Hi everyone, I'm working my program again. I actually reached a low of 153 and then started to gain weight in a short time. Last week I think I saw a high of 168 but I quickly got that in check, when I started to feel real yucky. My cholesterol was 255 and I had to go on blood pressure medication. I actually have been exercising all along but I'm going to start increasing it. I already have started gym workouts.
Anyway my point of this post is not to mention any names but someone who is sitting right behind me has started making comments. Such as, "we are going to get you back in shape", " I have the body of a single man", "I put new batteries in the scale so you can weigh yourself every day" "you'll have to eat less if you want to wear cute clothes", well you guys get the picture.
The weird thing is "someone" has never made comments before although I was 158 when we met, and comments were never made when I was 177 so right now at 164 I don't feel tremendously overweight but I know I will feel better when I get back down another 10. At any rate some of those comments made me have mixed feelings, I generally just sort of grin.
And the comments make me feel extra anxious, and they make me want to get real thin, and sort of a revengeful feeling. Has anyone had negative comments made from their partner and how did you handle these comments,
well back to the drawing board, or back to the program.
Does your partner think that they are helping you with these comments? Perhaps they don't realize that the comments are coming across as judgmental.
You'll have to bring it up, politely, that while you're happy this person is trying to help, their comments are bringing you down. And it'd be much more constructive to... oh say... help with the making of healthy dinners than to just say things.
It sounds like you need to let your partner know that it is bothering you. My husband has been very supportive of my new eating plan and is very proud of how well I am doing. There have been a couple of times where he will say something like "you can't eat that" or "aren't you walking tonight?". I just politely let him know that I was free to make my own choices and could eat whatever I wanted. I am the one who controls what I eat and if or when I exercise. I really think my husband was trying to help, he just didn't realize that this is something I have to do on my own and telling me what to do was not helping!
Yeah, a lot of guys really do mean to be helpful, and it just comes across all wrong. So you have to talk to him and find out if he is willing to say (or not say) and do the things that *you* find helpful, or if he actually is unsatisfied.
Thanks for the replies. I just get worried, we have only been married three years and I want things to be good. We actually do several sports together
including skiing, canoeing, mountain biking, hiking and walking, so that is fun.
We ate out a real lot in the beginning but he seemed to easily get in to shape.
Its interesting because its not the first time I've encountered comments. I remember my ex saying,"so you're not doing all that walking", and other various put downs from different people, although I've received my share of positive comments too. Faerie you are right, I think he probably think he's helping, at least that's what I hope he thinks.
Honestly, it sounds like he is trying to keep you motivated, but has failed at understanding the feelings those kind of comments can create. I've been there...lol Sometimes you have to say EXACTLY how you feel when he says those things. Tell him that you are feeling insecure and/or anxious. Spell it out for him in a way that doesn't criticize, but rather explains your feelings.
I think your husband is trying to show his support, without seeming like he's ordering you about or telling you how to live your life. He's possibly noticed that you're feeling a bit yucky about yourself, and I truly think he has your best interests at heart. Men sometimes don't know how to tiptoe around sensitive subjects, so what they do they can come out wrong.
Particularly if your cholesterol is high and you've had to go on blood pressure medication, he's probably really worried, and is trying to spur you on and motivate you without showing that he feels vulnerable or worried.
Accept his support, and lean on him when times get tough. I'm sure you'll do great! xx
You really need to tell him how he's makeing you feel, in a constructive way. Don't let it fester or you'll have even more challenges, both in the partnership and in the weight loss.
Men tend to look at things totally different than we girls do, and they really do think they are trying to help...but unless we tell them they will never know how it effects us!!!
So most everyone seems to think its a man's way of being helpful. In some ways it seems to be motivating, so I will think positive.
However I would bet my computer that a lot of people with addictions, weight issues, and so on have suffered some type of emotional abuse during their lives, not that its an excuse for getting out of shape, but I have suffered so much emotional abuse (not from him) that there is a fine line between making comments like "I have the body of a single man", how does that help me or my self esteem. But some of the things he does are helpful. Yesterday he hiked with me and tomorrow we are going skiing and I did manage to drop 5 pounds in water weight this week and exercised and cut back on a lot of things, can't do much better than that.
So most everyone seems to think its a man's way of being helpful. In some ways it seems to be motivating, so I will think positive.
However I would bet my computer that a lot of people with addictions, weight issues, and so on have suffered some type of emotional abuse during their lives, not that its an excuse for getting out of shape, but I have suffered so much emotional abuse (not from him) that there is a fine line between making comments like "I have the body of a single man", how does that help me or my self esteem. But some of the things he does are helpful.
I think that he means well is only half the point. The other key half is talking to him. You don't have to settle just because he means well. Many guys are very practical, and are happy to do whatever you want, as long as you spell it out for them.
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