I saw a most intresting article about overweight people. As I am one of the number included I read this with great intrest. Stress. Stress is the key factor to weight gain in children and adults and our ability to cope. Stress from our lives and from within. I have given this much thought and spent a sleepless night pondering the reality of this statement. For those with good stress management skills weight is not so much of an issue. Let us take a moment and reflect on this........ when you have an arguement with your spouse what is the result. Eat. Kids making you crazy..eat, lose someone you love......eat, divorce....eat feel guilty about your weight....eat, in a rush, to busy to breathe ....eat and so on. No it is not carrots or protein we grab it is the very things that cause us the real problems to begin with. Our coping skills are poor and we sure are good at putting self imposed pressure on ourselves. Someone disappointing you? Feeling bad? Self value issues pushing on you? No problem eat, eat, eat!!!!
In truth I wonder are you all as good at pressuring yourself as I am? I am not losing enough weight fast enough.... I do not like the way I look..... I have to work so hard just to get anywhere...
but I want to taste that....... my genetics are bad........ a little bit won't hurt and then dread the scale? The weight takes my energy and my energy is so low..... I have to push myself all the time....... I just want to relax...... don't ask anything of me right now..... I wish I could (oh so many of these)..... If I were smaller I could...... and on and on. Self imposed stress so everyone aound us just makes it worse without really trying and your patience with others and yourself becomes nill!!! In truth what anyone else or life does would not be so important if we felt in our hearts we could cope but how aften do we feel we can't ?
I want your ideas on some coping skills we can all use on a daily basis to avoid the pitfalls from ourselves, others and life.
Together we can work this out, alone obviously we cannot.
I will be reflecting on this today and shall post my conclusions to add to yours over the next few days, but kids we have to resolve this. How many times have we all had major problems and said to each other just do what you have to and don't worry about your weight right now. I think this may be a major fumble on all of our parts. This may be how we got here to begin with. I have considered this carefully and found it totally valid. Tell me what you think.
This seemed to get lost in the daily and I for one can use all you insights and inputs. Thanks to those who responded.
What is created in the mind is manifested in the body.
I have learned very well that treating the symtoms of something without knowing what the cause is and healing that, is all but an endless war with little real defenses. I personally would have said flatly that I am the most unstressed human in life I know and for all but a few years of my life this is truly how I "felt". It was no however the truth. Most real and long term stress is how and what we feel about ourselves and our relationship with others and the world as a whole. The other humans. You know those looks... the obvious judgements our slendar counter parts have never known or had to deal with. ...The remarks....our own self assessments and so on..... come on people talk to me......
Pam
Wow Pam....You pretty much invaded my mind with this one. I agree 100% with you. I have NO coping skills. My coping skills are to eat. For whatever emotion that I am feeling, I run to food. The last year or so has been extremely stressful for me and right now, it doesn't seem to be ending. I sooth my soul with food. In return I "beat myself up" over and then run for food to make myself feel better. It's a cycle that I need to break. I need to find ways to deal with my stress. I need to not look at food as my friend. It's not. As we all know this.
P.S. If someone was the "teacher" here at the boards and was "grading" the threads. Your post and topic would deserve an A++. I think we ALL will benefit by looking into this much deeper. Thank you.
Originally posted by gbo In truth I wonder are you all as good at pressuring yourself as I am? I am not losing enough weight fast enough.... I do not like the way I look..... I have to work so hard just to get anywhere...
but I want to taste that....... my genetics are bad........ a little bit won't hurt and then dread the scale? The weight takes my energy and my energy is so low..... I have to push myself all the time....... I just want to relax...... don't ask anything of me right now..... I wish I could (oh so many of these)..... If I were smaller I could...... and on and on.
THIS is how I ended up burning out, and the beginning of my last big slip... as it usually is, I get to working hard, and feeling good, and it's "well if a little bit is good..." and I end up in a full depression. and stuffing everything I can find into my face...
I've figured out that for me, and a lot of us, (i hate this word...) "dieting" is like a manic depressive thing for us, we totally ROCK for a week, thre's no stopping us, then, POW! it hits, we don't want to work out, we want to eat ourselves silly... our bodies want to go back to their old tricks...
It's also funny to me that my best stress buster is also what brings on a lot of my stress, how odd is that... some days, I can be ready to kill everyone about me, I go workout for an hour, come back sweet as sugar... other days, I can be fine, go work out, and it's more stressful than high school I worry about my form, my intensity, if I'm REALLY burning that pint of ice cream I ate if it's doing me any good, if I'm going to have a heart attack right there on my step...
