20-Somethings - Are you treated differently as a thin person?

I was going to post on the thread about losing weight & getting male attention - that is happening to me, too, except I'm married so while I'm flattered, the increased male attention/compliments also makes me really uncomfortable.

But anyway, it brought up another issue for me that I am having to deal with. I don't work in an appearances-driven industry (software industry). But I do work for a smaller company and appearances have always been really important here. I do remember when interviewing for the job, my job recruiter made a comment about how the managers will like me because I'm "young, pretty, female" in so many words. I was also 185 lbs at the time. After I was hired I slowly gained another 30 lbs and finally topped out at 213. It is NO secret that most of the managers/owners here tend to treat the few women who work here that are attractive differently.

Since then I've lost 60 lbs, but the only part of my weight loss that I am vocal about is the fact that I am a runner (which is how I lost weight). Since losing weight, people are more friendly to me. They go out of their way to strike up conversation, compliment me, include me. People who wouldn't even look at me when I weighed 200+ lbs now are friendly with me. I work in a male-dominated industry so I am mostly surrounded by men and they have no qualms about complimenting me.

I'm sure part of it is that I am more confident about myself. I don't look down whenever I pass someone in the hall. I am happy to talk about my running/weight loss if someone asks me. And since I feel good about MYSELF, I'm sure it reflects in my personality. But I'll be honest, while I am happy for the new "acceptance", it still bothers me that people treated me differently when I was obese.

Anyone else run into the same experience?

The only thing I've noticed is I get more attention in stores and strangers come up to me at the gym. But I work in an office with only 4 other people, who are always really nice to me no matter what. I'm not big on the bar scene or anything, and I've always been really awkward in that kind of situation, anyway.

Fierce quads unite!!!

I had a very, very hard time with this when I lost weight. I was treated much differenly by the world around me.

I think now, a few years later, my personality is different and therefore I am treated differently.

I do not think that was true when I first lost weight. It's sad, but it is the reality.

I feel I am treated very differently. Not only by men but also by women in both good and bad ways. After losing weight, I was given a bid to a more "stuck up pretty girl" sorority. Also, I felt some backlash from a few of my female friends. Its kind of annoying, but I understand what you mean.

I'm glad you girls can relate, although I think it sucks that we all have similar experiences! I think what bothers me is that -other thann being more confident and probably a little more outgoing- I am the same person. I still have the same sense of humor, same personality, etc. so why wasn't I worth getting to know at 200+ lbs, but am worth including at 150ish lbs? I think that's what it comes down to for me. I'm not saying that people deliberately thought "oh, she's fat, I'm not going to get to know her," but I think subconsciously it may have been that way.

It also could be, too, that when I was at my heaviest, I did my best to not be noticed. So I think I share some part in this. Hmm.

--Treated very differently. I don't feel comfortable getting into it though.

I am just starting to have this experience. I'm starting to notice that I seem to be approached by strangers/acquaintances more. More people strike up conversations with me...joke around with me that sorta thing. Men smile/hold my door open more. And then there are my (still) overweight friends that are NOT happy I'm losing weight, they treat me very differently, it is very sad.

I've sort of subtly noticed this, both with strangers and with a friend of mine.

She was always one to want to go out to bars to help me to "meet people." I'm shy at bars, I'm terrible at striking up conversations with random strangers, so she'd always so, oh, I'll be your wingman, lets go out, meanwhile she'd wind up talking up all the guys and I'd be miserable in the corner. Now when I say hey, let's go out for a drink, its all like um, no, I don't feel like it - could it have something to do with the fact that I'm slightly more attractive than I was before? I think so...

And then there are my (still) overweight friends that are NOT happy I'm losing weight, they treat me very differently, it is very sad.

I've been having this lately too. I cant wear things I looked forward to wearing, like relatively short shorts because some of my friends are jealous and then i feel bad for making them feel bad, even if that wasnt my intention (its getting warmer here, I want to enjoy the fruits of my labour). Its so unfair

--Treated very differently. I don't feel comfortable getting into it though.

