100 lb. Club - The rudest thing I have ever heard




Star2Be
08-09-2008, 07:19 PM
I could just cry right now! I don't know if I'm sad or angry, mostly angry, and I feel like strangling my stupid mother. I've posted about this a few times on here - my mom seems to think that she can "distract" me from my weight loss by offering me unhealthy foods all the time, but I feel so triumphant about the fact that so far her efforts to sabotage me have failed, muahaha - well it seems like I finally have some proof that she really is my biggest enemy!

Just now I was in the kitchen making some steamed vegetables (yea!) when I overheard her talking to my father. He commutes home every other weekend, so I really don't see him much, so he hasn't really witnessed the degree of my weight loss--how much I've changed my eating habits, how much I've been exercising, etc. Just as some background information, so far I've lost 18 pounds. Unfortunately I binged a little bit more than I would have liked on my birthday 4 days ago (August 5th) but I got back on track RIGHT away and am already 2 lbs lighter than I was before my birthday.

Right, well, I overheard my mom talking to my dad (keep in mind that they didn't know I could hear them) and she asked him about whether he saw me doing my workout DVD this morning... Almost in a joking manner, like "oh, how cute that she's working out." He replied that yeah, he had seen me, and seemed a little curious about it. So I'm smiling, thinking, maybe she'll tell him about how hard I've been working about how much weight I've lost! WRONG. Instead she starts laughing a little and says "She lost something like 15 pounds... 'gained it all back on her birthday!" She's chuckling in the most condescending, b****y way that you can ever imagine.

WTF. Ok first of all, how is it even possible to gain 15 pounds back in ONE DAY? So that's just a straight up lie. Second, it's not even true! I probably gained like 0.8 lbs from my birthday - big f***ing deal! I got right back on track and I basically vowed that I'd never binge again because of how terrible it made me feel. It was my first time overeating since starting my plan, and I know that it will be the last. Third, HOW DARE SHE even say something like that in the first place?! She was actually LAUGHING at me, like all of my hard work is just a big fat JOKE to her. I feel like she just HATES the fact that I actually AM losing weight, so in her sick twisted mind she basically claims it as a victory that I gain even the tiniest bit of weight back. Grrrrrr. I had been really upset when I thought I was going to gain a lot of weight from overeating on my birthday, and though I usually know better than to turn to HER for support (we've never gotten along so well) I had actually let my guard down for a couple seconds and let her see how much it upset me that I had overeaten and might gain some weight. I can't believe that something that was so serious and disappointing for me is just a big joke to her--a little anecdote that she can share with my dad to get a few laughs. WELL, now I know better than to ever confide in her again.

I can't believe this... My mother is such a mean, terrible person. How do I even tolerate living in this house?! I can't wait until I can go back to school and just get away from her. She makes ME a worse person.

Sorry for the uber-long message (especially since it doesn't accomplish much) but I just really needed to vent. I need someone to tell me that I'm not overreacting and that she really is just way out of line. This ISN'T my imagination. :mad:


thistoo
08-09-2008, 07:28 PM
You're not overreacting. Wow, I'm so sorry that your mom can't find it in herself to be supportive and love you the way she should. That's really not fair to you, and I know it makes the weight loss process so much harder when she's actively trying to sabotage you. Try to remember that it's her issue and she's just feeling threatened by your weight loss. It won't take away the pain of her mean behavior, but maybe it will help you keep it together until you leave for school.

You're doing great! Don't let this set you back.

fiberlover
08-09-2008, 07:28 PM
:hug:

Have you thought about bringing this up to her? That you heard what she said? A gentle reminder that parents are there to support you might be helpful.


GradPhase
08-09-2008, 07:32 PM
Hopefully your summer break is coming to an end very soon. Hang in there, and if nothing else, work harder to stay on plan just to spite her.

Kofarq
08-09-2008, 07:58 PM
Poor you! I can't believe your mom is being so hateful! Are you close to your Dad? Can you talk to him? Focus on the future. Imagine how it's going to be when she sees you again and you're in even better shape, she'll be rotten with jealousy!
You have lost 18 lbs, that is an amazing success!

julie99s
08-09-2008, 08:11 PM
This is absolutely horrible. I cringed reading this. I can't imagine someone that loves me acting in such a juvenille, spiteful way.
You're not over reacting. You expect someone you love and care about to be supportive of you!

Ufi
08-09-2008, 08:28 PM
I'm sorry your mom isn't supportive and feels it's OK to say mean things about you. Maybe she hasn't been able to accomplish her own goals and feels like your success makes her look bad. Or she's worried that your dad might "like you better" than her if you get thin and she doesn't, so she's trying to make you look bad to him or enlist his support in making fun of weight loss so that she feels like he still accepts her at her current weight. Who knows? How do you know that they didn't know you could hear them?

Another thought is that maybe your mom equates food with love or her "duty as a mother to feed her children," so if you're losing weight, subconsciously that equals you rejecting her as a mom. She doesn't know how else to relate to you than over food, which she also resents because we know deep down that food isn't really love.

