Dieting with Obstacles - Fibromyalgia 57

Whew...four pages...long-winded us!

Believe me, Ally, you would not like to have what I had...not even to lose 8 pounds! I would much rather just do without food for a week!!!

I finally got down to the Rehab Center today. I didn't think I was going to make it, though. About 30 minutes before time to leave I started having diarrhea! Took two liquid doses of Imodium and one pill before I could safely leave the house!!! I hope that's the last of the virus. I'm so weak I didn't think I was going to make it up to her room without sitting down first! Then, as soon as I stepped inside the door, she said, "It's a good thing you came, I was down to one pair of underware!"

She is walking without a cane now but not much better with her arm and hand. She told me she didn't expect it to ever be any better than it is. I talked really serious to her about her attitude. If she really believes that it never will get any better...she'll stop trying! I can't do everything for her for the rest of her life, I'm just not able. She just HAS to try to use that hand and arm!!! There are some things she won't even try to do even with her right hand. For example: she told me she couldn't button and unbutton her PJ top so she had the nurse button the top button and then just stuck the front down in her pants and went to bed. THIS HAS TO STOP!!! I can't go over there and dress her every morning just because she won't try! I can certainly get myself dressed with one arm AND SO CAN SHE! I once had my left arm in a cast for 3 months and took care of an infant (just 2 mos. old), A 4 year old and a husband with a broken leg and on crutches. I cleaned my own house, bathed the kids, cooked all our meals, did the shopping and the whole 9 yards and I'm SURE she can learn to work buttons with just one hand!

I'm soooo tired...gotta go get a shower and go to bed. Please, please, please say a prayer for me tonight...I need more patience! Plus...I have a meeting with her Dr. tomorrow morning at 9 and I'm hoping and praying that he's not going to send her home tomorrow. I can't cope with her right now, still to weak and sick. I haven't cleaned my house since she had her stroke 2 weeks ago tomorrow and her house will also need cleaning if she goes home. If she comes here, I have to move furniture and clean out a closet and some drawers. I just can't do all of this!

Meme.......pull up a chair and sit a spell by the stream....I don't think wonder woaman could keep up with you!;)

Meme- it's way too soon to see what she can or cannot do-her brain has to heal-I don't think they will send her home til she's functioning. But what do I know. My mother was like your mother-except she might have been more spunky-but she had unrealistic expectations of me so I had to teach her what I could or could not do and I made my brothers help.And there are lots of services she can get at home-the walking sounds great. You are not here to do it all. Only your part. Hey Ally-I am achy from gardening-we just can't do anything without kicking up the fibro-can we. I have to stay out of the yard today. I have to go back to work tonight but only for 2 days.Then not until end of July.Got my bell shelf up-it was my mother's. I even hung it straight the first time because i measured and checked. But Brad had to hang it. He's a whopping 4 inches taller than I am. Gotta go for now. Everyone stay out of trouble. And feel good. I'll never have a garden like you Candice but it sure is fun. Hi Happy and Joanne. Mima

Meme- I hope the consult with Your mom's Dr. was good...I would tell her she would be going home to her home when she was able to function for herself. I know that your mom will probably tell you whatever she thinks will get her what she wants. I have been through it with my MIL and mother. My MIL quit eating and walking in her efforts to force us to take her home. It didn't work..We told her we would have a tube put down. She started to eat when she weighed 48 lbs. But she made the staff feed her. I won't even begin to tell the tales my mother told in her efforts to move into my house or my sisters. In the nursing home it goes on daily. Family members are always upset because of one story or another. Don't let her make you sick with guilt. Now I just stuck my nose in again...
Hello Mima,Ally, Candice Happy....Joanne

