Need help fast, weekend away, friend not supportive
My best friend knows I am losing, thinks it's 10 lbs. She is trying to lose too but she always likes me fatter than her and I feel her getting anxious and trying to submarine me. I don't think she is aware that she does this. We are going away for the weekend with our daughters. Here is her plan:
McDonalds at 9am for diet coke
Local bakery for scones and muffins. She thinks it's healthy, already in trouble here.
Lunch at a diner for our favorite milk shakes. What to do about that?
My mom is making pizza for dinner which annoys her, she wanted to go out so after pizza, she said we'll go and get what we really want.
Drive in movie at 11pm. Second movie is the new one with Robin Williams and Mandy Moore. 11PM!!! I'll be sleeping...
Did any of you read the article in USA today about friends making you fat or thin? They have a huge influence on us, more than family even if they don't live by us. Not that I can blame her but when we met 13 years ago she was about 40 lbs heavier and I have since gained 100 lbs. I was never fat before either.
What should I do? Just smile and order healthy or be straight with her and face the consequences??? She always talks about our skinny friends and what a pain they are to eat with.
First off congrats on losing 32 pounds!! That is fantastic and your friend should know the correct amount and not think it is only 10 pounds.
You know we all face this. When I was married to my ex he would get upset every time I started losing weight and would begin a total sabotage plan. Because I wasn't supported by him it was simpler to just give in and eat that candy bar he brought home or go to McDonald's for dinner. And by doing that I reinforced within myself that I wasn't worthy of having a healthy, thin body. It was a vicious cycle that I fought for years!
You have to stand up to your friend and take control of your life. This isn't about her, it's about you! You can give in to her wants and feel bad about yourself, or you can stand up for yourself and feel the victory of doing what you know is right.
Without support from our family and friends losing weight becomes so much harder. At this time in my life I have a wonderful support system and that is why for the first time in my life I know I will reach my goal. Let that happen for you as well and continue forward on your wonderful progress.
I agree with Tricia, don't go, but if you feel you must . order healthy food , you don't need to follow her rules, do what is best for you.Congratulations on 32 pounds lost , that is great accomplishment.
Mcdonalds 9 am... Get the largest water available and the apple dippers minus the dip. Get 2 apple dippers if need be.. apples will wake you as goodly as the diet soda.
Local Bakery... Stay in the car. You enjoy your moms pizza!
Lunch Diner... Split the Milkshake and order the most delectable salad there. Or go for the fabulous filet of fish that grilled or broiled and some sensational fruit. Summers are meant for grilling and seasonal fruit at its sweetest!
Mom's pizza, out afters... You already had what you really want. A wonderful homemade pizza shared by having your best friend and your warm n loving Moms company. Tons of lady talk and laughter!!
Movies... enjoy the show and tell her you look awful with popcorn kernels stuck to your face after you fall asleep in the bucket.. so you will pass on that visual !
Tell her good times and great memories are had with the people you share them with.... Not the junk food and all the baggage it brings. Guilt, extra pounds and More hard work to re-lose what was already lost. Your looking for new numbers, new memories, a new life of fun and frivolity!!
i agree it is about you not her. and i think if she really loved you as a friend she would be supportive and not submarine you. i don't know if this will help or not but my best friend is like a size 3 well i was going too her house on vacation for a week and very worried about it i mean she eats all the time we used to together to when i did not care. i keep thinking by time i get home i am going to have to start all over......well i got there and the first thing she did was show me that she went and bought me all kinds of healthy food fresh fruit and veggies everything i needed. a true friend will walk beside you and be supportive not drag you down with her
Thanks guys! I knew I could count on you for support, you're the best.
I have to go. My daughter is going, my other daughter is meeting us there and my mom is excited. My mom is a total health freak, thin, walks 2 miles a day at 81 and if I told her what my friend was up to, she'd freak! She is very outspoken. Maybe I should sick her on my friend?? lol
My daughter is 21 and I actually asked her if she would order a milkshake with me and drink it all. She doesn't like them. How stupid is that?
I just made my steel cut oatmeal with raspberries, wheat germ and walnuts for breakfast and stripped the kitchen floor! Exercise and a good start.
You do what you need to do for you. Let her order all the junk she wants but you stay on the healthy side and when she complains or questions you. Be up front with her. She has the problem and not you and its not fasir for you to be her scapegoat.
My best friend is the same way. We're both heavy and she knows I'm trying to eat healthier. But she'll call me and be like I could really go for a sundae lets go(and it's like 9pm when she does this). My advice is to just order healthy and stick to your plan of weight loss. Who cares if she gets annoyed. If she's you're true best friend she'll be supportive and understand you're just being healthy. If she starts being a pain about it then I would try to spend my time with more supportive people.
Do what's best for you. If these places have on-plan options that you like and you will not be de-railed by the other options available, then it might be okay to go to these places with her. If these places are triggers for your plan and will de-rail you, then don't go with her. Just one question....why does she get to make the itinerary? Do you have no say at all? Maybe you can go to some of her places and some of yours? Compromise?
I would agree to change the itinerary. Suggest places that you want to go. And not in an "I can't eat there, way!" People do tend to push food when they can justify it by calling it a "treat."
"Live it up..." "Enjoy Yourself once in a while..." "Just a little won't hurt..."
However, it's harder to argue with you when you put it out there, that you're not talking about deprivations. "You know where I would really love to go..."
"I SOOO have a taste for.....", "Why don't we try something new.....," When offered or pressured into going to a restaurant with no healthy options, or when being pressured to order a "traditional" treat, ... "Ugh, that doesn't sound good right now," "Mm, I really have a taste for X instead...," "I can't eat that stuff anymore, it gives me heartburn, a stomache ache, explosive diahrea (LOL)...."
If she whines about the loss of the "traditions," a joking, (or if she's being a real brat, not so joking way) "Geez, do we have to do it your way, whether I have any fun or not?"
I survived and was at the low end of my calorie range. I didn't want to but I had to ask my mom for help. I didn't want my mom to be ticked at my friend, mother lion and all of that. She is very happy that I am losing and stocked the fridge with blueberries and veggies. We didn't go out after the pizza, I didn't drink the shake at lunch. She ordered one shake and she split it with the other 3 of us. This AM my mom and I made scones with splenda, eggs and turkey bacon, fruit. I was able to eat just what I wanted. My mom did not put out the fattening lemon coffee cake bread she brought.
This am she stopped at a candy store! I was not tempted.
We walked all over the place yesterday and she was a good sport but she wanted to drive. My mom again, did I tell you she is 81 and walks everywhere?? was a big help.
Thanks so much for the help, I need to learn to be more assertive instead of avoiding her which is what I have started to do.
Our daughters are getting married in a year and I told her I was not going to be a fat mother of the bride!
I am finally learning the skill of asking for help when I need it. I bet your mom loved being there for you, and it sounds like she was your ace in the hole. Congratulations!
Need help fast, weekend away, friend not supportive
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