How does your dad feel? Have you tried talking to him, just the two of you? Maybe he has some suggestions about how to deal with your mom?

Another thing: You may be able to move out of the house when school starts again, but your mother's influence will follow you through life unless you deal with it. At least, that's been my experience.

Moon Faerie
08-09-2008, 08:30 PM
:hug:

Have you thought about bringing this up to her? That you heard what she said? A gentle reminder that parents are there to support you might be helpful.

As someone that had a parent like that, I just want to add that if you do bring it up, don't have any expectations. It's likely she won't be able (or willing) to acknowledge any wrong-doing. Anytime she starts to act like that, just remind yourself that she's coming from a place of fear and self-loathing (probably, I don't know the back story, so I'm just using personal experience to fill in the blanks). Just try to imagine how much it must suck to be living in her head. Remembering that usually helped me keep my cool. :hug:

xraygirl
08-09-2008, 08:52 PM
My mom is almost the exact same way. I use her negativity as a fire for me to "show" her that I can do it and prove her wrong. I think, with my mom, she is jealous that I can have that much control and self discipline to lose the weight in a healthy way.

midwife
08-09-2008, 09:05 PM
I grew up with a hateful spiteful mother as well. I hate to even use the term "mother" because now I know what a mother really is, and I'm sorry that you are not getting the love and support each human deserves from a mother. Some of us are cheated from that, either by mental illness or just cruelty and abuse that has no basis, rational or irrational.

You deserve to have someone who celebrates your success, not mocks you, and I know how hard it is to have your struggles thrown back in your face. I am so very sorry.

I promise that you can pick yourself up. I promise that you can build the kind of life you dream about. I promise that you can overcome this horrendous model of parenting and be a fabulous loving parent someday if you decide to be a parent. I am living proof that the abuse cycle can stop and that a person can live a life filled with light and love and joy. Happiness is a decision, and you can make that decision. Success is a decision. Health is a decision.

Come here for your support. Feel your backbone stregthen and hide that strength in a pocket of your heart. Take your sadness and adversity and turn it into passion and determination.

I am so proud of your efforts so far. I am so proud that you got right back on plan after your birthday. Life will *always* have missteps. No one will ever be perfect. But it is what we do after the missteps that show our strength, and you, my dear, are STRONG.

I don't know why some parents are so awful. I look at my children and my heart breaks for the children like you and like me who had to live with horror and nastiness. You deserve better and you can make it happen for your life.

:hug:

i am still trying
08-09-2008, 09:14 PM
It's so weird, I often found that its the people who are supposed to be the closest to us that try to sabotage us the most! I dont really understand it. You are not overreacting. I would be fuming and I would not have shown the dicipline you have in not exploding right then and there.
please know that you have come so very far, and you will be sucessful in reaching your ultimate goal :)

Krystine
08-09-2008, 09:35 PM
My heart breaks when I read this because my mother is the exact same way. She's been telling me that I was fat since I weighed 120lbs, she knew I was bulemic and still she told me at least once a day that I was fat. Go figure :dizzy:
I've never had what I would consider a mother, she has been in competition with me in everything I've ever done for as long as I can remember. One day when I was about 11 years old my mother told me that she'd rather die a long, slow, painful death than have to live another day and be my mother... I'll never, ever forget that. It still hurts as much as if she just said it today, I wish she had just slapped me or something instead, I'd probably have forgotten that by now.
I'm so sorry to hear that your Mom is the same way mine was, it has left me with some serious issues. PM me if you ever want to talk and I'll give you my e-mail address. Stay strong honey, you deserve better. Show her that you CAN do this!

CurvaceousCutie
08-09-2008, 09:39 PM
u should come and live at my house my dad does it every day to me. i know it suxs (i know i live thru it everyday) but honestly ur going to have the last laugh and that will be the best feeling in ur life! sry u had a bad day.

shelby897
08-09-2008, 09:51 PM
You seem to be a very intelligent and thoughtful person - unfortunately you apparently did not aquire that trait from your mom :(.

There are so many reasons why she could be behaving this way. Resentment, jealousy, etc. I find it best not to try to assume why my mother behaves this way -- I could waste all my energy at it! I have, however, as I've matured -- come to the realization that I was the comfort zone that protected her -- if I didn't lose weight (along with her) than my father couldn't use that against her. When I lost weight (around age 18) my father was very proud of me, which I'm sure caused resentment from my mom.

You are responsbile for your life, your actions (and reactions) to others. She choses to be resentful and petty -- you are a better person when you chose not to lower to her level.

You are doing a great job -- however -- since she is apparently unable to support your efforts -- in the interest of your continued success, I would keep your healthy eating/exercise to yourself. When my mother tries to bring it up -- I have very clearly stated to her this is personal. You deserve the love and support of those around you -- who have it to offer. To everyone else, they are not worth the time or effort.