The Dr. said she couldn't go home until next Tuesday so that gives me 5 days to get everything done. Well...not actually 5 whole days...I'll still have to make the drive to Lebanon and back each of those days! But, anyway, that's a lot better than today or tomorrow, or even this weekend! He said she would have to have 24 - 7 assisted living for a month or so. He asked if I would be able to stay with her. I said no...not 24 hrs. a day 7 days a week. She lives in a 2 bedroom mobile home right next to me and the only place to sleep is on a day bed that is as hard as my floor. Plus, she never cooks so she has nothing to cook with. There's only one bathroom and I'd have to lug all my stuff over there. Then there's my husband and the dog, the fish, the plants and all the rest of my life over here INCLUDING MY COMPUTER AND PIANO!!! Not going to happen! She got mad because I wouldn't let her go home but she'll just have to stay mad is all I can say. I'm going to rearrange my furniture AND MY LIFE to accomadate her but she doesn't appreciate it one little bit. After the Dr. left, she looked at me and said, just look what you're making me do. I want to go home! I just told her flat out that I wasn't making her do anything. The Dr. said she had to have somebody with her 24 hrs. a day 7 days a week for awhile and it was either come to my house or go to a nursing home. That was her only 2 choices!!!

Joanne...she has tried to make me feel guilty about everything bad in her life and everything good in mine all my life so why should she change now! She even told me I wasn't supposed to be born...I was an accident...and that when she found out she "had an accident" I was supposed to be a boy! I was about 10 yrs. old then. So...I've been a disappointment all her life, I don't expect it be any different now?!

Gotta fly...got a lot to do in the next 5 days!!!

Meme- Forgive Me,but what do you owe her!!Take care of yourself and if you can find a asisted living facility put her there. Taking her in is not going to solve the problem. That is where she should be for her wellfare and yours. My prayers are with you..Joanne

Meme...Isn't she eligible for any at home services thru her health ins? Sometimes they don't even talk about it if they think the family is going to jump in. But it is there. And YOU deserve a break. You know what all this stress is going to do to you!!!!!
Yes Mima. this fibro is a real pian (no pun). I did weeding yesterday so can't bend over today. And my heels hurt.....don't know what that is all about but I just add it to the pile of things I complain about!!! :dizzy:

Ally I think your heels hurt cause mine do! The bending over pulls everything down to your toes! Try standing on a step on your toes and then go up on your toes and down, dropping your heels way low and feel that stretch!


Got my winter clothes back up stairs and put some way too big clothes in anotehr closet, did some celaning and had to water cause we are not getting the rain they told us we were!

For you painters!

Busy in the yard again gonna go take a bath and wash my hair!


Burnt my fresh asapragus today....thought I had it on low and went outside..could of burned the house down! Still stinks....

WHEW...I didn't realize my house was sooooo dirty! :( We moved all the furniture in hubby's bedroom last night. His bedroom suit is huge. We took the chest to the basement and brought up a recliner. It's nice the way we have it fixed now...nothing sticking out in the floor for Mom to trip over and lots of room to move around. She can have her 13" TV from home, too, since we have cable hookup in there. Then we moved some stuff around in my room to make a place for us to retreat to at night and watch TV or whatever. Put a small rocker/recliner from downstairs in the corner for hubby. We are going to work on the "wreck" room (pun intended) in the basement tomorrow. We have furniture, TV, etc. down there. It is all carpeted and everything so we can go down there if she starts to get on our nerves. I have a room downstairs where I teach piano, too. There are 2 desks, piano, couch and chair. I'm going to put my laptop in there...with that, Earthlink and a phone jack (which I have) I can at least have some place to go!!!

To answer the questions about her going somewhere else: I've checked on all that. Anyplace around here that she could go to have assisted living or nursing home care would cost an arm and a leg and insurance pays very little on it. What happens is, Mom would have to pay $1500 to $2000 a month until all her money is gone except $2000...that's all she is allowed to keep. Then, Medicaid will kick in. They would take all her income at that point and only give her $30 a month spending money. They would also put a lien against her mobile home and in the event she died would take that. She has Blue Cross of Tennessee and it pays really good for Drs., meds. ect. but you need a separate plan for assisted living care and she doesn't have that. I think the way I'm doing things here that we will get along ok for awhile. Maybe she won't have to stay long until she can go home with me just going over to help her a few times a day.

