Well I did it, I stripped down and weighed myself.
Someone hold me.
Two years ago when I was up to 262 and I made the decision to lose the weight the change happened overnight. I immediately quit eating fast food, I immediately started working out, I didn't have to think about it... I just did it.
When I made it down to 205 this spring I was beyond excited to almost be out of the 200's
So why did I gain the weight back?
Why did I gain it back and now continue to self sabotage myself at every turn.
I wish I could tell you why you don't love yourself. I wish I knew why I don't love/trust myself.
You gained the weight back. It happened. It's time to start from scratch. You've done it before. And you know you can do it.
And you are worth it. Deep down inside some part of you loves yourself or you wouldn't even be here right now.
I hope you start feeling better about yourself. Try to focus on the positive. It's really hard at first, but it gets easier with time. Remember you are worth it, and make the lifestyle change you need to, to get to a good place.
I would feel SO guilty if I called a friend right now and said "hey, I'm having a really bad self esteem day, can you help me" because I would think that I'm being needy and needy = weak in my book. Not for the people I support, because if any one of them called me I'd be right there for them without a second thought. However I'm not a big enough person to ask for the help.
How messed up is that?
Tomorrow I'll feel better, but tonight I don't.
Last edited by akapjthegreat; 01-04-2008 at 08:24 PM.
I feel the exact same way! About asking for support. It used to be just that I thought being needy = being weak, but I also realized it's because I don't want to be a burden on any of them. In some ways I just don't feel like I'm worth it at all, and I can't understand why people waste their time on me.
God that's such a horrible way for me to think isn't it? You and me both need to work on those thought processes.
I hope you feel a little better tonight. It's so tough sometimes....
If you want you can pm me. I see you have msn, I have it too, and I'm on all the time at night, so if you want to chat I'll be here... usually. Sometimes it's nice to talk with someone you don't know in "real" life...
If any one of them called me I'd be right there for them without a second thought
I kind of smiled to myself when I read that, because I felt that way for a long time myself. If anyone around me needed help I was there in a heartbeat, but if I was feeling lonely or crappy I'd sit by my lonesome because I didn't want to be a burden. I thought I was being generous. Turns out it was more about maintaining an illusion of control. You know what I mean? I can help others (happy to, it supports my fantasy) - if I do, it makes me feel important - but if I tell someone that I need help, I'm admitting to not being able to do it by myself. Which of course I can't, being human and all. It was painful and liberating to force myself to get used to picking up the damn phone and calling someone and snot myself all up crying. Took some of the psychic weight off. If you can't do that, bless ya for coming here and telling us!
Yeah, I IMed a friend and she just said "you're gorgeous, what are you worried about"
My friends don't understand that I'm not concerned about what I look like, it's about the health factor... I'm morbidly obese... I'm literally killing myself with every bite I take, but I'm still eating!
Why did I gain it back and now continue to self sabotage myself at every turn.
Only you can answer this one. Was there something about what you were doing that wasn't satisfying to you? Did you go through a major event and didn't get back? Think about what happened, and then put it behind you.
That was then, this is now. Feeling bad about yourself, beating yourself up will only lead to where: the fridge? A fast food place? Is that where you want to be? The only place negativity will send you is to bigger sizes and worse places.
So you regained. Most everyone does. Many people here, including myself, have yo-yoed our way up and down, up and down, and up, up, up. And what do we do? Cry over Chunky Monkey?
No, we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, look at our past mistakes, think about how to fix it and then do it again. You did it once, so the basics are there. Now you have to look at why it didn't work in the long run and how you can overcome it. And then, just do it.
See! Are you ready to get back to losing weight? Back to eating stuff that's good for you, and not refined carbs and sugars. Back to exercising and getting your body back to where you want it to be.
It feels great doing it. You did do it once, you can definitely do it again and this time make it stick. Keep us updated!
One thing that's really helped me when I started losing was I stopped making fat a moral issue. My losing or gaining weight isn’t about how much I like or dislike myself anymore. Losing doesn't mean I love myself, and gaining doesn't mean I hate myself. It means I ate too much and didn't workout enough (or did, depending). Breaking out of rewarding and punishing yourself by eating or withholding food was really key for me.
And it’s *hard* because every media outlet on the planet is telling you that every ounce of fat on your body is a deadly sin. I’m pretty sure most media believes the way people get fat is sitting on the couch all day eating donut flavored babies, when really it mostly comes down to genetics.
Sometimes it is really hard not to cave and just say "I guess I just am a horrible fattie" and dive into a tub of ice cream, but it helps to remember it's a lot of people's jobs to make you feel like and some days you just have to throw in the towel, and that's okay, but somedays you get to win too.
Although I really don't know how many of us get fat, because if you watch the news clearly fat people don't have heads, so I have no idea exactly how we're getting that food in.
Although, I know what I need to do... but what I know and what I choose to do are two very different things.
If I put into practice everything I've learned over the past two years I would have conquered my PCOS by now and I wouldn't be sitting here having a mini crisis over the fact that in two months I'm turning 25. I'm 1/2 through my twenties and I basically have nothing to show for it.
See, here I go again being negative... I'm was gonna be positive. Oh wait! It's 12:13 it's technically the next day. Hurray I was positive for a whole day LOL
Why can't I love me?
Deep down inside some part of you loves yourself or you wouldn't even be here right now. 
and some days you just have to throw in the towel, and that's okay, but somedays you get to win too. 