Good luck dear. :hug:

CountingDown
08-09-2008, 09:58 PM
:hug:
Use the situation to bolster your determination to be the healthiest person you can be. We can't always control others around us, but you can control how YOU respond. Dig in, stay OP and let us know how you are doing.
Remember - you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends. Hang around here - we all know what a great job you have been doing and will continue to do :)

hotmomma
08-09-2008, 10:32 PM
I have a lot of relatives like this. I try to avoid them as much as possible.

I wonder if your mother is jealous of your weight loss? If she's overweight, or even if she's not, she might feel frustrated that she lacks the discipline that you do.

Anyway I'm glad to hear you'll be going back to school and leaving that hostile environment soon.

opimisticchick72
08-09-2008, 11:06 PM
As with most on this thread, I am sorry you had to experience this behavior by your Mother. All I can offer is much of what has already been said, "chin up and shine on". Find your support within those who support you. I find my support for this challenge here within these threads. To my detractors I just smile and continue on...shine on.

amy

vikkivma
08-09-2008, 11:41 PM
my mom seems to think that she can "distract" me from my weight loss by offering me unhealthy foods all the time, but I feel so triumphant about the fact that so far her efforts to sabotage me have failed, muahaha - well it seems like I finally have some proof that she really is my biggest enemy!

This may not be helpful to anyone other than crazy competitive people like me, but sometimes when you have people in your life who seem to take pleasure in sabotaging your weight loss (which I think almost everyone experiences), I almost feel like I want to lose weight just to prove them wrong. So in a way, you've not only won a victory with yourself when you eat healthy, now you've won a victory against her, too. I read too many books. I always need an antagonist. lol.

So I'm smiling, thinking, maybe she'll tell him about how hard I've been working about how much weight I've lost! WRONG. Instead she starts laughing a little and says "She lost something like 15 pounds... 'gained it all back on her birthday!" She's chuckling in the most condescending, b****y way that you can ever imagine.

Well, first of all, you KNOW she's wrong, but it doesn't matter. It's still incredibly hurtful to have someone say that all of your hard work has gone down the tubes, sometimes *especially* when you know it hasn't.

WTF. Ok first of all, how is it even possible to gain 15 pounds back in ONE DAY? So that's just a straight up lie. Second, it's not even true! I probably gained like 0.8 lbs from my birthday - big f***ing deal! I got right back on track and I basically vowed that I'd never binge again because of how terrible it made me feel. It was my first time overeating since starting my plan, and I know that it will be the last. Third, HOW DARE SHE even say something like that in the first place?! She was actually LAUGHING at me, like all of my hard work is just a big fat JOKE to her. I feel like she just HATES the fact that I actually AM losing weight, so in her sick twisted mind she basically claims it as a victory that I gain even the tiniest bit of weight back. Grrrrrr. I had been really upset when I thought I was going to gain a lot of weight from overeating on my birthday, and though I usually know better than to turn to HER for support (we've never gotten along so well) I had actually let my guard down for a couple seconds and let her see how much it upset me that I had overeaten and might gain some weight. I can't believe that something that was so serious and disappointing for me is just a big joke to her--a little anecdote that she can share with my dad to get a few laughs. WELL, now I know better than to ever confide in her again.

Unfortunately, you do. You have one of two choices: confront her or shut her out of your results. Let your body do the talking. Every time you get into a smaller size or your face gets more definition or you have more energy, you are proving her wrong. 18 pounds is an enormous victory. The chances that she doesn't see the effects of that are nil.

I can't believe this... My mother is such a mean, terrible person. How do I even tolerate living in this house?! I can't wait until I can go back to school and just get away from her. She makes ME a worse person.

Sorry for the uber-long message (especially since it doesn't accomplish much) but I just really needed to vent. I need someone to tell me that I'm not overreacting and that she really is just way out of line. This ISN'T my imagination.

I have a good relationship with my Mom, so I'm not ragging on parents here, but I'd say that either your Mother has a misguided sense of humor, or she is (for whatever reason) being mean.

If you feel comfortable talking to her, I would. Because losing a family member at a time when you should be feeling happier and happier would be terrible.

LukesMommy1987
08-10-2008, 03:02 AM
My mom is the same way. I'll ask her to watch my son so I can go on the treadmill (he is only 3 months old and bawls when someone ignores him more than 10 minutes!) and she literally LAUGHS at me. It's horrible, and it makes me sad that so many of us as I have read in the responses have similar moms. Why do they feel the need to bring us down? I think it's just the way certain friends can be, too- it makes them uncomfortable to be succeeding. I know my mom is very competitive.

LukesMommy1987
08-10-2008, 03:04 AM
Also, the next time you hear this or overhear this, you definitely NEED to confront her. She is being spiteful to make herself feel better and might not realize how much it is hurting you, as impossible as that seems. Once you have real support from your family, it will be easier. And you DESERVE it. Also congrats on the 18 pounds. No, you CANNOT gain that back in a day- ugh!

