zomgname
06-13-2009, 05:41 AM
Hello, everyone. New here. About 2 weeks ago I decided it was time to turn my life around... really, I haven't been living for a long time. I am actually surprised I am in as good health as I am, considering how much I did NOT take care of myself (my diabetes). I apologize for this journal length post, but I really need to get this out, for myself at least. I guess I am just also wondering if there is anyone out there that knows how I feel - that has had a similar experience.
I got diagnosed with juvenile diabetes when I was 9 (type 1). I dropped a ton of weight before I was diagnosed, and oddly enough, the kids in school loved me when I felt like crap and looked sickly thin! Isn't that great! Upon getting diagnosed I promptly gained everything I lost back + more.
In 8th grade, I dropped out of school. I had a terrible, terrible time in school from day 1 of returning with diabetes. Teachers would not let me check my sugar. Not let me take shots. Would not let me have a water bottle. Would not let me eat my snack when my sugar was low. I started getting in trouble when I was only 10, because of the arguments I got in with the teachers constantly over this. I once threw a water bottle across the room in a fit of rage because I really needed a shot and I was deathly thirsty and my teacher would NOT let me. I actually ran out of the school that day, and walked home, bawling. For the rest of the school year I had to go visit the principle everyday around lunch - to do my shots/snack, and to "check in" on how awful my day was, basically.
When I got to middle school, things did not get better - and got worse because this is when the kids started getting really mean. Year 6-7 was basically the same as posted above, just with meaner kids around; year 8 was... well, I never went to class. I got sick of the fact that I was not allowed to take care of myself. So I sat in the principals office and lied about my bloodsugars, claiming I really needed to be there. I did check in classes and get my work for the day, I just didn't do it in the class. The only class I went to everyday was Science, because I loved the teacher; he was the only one that understood that I had to take care of myself. It wasn't because I wanted to be difficult, I just had to do it.
Eventually what led to dropping out was that, my principle in middle school was also a diabetic and he knew that I was having trouble keeping my diabetes under control at school. He thought that it was my/my mothers fault, and did not believe me that the teachers were the ones not letting me. I came in 2 hours before lunch one day and told the lady at the front desk that I needed to go to the teachers lounge to get something for my bloodsugar which was low - this lady was substituting for the woman that knew I did this and gave me a pass there when I had to go.
The lady told me I couldn't go because there were teachers having lunch in there, and that I would have to sit for 30-40 minutes until it cleared out. Anyone with diabetes knows that is way too long when your bloodsugar is low and dropping. So I told the principle, and he took me down there to get something. He then called my doctor without my or my mothers knowledge and set an appointment for me - without telling anyone. When I didn't show up for that appointment, the doctor called DHS on my mother. I to this day believe that the 2 planned this out - because the principle did NOT tell ANYONE he called, and the doctor told a lot of lies to the DHS agent.
Skip ahead through all of this - about 2 months of a worker from DHS showing up at my school randomly to call me out of classes and try to make me say that my mom is to blame - none of the "professionals" still believed that my issues controlling my diabetes was from school, and they wanted to blame my mother, and they almost took me to be put in foster care. Even when they could clearly see how much better I was at home, they did not believe us. When the case was finally cleared, my mom promptly took me out of school. I will say that my mother is my rock, and she always took the best care of me. When I was at home I was fine. She did nothing wrong and I am disgusted at how warped the DHS system is, and the schools - at least here. This is very condensed version of what really happened..there were just a lot of awful things said, a lot of lies claimed, a lot of crying, and a lot of anger.
I am 20 now, all this is roughly 6 years behind me and yet I still cannot talk about it without choking up. I just had a really bad time from day one of being diagnosed. I always ended up with horrible doctors that lied or thought I lied because my bloodsugars have always been a bit hard to control. I eventually stopped going to the doctor. All the experiences have left me severely anti-social, and I generally have the outlook on life that is not healthy nor fun. I have been very, very depressed for about 2 years. I have never been really happy - but it's gotten to a point that it's scary sometimes. I lay in bed and cry nearly every night. I have very bad insomnia - usually not sleeping until 5-7 AM.
The past 2 years dealing with this depression, I have not taken care of my diabetes. I rarely check my bloodsugars and go on how I feel for when I need a shot or food. I know this is horrible, but I have just been stuck in this "why bother? i just want to sleep and not wake up" mind set. 2 weeks ago I had a very bad breakdown, and I decided it was time to change. I got a stationary bike, an entire knew pantry of healthy foods, I've started actually eating 3 meals a day instead of just eating dinner and snacking the rest of the night. I also got Alli after reading many many reviews about the product. I have been exercising daily. I estimate I have 50-60lbs to lose, I really don't know exactly as I have forbidden scales at this point. They are always my downfall when I want to start trying to lose weight. I am making a serious effort to check my bloodsugars again.