:hug: I'm sorry, TBG.

thank you skinny pants!

I've always thought this but everyone I told said I was crazy that people aren't like that....i noticed a couple years back when I was younger and way thinner more people would approach me and I don't wana sound like an airhead but some people would suck up to me and try to be my friend...now that I'm heavier people don't even take a 2nd glance at me

This seems like the perfect thread to get into what I'm dealing with right now. While I can see differences in how I'm treated because I'm thinner (male attention mostly), it's the reaction I'm getting because I'm not obese that's bothering me. Here's what I mean by that.

Most of my closest friends are the same size I was when started losing weight. Even back when it was first starting to be noticeable, they gave me so much trouble about it. They teased me and tried making me feel guilty by being "different" than them now. When I have told them in the past that I go to the gym, they laugh at me and roll their eyes...so I literally lie and say I don't go much anymore. I even texted one of them to exclaim that I had finally gotten under 200 lbs....she ignored me and never answered. Another girl told me she didn't even know me anymore and I look weird now. It breaks my heart.

These girls are VERY nice girls...I know this makes them sound mean, but they're not. Is it just that girls are like this? I imagine it's because they wish THEY were losing weight, too, but I feel so wounded. I just want support and not ridicule just because I'm smaller now (smallER, not small yet...and I'm actually afraid to lose them if I lose more weight).

Has anyone else experienced THIS kind of attention since you've lost weight? What do you do?

^^^Yes, I have experienced this. My conclusion? People are very uncomfortable with change, especially phsyical ones they can't ignore (even if they try very hard). Perhaps it's because it exposes something they don't like about themselves. Who knows.

Another thing that happened? I was always that girl with lots of guy friends. The second their girlfriends or what-not laid eyes on me, I wasn't allowed within a 100 foot radius of their guys.

It is what it is. Throughout this journey I've learned many things about myself, one of which is that I really shouldn't give a damn about other's insecurities. It belongs to them and them only.

How disheartening Angee :(

One of the things I said on this forum when I first joined, was that one of my friends had lost a lot of weight and that I felt really inadequate around her now. Every time I see her tiny frame and wonderful cheekbones I feel like a giant BLOB. She came to stay the night last weekend and I cried and cried to my boyfriend before she came because I was so worried. She had just spent six months in Spain working. After she lost her weight, she quit her bank job and left the country! Something I don't think she'd have done if she hadn't lost the weight...

Anyway, I found it really difficult. I absolutely adore her - she's one of my BEST friends. But I still had to run off to the toilets and cry every time I was with her (I ACTUALLY did this). But then she came over and I managed to control myself, and now because we've spent some proper time together I don't think I'll ever feel like that again - especially not now that I'm losing weight myself. (I was very lucky that the day she came over I had managed to drop 6lbs in the last week! It made me feel much better :D)

She's in Austria until April now. The date that I next see her is a major mini goal for me. She's my biggest inspiration and her photo smiles down on me while I do my dvds in the living room. I hope that your friends come to realise that you haven't changed at all, and that they manage to get over their insecurities and can be happy for you. I understand how upset they must be, but the only way to remedy it, I think, is if they start being healthy too.

What a shame that your friends have each other to still use as the emotional crutch that fat friends have. I think it made a difference that once my friend lost weight, I was the only fat friend left. Losing weight has felt very daunting and I felt very alone in attempting it until I found you guys! :D

Just remember that the way they are acting is not worth stopping your incredible progress. I really hope that they sort themselves out. If my friend had texted me with a goal she had made I would never have ignored her. (I would have just cried for hours!) I really do hope that they come to their senses. :hug:

Sorry for the GIANT post!!!!