Beverlyjoy
08-10-2008, 06:08 AM
I am so, so sorry to hear of you mother's actions. :hug: She is clueless as to her role of a supportive parent. Also - her mean and undermining spirit is just plain wrong and awful.

Try to become "teflon" and let the awful and mean things she says and does - 'slide' right off of you - as best you can. Don't pay attention to her as best as you can.

I am so, so proud of you, your accomplishments and your determination in spite of living with this underminding negativaty.

You are doing GREAT. :flow1::flow1:

It's so terrific that you went right back on your plan after your birthday. :) Please come here for the support you need - because you are not getting it at home. We will always be here to support you.

bargoo
08-10-2008, 10:36 AM
I can only repeat what others have already said .You are doing great. Try, as hard as it is to ignore her mean comments. Do not talk about food or dieting to her, but in your mind you will know that you are improving your health. If she wants to be mean and sarcastic that is her problem.Do it in spite of her.

Ruthxxx
08-10-2008, 10:48 AM
This is drastic but you seem to have only two choices if you are to keep your sanity and selfworth: either print off your post and confront her with it or become Teflon. I wish I had done that with my mother 50 years ago!

KLK
08-10-2008, 11:21 AM
Geez... that was mean of her! I'm so sorry that happened to you! I would be furious too. Why dont you try to talk to your dad about what you're trying to do -- tell him that you're really trying to turn your life around and lose some weight and while you'll never be perfect, you're sincerely trying -- and succeeding! -- and you want him and your mom to be supportive but it doesn't seem like that's possible for your mom to do, so maybe at least he can be.

Sometimes, parents can... minimize their children's abimitions, trivialize them bc either those ambitions are threatening to them OR just aren't important to them. Maybe she doesn't want you to accomplish this thing bc it will prove that you are a strong, independent person -- a lot of parents LIKE to think their children (esp. daughters) are weak and "need" them to survive. But I'm sorry, I cannot understand why a parent would want their child to remain trapped in obesity...

It's a terrible situation and Im so sorry she's being this way :hug: My parents were exceptionally supportive of my weightloss attempts and that was absolutely indispensible for me and I wish everyone trying to lose weight could have a great support system around them too.

Rosinante
08-10-2008, 07:45 PM
Congratulations on your weightloss! and on getting right back on the wagon after the birthday blow-out. If you can achieve that level of self-control, you shouldn't ever be afraid in the future of having days when you eat a little more. Don't feel guilty! It's called being human. I'm really bad at getting back down to it if I've had a more-eating day, so I'm really impressed by your achievements!

I can imagine my mother making similar comments to yours - not because she's spiteful, she's a really nice person (everyone tells me) but how she makes me feel is that I'm still her poor little klutz who's going to try again and fail again but she'll love me anyway cos no-one else will.

I'm 53 and she Still makes me feel like that, or tries to; so go with the Teflon option, and keep on sliding down those pounds!

Magz
08-10-2008, 08:05 PM
How incredibly frustrating and hurtful! We stay overweight we're called fat and lazy. We try to do something about it and others make fun of us. The best thing to do is ignore it, though I know all too well how hard that is. Huge hugs to you...keep up the great work and show them just how determined you are to become the healthier you that you deserve to be!

DayByDay
08-10-2008, 08:26 PM
First, I wish I could just give you a big hug because there is nothing more painful than being hurt by someone in our own family. There are some mothers who seem to be jealous of or feel threatened by their own daughters. Perhaps your mom is one? I would definitely confront her in a direct but nonconfrontational way and let her know that you heard what she said and how bad it hurt you.

I don't know how common this type of behavior is in your family, but I'm going to recommend a book. It may help you feel less alone and better able to cope.

http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553284347

Surround yourself with people who love you and treat you with care and respect. Sometimes family doesn't have to be family if you know what I mean.:hug:

xYourBelleMortex
08-10-2008, 10:06 PM
Dude, I think we should set your mother and my mother up on a jerk-date. But do what i do... (like when I was 9 and my mother told me that if i didn't lose weight ...wait for it... wait for it.. MY GRANDFATHER WOULDN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE) and just smile at her and state the obvious. That she is just angry that you are doing something to take back your life. Is your mum a big woman? Mine is.. always has been. Never had enough self esteem to pull herself through anything .... let alone weight loss. Keep up with your work out tapes and when you feel like having that piece of birthday cake... you have it. Because sometimes I find indulging once in a blue moon is so worth the guilt you feel afterward because it snaps you right back into your diet orbit.

I keep thinking about how amused I will be when I walk down to the beach with her in my two piece and her in one of those plus size skirt monstrosities (yeah, I own one but not for long).

