100 lb. Club - I have a confession to make.




View Full Version : I have a confession to make.


Dawn2Dusk
08-21-2007, 12:48 AM
This probably belongs in the "Chicks in Control" section but I haven't posted there a lot and the 100 lbs forum is more home to me as this is where I've mostly posted.

I don't know where to begin. I just want to begin by saying I am not anorexic or bulimic. Never have been, never will be. My ultimate goal weight is 110 (a healthy 21.5 BMI) and if not healthily achievable, 120 lbs (23.4 BMI). I do have one thing and that is an obsessive compulsive eating disorder. I know all the basics about healthy weight loss: A reasonable calorie range, what's good and what's bad nutrition-wise, regular exercise. I know a reasonable loss is 2 lbs a week (although there are many exceptions as I've seen here). But for some reason that wasn't good enough for me. I wanted a militant control on my eating habits. I wanted to lose more than just 2, 3, or 4 lbs. Maybe 10 lbs a week until I reached goal. And the only way I knew to do that? Starve myself.

I want to again remind that I do not suffer from Anorexia Nervosa. I do not have an unhealthy view of bodies. To me, the most beautiful body is a nice, healthy, curvy one. Perhaps a bit like Tyra Banks when she gained some weight. Many types of bodies are beautiful. But that's how I'd want to be at goal. I don't ever want to be skin and bones.

I guess I was so disgusted with my lack of control I wanted to stop it immediately. And so, for a week I didn't eat anything. Just water. Yes, I lost 10 lbs. Yes, I liked how I was starting to look. But it was all at the cost of my health. During the fifth day, I started having horrible heart burns, despite not eating anything. You know that feeling you get when you swallow a bunch of fries without chewing them enough, no ketchup and no water to wash them down? It feels like they're stuck in the esophagus in the middle of your chest. Imagine that uncomfortable pain times two. That's what I was feeling despite drinking copious amounts of water, at least half a gallon a day.

The worst part was the heart burn and acidic vomit. I never induced these vomits, ever. I would never do that. But I would feel a burp coming on and instead of gas, there's this horrible acid burning my esophagus, the back of my throat and my mouth. It didn't make any sense to me. I'm not eating so why all this acid? I searched the net and apparently, it's quite common when fasting. The hydrochloric acid in stomach builds up with nothing to digest, resulting in heart burns and worse, ulcers.

The whole week, I became a slave to the scale. I would wake up every morning, go straight to the scale and see how much I weighed.

The worst part? Constipation. TMI, sorry. But I need to address this problem of fasting, too. Before the fast, I went every time I ate. If I ate three meals a day, I went three times a day. Imagine going from three times a day to not going for a whole week. And then going today, after a meal. I won't go into too much detail here.

After going through all this misery I decided enough was enough. Yes, I want to lose weight. Yes, I want to feel good. Yes, I want to look good. But I also want to be healthy, dangit! I don't want to die from a horrible ulcer or something. Calorie counting was always a chore for me. But if I have to get myself into the habit of doing it, then I will.

I'm going to lose weight and I'm going to stay healthy while doing it!

I only fasted a week so hopefully my metabolism isn't screwed. My weight today was 233.5 lbs. I will make myself not check again until next Monday. For my own sanity. And if it's anywhere between 1 and 2 lbs, I will be happy.

Um... thanks for listening to my tirade. :o I really needed to let this out. There are some places on the Net that sing praises of water fasting and how beneficial it is. Maybe a 2 or 3 day fast, I dunno.

All I know is, I'm never fasting to lose weight again.


CLCSC145
08-21-2007, 01:04 AM
I'm sorry you went through that Dawn. I think we all can identify with the desperate feeling of wanting this weight gone YESTERDAY. If only it were that simple, right?

It sounds like you learned a valuable lesson about yourself and your health. I'm glad you are back to attacking this problem the healthy way! Because that's what this whole effort is about in the end, isn't it? HEALTH. Take care of yourself :hug:.

math puppy
08-21-2007, 01:11 AM
oh im so glad you decided to stop starving yourself!! it really messes things up! i have trouble conting calories too :( but the more you do it the easier it gets. try getting a cute little book that fits in your pocket or purse. make sure its somthing that you like to look at that way at least you have one perk of writing down your calories. also i found it helpful to make rules like, "no eating until i write it down". my problem is just eating and eating and not counting anything. ugh!

good luck to you, and dont starve yourself anymore!! the first thing the body does when it starts to starve is break down muscle and store as much fat as it can! so you will gain back wieght as you start to live normaly, but it will be good weight, muscle burns calories of fat! you want as much muscle wieght as you can get! ;)

-math puppy


RoyalAthena
08-21-2007, 01:48 AM
Dawn,

You learned a good leason early into the game. I have in the past had my own battle with binging and purging....not to the point that it made a difference in my weight. That is a whole 'nother story. Best of luck to you!!

K8-EEE
08-21-2007, 02:40 AM
I've done every dumb diet related thing ever, don't feel bad! You're far from alone!

One thing I've noticed is that every extreme diet seems to have an equal and opposite reaction (binging.)

