, I almost feel like, why me? I'm not really special enough to have anyone chase after me, especially someone who's not your usual skeevy loser. He has a good job, he's a county sheriff, just bought a new house, no kids, never been engaged or married. Almost too good to be true.
I just don't know what to do! How do you ladies conquer your inner demons? I just feel so self concious about everything. Like maybe I'm good enough now until something thinner and prettier comes alone. I feel like I'm sabotaging anything before it even starts because I'm so cynical and negative!!
....sorry that was a looooong rant. I just had to get it out, and felt you guys might understand where I'm coming from.
I felt like that too with my current bf when we started dating. He probably just sees something in you that he likes that you may not even notice. Don't push him away for that. Even if it doesn't work out, you would have given it a shot, what is there to lose?
Yes, I absolutely feel like that! That comedian Groucho Marx once said: "I don't want to be part of a club that will accept me as a member." When I heard that, I thought "that is EXACTLY how I am with guys." Sometimes it gets to the point where if a guy is showing a lot of interest it can actually be kind of a turn off for me. I know, this is not healthy. Also, I need to have a guy that keeps me on my toes. If I feel like I have him wrapped around my finger, I'm done.
For me, I think it's all about self-confidence and feeling worthy. As bad as this sounds, the more I lose weight, the more I feel like I am worthy of dating those amazing guys. Beforehand, if they showed interest, I assumed they were, well, dorks.
This may not be at all what you're talking about, but I thought I'd put in my two cents. And I agree with Aneleh, theres probably something he sees that you don't. As I gain more self-confidence (I think due to the weight loss and definitely alot to do with me getting older and caring less what people think of me) I'm starting to accept these gestures. You just have to realize you're worthy!!
Awww...he sounds like a sweetheart! I'm married now and when I met and started dating my husband I was not overweight, so I cannot speak from first hand experience. But, I agree that as you gain more self-confidence you will realize that you deserve all those things. I know it can be hard though when you don't feel great about yourself. I find it hard to accept a compliment from my husband and just say thank you without wondering if there is an ulterior motive behind it. Why can't I just allow him to compliment me because he loves me and wants to compliment me on something. Ok...so maybe I can relate a little more than I thought I could.
What a good problem to have. BUT He's seen thin and pretty girls before. You're not the first woman he's seen so don't act like he's settling, you're totally gorgeous.
Aww thank you ladies for all your wonderful advice!! I'm gonna try and ride it out and ignore my inner demons! I'm not gonna get too wrapped up in it, try and keep it casual and see what happens!
Go for it. Until you find bodies in the basement.... you MIGHT just have found one of those rare, amazing guys out there that are... wait for it..... SINGLE.
Crazy, huh?
I know what you mean though... I'm still waiting for the axe to drop on my Mr. Finally Perfect as well! He's too amazing....
Oh wow.
He sounds like a complete and totally DOLL, and I say you give it a shot.
I can completely relate to the self-consciousness, I think every woman on this forum can... but you have to know that just because you don't necessarily feel worthy doesn't mean that you AREN'T! As Aneleh said, he probably sees something in you that you don't even see in yourself. And I think you owe it to yourself to give a shot to someone who clearly will treat you like gold-- the way, I assure you, you DESERVE to be treated!
Kind've OT and long, boys boys boys