I want to lose what I can - safely and healthily - by Spring of 2010. I want to go to California by then, to see my boyfriend. It's a big motivation when I need one, and so far, I am feeling okay about this. This is the longest I have been able to hold on to hope/motivation for getting better. I am very hopeful that I will, eventually, be okay again.
I got diagnosed with juvenile diabetes when I was 9 (type 1). I dropped a ton of weight before I was diagnosed, and oddly enough, the kids in school loved me when I felt like crap and looked sickly thin! Isn't that great! Upon getting diagnosed I promptly gained everything I lost back + more.
In 8th grade, I dropped out of school. I had a terrible, terrible time in school from day 1 of returning with diabetes. Teachers would not let me check my sugar. Not let me take shots. Would not let me have a water bottle. Would not let me eat my snack when my sugar was low. I started getting in trouble when I was only 10, because of the arguments I got in with the teachers constantly over this. I once threw a water bottle across the room in a fit of rage because I really needed a shot and I was deathly thirsty and my teacher would NOT let me. I actually ran out of the school that day, and walked home, bawling. For the rest of the school year I had to go visit the principle everyday around lunch - to do my shots/snack, and to "check in" on how awful my day was, basically.
When I got to middle school, things did not get better - and got worse because this is when the kids started getting really mean. Year 6-7 was basically the same as posted above, just with meaner kids around; year 8 was... well, I never went to class. I got sick of the fact that I was not allowed to take care of myself. So I sat in the principals office and lied about my bloodsugars, claiming I really needed to be there. I did check in classes and get my work for the day, I just didn't do it in the class. The only class I went to everyday was Science, because I loved the teacher; he was the only one that understood that I had to take care of myself. It wasn't because I wanted to be difficult, I just had to do it.
Eventually what led to dropping out was that, my principle in middle school was also a diabetic and he knew that I was having trouble keeping my diabetes under control at school. He thought that it was my/my mothers fault, and did not believe me that the teachers were the ones not letting me. I came in 2 hours before lunch one day and told the lady at the front desk that I needed to go to the teachers lounge to get something for my bloodsugar which was low - this lady was substituting for the woman that knew I did this and gave me a pass there when I had to go.
The lady told me I couldn't go because there were teachers having lunch in there, and that I would have to sit for 30-40 minutes until it cleared out. Anyone with diabetes knows that is way too long when your bloodsugar is low and dropping. So I told the principle, and he took me down there to get something. He then called my doctor without my or my mothers knowledge and set an appointment for me - without telling anyone. When I didn't show up for that appointment, the doctor called DHS on my mother. I to this day believe that the 2 planned this out - because the principle did NOT tell ANYONE he called, and the doctor told a lot of lies to the DHS agent.
Skip ahead through all of this - about 2 months of a worker from DHS showing up at my school randomly to call me out of classes and try to make me say that my mom is to blame - none of the "professionals" still believed that my issues controlling my diabetes was from school, and they wanted to blame my mother, and they almost took me to be put in foster care. Even when they could clearly see how much better I was at home, they did not believe us. When the case was finally cleared, my mom promptly took me out of school. I will say that my mother is my rock, and she always took the best care of me. When I was at home I was fine. She did nothing wrong and I am disgusted at how warped the DHS system is, and the schools - at least here. This is very condensed version of what really happened..there were just a lot of awful things said, a lot of lies claimed, a lot of crying, and a lot of anger.
I am 20 now, all this is roughly 6 years behind me and yet I still cannot talk about it without choking up. I just had a really bad time from day one of being diagnosed. I always ended up with horrible doctors that lied or thought I lied because my bloodsugars have always been a bit hard to control. I eventually stopped going to the doctor. All the experiences have left me severely anti-social, and I generally have the outlook on life that is not healthy nor fun. I have been very, very depressed for about 2 years. I have never been really happy - but it's gotten to a point that it's scary sometimes. I lay in bed and cry nearly every night. I have very bad insomnia - usually not sleeping until 5-7 AM.
The past 2 years dealing with this depression, I have not taken care of my diabetes. I rarely check my bloodsugars and go on how I feel for when I need a shot or food. I know this is horrible, but I have just been stuck in this "why bother? i just want to sleep and not wake up" mind set. 2 weeks ago I had a very bad breakdown, and I decided it was time to change. I got a stationary bike, an entire knew pantry of healthy foods, I've started actually eating 3 meals a day instead of just eating dinner and snacking the rest of the night. I also got Alli after reading many many reviews about the product. I have been exercising daily. I estimate I have 50-60lbs to lose, I really don't know exactly as I have forbidden scales at this point. They are always my downfall when I want to start trying to lose weight. I am making a serious effort to check my bloodsugars again.
I want to lose what I can - safely and healthily - by Spring of 2010. I want to go to California by then, to see my boyfriend. It's a big motivation when I need one, and so far, I am feeling okay about this. This is the longest I have been able to hold on to hope/motivation for getting better. I am very hopeful that I will, eventually, be okay again.