I think one feeling that we really have to avoid is PANIC. I really recommend Geneen Roth's books on healthy food/body image. They're fun and funny and put a lot of things in perspective. Look her up in your library! Basically, you shouldn't have to wait until you lose weight to treat yourself right. Eat the way you deserve to eat today, and treat yourself to some exercise, and then relax and give yourself a hug! If you concentrate on doing those things every day everything will be fine.

rockinrobin
08-21-2007, 06:36 AM
Aww Dawn, I'm so sorry that you experienced this. It sounds though as it's well behind you and it was a wake up call and learning experience.

We need to remember that we are building up LIFETIME habits when we lose the weight. Because we will indeed have to keep at it forever in order to MAINTAIN that weightloss. There are no quick fixes. Healthy eating. Nutritious foods. Portion control/calorie counting. Yes it all requires a bit of effort. But it's time and effort WELL spent.

I'm glad to see you posting again. Please stick around and let us know how you're doing. Good luck to you. :hug:

hellokitty81668
08-21-2007, 07:38 AM
Dawn,
I am glad you realized that you have a problem, accepted it and admited it , these are the healthy steps to recovery. I am also glad you are posting here again. I think at one time or another we do become obsessive about some part of our weight loss, whether it is scale #'s, calories, inches, but the healthy thing is realizing that healthy weight loss takes time and patience.

cheryl

Pita09
08-21-2007, 07:39 AM
I'm glad you are OK and ready to lose the healthy way. :hug:


Fasting can be done and has benefits. However, I've never heard of anyone advocating that you begin a fast without preparing the body days, even weeks, in advance depending on the type and duration of the fast. I tried to do it once, but my flesh is weak. ;)

Dawn2Dusk
08-21-2007, 08:26 AM
Thank you for all the support you ladies have shown me! I knew I could count on this place and you guys :)

Fortunately, I did not binge. I was craving it a lot, though, yesterday. But I gave my self a kick in the behind (figuratively speaking) that I made one diet blunder by fasting. I will not make another by binging. And fortunately for me, I stuck to it.

This time, I'm in it for the long haul. Even if it takes me two years to get down to 120, so be it. I'm going to start loving myself in the process, not abusing myself and talking myself down.

I'm told the french-fry-stuck-in-chest feeling will take another day or two to completely go away. Ugh, I can't wait.

Again, thank you for all the wonderful support :)

Sandi
08-21-2007, 08:57 AM
:hug: I am so glad you posted.

Dawn - if you find calorie counting a chore, then I am not sure it's the weight loss plan for you. What about something like south beach where you don't count. Some people just aren't counters.

thistoo
08-21-2007, 09:33 AM
As a compulsive overeater, I know how much good rational thought does in the middle of compulsion. But it might help keep you from doing this again if you remind yourself that losing weight that rapidly means you are almost guaranteed to regain it.

Also, the acid burning you experienced could become a lifelong problem very easily. Do a little reading on acid reflux disease, if you're not familiar with it. My mom suffers from it and I would not wish that on you, so I hope that you won't do that to your body again.

Having said all that, there are many times I've been tempted to 'starve myself thin'. I'm not physically capable of it, which is probably a blessing in disguise. But the fact that you recognized your harmful behavior quickly is an excellent sign.

Janny O
08-21-2007, 09:38 AM
I know how you feel hun-I did it for 7 months, 11yrs ago. This was not a good way to do it. I wanted results so quickly that I stopped at nothing. Now-it's the smart way and really the only way.
You have a great attitude-besides, there isn't a weightloss law-take your time if that's what will do it for you.
We're always here for yah....

afb0407
08-21-2007, 09:53 AM
Well dear....i was in your boat a couple years back...but i did induce vomiting on days i ate more then just lettuce and chicken.....and i lost weight so quickly that everyone thought i was taking drugs.....i wasnt...i assure you...but i worked waiting tables all day...thats a lot of walking....and still went to the gym 2 hours at night....and all i ate was green shredded lettuce....GRILLED chicken on tuesdays and fridays......and water.....that was it...occasionally id eat fried chicken....but immedietly threw it up!!! I lost like 92 lbs by doing this....i reached where i wanted to be at....and i started eating.......in 2 months time i had gained 45 lbs back......so i would not suggest that lifestyle to anyone!!! Im so enthused that unlike me you gave this up!!! It does cause long term problems......i have acid refulx constantly....and my metabolism is the speed of a crippled turtle...so now i have to work extra hard.....but not starve myself!!! SO CONGRATS!!!!! Smart Thinking Chick-a-dee!!!:hug:

GirlyGirlSebas
08-21-2007, 10:12 AM
I'm glad you learned your lesson! Fasting is not something you can stick with for the rest of your life and that is really what this should be all about...creating a new lifestyle. I don't think you have to worry about having ruined your metabolism forever. In the past, I've done several fasts for religious reasons. The longest was for 30 days. I was able to lose weight again after that by eating healthy. Also, any pounds lost during the fast where quickly replaced when I started eating again. Fasting correctly does take a lot of preparation and there are things you can't do while fasting...ie: cardio exercise.

Slashnl
08-21-2007, 01:22 PM
Thanks for sharing your experience, Dawn. I have never fasted more than a day for spiritual reasons, but it was interesting to hear what happened. I'm glad you are posting and sharing!