20-Somethings - feeling like a loser...




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KateRN
09-27-2008, 10:21 PM
so, overall, if no one bothers me, i will chill at home with my dog, watch movies, go to work and maybe go be social once a week. i'm a real homebody.

ive been in san diego for a while, made some friends but no *real* connections - certainly nothing like i have on the east coast. i left last year for 3 months (i'm a travel nurse) and came back because of my now boyfriend.

well, i've lasted a year, and i'm still feeling the same way. no real friends, i'm pretty bored and everything is super expensive.... so i told the bf a few days ago that if he wants this to be serious, he has to be willing to move with me because i am really not happy here and not making enough money to make ends meet. he didnt really give me much of an answer (but thats a whole nother level of stress).

so i'm starting to get back into my head "i'm leaving in 2 months when this contract is up" - so i'm saving money for a cross country drive, going to the gym twice a day (except on work days - but im going to change that!!) and i'm just getting my head back into the game.

he is out with his 19 year old friends drinking beer at band practice... i am sitting at home going back to the gym, again, eating a turkey wrap, not drinking, with a notebook out looking at my budget.

i just feel.... old, next to him. i feel like i dont have a life! i dont really WANT to go out, i'm perfectly happy doing this, but it feels like when someone else can see you not having a life, it makes you feel bad, you know?

i dunno what kind of an answer i am expecting from anyone since i didnt really pose i question, i just wanted to get that off my chest to my 3fc girls...


Iconised Ghost
09-27-2008, 10:23 PM
i can only say that i can relate. Im such a home body- happy to go out with my few close friends, but equally as happy to just retreat into my own little world at home and not have what other people would call a "life". Such is the life of an introvert i guess

kelly315
09-27-2008, 10:30 PM
I know what you mean, I'm totally a homebody. Luckily, I found a guy who loves to just hang out at home with me, and just having that can make you feel fine about not being a "party animal", but I think even a compromise between the going out and staying in lifestyle could be good for you. Maybe if you said something to your boyfriend about how nice it would be to spend time at home with him, he might see how nice it is to just chill out with you and watch a movie or something.

Whatever happens, don't feel bad about who you are! Homebodies rock.


Chele615
09-27-2008, 10:32 PM
I am the same exact way. I am very much a homebody. I will go out with friends for special occasions, but I am more than content to be home alone watching a movie or whatnot. Case in point, it's a Saturday night and I am watching Law and Order.

Sometimes I wish that I had more of a social life....but most of my friends are now all married, buying houses, and starting families. They don't/can't necessarily get up and go at the drop of a hat.

sh3l5
09-28-2008, 03:03 AM
i can realate very well....
i have no real friends really....
prolly just one i see every week....
it has made it easier for me to diet this way....
but im 24 and i want to live too!....

Bikini Dreader
09-28-2008, 08:49 AM
I can definitely relate. Last night I stayed home.. again while my friends were saying "you never come otu any more". I think it is partially because I'm waiting till I lose this 6 pounds I recently gained back and also that the type of places my friends go isnt really where I want to go or get excited about goign to. If it's not ideal, it's impossible for me to get myself to go. I do find though that I will stay home and plan a big treat night. I feel like I can't do both - eat treats and drink alcohol so I pick staying home and eating treats. I'm not sure that it's really that "fun" at all.

sh3l5
09-28-2008, 09:08 AM
i dont find going out an awful lot of fun....
not many of my hardly any friends are into watching their weight or weight loss....
so it is a bit difficult....
on the other hand i quite enjoy meals in restaurants....
and going out places with family....
i dont know whats happening to me!....
LOL

raw23
09-28-2008, 09:25 AM
I'm a homebody too. So is the bf. But it's nice. By not spending money on going out to dinner, and drinks, and getting into clubs... we save that money for better things; wedding, vacations, home, etc. We're both students anyways, so it's not like we have a lot of time to do much anyways. :)
There is plenty to do at home!

Star2Be
09-28-2008, 11:00 AM
I can relate to your post SO much. I am pretty social and I love to go out when I'm in the right mood, but I definitely have very homebody-ish tendencies, too! Especially when I'm at school. My school lifestyle is sooo hectic and stressful that when I get a few spare moments to relax on the weekends, all I want to do is put on my pajamas and watch TV in bed (last year this routine usually included a bag of chips or something...but not anymore!). I don't think there's anything wrong with being a generally chill person, but it definitely does make my social life weird. I can remember a couple specific times last year when a friend would call on Friday late afternoon and ask if I wanted to go out or go to the movies or whatever, and I'd already be in my PJs and just not feel like leaving my room for anything. But you can't tell that to a friend because they might get offended--it sounds a little silly to say "No thanks, I rather sit at home watching America's Next Top Model reruns than hang out with you tonight." LOL. But sometimes I'll suddenly think to myself, It's been a REALLY long time since the last time I went to a party!, or I'll think that it's a waste of time to sit and watch so much TV - that's not the kind of thing that will form a pleasant memory! - and then I feel like a loser, too, and seek out something to do for the upcoming weekend, just to spice things up a bit! :lol: So I think it's just a delicate balance... If you were truly 100% happy being a homebody all the time, you probably wouldn't feel like a "loser," you know? So you have to go out just enough to keep yourself from becoming a hermit, but there's no reason why you should have to sacrifice doing what you really enjoy. That's just my $0.02, anyways, haha.

belinda245
09-28-2008, 11:26 AM
I just had flash backs..
I grew up in miami.. and lived there till I was 21. Thats when I decided to move to Tampa to give my little girl a better life. When I first moved here I only had my cousin and his wife to talk to.. but they fought alot and ate out almost every other night. Me being a single mom .. eating out was not in the budget. So I pretty much just kept to myself.. only going out on the weekends to take my little one to the park or to a movie. To say that I was homesick is an understatement.. haha. Slowly I started making friends with the girls from my job.. and now 8 years later .. I am engaged and now have 2 kids. The fiance is just like me.. we like to go out and do things with the girls.. but at the same time dont have a problem staying in either.

I always like to tell myself.. tomorrow will be a better day.. a new start.. a chance to try again.

Star2be is very right.. you just have to find a balance between the 2.

Hope today is a better day for you!:hug:

Taurie
09-28-2008, 11:56 AM
As mentioned above, you do need to find a balance. Admitting that you're bored means you feel that there are better things to do. You're not living life to the fullest potential in SD... if you feel like you can do that back home then go; but trying out a city for 1 year and not giving it your all isn't giving it a fair shot... especially when it comes to making friends that you can connect with.

Bikini Dreader
09-28-2008, 01:34 PM
Just reading the posts I wanted to add I think it's really important to find friends who like to do what you would actually want to leave the house for. For me, I like to be active and enjoy the daytime activities. Going to a bar and drinking is not fun for me, so the people who keep asking me to stay up until 3am staring at the inside of a drab bar and watching people fall on themselves is not more appealing to me than staying home and enjoying a relaxing night. I really dont think there is anything wrong with that. If there is an actiivity you like, maybe join a club that does that or at least try to meet like-minded people. I've been looking for and having some luck finding people who are just as health conci9ous as me. I dont like having to make excuses not to go to an 8pm dinner and then to a bar to get smashed. I just dont want to go. that's not my idea of fun. Why should you have to feel bad about that. Someone who doesn't like going rockclimbing wouldnt feel like they had to feel bad about it if it's just not an activity they like?