I've not got much fopr coping skills... those of you who were with me through my serious anxiety problems know this, but I'm working on them... my main de-stressors are music and activity, you'd think I'd be a lot further by now for that, huh? Anyways, I'm open to ideas also...
This is cracking me up because I was just thinking this weekend about how my weight is DIRECTLY tied to stress levels.
AKA I went from 250 to 297 during the 4 months of dealing with a huge crisis in my marraige.. Gee, don't see a tie there ? I was at 250 for about 2 years before that..
Don't forget about Anxiety too, which can most definately contribute..
Here are some tips I picked up/thought of this weekend.
1. Take a News Break - Get away from the tv news channels/programs, internet news sites, newspaper.. You are 154% more likely to get a heart attack when worrying about things you have no control over. Hearing merely 14 minutes of negative news can cause you to catastrophize more about personal concerns.
2. Shift Time - quiet your mind, slow down, get back in touch with your own natural rhythms. Notice things like the smell of fresh clean sheets and the feel of warm water on your hands.. Slow your pace to fit your OWN agenda and needs, not someone elses.
3. Learn from Adversity - Ask "What can I learn from this?" Define what really matters to you. Exercise your ingenuity - low on cash? going to the movies? Make fun bags with treats bought at the grocery store.. save cash and make yourself feel special!
4. Let go of the Plan - Stop trying to control the uncontrollable. Change is good! Life would be boring without it.
5. Turn fear into Courage! - Channel fear about the uncontrolled into couraged to tackle something you CAN control.
6. Find ways to connect - religious faith, friends, commit to a cause - all these things can help you find stability.
When I started teaching this year, I weighed around 195 lbs. When I joined WW in March, I weighed 242.5. That's a gain of almost 50 lbs. in eight months. I attribute every single ounce of it to the fact that I have dealt with stress by stuffing it down with food my whole life.
I was totally unprepared for the stress of teaching, especially in a school district where true learning isn't really valued and among kids whose parents don't really expect much out of their kids. Here's a quick peek at a typical day of eating for me during my most stressful months of teaching:
Breakfast - I could barely drag myself out of bed on time because I dreaded the day. Finally, I'd rush out of the house and hit the McDonald's drive thru. Cup of coffee, bacon/egg/cheese biscuit, hash browns.
Planning period - diet Coke and whatever leftover goodies/candy I had in my desk drawer.
Lunch - double heaping servings of Southern fried cafeteria food (lots of cornmeal, gravy, and oil!)
On my way home - I would usually leave around 5:00 p.m. I have a 45 min. drive home, and I was usually "hungry" (not really - it was STRESS speaking!) so I would stop with the "intention" (not really) of not eating when I got home. Sonic - grilled cheese sandwich, tater tots, large chocolate chip shake.
God forbid I should get halfway home and realize I forgot to get gas before I left school. I'd stop at the gas station and get a Snicker bar or a bear claw on top of what I'd just eaten at Sonic.
Home - If there was leftover dinner, I'd eat it. If not, I'd graze (American cheese slices are my favorite grazing item)
The next day, I'd wake up and do it all over again. No effin wonder I gained at the rate of about 8 lbs. a month!
When I started to let go a little, to realize that I could not change the world, and not even every single one of my students, I began to take better care of myself. I would hazard to bet that most of us are "nurturers;" we spend a lot of our time taking care of family, children, friends, co-workers and not a whole lot of time caring or worrying about ourselves. My weight-loss journey has become about caring for myself, doing something for ME because I needed it - not because my family or my friends or my students need it.
Yes... I have to say that I can attribute a lot my eating to stress related issues... Nothing solves a problem like food eh? Only thing is food doesnt solve it either, it just creates more stress, stress about appearance.. stress about health etc.. its a never ending circle.
I also have to say that besides stress I tend to eat when I'm not doing anything else. Idle hands are always filled with food. Not just out of lack of boredom, but just because I'm not doing anything at that moment.
I've been watching myself.. trying to figure out how often do I eat because I'm actually hungry. Well, I can say that if I had listened to my body and not the cravings of stress or bordom talking. I would never have reached the weight I'm at now.
i'll skip telling you all about what a 4-5 hour daily commute while my dad was in the hospital dying for several months followed by medical complications for me... never mind.. i've finally lost that 150 pounds and then some
but NOW... after not working for 10 months, i have a job. and my time is no longer my own. and today was HORRENDOUS and very late.
so what do i think of??? i had to STOP myself from raiding the snack machine as i worked late. i wanted that small bag of cheez its!!!! even knowing that i would only eat about 8 of them. I WANTED IT!!!!!
but i made a rule a number of years ago: don't even drink anything as innocent as tea if i was doing it for stress relief. it's the association i had to break.
