[01determined]

Hi everyone,

Sorry this is going to sounds such a drag but it will help me get some advice .... i hope. Okay here goes, im only 18, im young to put it blatantly but ive been through a **** of a lot in these recent years and i just think its really affected me a lot. I put on a lot of weight when my sister started having chemotherapy at the age of 9, i think i was about 14. It was a tough time for everyone, friends and family would ring up and ask how my mum and dad were, my sister but not me. And i know it sounds selfish but i felt like i needed some care for by someone, because my mum and dad were always at the hospital they didnt seem to tell us anything. i ended up looking after my other sister of 3 years alone. I think i started junk eating and put on a lot of weight for my age. Then one day my mum told me i needed to start exercising, which i was distraught about - although it was the truth its not something you want to hear really. Anyway then i went extreme dieting and i seem to remember losing a lot of weight in the space of a month. People noticed and i was an attractive girl then recently after going to on the pill i put on a lot of weight, my boyfriend didnt seem to mind, but again recently i lost about a stone again - 14 pounds for all the americans! Anyway im constantly being told i look good, i feel thinner and i feel i should look beatiful. But i look in the mirror and think who is that, i hate it, i crumble lookign in the mirror. Its just not what i expect. How do i start to see the realy me, and what everyone else sees?!!!!!!

[luckymommy]

Thanks for clarifying about the stone being 14 pounds, because a stone doesn't sound as much as 14 pounds does to me! Anyway, you have been through a lot of trauma. Having a sibling go through something like that is very tough on the entire family and you obviously were not getting the kind of care that a child your age normally would get. You don't sound selfish at all. You need to be cared for and cherished because you were a huge help to your entire family. You took care of a 3 year old! That's tough for anyone to do, much less a child. I think that you might have a lot of issues that are locked up inside you. Is it possible for you to see a counselor? Maybe I'm wrong and if I am, I'm sorry, but I think that your self-image is related to how you thought people saw you at the time. YOu were ignored (though I don't blame your family, but that's just what happened). Maybe you're angry at yourself or at them but that time has possibly left you feeling like you don't deserve certain things. You say you were an attractive girl until you took the pill and gained a lot of weight. Could you maybe go off the pill? Maybe your boyfriend wouldn't mind using condoms? SOrry to get so personal and I hope I'm not way off base here, but you deserve to do what works FOR YOU. You need to put yourself first and start loving yourself for who you are: an amazing young lady who has been there for everyone but herself. Pamper yourself and be good to yourself. Talk to your family about what happened in those days and how you felt and how it was so tough for you. They need to acknowledge the pain that YOU endured. You need to be celebrated. Sometimes, the squeaky wheel gets the grease and it's time for you to speak up and get a bit squeaky!

[sh3l5]

i too had a pretty tough childhood where everything revolved around my brother....
he is dyslexic and while i dont mind him having attention i would have loved a little bit too....
it had an impact on me so much that i ended up huge....
it was only after meeting my boyfriend and falling in love....
that i decided it was time to loose my extra weight....
even just a little bit of attention does wonders for confidence....
when i look in the mirror i see someone massive still, i dont seem to see what everyone else does....
i have been told it takes a while for your brain to adjust to seeing whats actually there instead of what you think is there....
I guess time will tell....
Good luck with the rest of your journey....

[francis84]

Well, being sexy is not only depends on how other people see you; but more on how you see yourself. Even though i tell you that you are sexy; if you dont believe in yourself that you are sexy, you'll feel fat.

Just what they always say: "Its all in the mind!"

Hey, can we see a picture of you? Hope you wouldn't mind!

[01determined]

you all are great. these are the nicest things i have heard for so long. its a lot off my mind, tlaking really does help. i suppose i could show a picture. i'll have to take one though give me time!

[Spoz]

You feel like you never had that attention that you *needed* in life & although you know your parents loved you and it was important that they were there for your sister you needed them too. I think your very low in confidence because you feel that people wont accept you or wont be there for you like your parents. But you dont need other people. From this - I think your confidence is low and when you attract comments about how good you look its a sort of skin deep acceptance from people, and it spurs you on. But that doesn't mean you dont have a great personality and it doesnt mean people wont accept you. I think you have to really dig into your feelings and see what it is that is making you feel like you dont look good, because its not HOW you look, but how you feel as a person that changes your perspective on your appearence.

P.s. I'm not a therapist but this is just what I pick up from you, and have had similar problems myself. Good luck though!