Star2Be
08-10-2008, 10:28 PM
WOW, I can't even say how amazing it is to feel the support from so many people in this situation... So much of your advice seems to be spot on, and it really helps to know that a lot of you understand what I'm going through. I haven't told my friends that I'm trying to lose weight (I'm sure they'd be supportive, but I guess I'm just too embarrassed), and obviously I'm not getting much support at home, so it is truly extraordinary how thoughtful and caring the people on this site are. I feel like I never could get through this without everyone's kindness! :^:

I have cooled off considerably since yesterday (I wrote the thread just a few minutes after she said it; I didn't know what else to do), though I am still upset with my mom and she hasn't let up on her antics one bit. Today she tried to keep me from exercising! I've been doing a cardio DVD every day for about a week now--I enjoy it, but we only have one TV and the room that it's in is pretty small, so I prefer not to have anyone else in the room while I'm working out, for fear I might fall on them, or kick them in the head or something (plus, who wants an "audience"?). Well, I went in today at my usual time and my mom was on the couch so I very kindly/politely asked if she would mind leaving so I could work out, but she just sat there as if I hadn't said anything. I asked again, and she snapped that she was reading her newspaper, so I pointed out (again, very calmly) that she could read on the couch in another room, at the kitchen table, in her bedroom, etc, but she still refused to move. So I said, okay fine, then if she could just give me an hour to work out, she could have the room back to herself, but no. I don't think anything could have made her leave; because eventually I saw that she didn't HAVE a reason for "needing" to stay in that room at that exact moment--she just wanted to keep me from working out. Go figure. :bomb:

On another day, I might have gotten so frustrated that I'd just give up and not exercise... But as so many of you suggested, I feel like her behavior has just given me an even greater drive to want to do this, so I CAN have the added satisfaction of knowing that I not only proved her wrong, but that I also "beat" her at her little game. So instead I just kept thinking NO, no matter what she tries, I AM working out today and that's FINAL. Eventually I grabbed my laptop and went out to the garage (the only available space that was big enough) and did it out there! The screen is much smaller than the TV, the sound quality sucks, and the garage was hotter than Hades, but all I kept thinking was how great it was that even despite her greatest efforts to stop me, I did it anyways.

From today onward I am definitely adopting the "Teflon" philosophy--she can say or think whatever nasty things she wants to about me, but I guess now I realize that it's just coming from a bad place (jealousy, her own insecurities, etc) and I shouldn't let someone else's pettiness affect me. Likewise, I have decided that she no longer needs to hear anything about it. I feel like I can deal with all of my ups and downs, celebrating/complaining, etc on here better than I can with her, and I don't need her approval in order to know that I'm doing a good thing... So let her think that her childish antics are working and that I've given up, then maybe she'll leave me alone! At least until she realizes that I'm still shrinking, even though she thought she had "won." I can't wait to see the look on her face when I come home for Winter break and she hasn't seen me in a couple months... I will relish that moment!! :yes:

Thanks again, SO MUCH, to everyone who posted here... It made me feel a million times better. You all are amazing! :hat:

xYourBelleMortex
08-10-2008, 10:39 PM
If you don't mind me asking... how old are you and where from? We seems to have the same goals and same parental force sucking our will to live.

My mom walks into my house the other day with my nine year old sister and I say to my sister "Yeah, guess who lost 10 pounds, HOT!" and my sister and I do a little dance. My mom says to me... "Yeah, I don't see it." My response? "Well, that is because after years of tanning the wrinkles around your eyes are sagging and effecting your vision." She just stared at me as if she knows i am going to "quip" her face off. I quit letting her get to me years ago.. I just give it back to her now.

Eventually, you are going to have to stand up for yourself because she will keep making it worse on you until you do. Reading the newspaper... do it in the other room. Most computers have DVDs in them now... bedroom maybe?

Keep fighting the good fight hotness.

- Paula

KLK
08-10-2008, 10:45 PM
:lol: OMG! What a crazy thing to say!!!

When that failed to motivate you, did she tell you that if you didn't lose weight, all the kitties in the world would die?

(like when I was 9 and my mother told me that if i didn't lose weight ...wait for it... wait for it.. MY GRANDFATHER WOULDN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE)

pengbear
08-10-2008, 10:54 PM
Hey, Star2Be! You have exactly the right attitude. Use her negativity to motivate you and don't let her petty and childish behavior deter you from your goal. It's great that you've lost 18 lbs in a very challenging environment. Lots of willpower, girl!

My sister (who fortunately lives 800 miles away) has really cranked up the put-downs since I started losing. I think she's worried about not being the cute one in the family any more.
It's kind of like the pack mentality on the Dog Whisperer, I think. Everyone knows their place (the cute one, the funny one, the skinny one, the chubby one, the smart one, etc), and when you start changing yourself (and therefore your "place") they start freaking out.

But you can't worry about their place. Worry about your own, and where you'll be happiest and healthiest. And Smirk at them while you check out the scale!:devil:

xYourBelleMortex
08-10-2008, 11:04 PM
:lol: OMG! What a crazy thing to say!!!

When that failed to motivate you, did she tell you that if you didn't lose weight, all the kitties in the world would die?

