So this is beyond off topic, but I'm so mad I have to tell someone or I'll just blow up.
So I'm friends with a lot of guys - they're all one group of friends, and have known each other since they were 3-12, in some form or another (some met in pre-school, they all joined in middle school).
Anyway - only one of them is engaged, and she's a nice girl, we're kind of friends, but we're different (we'll call her E).
So anyway, apparently one of the guys likes me (J). He's a nice guy, but not my type. I don't know if there could be any thing between us, but there are a lot of things about him that make me hesitate. He smokes, both legal and illegal substances (I literally watched my mom and grandmother die of lung cancer, and I'm so against smoking its ridiculous), and despite having a college degree in sociology, he works at a bar and as a pool guy. Now, my dad's a plumber, I have no problem with people who are laborers for a living - but my dad trained to be a plumber, there was stability in it, its what he wanted to do - he didn't fall back on it because he wasn't serious about college, majored in something "easy" and now can't get a job (which is what said guy did, by his own accord). In addition, I'm not so sure I want to date someone within the group I hang out with. As my girl friends put it, I don't want to poop where I eat, if you will.
All this being said, E keeps pushing me (along with her fiance and one of my roommates). I don't do well with pushing. If I'm going to give him a chance and go on a date with him, its not going to happen if I'm pushed in that direction. I keep telling her, you can't push me, stop pushing me, its putting me in an uncomfortable situation, but she's like oh, you're just being shy. Yes, I'm shy, but this is also my effing life. This isn't me being shy, this is me having serious concerns about this.
So we went to the movies tonight. I drove myself b/c everyone ate before hand, and I didn't want IHOP. I parked in a lot that wasn't right near the theatre, but it was in a town center and it was a short, well lit, very well populated walk to my car. After the movie, E was like oh, where'd you park? I was like oh, over there, I can go. She's like NO. J can walk you. I was like um, he's parked here...she's like yeah, but he can walk you, then you can drive him back to his car (which is totally out of my way, but okay). I was like or, someone who LIVES WITH ME can walk back with me, and then I can just drive us both home? My roommate made an awkward step forward like he didn't know what was going on, and E pushed J towards me. No, HE can walk you to your car.
LIKE ARE YOU FRIGGING KIDDING ME - ARE WE TWELVE YEARS OLD!? So yeah, he walked me to my car and I drove him back to his, where he gave me a kiss on my cheek (with smoke breath, no less) and he was like so is everyone going back to your house? I was like I dunno, I'm going to sleep, I have spin early, and he was like oh, man, really? Yes, man, really. He's really nice, and I wasn't rude, but grrr.....
I'm so mad I came in to my house and actually slammed the front door. I never slam doors. My other 2 roommates were home, and I was like CAN YOU FRIGGIN BELIEVE THIS THEY'RE KILLING ME. They're on vent so 3 of the guys heard me, and they're like oooh boy. I DON'T LIKE BEING PUSHED. I hate dating as it is, I have serious issues with it, and I deal less well with it when I'm PUSHED.
I know I have to tell her, actually all of them, to knock it off, a lot less nicer than I've been, but I HATE BEING IN THIS SITUATION. I have SO much going on right now, between work, school, traveling, trying to mentally fix myself, this is the LAST THING I NEED.
Wow. I don't understand why people have to 1) meddle to that degree, and 2) create such incredibly awkward situations for me. Some people are just uncouth and have no home training.
I guess since E can't take a hint, you'll have to tell her directly that you are not interested in J except as a friend. Sorry you're having to deal with this.
E sounds like her heart is in he right place and she means well but, she's creating awkward situations for you and you must tell her how you feel a.s.a.p. Simply tell her you're not interested in J as anything more than a friend, pure and simple.
I'm not sure how I feel about him, and I've told her this. She thinks I just need to be pushed, despite what I've said. If she's around tomorrow I have to talk to her. Now I feel guilty about this.
I think she is trying to be helpful. a lot of girls that find happiness in a relationship feel they know everything about in inner workings of relationships, so I think she thinks she is helping you.
If I were you I would tell her that you don't like what she is doing, that not only does it make you feel uncomfortable, but J as well. And that things will work out on there own.