and i KNEW i wanted them because of stress. i KNEW i wanted the crunch. and i had my yogurt and a protein shake and wasn't hungry.
but it didn't stop there!!! i kept stressing on the way home. past wendy's, burger king, any number of delis and pizza places.
and even at the drug store while i waited over an hour to find out that they had lost my prescription!! all those crunchy snacks waiting for me!!!
no, ladies. it's still there. that senseless, useless desire to crunch and stuff and swallow my way through stress...
but i kept telling myself i'd only get sick. and struggled with the discomfort.
when i came home, i made my dinner... a tbs of rice, 1 stalk of asparagus, 2 oz chicken. a little cheese to boost the protein.
and made it through the chicken, the asparagus, and about 1/2 of the rice. and then threw up most of it.
so much for stress!!!
now, where was i going with this??? oh yes.. bethanne... you hit the nail on the head with some of those stress busters. i'll have to remember them.
and gbo. thanks for bringing it up. everyone has responded so honestly.. and with such gentle wisdom.
what's that arab proverb?? a friend is someone who holds your life in your hands, and gently blows away the chaff.
or something like that. a good sentiment for you all..
I think this is a big one. I have a feeling at least from my own view point that I have dulled my emotional reactions to my world for so long that "stress" has many names....anxiety, certainly, anger, confusion, hurt, abandonment( emotionally or physically),
betrayal,injustice( so many forms), judgementalism, embarassment, accusation, confrontation, I could go on and on but I learned years ago to go to the root of a problem. Anything which registers a negative reaction in our minds hearts and bodies is in reality "STRESS". There are machines that can "see" this and it shows in.........the body! What after all is a lie detector? A machine to measure stress...reactions! So a lie is stressful as well. Minor ... not really have you seen that little do hicky man it shoots up and down drastically. Stress. So first I think I have to identiy what my stresses really are.
Personal stress the stuff we create in our own minds. Humans have an endless ability to create tons of unrealistic stress. all the what if's, or what does he or she think, I do'nt like the way I look , smell, feel or whatever. I am unhappy because he or she won't ,doesn't, can't.....this is a control isuue and a justice issue. Perfectionism is a biggy because we tend to place unreal expectations on ourselves and others now..ya'll this is a major stress we have a wonderful freedom that allievates a lot of that ....I am only human!!!!!!! Lets face it folks a hundred small things in a day is no less stressful than a major one. What are good coping skills. everyone has some if you really think about it. Beth has given some excellent ones.
Perhaps the first thing is to figure out what stress is and then what our personal triggers are. Then what?
Take a walk
watch a funny movie
meditate on wisedom, forgiveness, a flower, a sun rise something positive.
Quiet peaceful music
Write something,
needlework
crochet every one has different things
clean house is a good one
organize something
I thnk perhaps the key is to stop ourselves identify the feeling no matter how unpleasant, then choose what your action will be instead of the emotional reaction- grabbing food.
When calmer and you have worked through the what then ask why do I take it this way or that. Am I externalizing and blameing which is convienent but counter productive. There is no answer to a control issues except inside ourselves. I think Perhaps we are way past the time and need for self examination on real terms.
Instead of feeling and unpleasant emotion and ignoring it or brushing it aside ask what is it exactly I am feeling. Anger is a child of hurt & fear but the root is hurt or fear. Why does this hurt me , offend me whatever. Is the real answer I am not appreciated, I do not feel loved, I am lonely, what?
Now, do you have a real knowledge of who you are what yopu are, Who you choose to be. Is your reaction reality or a trigger?
No one knows what another person thinks or feels at any given moment so don't assume you do. It may feel this way to you but the intensions may have been far from our reactions so it is us we need to work with. Am I crazy or is this making any sense?
I still have some thought to finishing this process but this is where I have gotten to so far. I think this is long enough so I am out of here for now and will continue to find some kind of answer that will stop the cycle for me at least. Hopefully you will derive some benefit from this too. BUt as you see I really need your thoughts so keep them coming. The truth is always the answer.
Pam
Ok My Darlins, I shall post this as an example of what I have learned to this point. It is a post I placed in Misc. Clubs - Low Carb
after a couple of reasonable sized posting now my hope is you will help me to put this all together and turn it into a workable life skill. I had posted on the other board that I had to have a stern talk with myself in the mirror because my "reaction" was to slam my face into a bag of candy , eat a whole loaf of bread with a ton of butter....... I didn't.
Posting today from my other board.
Well My Darlins......
