I just wanted to look better.
But a snowball thing sort of started happening when I lost a little weight I got a little more active, and as a result I wanted to become healthier to start playing soccer and running as best I could.
The things I do now are definitely more to help in my quest for fitness.
My job involves 1 or 2 days a week of very strenuous physical work, and 3 or 4 days a week of sitting on my butt in front of a computer. I realized a couple of years ago that I was coming home from my 1 or 2 days of work and feeling like I got hit by a truck. Some weekends it would mean spending a day in bed recovering before I could get back to the office part of my work. Some days I'd come home crying because my feet, legs, and back hurt so much.
And I realized that I'm only 40 - if I want to keep doing what I'm doing for another 20 or 30 years, then I'd better get my a$$ in gear.
That really was my *primary* motivation. Yeah, I wanted to lose weight to look better - we all do and anyone who says that's not some kind of consideration is fooling themselves. But primarily I realized that I wasn't going to get to keep doing what I love if I didn't get it together.
So I joined a gym and hired a personal trainer. I actually didn't change my diet all that much. And at first I was actually more concerned with building up my stamina and my upper body strength (I had a really wimpy upper body). It wasn't until I'd been working out with my trainer a couple of months (and he'd been dropping diet and nutrition hints for the whole time) that I realized that ... wow. I was losing weight.
The first time someone in my office building came up to me and said "are you losing weight or something? those pants look really loose!" I flipped. I realized at that point that I was still wearing my size 24 pants - and when I went to Target to buy a new pair, I was trying on 18s!!!
After that I really started thinking about what I was eating, started hardcore counting calories, and started watching my macros. And since then I've dropped to a size 12. My ultimate goal will probably put me into a size 6 or thereabouts ... and at this point I feel strong and healthy and I'm all about looking good in my clothes (and out of them! ).
I want to live a long, healthy life with my husband. I don't EVER want my body to stop me from doing or trying something I'm interested in. I want to be fit! I want to be strong!
Sure, I want to lose weight and look good too, but I'm much more motivated these days by the fitness and health aspects of my lifestyle. For example, I could get down to 130 lbs and be very small, but if I had 35% body fat and was weak I would not be happy. It's not just about the pounds.
Plus, I'll look much hotter in my race leathers if I'm slim AND fit!
Today I do workout without a trainer and have for most of this year. I do find that I am not as .. um ... driven without him to push me along. Don't get me wrong - I'm able to motivate myself, but when he's giving me grief about being "girly" and "wimpy" (all in good fun), it really makes me push myself harder.
I don't think I could have gotten to where I am today w/out him in the beginning. He was the one who taught me that girls COULD and SHOULD lift free weights and that walking around with a 5lb "barbie weight" wasn't going to get me the results I wanted. He's the one who got me off of the 1 hour of ss-cardio and into HIIT. And it wasn't until I was working out with him that I saw the results that really REALLY motivated me and made me realize "holy crap - I CAN do this!"
I know that's different for everyone and not everyone is lucky enough to have a GREAT trainer like I did. He was amazing and really changed my life and every day I'll be thankful that I lucked out into being able to work with him.
I've posted this before, and it sounds extremely morbid, but very much the truth.
It my highest weight, I felt as though death was very near. I couldn't breath, I became a hermit. I could barely get my weekly shopping done. Bathing was hard, personal hygiene was difficult. I had massive heartburn, sleep apnea, and I felt horrible ALL OF THE TIME. In a few years I went from 190 pounds to 330 because of major depression and self medicating with food and alcohol. Besides not being a proper mother for my wonderful children, the second most powerful reason for change happened one day when I felt like I was having a stroke. I visualized myself dead and how my body was treated at the mortuary. After I realized I was just having a massive panic attack and not a stoke I though about how (even dead) I would be humiliated at the mortician. I knew they would make fun of me behind closed doors and have to call in extra help to embalm me and place my body in a coffin. I was mortified that my husband would have to buy me a double wide casket and he'd have to ask extra men to be my pallbearers to carry me. I felt guilty for his humiliation. That vision changed my life.
Okay I'll be honest, a big part was to look better and look sexy for my boyfriend but, I also wanted to lose the weight to feel better, health wise and self confidence. I wanted to be able to run three miles without passing out. I wanted to be able to climb ten flights of stairs without being sweaty and exhausted- the fire alarm went off once at a hotel I was staying at and when they let us back in they said we had to take the stairs, most others raced to the top and where back in their rooms before I had even got half way up, I was mortified! I can now run more than three miles easily *go me!* :P I wanted to be able to run a half marathon, which I plan on doing next year. I wanted to live longer and be in good shape for when I have children and for the pregnancy, I want my child to grow in a healthy environment.
I visualized myself dead and how my body was treated at the mortuary. After I realized I was just having a massive panic attack and not a stoke I though about how (even dead) I would be humiliated at the mortician. I knew they would make fun of me behind closed doors and have to call in extra help to embalm me and place my body in a coffin. I was mortified that my husband would have to buy me a double wide casket and he'd have to ask extra men to be my pallbearers to carry me. I felt guilty for his humiliation. That vision changed my life.
Lori, that really touched me. That was deep. I love your honesty. Best mental vision you ever had I bet, I mean as far as it being one that will help you live a longer happier existence.
Last edited by bananapancakes; 10-28-2008 at 02:53 PM.
I wanted to do it for a lot of reasons: better health, to look better, and to be able to do things without fear of failure.
I poked around trying different programs and the like until I finally formulated what works best for me. I can't really afford a gym, and don't like spending the gas to drive to one, so I realized that I need an alternative at home. We have a bowflex, and I have free weights. So, reading up on training book at the library (Brad Schoenfeld is my fave) and online - I developed my own strength program. I love the results.
I have had some pitfalls along the way. I just love food, and sometimes I let that urge get the better of me. Not so much now as in the past. Now I seem to be able to get control back easier. I think that is just by practice. Just knowing that if I go off plan, it doesn't mean I am a failure. It just means I have to start right back up at the next meal.
Some weekends it would mean spending a day in bed recovering before I could get back to the office part of my work. Some days I'd come home crying because my feet, legs, and back hurt so much.
Oh Photo, I was just reflecting on that yesterday. How I would literally sleep and spend Sundays in pain after a crazy wedding on Saturday. I was immobilized some days.
I can't remember all the whys of why I started losing weight, except for making my son sad when I couldn't wear a jacket he gave me.
I remember having a zillion reasons, making a list to motivate myself. I mean, it wasn't hard to have 1001 reasons at the time, facing losing so much weight. I needed whatever reason I could cling to in order to continue. In such a very short time the reasons faded away, it now seems like a million years ago - my concerns then. It's amazing really. It's amazing how 'coming back to life' can fog your memory of the... fog.
Anyhow, the reason I continue doing this is how freaking amazing, healthy and alive I feel now, compared to then. The old concerns of clothes, beauty and people pale in comparison to how good this feels. I had NO clue!
why did/do you want to lose weight?
But primarily I realized that I wasn't going to get to keep doing what I love if I didn't get it together.