Wow, that's obnoxious. Maybe next time you tell her to back off, mention that not only do *you* find her behavior uncomfortable but also that it's probably more hurtful than helpful to *J* to have her act like this. (He's got to be picking up on this.)
Other than that, maybe just say that if she can't back off, then you'll have to stop hanging around with her, then do it. When she sees that you're serious, maybe she'll learn to be more respectful. It sucks that you have to modify your behavior when you haven't done anything wrong, but it might be worth it just not to have to deal with her.
On a side note, that you have had such serious second thoughts about J for so long makes me think that maybe he's just not the guy for you--not now, anyway. Maybe when he gets his act together. Just my 2 cents.
But, yeah, she sounds like she's 12. Boundaries, people, please.
Mickey - that IS the kind of girl she is, but not ME. She's been with her fiancée since they were 17 or so. I'm not sure who she's trying to help though, me or him.
Mags- that's a good idea, but then that means that I can't hang with ANY of my friends because they're always at my house. I'm trying not to be rude and a recluse at the same time. I'm not sure he IS picking up on it. She's told him I'm just shy and has scolded me in the past when I "rejected" his offers to hang out. For the record, I had to study and fly to Seattle the next day.
He wants to "do something" today. I'm thinking I could just go, hang out for an hour or so, then be like oh, back to studying. I really don't want to but it may shut her up insofar as I have spent time with him and I don't want anything like that.
My cousin is the same way as E - always trying to play matchmaker. She loves it, gets some thrill from it, and no matter what I say there is no stopping her. I imagine it's the same with E. The only way I make any headway AT ALL with my cousin is to get really stern. Don't be mean necessarily, but don't make it seem like you have any interest in her plan AT ALL. Don't giggle, don't say maybe, say NO. Maybe it'll work? haha
I HATE being matched up with people. I don't like pressure, and the minute someone says, oh you'd like this person, I get all weirded out, because if I don't, then I've disappointed someone, etc etc. I'm ridiculously sensitive when it comes to this stuff, I know its stupid, but its just how I am.
grrr grr grr that makes me so mad just reading it! I would seriously have told the guy where he could stick it so at least then he would get a clue, or have blown up in front of everyone so every one knew exactly how pissed off i was. Kudos to you for keeping your head
I would have been extremely angry and uncomfortable in that situation, too, even if she was trying to be helpful. And I'd imagine a guy on the other end of that situation would be uncomfortable too, bc as clueless as some can be, it sounds like you were sending pretty clear signals.
p.s. it seems like we both couldn't decide which halloween icons to use in our sigs, so we just went with all of them, lol.
p.s. it seems like we both couldn't decide which halloween icons to use in our sigs, so we just went with all of them, lol.
lol Yeah, that's pretty much what happened. I love Halloween, I didn't want to discriminate.
To the rest of it - he DIDN'T realize, because ALL DAY he's texting me, I had to put my phone on airplane mode because apparently he doesn't get that when I'm studying, it doesn't include texting (facebook and 3fc, yes, but not texting).
He just sent me a message "Uh oh, Eli got hurt" (Manning, I'm a Giants fan) And I was like shut up, he's fine, they taped it up. And he goes darn! I was like don't mess with my man!! I'm very attached, especially since I've heard from a trusted source that he's a nice guy.
His response: Now I really don't like him, he's competition for your affection.
REALLY. A) He's a celebrity B) He's married C) WHO SAID I'D LET YOU IN THE CONTEST.
I don't know how to say something to him nicely. Yes, I could say I don't think it would work out between us, I just want to be friends, etc, but I don't know how to say that without coming across as b*tchy.
I would give up being nice and just be blunt. Or just text something back like "i know so and so has lead you to believe I am interested, but im really not. Sorry". At least then you arent wasting his time
Stella, I'd be mad too. It sounds like the friend is one of those who push the **** out of you, then get hurt or offended when they've forced you to be blunt.
Smoking is a deal-breaker for me. I couldn't even think about it.
OT - I'm SO MAD
But I understand how E's behaviour is annoying.
