As much as I hate having sisters, I will fight for them to the death.
She came home tonight from church heartbroken, angry, and extremely self conscious. She had fitting for her outfit for our church musical/play/whatever you'd like to call it. The music minister is an extreme perfectionist, he is a wonderful man however is highly demanding. They give her the shirt she is supposed to wear and it was bought for her at least 4 sizes too small. She wrote down what size she wears so it wasn't like they didn't know. She is by far the biggest girl in choir group that has to wear this certain outfit. She is like a size 24 and the other girls are probably no bigger than a size 12. She was told that if she wasn't able to wear this certain shirt she would not be able to perform in the production.
I hurt for her, she has had this issue before when she tries to be apart of these productions. I have never seen anyone be so blatant in their attack. Its black and white for people that are not fat. She has had weight issues her whole life and now because of the way she looks she isn't able to participate in something that she is needed in and loves to do. She can sing and act. Ugh just frustrated about what I can do for her.
I have 3 sisters, I know what having sisters is like, trust me. The best you can do is be there to support her, you can give her ideas, and comfort but what she decides to do is ultimately up to her, and all you can do as a sister is be there for her when she does it. Invite her to your workouts, encourage her to put certain items of food away for another, it's what sisters are for!
Omigod. That's horrible! Want me to come kick his holiness's @ss? Cos I'll do it.
That's RIDICULOUS that they wouldn't get her the size she needed, and terrible to discriminate against her because of the size she is.
Take the shirt? Have it tailored to fit. If you need to go out and buy extra matching material, do it. Or buy matching material, and have a shirt made from scratch with the too-small shirt as a model for what you need.
I hurt for her too! That's awful and I hope someone can reason with him There is no reason- even if she has to wear a different shirt- she should not be allowed to perform. I'm sure she felt like garbage, but hopefully she will get the gumption to stand up for herself. It's so hard when someone treats you like that because it just makes your spin with shame.
That reminds me of 8th grade basketball. I was the biggest girl on the team and when uniforms were distributed, the one xl went to another player. The coach, visibly annoyed (eye rolling- the whole bit!), got the team together and announced that I needed the biggest jersey and had the girl who orginally got it hand it over in front of everyone as though it were a public ceremony.
I know he didn't specifically make purchase for that shirt. It was done by probably his secretary, which whom has never had a weight problem in her life. She is maybe a size 4. However, it does entirely bother me that she handed her a shirt to try on knowing it was going to be too small and then proceeds to "ooh I guess you wont be able to perform in the production then"
My sister has been trying to do weight watchers with me however has a harder time with food choices than me. She definitely eats out of sadness, low self esteem etc. I want her to become thinner for her health's sake first and foremost but also for the vanity aspect of it. People would accept her more and take her more seriously and maybe then she would be less socially awkward. She has had some of the cruelest things happen to her that I have seen happen to anyone I know.
I hope she hits that wall that you need to hit to give you the motivation to REALLY start working towards it. Is she a computer person? Could you turn her on to 3FC, see if she likes it?
It infuriates me that this is happening at CHURCH. This is not reason to "get serious about weight loss," this is a reason to raise a ruckus about horrendous treatment by a person who should know better.
The sad fact is weight loss probably will not make her less socially awkward or make people treat her better. My sister has also had some of the cruelest things happen to her that I have seen happen to anyone, and she is a tiny, gorgeous thing - but people treat anyone willing to be a doormat - as a doormat.
My sister always asks how I, weighing more than twice what she does (once weighing almost 3 times what she did), have such an "easy" time making friends and even in dating (I dated fewer men than she did, but they treated me a lot better - because I expected them to and left them if they didn't).
Confidence and assertiveness is how you get respect - because you demand it. Some women need to lose weight in order to assert themselves and feel confident - but I found that confidence and assertiveness finally helped me feel I deserved to put myself first, instead of everyone else. I do not regret gaining the confidence and assertiveness before the weight loss. If the reverse would have happened, I always would feel that the weight made me a person worthy of respect. The fact is, I've always been worthy of respect, and when I demanded it, I usually got it.
I don't know if your sister has the strength to fight back, but I wish it for her. I would also suggest going to a good seamstress or tailor and asking them to make the shirt from the same or similar material. I was in two weddings in which the bridesmaid dress did not come in my size and I had to have the dress extremely altered in one case, and made completely from scratch in another. No one would have guessed it was not the same fabric (both brides ordered plenty of extra fabric for me, but for one wedding the fabric didn't come in time and the seamstress ordered the fabric and - I don't know by what magic but- was able to match the color exactly).
Whoever is responsible needs to be held accountable. Being "church" - related there's no need to get mean and nasty about it, but someone should be told what an irresponsible and poor job was done. If the clothing could not be ordered in her size, she should have been notified privately and in plenty of time to have a matching shirt made (when the shirts were ordered - not after they came in).
There are plenty of wonderful reasons to lose weight, but I strongly feel that to avoid abuse from others is one of the worst reasons. Expecting decent treatment should not be the sole priveledge of the slim and cute.
It is so depressing that in a church setting someone would act like that. I know I personally feel like church people should be even more understand than the general public. Although in the end we are all human and we have faults. It's just a real shame that you sister has to be affected by the music ministers bad behavior.
Are you kidding me? I'd first go have a talk with the guy. I'd ask him if GOD would say that to a child right before Christmas. Then I'd say "and you wonder why people give up on organized religion. You set a great Christ like example. "
Then you go speak right to the church pastor before this happens to another child. This is the stuff that is why my generation won't go to church. It's not the God part, it's the so called holy people that ruin it.
I hurt for my sister
Want me to come kick his holiness's @ss? Cos I'll do it.