Lol, I know right. She seriously is Mommy Dearest. I always got the "I don't get why you are fat. People hate fat girls." I think I was about 17 when she told me how huge i looked in something and then said how revolted she was with me, but said it sooo nasty. I turned around and slapped her clean across the face and reminded her that she weighed 15 pounds less than me and at least I had boyfriends, unlike her, at my age. I'm not once for violence, but that was the breaking point for me. After 17 years of the comments, the digs, the insults... I just snapped. Since then any time she says anything to me i just make her feel just as bad as she tried to get me to feel. I have so much confidence in myself and the only person that ever tried to ruin that was her. I am sure if she had thought of the kitties, she would have used it. haha.

jennisue
08-10-2008, 11:05 PM
WOW--

I am sorry to hear how your mother speaks to you --know that you are not alone and at least after overhearing her you did not turn to food--

I have found as I have been on this weight loss path that many people who I thought would be supportive are rooting for me to fail-- what is really weird is they are the same people who kept wanting me to lose the weight for my health.

I can relate to your situation-- I remember being told that i needed to lose weight when I was 118 lbs ( I was just 10-15 over then) but in my moms generation everything was based on appearance.

KNOW you are more and can be more--

Jen

shelby897
08-10-2008, 11:07 PM
You are so nice -- I would have probably started exercising and made sure either my stinky feet or big butt made a smack to her newspaper every 2 minutes :D

Congratulations on your determination -- awesome job!! You are right, keep it to yourself -- you are doing this for you anyway. Every rock she puts in your way is a milestone to accomplishing your goal.

dcapulet
08-11-2008, 12:29 AM
Lol, I know right. She seriously is Mommy Dearest. I always got the "I don't get why you are fat. People hate fat girls." I think I was about 17 when she told me how huge i looked in something and then said how revolted she was with me, but said it sooo nasty. I turned around and slapped her clean across the face and reminded her that she weighed 15 pounds less than me and at least I had boyfriends, unlike her, at my age. I'm not once for violence, but that was the breaking point for me. After 17 years of the comments, the digs, the insults... I just snapped. Since then any time she says anything to me i just make her feel just as bad as she tried to get me to feel. I have so much confidence in myself and the only person that ever tried to ruin that was her. I am sure if she had thought of the kitties, she would have used it. haha.

wow, this totally sounds like my mother. she told my husband the night before our wedding (at the rehersal dinner she kicked me out of) that he still had a chance to back out; that I had been fat my whole life and was only going to get bigger. he and i left together and had our own party. :) :hug:

keep being strong; you are the only one who can do it for you. amazing things happen to amazing people!

xYourBelleMortex
08-11-2008, 12:55 AM
wow, this totally sounds like my mother. she told my husband the night before our wedding (at the rehersal dinner she kicked me out of) that he still had a chance to back out; that I had been fat my whole life and was only going to get bigger. he and i left together and had our own party. :) :hug:

Lol, this could be a thread all on its own. I was fearing sounding like a total lunatic to the community but now I see seems like idiot mothers are rampant.

She got wwwwwaaaasted one night at a party and started talking about how she doesn't understand how fat people can have anyone sexually attracted to them. My boyfriend chirped in with "Well, you managed four kids right," "I guess that means somewhere in your life you had sex?" I almost died. Later on we shared a few drinks and rolled around on the floor laughing about how she is almost as big as me but has such an ego that she thinks she is Cindy Crawford and how that could be seen in some countries as the hottest thing since toast. She is so repulsive. I really can't wait to weigh less than her, I seriously think i am gonna rent a football stadium out and be like WASSUP WORLD...oh, hiiiiiiii mom. :carrot::cheer:

JasonsLea
08-11-2008, 11:53 AM
Lol, I know right. She seriously is Mommy Dearest. I always got the "I don't get why you are fat. People hate fat girls." I think I was about 17 when she told me how huge i looked in something and then said how revolted she was with me, but said it sooo nasty. I turned around and slapped her clean across the face and reminded her that she weighed 15 pounds less than me and at least I had boyfriends, unlike her, at my age. I'm not once for violence, but that was the breaking point for me. After 17 years of the comments, the digs, the insults... I just snapped. Since then any time she says anything to me i just make her feel just as bad as she tried to get me to feel. I have so much confidence in myself and the only person that ever tried to ruin that was her. I am sure if she had thought of the kitties, she would have used it. haha.

OMG I seriously clapped when I read this! I have several friends who have weight issues and EVERY one of them have a horrid mother! It makes me so sad and even more grateful for my own mama. Now, if I can just get my friends to start standing up for themselves like you....

JasonsLea
08-11-2008, 11:55 AM
Star2Be ~ When do you go back to school? Forget your mother. Whether you lose weight or not, you'll still be awesome. She'll always be sorry and petty.