The knot in my stomach is at an end. I knew God was trying to tell me something. He was. So at 2:30 am I went and sat in the shower to not only clean me but as kind of a ritual cleansing. To clean away the fear. Make no mistake that is what it was. I have worked so hard to get us financially sound after the great hardships of the past years. I did it and then all heck broke loose all at once. I sat down and identified the emotion. Took it all in and looked to the root of my emotion....it was fear. Fear that those bad days would be back. Bill collectors on the phone, at my door, phone cut off , no electricity, no money to take care of it all. And I lived in that for four years everyday, sweating blood and my health spiraled down so that was a fear too. Then bancruptcy on top of it all. Seven years to repair the damage brought by terrible illness. Here I was with a hole that was getting bigger all the time. Hubby could not find a part time job.....oh my. Huge bills all at once and I was so overwhelmed. I tried to be calm. I worked and reworked my finances trying to find a balance of some kind yet no matter how creative I couldn't make $100.00 stretch into $400.00 and no relief in sight. The hole had all the promise of a black hole looming in front of me....... and then........ while posting last night God did try and get my attention .....and succeeded. I got it so the ritual shower and there I said God I cast this into your care. The song.... Lean on me when your not strong, resonating in my ears. I can find no way out of the disaster that looms in front of me and fear has invaded my heart and spirit... we can't do it alone. Thank you for being ever faithful.
I called my hubby today and told him to keep the grocery bill as close to the minimal amount I had allowed and he said well I didn't get to the bank today..... I immediately thought ..... I have to have staples , what am I going to do when he interjected.... I didn't have the time at lunch because I found a part time job that pays $7.50 an hour. Now I know that's not a great deal but it will be enough to put us back on an even keel. The relief flooded through me. I stopped and Thanked God with all my heart. Now believe it or not I am not the most religious human in the world but I have always known there was a God. I could feel the presence, sense it in a million ways. I was new age for years. My truth is in many philosophies but in the area where they all agree and can be proven to work in life so I am not preaching just sharing my great sigh of relief with those I love and letting you know I have learned much about stress and will spend the next few days processing so perhaps I can now achieve a much greater understanding. I hope........LOL I don't want to do this again either!!!!!!!
Pam
Well, I was startled to see this thread reposted but I must admit I realize now that this was a big , big deal for me. I have no idea who reposted it but I will say this reading it again, I am reminded of what a struggle this issue has been for me. If I got mad, upset, sad, worried, stress of any kind as well as self induced stress.... hubby does something I don't like, hurts my feelings, doesn't pay any attention to me, financial struggles, or just I hate how I look , those awful ugly day's and so on. The result was always eating a lot or just the worst of choices. My Darlings the truth like an alcoholic if you don't have stress you will create it to get your addiction need filled. This is the absolute truth, an ulgy truth to be sure. Like an alcoholic I have entered my own AA. I am a foodoholic and one day at a time I am in control of my own life again and my addiction but it is one day at a time. I have gained control only recently in fact for two weeks I have made the choice a million times a day to do what I need to do rather than waht I want to do. I choose not to be like a child who never grows up and say's I want, I want and rather to mature about my choices and say to me will this hurt me in the long run, will it steal the rest of my life. Have I not given up enough of life to obesity. Well, I have you know. Enough is enough. The rest of life belongs to me. I have also made up a chart that starts from my current weight and each line is a ten lb. goal with waht the weight is down to my goal weight of 128. When I have reached my goal weight I will have lost 225 lbs so far I have lost a total of 72 lbs. Each day I choose to do something that keeps me focused on my goals aside from posting here. I made my chart. I posted it where I have to see it daily, I read about the muscles I need to tighten, do research online for information on things weight related, everything from plastic surgery to Belly Dancing. Set up the next days food and liquids, whatever. I keep my mind centered on my goals regardless of what is going on in life. It is working and working well but I know it takes that commitment to keep on cycle. I have a lot to do and a lot going on but I know I can but let myself become side tracked an a daily basis or I am lost.
Pam
OK. look at the top of the screen, in the tiny blue print. see the word SEARCH? click on it. and then you'll get a screen to fill in.
for the thread on STRESS, i typed the word 'stress' in the keyword space [no quote marks]. then dropped down to the place where it asks for the forum you want to search it in. since i knew i'd seen this on the 100 pound club, i sure didn't want to search all the rest!! so, i selected the 100 pound club forum
and then because it was in RECENT memory, i selected posts made in the last 3 months [not ALL, not the last 6 months, or the last week or whatever, although those are perfectly good times for other things]
and then i clicked on PERFORM SEARCH and ended up with three pages of hits. and just looked through them by title, and there it was!!
if you remember who started the thread, you can put that info in as well...
it's not hard. go ahead. try it. it'll be just fine.
Stress and Weight, Let's talk about this!
I worry about my form, my intensity, if I'm REALLY burning that pint of ice cream I ate 