Well...gotta get busy again. There is a lot more to do than I thought. Trying to clean out my side to accomodate all hubby's stuff plus moving his things over here and cleaning out a few drawers and a closet for Mom! Then there are groceries tonight. I'll have to get in stuff that she likes to eat, too, this week and try to plan meals around what she will and CAN eat! I've spent half the morning making appointments for her for next week at Drs. etc. I made her a hair app. too. They washed it at the Rehab Center Monday but it looks terrible!

Meme...Medicaid works the same way here in NY, but sometimes medicare kicks in for home assistance...after all it is cheaper than nursing homes. I feel bad for you...I know sometimes your mom gets on your nerves, plus all the other things you have to do. You start planning that vacation!!!
Hi everybody...hope you all have nice weekends.

Meme..so this means you and Hubby are sharing a room again..like newly weds!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is exactly why Dh and I just signed up for nursing home insurance, we did not want the kids to be burdened. It will pay so much aday for in home care too.

Finally done work-I had the best workers and we finished all our papers by 2 pm the second day. Only one problem-there was a woman who was bilingual and it took her 3 times as long to score and most of the problems that came back had her number on them so i told the boss because I didn't think this was a good place for her to work even though she was a good worker.It's so good to be home-I have almost 2 months off til I work again so I can get this place done-I have lowered my expectaions about getting all the work done because Brad is busy 6 days a week and we'll have the winter to get the projects done.It's not worth the stress to do it now. We just have to get the tools out of the living room. Meme-I spent my whole life trying to get my mother to love me the way I needed and it wasn't going to happen. When I finally realized it, I was able to let go and see how unhappy she was and i could live my life the way I needed to, She always blamed me for her unhappiness and used guilt and manipulation to get what she wanted. But now I can see that she never got what she needed from her mother but that's not my fault. My daughetr has taken the guilt trips over!!!!We are having nice weather-got my summer clothes out. Hi eevryone-Mima

Meme- Ally is right about in home care. You also I believe can be compensated for her care by her medicare. See your local medicare office. Home health will send in assistance . They will do her daily care for a limited time. Including therapy. Her medicare pays for it.Things might be different here in Fl.but I think this is the same all over.
Mima- Finally taking a break.. You need it. I wondered all my life why things could not be what I thought other girls had with their mothers. I guess that is why I tried so hard with my daughter. You finally give up. In some cases things never change.
Hello Candice.. Ally..Happy
I went to the Dr. He told me I have two choises. Injection to my knee and a cane or surgery. I took injection for now. I want to go see my brother in Arizona in October.I was afraid the rehab would be too long. I guess I will slot next year for that surgery. I have had it once and know what it is all about. No Fun.
You All have a great weekend.. Joanne:wave:

Joanne, what kind of knee surgery are you having? I had surgery on my left knee 30 years ago. They broke the bone, cut all the ligaments and realigned everything. I have a scar about a foot long going down my leg. Then, about 14 years ago I had Arthroscopic surgery on the right one. I hated the recovery and rehab about as bad as the surgery and it really didn't help that much. I didn't have a choice with the left one because I couldn't even bend it...it was completely useless and I was on crutches. My kneecaps go out of place and when it happened that time I couldn't even use my knee. But with the right one I CHOSE to do it...but never again...unless I just can't walk!

About my mom and rehab, etc: They will be coming here to continue her rehabilitation. She will have 2 therapists and a nurse coming every week. The big thing is...she isn't allowed to do anything in the kitchen. Her left arm just goes off and does its own thing. She doesn't pay any attention to where it is and what it's doing. She could be cooking and turn around to do something with her right hand and her left hand could land on the hot stove or in a pot. She isn't paying any head attention to it. I think she is in denial big time. She doesn't want to believe she has had a stroke. I heard one of her therapists tell her the other day, "Mrs. Wilson, you've had a stroke on the left side. You need to start paying more attention to that hand and arm and where it is and what it is doing because it could be anywhere and you wouldn't know it!" Mom just looked at her and said, "I know that!" Really hateful, too. She tried to open a bottle of Sunny Delight I took her the other day and was holding it with her left hand. She almost poured the whole thing all over me. She won't accept the fact that she isn't the same as she was before. I know she is going to come here and then start begging me to let her go home. She isn't going to be content to sit over here with her house only 100 feet away!!! They told her under no circumstances could she handle a knife. She would THINK she could trust her left hand to hold something and cut it with her right hand but her left hand would move and she'd cut her finger off. They said she was not even to go in the kitchen. My biggest problem with her will probably making her OBEY the rules!!!

