General chatter - I need to vent, seriously!

View Full Version : I need to vent, seriously!

04-29-2009, 12:41 PM
My mom is in Hawaii, so it is like 5am there so I can't call her for hours still to vent to, and my husband is as upset about the situation as I am! So here I am... sorry if this is really long but I'm really stressed out.

I live in my mother in law's house, rent free, and she and her husband are long distance truck drivers so only come home every 6 weeks or so. I like my mother in law, her husband is a dirty old man (dirty in both definitions... he doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom and constantly flirts with me). I clean their house, do all the household chores she asks me to do (paint, install new doors, landscape, whatever) which is how we pay rent. I don't have a job, and can't find a job (stupid economy), and therefore my husband and I cannot afford our own place right now. No house is big enough for 2 families, my grandpa always says, but with them gone most of the time we can deal with each other, LOL.

I was going to start a pet sitting business (with my mother in law's permission) and watch people's dogs for them. I had my first job lined up for this Saturday. My mother in law just called and told me that she and her husband had quit their job, because they didn't like the way the company was talking to them when her husband was sick and couldn't drive for a day, and because he's in such a bad mood over it, she said it'd be best if I don't have any additional animals in the house when they get home tomorrow.

I'm not so upset about losing a job. What I (and my husband) ARE upset about is this: this is the 20th job they've had in the past 5 years (rough estimate, it could be more, I'm not exaggerating). They quit every single job because they don't like it when people take a "tone" with them, basically, they refuse to put up with the bull**** everyone else deals with in whatever job they have. They are too immature to deal with people being rude, and overreact every time, and quit perfectly good jobs. Some of these companies they've worked for multiple times. The result goes like this (from when my husband was living here before we married)... they quit a job, come home. MIL's husband is pissed off, sits in front of the tv for 2 weeks. MIL is depressed, sleeps for 2 weeks. They spend another 2 weeks dragging *** looking for another job, till they're completely out of money (did I mention they don't save? They have nothing, NOTHING saved for retirement either), and my husband has to start paying the mortgage (we can't afford rent for our own place as it is, with student loan debt and car loan debt and all the other ****). Then they look for another truck driving job, and usually get one within a few days of looking. Why didn't they start looking earlier? Because they're irresponsible and immature.

It is very likely that sooner or later (maybe this time around) no one is going to want to hire them because of their terrible track record. They won't accept any company that makes them drive the east coast (too hard). And then what? My mother in law hates people, her husband is really at the very edge of not being able to work at all because of his bad driving and record keeping. We can't pay their mortgage forever... it's far more than we could even afford in rent even when I was working!

On one hand, I'm grateful they're letting us stay here. On the other hand, I can't stand it. If it were just my mother in law, it'd be okay. Her husband is disgusting though, I can't stand him. The amount of cleaning I have to do when they're home is easily 5x what I do when they're not, because he is so messy and gross. (I go through lysol like water when he's here).

Even if I got a job today, and we got our own apartment tomorrow, things would STILL be hard because we're the only ones they can come to for money. We're poor too!

I mean, I'm still grateful that they allow us to stay here, but irritated at the same time over their behavior! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Thighs Be Gone
04-29-2009, 12:50 PM
I can't really offer anything other than what you already KNOW you must do. You must find yourself your own place--even a teency place somewhere--an efficiency apt or whatever. The circumstances you describe (the flirting and the hygeine issues) are not acceptable. Period.

04-29-2009, 12:52 PM
One other thing... what's really exhausting about them being home isn't so much the extra cleaning I do... it's the fact that I grew up in a family where we spoke our mind, sometimes to the point of rudeness, to each other. We could fight and argue and get over it within an hour, no hard feelings. That's what I'm used to... I'm not used to being careful with what I say, because his mom and step dad aren't like that... they take everything very personally, and it really is an effort for me to not talk the way I'm used to with my own family. I have to think about everything I'm about to say, and re think it, which I'm not used to.

04-29-2009, 12:55 PM
I know we need to find out own place... the problem is convincing my husband to live somewhere with less than 800 sq ft of space. I have no problem living in a studio apartment... I've done it before (with cats), but he thinks that's cruel somehow.

I might mention the flirting to him... I haven't brought it up because I didn't want to start something, and after all, the inlaws weren't home that often.

04-29-2009, 12:56 PM
Thighs b gone is correct. You know what you have to do. Get the classifieds go online look for an apartment ASAp. Preferably futher away from the in laws so that pop in visits will not be bad. make sure the apratment allows animals and start your pet sitting business. There are so many oppurtunities available even in this bad economy. Just access the help you need.

life is to short to be miserable.

04-29-2009, 12:59 PM
I appreciate the stress you are under - it sounds really awful - and I understand your need to vent.

But... I really think you need to move out. I agree with Thighs. No matter what you can afford, they are not responsible for providing you and your husband a place to live. If you are old enough to be married, I believe you are old enough to make the necessary financial sacrifices to live independently. I know it's easier said than done, but I also know it's possible because I've done it (and so have many others).

Good luck with your situation - I hope you and your husband can find a suitable place in the next few months, so you don't have to deal with his parents.

Thighs Be Gone
04-29-2009, 01:07 PM
Summer is coming quickly. What about going somewhere to work the tourist season with your hubby. Alaska needs tons of people. Tourism is down but they STILL need people in Denali National park for certain--lots of those folks go from Alaska to Hawaii every year just to cater to the tourist industry. The company will provide your room/board and give you a small stipend to live on. If you have a degree, you could teach English abroad in Korea. If you are a member at a church, go talk to your pastor and explain the situation. Tons of apartment communities offer reduced cost housing if you and your hubby are willing to do maintenance or leasing for them. What about cleaning houses? Just some ideas.

04-29-2009, 01:26 PM
I'd LOVE to go work at a national park, but my husband has a few years in at his job and makes really good money by now plus benefits, and we can't afford to give that up (because of the nature of his job, he can't take leave either).

I am thinking about cleaning houses... anything really right now. I might have to swallow my pride and go back to an old job I quit LOL

04-29-2009, 01:58 PM
I agree, time to swallow your pride and pick up that broom or spatula or whatever. In this economy we've all had to do it. My last job before this one was washing dishes at a lab, that's all I did for 8 huors a day, wash dishes and prepare solutions. AND I have a master's degree! BUT it paid so I took it.

I think it's time to tell hubby, I know you want a huge apartment but we aren't in that position right now, and I want to get a place of our own. Just start looking, I'm sure he'll agree that now your parents are home you guys should move out.

And sure his parents will ask for money- but all you can say is "I'm sorry we are so broke, we'd help if we could, but we have no money :(" what are they going to do- call you liars? Even if they say "but we helped you" I'd say "yes and we totally appreciate it and are very sorry we can't return the favor."

That's lame of them to do that- I mean jobs can be frustrating, it happens, but to quit over and over- eventually no one will hire you back!