KLK
08-11-2008, 02:23 PM
Wow... it's amazing what parents will say/do to their daughters bc of a weight issue. I don't even know if I could maintain a relationship with my mother after she basically advised my fiance to leave me bc of my size. That's INHUMAN!

I'm glad your husband stood up for you and got you out of there! :)

wow, this totally sounds like my mother. she told my husband the night before our wedding (at the rehersal dinner she kicked me out of) that he still had a chance to back out; that I had been fat my whole life and was only going to get bigger. he and i left together and had our own party. :) :hug:

keep being strong; you are the only one who can do it for you. amazing things happen to amazing people!

Star2Be
08-11-2008, 06:14 PM
wow, this totally sounds like my mother. she told my husband the night before our wedding (at the rehersal dinner she kicked me out of) that he still had a chance to back out; that I had been fat my whole life and was only going to get bigger. he and i left together and had our own party. :) :hug:
That is atrocious! Good for you for not letting it get to you, and your husband sounds like a great guy. :D I'm so shocked to see how poorly some of our moms have behaved... In some ways it's good to know that I'm not alone, but then it's also frustrating to know that it's such a common problem!

I feel like I have so many things to say:

xYourBelleMortex, I just turned 19 on August 5th - I'm a sophomore in college, but I have a late birthday, heh. I go back to school Sept. 29th... Yeah... My school is on the quarters system (rather than semesters) so it starts ridiculously late. Which means I'll be stuck with dear old mom for about a month and a half more! :fr: Oh, and I'm from Ohio. I LOVE all of the snappy comebacks you (and your boyfriend! LOL) have had for your mother! I'm mostly trying to ignore my mom now, but the next time I hear a nasty comment from her, I hope I'll be able to take a page out of your book. ;) But you and I are definitely in a similar situation, except instead of telling me that I'm too fat and pressuring me to lose weight, etc, I feel more pressure NOT to lose weight, like my mom wants me to get discouraged and just give up entirely so I'll stay this weight...

Like pengbear said, I think it definitely stems from some kind of need for me to be the "fat" one in the family... My mom is a fairly large woman, too, but I guess somehow it must make her feel better to think that at least she's smaller than me. My whole life I've been the nerdy fat girl with a big personality, in any social circle. If I were in a play, I'd be the character who's there to provide comic relief, but never gets to have a love interest or have much of an effect on the plot--and unsurprisingly, that's the same kind of roles I always get! :rolleyes: I guess my mom feels threatened that I might be changing my "role." My sister used to be a little chubby too (though not as big as me), but she lost some weight a few years ago and now she's pretty thin... So maybe my mom thinks that if I do the same, then she'd look like the "lazy" one.

lovespink, I PMed you! I had a very long answer and didn't want to bore everyone else with it, heh.

I love talking to you all! It is so great to have so much support... You're spoiling me! Heh. If any of you ever need someone to vent to, PM me ANY time! :D

Ps. xYourBelleMortex, when you rent out that football stadium, I am SO there! My mom, too! Hehe!

Ufi
08-12-2008, 01:06 AM
Good for you for getting in your workout! What a strong person.

Kick someone in the head. That made me laugh.

junebug41
08-12-2008, 01:35 AM
My boyfriend chirped in with "Well, you managed four kids right," "I guess that means somewhere in your life you had sex?"

:lol: Your bf is my new hero!

I sincerely hope this thread is full of women who KNOW BETTER than to ever say such awful things to their own daughters. It is NO WONDER we are in the situation of idolizing waifs and hating our own bodies (in pop culture). No wonder at all. My own mother (and family) was guilty of this, yet did nothing to promote a healthy body image. I can say for certain that my own daughters will not suffer the same fate.

mollymom
08-12-2008, 07:10 AM
Just wanted to post my two cents worth. I think many said exactly what I was thinking...does your mother have weight issues of her own and therefor is feeling threatened that you will succeed (I first typed might..not will..and decided that you WILL succeed), and SHE will be the fat one in the family.

As to your comment about providing comic relief..I don't know if it is just me, but I am getting sick and tired of movies making the "comic relief" character FAT. One that really sticks out in my mind is in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". the "funny" bridesmaid was..you guessed it...the heavier bridesmaid. Once I became aware of this I started to notice it more and more..OOOH It makes me FURIOUS!

If your thinking is anything like mine, your mother's attitude will ultimately work to your advantage. If someone tells me I can't do something, I am more determined than ever to prove them wrong!:snooty:

I do hope you keep posting as a way of maintaining your sanity until you return to school. I bet by that time, it will be VERY noticeable that you have lost weight and just think of the reaction of friends who haven't seen you for a while..that will be a terrific motivator too! ANd now from all of your supporters and cheerleaders in here a big :grouphug:

Pandora123a
08-12-2008, 07:39 AM
Meredith,

Hugs to you. I'm sorry your mother is so miserable, she must be to be so nasty! Stay teflon. My suggestion. The next time she says something negative, or does something negative, look at her sadly, shake your head, and say quietly, "I don't understand why you would say (do) something so hurtful to me." Then walk away quietly.