Meme...Your mother is the population of people I work with now that I am out of foster care. In NY we also have an Office of the Aging who have personal care aides who go in homes if the person can't afford them or insurance doesn't cover them. Wonder if your county has them too.
I have been encouraging this guy I met on the Paxil site a few years ago to become an aide...he has back problems that is why he was on Paxil. It really is a lucrative profession if you are a good caretaker. You can have 5 or 6 "clients" and just get in their homes for an hour or two to get meals prepped, help with shopping etc. It is not fair that our life becomes a total work load...raising kids, their kids and then taking care of our parents. That is why we all have all these stress related illnesses.
I am counting the months, days, hours til my kids get out on their own. And I hope I get a month or two of peace and quiet before the next stressor enters my life....that I assume would be a MAN!!!!!:dizzy:
Take care ,going to a BBQ....

Hi Everyone.

Mima - glad you are finished working for a couple of months. Give you time to get settled in. Hope that old FM has been behaving itself.

Joanne - Hi. I hope the injection helps for now. I don't think I would look forward to having knee surgery, although a friend of ours just had it done and he said it wasn't so bad. He gets around so much better and with much less pain.

Ally - I know that you want peace and quiet, but soon the boys will be grown up and gone. It goes by all to quickly. Did you get the painting all finished now?

Candice - Hi. Hope you are feeling better and are able to get out in your garden. I know how much you enjoy that.

Meme - I hope having your Mom with you won't be too big of a load for you. I also hope that your kids will find sitters to look after the kids so you won't have that to deal with as well. I don't know anything about the way your system works; when my Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimers and it was time for a nursing home, she just went. It cost almost all her pension, but she was well looked after. The problem was that all of us were working and I know my Mom didn't want to live with any of us. She had told us that often enough. My grandma lived with us for a few years while I was growing up, and it was hard on my Mom. This was my Dad's Mom. She said she would never want to do that again, nor would she want any of us to go through that. I truly hope things go well for you and that you won't let her drag you down.

My Mom was a wonderful lady and my best friend. We had a great relationship. She never interfered in anyones life and was always there for her kids and her grandkids as well. We have nothing but great memories of a wonderful person.

Our trip was great. We went about 1200 miles and the scenery was great all the way. I will post some pics next week. Some of the lakes were still frozen. Have you all heard of Lake Louise? That is the most photographed lake in the world, and it is a glacier lake. It was just starting to break up, but the ice wouldn't be out for another week or so.

Today, I have to go to Calgary (4hr trip return) and tomorrow to Edmonton (5 hr trip return), so I might not be moving by Monday:lol:

Everyone have a great day. Catch you on Monday.

HI

This is the first time I have posted here. I am new to this altho I have been in the chat. Find many times, there is no one in there.
Much prefer chat to this forum, do any of you ever go on chat?

I have fibro. and asthma. I am having trouble getting enough
exercise. I have not been on any program in the past several
years. Tried WW once long ago and didn't like it.

I just plain eat too much. I really would like to get more
exercise but I live in Winnipeg and it is very windy a lot
of the time and I cannot walk outdoors.

Sometimes the mall walk is just too dusty etc in the mornings.

I feel like I am whining, but it seems to me that I just get a
positive start and I get a set back from either the fibro or the asthma.

I really think, but this could just be an excuse, that I would
do better with eating less if I had more exercise. Is this just
my imagination or is it so?

