I have a sister whom I dearly love and we get along really great....except for one problem(and I never say anything about it).
The problem is she constistanly loves to say how thin she is and she's the only one in the family(from my parents and other siblings) that has been able to get that thin(she's never really been big though, only a little baby chub when she was little but out grew that when she hit puberty and then also after having her daughter)...now she does look great andI would love to get that way too...but it hurts me when she says this. Not only for me(as I am the heavies out of all of us), but also for my other siblings and parents too(especially my mom, as my dad really isn't big, he only has a bit of bear gut which is going away).
Now my sister has been through a lot in her life(she got pregnant at 14 and had her daughter when she was 15yrs old, she has lived on her own for quite a while and the father of her daughter became a real jerk[a dead beat dad], also our parents used to be alcoholics)...she is doing great now though...she is almost done college(her last semester starts this fall), and she now has a wonderful guy who is her boyfriend and is now living with her and they are looking for a house to buy together(this guy really is amazing).
What would you do? Would you confront her about this? If so how would you go about doing this?
first of all.. how close are you? how important is your relationship to you? is your family close to her? do they feel the same way?
If you do say anything.. DON'T tell her how the other members of your family feel.. it's NOT your place to do so.
Your sister sounds young and immature - she is probably talking to you about how thin she is because it makes her feel good... she probably doesn't realize it has an impact on you at all. If you decide to talk to her I would let her know all the great things she has done in her life.. ie. going to school..managing her weight.. and anything else you admire about her. and then let her know how it makes you feel. That this is a huge struggle in your life and that you need her support in a positive way.
We are very close...infact all of my family(my sibs and parents) are very close. I also don't know how the rest of the family feels about how she(my thin sister) talks as I have never asked them and I probably won't. And when and if I do talk to my thin sister about this I definitely will only say it as it hurts me and won't worry about the rest of the family(as like you said I dont' want to step on any toes).
I don't even know if she knows it is bothering others(or at least me anyhow). She sometimes does have a very immature attitude towards others, but I think this has a lot to do with her growing up(as she was also picked on very much so in grade school) and now that she looks good she knows it and flaunts it(if you KWIM). I am sure I would flaunt it too, but I don't think I would rub it in faces of others(well except maybe my ex.. )
I have to agree with Dana. just let her know you are very proud of her and how great she is doing and that she does look great but>>> she is like flauning in front of you your faults. You do not constanly remeind her of what she has done in the past and that you respect her too much to do that. and your way with dealing with stress was to eat and now you are paying for it, and trying to deal with eating issues that you have. Ask her to please tone down the weight issues as it really makes youfeel bad ..... and so on that may help
I agree with all the posters. Sure, she is probably trying to make you jealous, but I don't think she's consciously trying to hurt your feelings. Once she realizes how much she's been hurting you, I feel certain she'll apologize and stop.
I too suffer from this SSS... My younger sister is taller than me, much more fit, much more active, much more popular, has straighter/whiter teeth... She also has lived through a lot of things I would NEVER want to live through..
I finally told my sister one day that I was jealous of her and how skinny she was, and how hard it was for me to hear her say that she was "fat". that was more her problem, not bragging about how skinny she was, but whining about the 1 oz of extra fat she had on _____. Here she is, prancing about in a teeny weeny bikini that I would never ever wear (or will be able to wear due to scars and stretch marks) whining about how she has fat on her stomach. Anywhoo, I explained to her how it made me feel. You know what I found out? She was jealous of ME! She was jealous of my personality, my friends, my life... It was unbelieveable. But you know what?? She turned into my BIGGEST supporter, and never flaunted her weight again. 2 problems solved!
i, too, have a thin sister, and, well, let's just say that we love each other, but we don't always see eye to eye.
one day, we were talking about whatever, and it came up that i had always envied her. she was stunned... she said that i had always been such a hard act to follow and she envied me!!!!
for crying out loud... what a lot of pain and agita we could have avoided over all these years!!!
Fam of fatties except one SS. No she doesn't do that flaunting stuff. But she doesn't understand the struggle to get thin or why food is such a issue for the rest of us. She eats like a bird. Literally, small amounts and very picky. Wish I hd her discipline. I guess i envy her. That's a switch.
I think everyone is so right. Be supportive of her, and gently let her know her coments hurt. I think that being straightforward with someone is always the best route. Be sure to let us know how things go.
Hmmm. Tough situation. I have two younger sisters. The sister who lives in California has always been smaller than me, and I've always envied her. Well, she finally dumped everything out on me when I visited her out in Cali. She has always been jealous of me. I never knew half the things she felt, and while it hurt a bit to think that for so long she felt that way while I thought we were so close, it felt good, that she finally admitted it all to me. You know, always comparing yourself to someone. Don't let anymore time go by. Maybe the next time she makes a comment, sit her down and try your best to explain it to her. She loves you, and I agree...most people don't realize what they are doing. And most ppl who do that are searching for attention, she has some insecurities.
Talk about it.
Sisters are wonderful, aren't they? I can't imagine my life without them. (Though 10 yrs ago I would have never said that, lol)
I am going to talk to her sometime when her and I can be alone to talk about this. I know she doesn't mean to hurt anyone and I bet she doesn't even realize she is.
For those that have a thin friend or family member that complain about being fat...well this is what I used to say to them..."If you are fat then I must be the Good Year Blimp"....it really shut them up fast.
I will post about how the talk with my sister went once we have it(it might not be for a while though as we don't even live in the same city anymore, but I visit back there once in a while and she comes here once in a while).
Maybe when she finishes college and has more going on in her life her focus wont be her body! It seems that's all she feels she has to brag about is her looks. Maybe next it will be her great fabulous job!
I think sometimes people with low self esteem feel the need to make themselves sound so great around others as a way to make them feel better. Does that make sense?? Anyway, good luck! Oh and your begore picture on the other post would inspire me!!
lorelei
Actually Lorelei....My sister is one of those that had very bad low self esteem and is now one of those that brags about this that and anything else. She has bragged about being the only one going through college, she brags about her being the only one in the family that is thin, and now her and her boyfriend(who has a very terrific paying job) are about to buy a house so there's another thing for her to brag about(which I am sure she will) as she is the only one of her and us siblings that is going to own a house.
I am going back to my home town this weekend, and if I can get a moment alone with my sister I am hoping I can talk with her as this bragging of hers is really starting to bug me(I don't know why). I just really don't like people with swelled heads(if you KWIM). I am sure I will brag too if and when I do lose weight, but I don't plan on harping on it and making others feel badly for the way they are.
Thanx for all your support...you are all very wonderful friends.
Does anyone else have this problem?
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