Big hugs!

Star2Be
08-12-2008, 12:43 PM
^Good advice. I am trying to keep her from being any kind of part in my weight loss, not letting her see me weigh myself or even knowing how much I weigh, etc. I'm hoping that she'll assume I gave up and just leave me alone! But I will certainly keep this in mind if it happens again (which, realistically, I'm sure it will). :headache:

I bet by that time, it will be VERY noticeable that you have lost weight and just think of the reaction of friends who haven't seen you for a while..that will be a terrific motivator too! ANd now from all of your supporters and cheerleaders in here a big :grouphug:
I am really hoping that that's the case! It would be so great for someone to notice, heh. :hug:

WarMaiden
08-12-2008, 03:55 PM
I'm so sorry and sad about your mom's nasty treatment (to the rest who have experienced similar, also). I can't imagine thinking my daughter is anything less than the most beautiful, wonderful girl in the world. (Let alone saying it!)

Perhaps if you can't get the support you seek from your mom, it would be worth trying to cultivate a closer relationship with your dad. Some dads make awesome friends.

karens losing it
08-12-2008, 08:50 PM
Not to take up for your mother, she may be just as you describe. However, sometimes parents don't always know when teasing has gone too far or how to respond when their children change.

She may be acting in this way because eating with you was her time to bond with you and now that you all are not eating in the same way, she may feel left out of your life. She may sincerely want you to succeed. However, when she sees you slipping, she may also secretly hope you gain the weight back and forget this dieting thing so she can get her old daughter back, the one who likes to go for ice cream after dinner.

You are not wrong to feel the way you do. However, sometimes when you know why someone is acting the way they are you feel differently. Maybe try to include her in the other areas of your life. Ask her to go bowling or on a hike. Maybe if she see she has not lost her daughter to dieting she will be more supportive.

Either way good luck.

JustSharing83
08-13-2008, 03:43 AM
*big hugs* That's terrible. My mom is such a supportive person, she's my friend, I can't even imagine how betrayed I would feel if she made comments like that. Turn it into motivation though and keep moving forward!

JOLINA
02-08-2011, 08:22 PM
WOW..My mom was just as nasty.
Don't expect her to change at all.
My mom was nasty and rude until she died.

I learned at a very young age...10...to use my friends parents as role models, and not pay any attention to my own.
I could not count on either one of them for support.
So just get on with your life and keep your mom out of yours as much as possible. She will just leave you with bad memories. You want to limit those as much as possible.

My mothers rude comments never ended. She never in her life ever gave me a compliment. Never said she liked my hair, dress, shoes, or praised my accomplishments in school or in the workforce. I was successful and also a model until I gained weight with my kids birth.
She never commented positively about anything I did. Everything was a putdown.
She made negative statements about all her friends and relatives behind their backs. She never carried on a nice conversation with me.

I always wondered how I would react when she died. I did not shed a tear. It was a relief she was gone.
I cry during movies, reading sad stories, losing pets, funerals, weddings, and even reading Hallmark cards.

But when my parents died...nothing.
They created the situation. It took them years. They had a lot of time to think about how they were acting. They chose their poor behavior, and it didn't work out well for them.

I was in the hospital undergoing an emergency operation to save my life.
It took a couple of hours to fly in the blood I needed. They got tired of waiting, so they left to go shopping and never inquired until the next day about me.
The doctor was shocked. He never experienced something like that.
And they didn't drink or do drugs.

So it is best to ignore your mom for your own sanity. And make a decision to never be like her... and to treat your kids with respect and kindness.

You will lose weight and so will I. Love yourself because you are a precious and unique person.
:)

Gwen
03-17-2011, 09:07 AM
... I need someone to tell me that I'm not overreacting and that she really is just way out of line. This ISN'T my imagination. :mad:

It isn't your imagination. She IS way out of line. Try to put up a wall when you are around her... and try to make that as infrequent as possible. Imagine her comments hitting the wall and falling dead on the floor. Imagine that you hear nothing. Go outside and take a walk... anything to avoid her. TRY to respond to her with a pleasant tone of voice and LEAVE THE ROOM as quickly as you can.

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

ChrissyBean
03-17-2011, 09:54 AM
Okay, this is a WAY old post. Confused the heck out of me!!

lottie63
03-17-2011, 09:59 AM
Yeah but apparently she lost 110 lbs!!!! :D

SCraver
03-17-2011, 10:14 AM
Yeah but apparently she lost 110 lbs!!!! :D

That's a good point!! It is really awesome to see someone who did not let someone else slow her down or stop her!

Jasmine31
03-17-2011, 12:21 PM
What an awesome thread!!! WTG OP!!! I am so glad you didnt let mom stop you!!

Sandi
03-17-2011, 11:02 PM
Wow - This thread is 3 years old!! I think I'll close it up to prevent more confusion. But she did go on to lose 110 lbs!!!!