Meme- I need left knee replacement surgery. I have already had right knee replacement. I had a long recovery time and you are right it is ****. But I no longer have as much pain and it has done well. I am having a lot of problems with my L/knee. It too slips out of place and I can't describe the pain when that happens.I have decided that if at all possible I will not do it till next year.I am going to try to get by with the injections. I know that they destroy tissue but that's the best I can do for now.
I can see that you are going to have a real problem with your mother. There will be a star in heaven for you when this is done. I could not do it and I am a nurse. I would say let the state have it all and put her in the home. You may decide for your own health that is the best course to go.Remember she has lived her life the way she wanted. You have the right to do the same and be happy doing it. I hope you are not letting anyone put a guilt trip on you to do this.It is much harder to take care of family than it is a stranger. Emotion gets into the picture.And if they don't co-operate it is much harder. Your mother is going through a phase of anger among other things and she is going to be difficult for anyone to handle. God be with you...Joanne

I would do what Meme is doing even though I know it would be hard. My step-grandmother lived with us when I was a child and she was **** on wheels! My Dh was just saying to me the other day he was glad I did not live near my mom cause I would be consumed with taking care of her ( she has alzheimers) and even though my borther lives with her he does not see to her groming needs.

Had to water again today before we went out....I hate going away ....too much trouble.

We do not eat out much and we had some friends from out state we had to meet for supper. I think I did ok and didn't use any banked pts. I chose a grilled chicken breast w/ steamed broccoli and had the rice pilaf replaced with a baked potato and had salad and just used the balsamic vinegar for the dressing. The potato had to be at least 20 0unces!!!!!!!! I cut off a portion I thought was about 4oz and just ate that. This was at Ruby Tuesday's and their is not a lot of nutional info on the other websites but I think it was around 7 pts. Dh on the other hand had the ribs and fries!!!!!! It is all about healthy choices.

I'm hungry now so I'm gonna get off here and have snack..........maybe a 2 pt snickers bar or lowfat Choc. ice cream, who knows maybe both! I have so many points left!

Happy- I had this knee injected about 3+ months ago and this how long it lasted. It is just a patch . I wish it was the answer.
Candice there is a star in heaven for you too.. Sounds like you have the pattern down pat for eating out. I don't go out to eat much. One reason is my hubby doesn't like to and another is I am so unsure what is in the food that I can't count. I always gain a lb or more when I go out.
Serenty- Welcome. WW has changed a lot in the last few years. Maybe you should look up a meeting and really commit yourself to the eating program. Get into a good exercise routine. Walking was mine. I cannot do impact exercise. Forget what you can't do and do what you can. Your health will improve before you know it. Don't let anything stand in the way of your goal. You can do anything you want to. Tell yourself that you are important.
Hello Abby,Meme
Bye, Joanne:wave:

Hi Serenity...welcome. I am just trying to find a healthy way of eating and keep narrowing things down but I know for sure that sugar is evil for me, and even too many days of pasta, bread and potatoes can do me in. Both in weight gain and in muscle pain. So I am back to low carb for now.
Went to a chkn BBQ and only ate the chicken and the cabbage salad. I hated throwing out the macaroni salad, baked beans and salt potatoes, but woke up feeling pretty good even tho I snuck in some beer!!!
Meme...I was reading about migraines and of course, people who suffer from migraines need SEROTONIN. Duh. But I am not having too much luck with 5-HTP. I guess my body needs another break.
Candice.......good food choices. We have a Ruby Tuesday too and I like the salad bar cause they have a ton of fresh veggies on there....

STRESS EATING...UGH! Been doing a LOT of that the past week! I've already gained back most of what I lost with the virus last weekend. Trying to get everything ready for Mom by Tuesday morning plus driving to Lebanon every day! I'm a total wreck!

Thanks for saying that Candice...made me feel "a little" better about what I am doing. You are only the second person who has told me that. I asked hubby today if he thought I was stupid or just "too caring"! I would do the same thing for his Mom or Dad, too. He said no but he thought I did too much for other people most of the time and didn't take care of myself enough. Oh well...someday I may need everybody else to take care of me and then it will be their turn! (If I keep on going 20 hrs. a day like I have been it'll be here sooner than I think!)

Welcome Serenity...I'm not a good person to ask for any kind of advise right now...I'm a basket case! My Mom just had a stroke and I'm having to move her in with me. Hard to worry about diet and exercise.

Welcome Serentiy62! How did I miss your post! Anyway in answer to your question, you just have to find what works for you and keep plugging away at it. With medical problems yes it will be tuff but you will feel better in the long run.