I can relate sooo much. At my heaviest I worked with ALL men. I worked for a small family company and I was only one of two woman in the entire business. Me being the only one under 50. I use to get so much slack from the guys and be told that "your a big girl, you should be able to do what we do." "Your as big as us" I hated it! It was a very labor intense job and climbing laders and scafoldings where just a part of of the job. They use to make fun of me and say that im flexing the scalfolding and I should get off while they were on it..blah blah. But now that I have lost the weight I almost feel just as bad because I get slack from my own family members. At dinner time I try my best to make healthy choices and im totally mocked for it. "Eww thats disgusting" "How can you eat that" blah blah blah or when I say im going to workout I get told all the time "oh god she has stop everything to go workout now" I just feel like its painful being fat or thin. I get mixed reviews when people see me as well. I think people are jealous about it and want to assume that im doing it unhealthy and just throwing up and it bothers me that I have worked SO hard to get where I am for MYSELF and people critize me for it. My sister lost about 80lbs two years ago and my mother just gloated all the time about her and how fantastic she looked and she literally lost it by eating nothing but lunch every day and of course she gained it all back plus some but damn I would like some recongnizition for all the hard work I have done the RIGHT WAY!

Angee -- I'm sorry that you're having to go through this, and I must say I know exactly what you are going through. It sucks that the negative always outweighs the positive in situations like that. I hope your friends realize how rude they are being and can start being proud of the great accomplishments you've had.

*All* of my best friends are bigger gals, and because of that, while I was never happy with my body, the weight was never an issue with me until it became a health concern. I currently live with a girl who had the gastric bypass (Angie) and another girl whom I've been friends with since forever (Paige). This life style change is all about support and because I live with these girls, I seek this support from them more often than I should. Paige has always been bigger than me, but for our entire lives she's placed us both in her own bubble where she thinks we are exactly the same. At my heaviest, she weighed 40lbs more than me and I've lost 40lbs since then. Just yesterday she made a comment about a clothing store that "even sells clothes in our size" like we've always been the same size and still are. It's disheartening that she can't be supportive of this change in me when I'm doing it for my health. But I shouldn't be surprised as she wasn't supportive of Angie's decision to have the gastric bypass.

Change is inevitable, and I'd like to see someone lose 100lbs and not change their life even if it's only subtle. I've lived a life of insecurities and I've been closed off in a shell. Now I'm starting to come out of that shell and be the person I've always held in because of lack of self-confidence. If she doesn't want to be supportive of that, and doesn't like the new me than we're just not meant to be best friends anymore.

And sorry, another lengthy post. :D

I'm older than alot of you, 46. But yes I am treated very differently. Some women, even strangers, are not as nice to me and make catty remarks about what I eat or how often I exercise. But men treat me differently all together. When I was bigger, men ignored me. Now they are tripping over themselves to open my door and help me, even strangers. While I have had a few hit on me, which I'm not interested in, I've been married 24 years, they have been respectful.

It is hard when the people close to you, family and friends, struggle with the changes you are making in your life. One of my friends recently told me that those hurtful comments say more about the people making them than about you. And some of you may decide that it is time to make some new friends. It happens, friendships change, grow and fade, over time as we age. You are all making positive changes in your lives and may need to surround yourselves with more positive people.

I'm 48 and I do feel like I'm treated a little differently, especially by men. I have a small social circle which is mostly work friends and family; the women are still fine because I'm still the fattest. :( We'll see what happens when I get thinner. Most of my co-workers are married men so I haven't seen a difference in the way they treat me. I notice it mostly with men I don't know.

I saw a really attractive man at Safeway the other night who said "hello!" to me, then made eye contact with me several more times in the store. He was buying batchelor food (six-pack and a package of meat, hahaha). I wasn't sure what to do other than meet his eye contact and smile. And at the gym, I almost bumped into a man as I was heading into the locker room; we both said, "excuse me" with a smile and he reached out and almost touched my arm. Not in a creepy, grabby way; but it was still something that I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have done 55 pounds ago.

The only person who seems really disturbed by my weight loss is my best friend of 20 years, who is struggling with her weight right now. She has made several remarks about me being "too skinny" and how thin my legs are. But I think that's just because she is struggling right now, so I try to see it from her viewpoint and let it go. But yeah, Losermom, this is the one that's most difficult because I care most about her. I know it's just because she's struggling, but it still makes me feel self-conscious and sad.