Believe me, Ally, you would not like to have what I had...not even to lose 8 pounds! I would much rather just do without food for a week!!!
I finally got down to the Rehab Center today. I didn't think I was going to make it, though. About 30 minutes before time to leave I started having diarrhea! Took two liquid doses of Imodium and one pill before I could safely leave the house!!! I hope that's the last of the virus. I'm so weak I didn't think I was going to make it up to her room without sitting down first! Then, as soon as I stepped inside the door, she said, "It's a good thing you came, I was down to one pair of underware!"
She is walking without a cane now but not much better with her arm and hand. She told me she didn't expect it to ever be any better than it is. I talked really serious to her about her attitude. If she really believes that it never will get any better...she'll stop trying! I can't do everything for her for the rest of her life, I'm just not able. She just HAS to try to use that hand and arm!!! There are some things she won't even try to do even with her right hand. For example: she told me she couldn't button and unbutton her PJ top so she had the nurse button the top button and then just stuck the front down in her pants and went to bed. THIS HAS TO STOP!!! I can't go over there and dress her every morning just because she won't try! I can certainly get myself dressed with one arm AND SO CAN SHE! I once had my left arm in a cast for 3 months and took care of an infant (just 2 mos. old), A 4 year old and a husband with a broken leg and on crutches. I cleaned my own house, bathed the kids, cooked all our meals, did the shopping and the whole 9 yards and I'm SURE she can learn to work buttons with just one hand!
I'm soooo tired...gotta go get a shower and go to bed. Please, please, please say a prayer for me tonight...I need more patience! Plus...I have a meeting with her Dr. tomorrow morning at 9 and I'm hoping and praying that he's not going to send her home tomorrow. I can't cope with her right now, still to weak and sick. I haven't cleaned my house since she had her stroke 2 weeks ago tomorrow and her house will also need cleaning if she goes home. If she comes here, I have to move furniture and clean out a closet and some drawers. I just can't do all of this!
Meme- it's way too soon to see what she can or cannot do-her brain has to heal-I don't think they will send her home til she's functioning. But what do I know. My mother was like your mother-except she might have been more spunky-but she had unrealistic expectations of me so I had to teach her what I could or could not do and I made my brothers help.And there are lots of services she can get at home-the walking sounds great. You are not here to do it all. Only your part. Hey Ally-I am achy from gardening-we just can't do anything without kicking up the fibro-can we. I have to stay out of the yard today. I have to go back to work tonight but only for 2 days.Then not until end of July.Got my bell shelf up-it was my mother's. I even hung it straight the first time because i measured and checked. But Brad had to hang it. He's a whopping 4 inches taller than I am. Gotta go for now. Everyone stay out of trouble. And feel good. I'll never have a garden like you Candice but it sure is fun. Hi Happy and Joanne. Mima
Meme- I hope the consult with Your mom's Dr. was good...I would tell her she would be going home to her home when she was able to function for herself. I know that your mom will probably tell you whatever she thinks will get her what she wants. I have been through it with my MIL and mother. My MIL quit eating and walking in her efforts to force us to take her home. It didn't work..We told her we would have a tube put down. She started to eat when she weighed 48 lbs. But she made the staff feed her. I won't even begin to tell the tales my mother told in her efforts to move into my house or my sisters. In the nursing home it goes on daily. Family members are always upset because of one story or another. Don't let her make you sick with guilt. Now I just stuck my nose in again...
Hello Mima,Ally, Candice Happy....Joanne
The Dr. said she couldn't go home until next Tuesday so that gives me 5 days to get everything done. Well...not actually 5 whole days...I'll still have to make the drive to Lebanon and back each of those days! But, anyway, that's a lot better than today or tomorrow, or even this weekend! He said she would have to have 24 - 7 assisted living for a month or so. He asked if I would be able to stay with her. I said no...not 24 hrs. a day 7 days a week. She lives in a 2 bedroom mobile home right next to me and the only place to sleep is on a day bed that is as hard as my floor. Plus, she never cooks so she has nothing to cook with. There's only one bathroom and I'd have to lug all my stuff over there. Then there's my husband and the dog, the fish, the plants and all the rest of my life over here INCLUDING MY COMPUTER AND PIANO!!! Not going to happen! She got mad because I wouldn't let her go home but she'll just have to stay mad is all I can say. I'm going to rearrange my furniture AND MY LIFE to accomadate her but she doesn't appreciate it one little bit. After the Dr. left, she looked at me and said, just look what you're making me do. I want to go home! I just told her flat out that I wasn't making her do anything. The Dr. said she had to have somebody with her 24 hrs. a day 7 days a week for awhile and it was either come to my house or go to a nursing home. That was her only 2 choices!!!