Meme...I think I would have to draw the line with taking carre of my in-laws cause I can't stand them now and they are healthy! I think they would have to commit me. You are one specail person!!!!!!!!!!:smug: .........and you have a big loving heart! :love:

Joanne...that is the reason I do not like eating out but I did not have choice this time, so I asked the waitress a lot of questions to find out how the food was made! I think I made the best choice I could. That potato was so big.........I could have eaten it all but just took a small portion and didn't even opt to bring the rest home.

Ally, the salad bar was nice but I forgot to go back for my fruit, I had so much salad and veggies on my plate, didn't have room! Have you seen the size of their potaoes!:eek:

Hi Happy and Mima!

Oh Joanne-your poor knees-my aunt had a knee replacement and she can walk the socks off me.Knees are so important-I hope you feel better soon.Meme-my mother never listened to me-she always took too much medicine .When she went in to the nursing home-they cut down her dose and she was so much better-prednisone!!!No wonder she had mood swings. There are mothers and there are mothers. My aunt lives with her daughter and they have a good relationship. Don't feel guilty-you are doing your best. We had a good weekend-went to a church cookout yesterday and then to the movies at night. Saw Sum of all Fears=scary but awesome. It's about a terrorist attack!!I guess it was made before 9/11 but they held off releasing it. That Ben Affleck is so cute. It's back to settling in and getting things done but I have 5 weeks before our party and I made up my mind that it's ok that the house isn't finished. I have been planting flowers and the girl downstairs has been doing the grass so that part is looking good. Brad is really busy so we can finish up during the slow season. hi everyone and hope your weekend was good. mima

Meme...I bet your personality type is GIVER, like me. You do things for others in the hopes you will someday get payback. But I have learned after getting NOTHING that that might not happen. However, you can't change your basic personality type...that is what makes you tick. BUT, remember to take care of you, cause others may forget:)
Candice....never had the potatoes at Ruby Tuesday but I did have the 20 ounce Margarita:o Why is everything so BIG there???
Serenity....I see you started a thread, but I won't have time to look. Come back!!!!

Hey Everybody- I've had a pretty quiet weekend. Everytime I tell my hubby now about doing something he now reminds me of my knee. I just might get tired enough of it to give him my cane:lol: I am trying to forget the subject.
Yes what happened to Serenity..They drop in sometimes and we don't see them again.
Candice I have to say you have this diet down pat. That is what I have never learned and why I will always struggle with the weight. I think I am too lax at times to take the control and still enjoy doing the fun things. The old saying. "Eat all your food.Their are starving children in this world."
Where's Happy?
Meme- I am going to leave you alone.. You have to do your thing..I still say there is a star up there for you.
Mima, Ally..Hello...Did any of you see that show about the girls going to Alaska to find husbands. I told my husband.Why do they have to go to Alaska?There are loads of men here that are looking for wives. It probably is because they think they have more money. How shallow!There is a chance the TV story lines have run out of thing to show.
By you all. I am just rambling...Joanne

Hi Joanne, I am here. I am just tired today, will feel more energetic by tomorrow. Just too much travelling. By the time I got back home last night, my hip wasn't behaving. It just wanted to collapse and I didn't want it to do that. It is still a bit testy today, but hopefully by tomorrow, I will be all better - or I will be going to the chiro. I did pretty good with all the sitting and travelling, but I guess I have a limit and I reached it.

Meme - I am hoping you are taking a bit of time to look after you. Just take one day at a time and you will be ok. Come here, and rant - we can take it!

Ally - I am a giver as well, but I don't expect anything in return. I just do it because I feel it is the right thing to do. With my Mom, the best place for her was a nursing home. She had Alzheimers and Diabetes and Angina and she really needed medical people around her. She was always welcome in my home that is for sure.

Candice - I ate out at restaurants for 4 days and I didn't gain any weight. Just watched what I was eating and the portions and I did ok. I didn't lose anything, but that is ok as well. I had a great time.

Mima - You have all kinds of time to get your house the way you want it. It is good that the gal downstairs does the lawn. That is nice.

Well everyone, take care and have a nice evening.

I'm not really expecting anything in return! AT LEAST I DONT THINK I AM!!! I know my Mom will never be ABLE to return the favor and that's ok! Like Candice...I do what I do because I feel like it is the right thing to do! If I implied that I'm expecting others to take care of me because I am helping them...didn't mean to! I hope and pray I never have to have help but I'm sure if I do my kids will be there for me. I don't think I would like to live with them, though. I'd feel like I was in the way or something. Never be at ease if you know what I mean!

Well...I cleaned Mom's house good today, watered her plants and went down to see her. She seems to be in pretty good spirits and looking forward to leaving the hospital tomorrow. She doesn't like it there and really hates the food. I've got everything here ready for her. Got her room all ready and all the stuff in the bathroom and tub that she will need. Seems like I've been cleaning out and moving stuff for weeks! Well...I guess I have...it's been over a week since I started! At least I have my house in pretty good shape and won't have to worry about any of that for awhile. I'd like to clean out the closets in the play room and wash some windows but they will just have to wait...I'm pooped!

I've got to get back on some kind of eating plan. I'm dying here! Maybe when I get her home and start cooking at night again I can control what I eat better...probably not...I am a stress eater and my Mom is Stress...with a capital S!!! Plus...I'll have a nurse and therapists in and out...her friends from church said they were coming to see her and some of our relatives from North Carolina said they were coming, too! Some days...I look down the tunnel...and I don't see any light at the end!

We are so fortunate-Brad's Mom needs care but his brother helps her out and he will get a bigger share of the house-his job is only regular hours so he can do it easier. And she has a home health aide. I went out to plant my last garden-impatience under the tree- and the woman across the street came over and dug the whole thing up so I only had to plant. I have one more section to work on and then I'm done for this year. Then Sherri and I tried to hook up the hose and we did it to the wrong connection in the boiler room and it sprung a leak, brad called at this time so he told me what to shut off and i emptied the pail every hour. He didn;t have the right size faucet so we put the hose nozzle on it to stop the leak-my girlfriend's suggestion. I also got stuff put away in the house and today I am going to walk with my aunt. Meme-hope you are well-it's funny, now I can look back at all the things I survived and i know I'm much stronger and wiser for it. And I'll look back at all this settling in someday too. Of course, this is a labor of love so it's easier in that way. My husband is actually trying to notice what I did. Hi everyone-bye for now. Mima

I got called on the carpet in counseling about being a giver. Even though you are doing things cause it is the right thing to do, you still expect appreciation. (This was marriage counseling, by the way) I kept saying that I didn't expect anything in return, and the counselor kept nudging me and saying "then why are you so angry?" That was when I realized that I did expect payback for always doing the right thing, always being willing to forgive and forget and always taking care of everybody. It will pop out when you least expect it. And I realized that eventually I left my marriage cause I got NO payback. And sometimes I realize that my anger at my kids is because I have not let them know what I want in return for my kindnesses, and you know, if you don't tell them, they won't just do it.... Same with parents, hubbies, friends etc.

Joanne..my son says he has trouble meeting nice girls and the one he is dating now is giving him problems but he hates to let her go. ....geeze young kids these days. I told him I thought she was to imature for him but he had to make his on decision on breaking up or not, but he told me some stuff that was was doing and and he is being very tolerant! (she is seeing old boyfirends on the side!) I do not think she is the right one for him but the again he has to make the decision. He is 24 and she is 21(but very spoiled and needs lots of attention). I am trying to stay out of it and let him make his on mistakes. I had to take a xanax to calm down! Some of the stuff he told me is x-rated! I could not even tell DH all of it cause he is a prude! ;)

Mima..I love impatients, what a nice neighbor to dig for you!

Ally..that happened to me when I was teaching a private nursery school, was promised a bonus so I worked my butt off to please everyone and then the board had some problems and regnigged..I even worked some holidays so the kids would have a place to go (for parents that worked) and this was not in my contract!

Hi Happy...you got your energy back..Ididn't think you ever got crabby like me!

Meme....geeze, you need to rest girl! Windows will wait and the closets too!