Joanne...she has tried to make me feel guilty about everything bad in her life and everything good in mine all my life so why should she change now! She even told me I wasn't supposed to be born...I was an accident...and that when she found out she "had an accident" I was supposed to be a boy! I was about 10 yrs. old then. So...I've been a disappointment all her life, I don't expect it be any different now?!
Meme- Forgive Me,but what do you owe her!!Take care of yourself and if you can find a asisted living facility put her there. Taking her in is not going to solve the problem. That is where she should be for her wellfare and yours. My prayers are with you..Joanne
Meme...Isn't she eligible for any at home services thru her health ins? Sometimes they don't even talk about it if they think the family is going to jump in. But it is there. And YOU deserve a break. You know what all this stress is going to do to you!!!!!
Yes Mima. this fibro is a real pian (no pun). I did weeding yesterday so can't bend over today. And my heels hurt.....don't know what that is all about but I just add it to the pile of things I complain about!!!
Ally I think your heels hurt cause mine do! The bending over pulls everything down to your toes! Try standing on a step on your toes and then go up on your toes and down, dropping your heels way low and feel that stretch!
Got my winter clothes back up stairs and put some way too big clothes in anotehr closet, did some celaning and had to water cause we are not getting the rain they told us we were!
WHEW...I didn't realize my house was sooooo dirty! We moved all the furniture in hubby's bedroom last night. His bedroom suit is huge. We took the chest to the basement and brought up a recliner. It's nice the way we have it fixed now...nothing sticking out in the floor for Mom to trip over and lots of room to move around. She can have her 13" TV from home, too, since we have cable hookup in there. Then we moved some stuff around in my room to make a place for us to retreat to at night and watch TV or whatever. Put a small rocker/recliner from downstairs in the corner for hubby. We are going to work on the "wreck" room (pun intended) in the basement tomorrow. We have furniture, TV, etc. down there. It is all carpeted and everything so we can go down there if she starts to get on our nerves. I have a room downstairs where I teach piano, too. There are 2 desks, piano, couch and chair. I'm going to put my laptop in there...with that, Earthlink and a phone jack (which I have) I can at least have some place to go!!!
To answer the questions about her going somewhere else: I've checked on all that. Anyplace around here that she could go to have assisted living or nursing home care would cost an arm and a leg and insurance pays very little on it. What happens is, Mom would have to pay $1500 to $2000 a month until all her money is gone except $2000...that's all she is allowed to keep. Then, Medicaid will kick in. They would take all her income at that point and only give her $30 a month spending money. They would also put a lien against her mobile home and in the event she died would take that. She has Blue Cross of Tennessee and it pays really good for Drs., meds. ect. but you need a separate plan for assisted living care and she doesn't have that. I think the way I'm doing things here that we will get along ok for awhile. Maybe she won't have to stay long until she can go home with me just going over to help her a few times a day.
Well...gotta get busy again. There is a lot more to do than I thought. Trying to clean out my side to accomodate all hubby's stuff plus moving his things over here and cleaning out a few drawers and a closet for Mom! Then there are groceries tonight. I'll have to get in stuff that she likes to eat, too, this week and try to plan meals around what she will and CAN eat! I've spent half the morning making appointments for her for next week at Drs. etc. I made her a hair app. too. They washed it at the Rehab Center Monday but it looks terrible!
Meme...Medicaid works the same way here in NY, but sometimes medicare kicks in for home assistance...after all it is cheaper than nursing homes. I feel bad for you...I know sometimes your mom gets on your nerves, plus all the other things you have to do. You start planning that vacation!!!
Hi everybody...hope you all have nice weekends.
Meme..so this means you and Hubby are sharing a room again..like newly weds!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is exactly why Dh and I just signed up for nursing home insurance, we did not want the kids to be burdened. It will pay so much aday for in home care too.