WE got a littled bit of rain, needed much more! Supposed to be normal temps the next few days. Hope I can get outside too.

HI

I was a pleaser too, recognizing and changing this behaviour pattern is easier said than done. I still catch myself on this
one - not letting the other person know just what it is I am
expecting, or wanting.

I agree, it is hard to watch our children when they are in a
relationship that is not working. Hard not to give unwanted
advice too. I have daughter living next door with 2 children,
one just turned 3 and an 8 month old. Really hard to keep
my opinions to myself sometimes.

I had not a bad day yest. Drank water when everyone had
coke. I did eat a piece of cake. Had a good day physically,
no pain, so did more yard work than I should of but it felt
really good to accomplish something.

So the new subject is giving and people pleasing-my life's story as someone who grew up all around alcoholism. It sets you up. You give away what you need for yourself-always trying to make someone happy . I had a semi-anxiety situation yesterday and realized how hard I am on myself and that I work too hard and am worried too much how this place looks to other people. Brad was the one who let the stuff pile up-he would be the first one to admit it-and I am taking on the responsibility to clean ALL of it up. And i try to please him but I am very much aware of how much he tries to please me. I got this worrying about what other people think from my mother and it's time to give it back. I do like a sort of neat house and he's aware of it-but he works 6 days a week right now because he does air conditioning and refrig.=we are going to a concert this weekend and the cancer walk on Fri. and i'm playing golf tomorrow and i walked with my aunt yesterday so things are getting better. Any ideas on good moth stuff-I just found aone on my wool jacket. I can't use moth balls. I'll try the internet. Hi everyone-good to vent!!!!Mima

Candice- I can relate to what you are telling me about your son... My son was a kid who told (and still does)me everything that was /is going on in his life. They don't always listen to advice. I would tell your son ,as I did mine, don't walk away ,run away from this girl. He is young and there are many more. My son married the girl and after 7+ years woke up and threw her out. She was seeing other guys before and after they were married.He is 43 and has still not found a women that he can trust. No need in you getting upset over his relationship. It won't change a thing.The x-rated is what is probably keepng her around.
Serenty- We can't always be a people pleaser. I am known to speak my mind. If it is in my head it usually comes out the mouth. That is just the way I am. It has gotten me into trouble a lot. Good that you had a good day yesterday. I didn't .My eating was a disaster. Although I ate salad and a protien twice yesterday I still ate too many points. Too much cheese and that was too much salt. Up two lbs!
Mima- There is not much that anyone can say about alcoholics in the family that I don't know. I became the mother at 12 years old and never had the life that most young girls have. I survived and sometimes think I am stronger for it.Sometimes not. We all have very weak moments. Sometimes there will be someone to hold us up but a lot of the times we have to do it alone.
Ally .I don't see anything wrong with being a giver. And I don't see anything wrong in expecting a return for the giving. Some people will take untill you are dry. I tend to move away from them eventually. That is protection in my view.
Hey Happy... Meme...
My brother-in-law is going to put up a hand rail on the front steps for me today. I can hardly get uo them with this bad knee. I am so thankful. Nice Guy. My sister is lucky. My hubby can't seem to do things like that and my son is too busy lately.
Bye... Sorry to be so longwinded...Joanne

New Thread

Hi

Having a bad day here. Did too much physical work the past few days which is causing stress I think. Anyway the IBS has returned today and of course spent most of the day in the bathroom.


I have not eaten much these past few days. I cannot eat much
today, herbal tea and toast.

Also had 3 naps today where I slept - dead to the world for over an hour each time.

Hoping to feel physically better for tomorrow.

As for the alcoholism - been there done that - managed to survive
thro childhood, have 39 1/2 yrs of sobriety myself now but
nothing changes what has happened to us in childhood. I found
that at 55 yrs old I had to go into counselling for the many things
that had happened to me as a child, that I had kept blocked out
for 55 yrs.

An a more pleasant note, I have a wonderful family, and they
are more "normal" than most. Thanks to working a 12 step
program for many years before they were born, I have been a much better parent than my parents were.

My Fibro has not been bad the past few years, no real reason
that I know of. Hope it will keep up this way.

Serenity

New thread started