Finally done work-I had the best workers and we finished all our papers by 2 pm the second day. Only one problem-there was a woman who was bilingual and it took her 3 times as long to score and most of the problems that came back had her number on them so i told the boss because I didn't think this was a good place for her to work even though she was a good worker.It's so good to be home-I have almost 2 months off til I work again so I can get this place done-I have lowered my expectaions about getting all the work done because Brad is busy 6 days a week and we'll have the winter to get the projects done.It's not worth the stress to do it now. We just have to get the tools out of the living room. Meme-I spent my whole life trying to get my mother to love me the way I needed and it wasn't going to happen. When I finally realized it, I was able to let go and see how unhappy she was and i could live my life the way I needed to, She always blamed me for her unhappiness and used guilt and manipulation to get what she wanted. But now I can see that she never got what she needed from her mother but that's not my fault. My daughetr has taken the guilt trips over!!!!We are having nice weather-got my summer clothes out. Hi eevryone-Mima
Meme- Ally is right about in home care. You also I believe can be compensated for her care by her medicare. See your local medicare office. Home health will send in assistance . They will do her daily care for a limited time. Including therapy. Her medicare pays for it.Things might be different here in Fl.but I think this is the same all over.
Mima- Finally taking a break.. You need it. I wondered all my life why things could not be what I thought other girls had with their mothers. I guess that is why I tried so hard with my daughter. You finally give up. In some cases things never change.
Hello Candice.. Ally..Happy
I went to the Dr. He told me I have two choises. Injection to my knee and a cane or surgery. I took injection for now. I want to go see my brother in Arizona in October.I was afraid the rehab would be too long. I guess I will slot next year for that surgery. I have had it once and know what it is all about. No Fun.
You All have a great weekend.. Joanne
Joanne, what kind of knee surgery are you having? I had surgery on my left knee 30 years ago. They broke the bone, cut all the ligaments and realigned everything. I have a scar about a foot long going down my leg. Then, about 14 years ago I had Arthroscopic surgery on the right one. I hated the recovery and rehab about as bad as the surgery and it really didn't help that much. I didn't have a choice with the left one because I couldn't even bend it...it was completely useless and I was on crutches. My kneecaps go out of place and when it happened that time I couldn't even use my knee. But with the right one I CHOSE to do it...but never again...unless I just can't walk!
About my mom and rehab, etc: They will be coming here to continue her rehabilitation. She will have 2 therapists and a nurse coming every week. The big thing is...she isn't allowed to do anything in the kitchen. Her left arm just goes off and does its own thing. She doesn't pay any attention to where it is and what it's doing. She could be cooking and turn around to do something with her right hand and her left hand could land on the hot stove or in a pot. She isn't paying any head attention to it. I think she is in denial big time. She doesn't want to believe she has had a stroke. I heard one of her therapists tell her the other day, "Mrs. Wilson, you've had a stroke on the left side. You need to start paying more attention to that hand and arm and where it is and what it is doing because it could be anywhere and you wouldn't know it!" Mom just looked at her and said, "I know that!" Really hateful, too. She tried to open a bottle of Sunny Delight I took her the other day and was holding it with her left hand. She almost poured the whole thing all over me. She won't accept the fact that she isn't the same as she was before. I know she is going to come here and then start begging me to let her go home. She isn't going to be content to sit over here with her house only 100 feet away!!! They told her under no circumstances could she handle a knife. She would THINK she could trust her left hand to hold something and cut it with her right hand but her left hand would move and she'd cut her finger off. They said she was not even to go in the kitchen. My biggest problem with her will probably making her OBEY the rules!!!
Fibromyalgia 57
We moved all the furniture in hubby's bedroom last night. His bedroom suit is huge. We took the chest to the basement and brought up a recliner. It's nice the way we have it fixed now...nothing sticking out in the floor for Mom to trip over and lots of room to move around. She can have her 13" TV from home, too, since we have cable hookup in there. Then we moved some stuff around in my room to make a place for us to retreat to at night and watch TV or whatever. Put a small rocker/recliner from downstairs in the corner for hubby. We are going to work on the "wreck" room (pun intended) in the basement tomorrow. We have furniture, TV, etc. down there. It is all carpeted and everything so we can go down there if she starts to get on our nerves. I have a room downstairs where I teach piano, too. There are 2 desks, piano, couch and chair. I'm going to put my laptop in there...with that, Earthlink and a phone jack (which I have) I can at least have some place to go!!!
