For years, Matt has always brought me things unexpectedly. Flowers for no reason, the newest Nora Roberts book because he knows I love her. New memory card or something. If I mention I'd really like some "whatever", a few days later he shows up with it. It's sweet and loving, but I've noticed lately, last 3 weeks or so, he seems to be going out of his way to bring me food. Not food I'm eaing normally, but stuff I use to eat regularly. Blizzards, ice cream, etc. Perhaps some of it is because it's summer and hot, but as hard as it is for me to change my habits, I think it's hard for him too. Most times, if my cals allow, I'll have a bite or 3 then hand it off to him or toss it, but I swear sometimes I think he trulytruly likes me fat. When I ask him about it, "You've been doing so well, I know you like "X", so while I was out, I thought I'd pick you up some". um, ok? I've tried to explain to him that just a bit here and a bit there, isn't that big a deal, but I need to PLAN it into my month or week, and 4 food "treats" in a week is why I got fat in the first place.
I know many a spouse has problems when their significant other loses weight. They are afraid they are going to be left and he could be sabatoging you and not realizing it.
It's probably best to just let him know the next time he does it to tell him that it's really nice and you appreciate the thought but you are trying to find better choices of food or something like that. Tell him like you said and it's better if you try to plan it in than have it just be there and you feeling guilty and eating it out of guilt. Just my 2¢.
I think I understand where your question comes from.....I am losing weight because my husband initially told me how much I had gained but when I have a plan and try to stick to it he will ask me to go out to dinner (but didn't before) and will bring home candy or ask where my food is after I had him dinner (his dinner) when I'm supposed to be eating healthy....then when I tell him I'm not eating the same thing he is he starts acting like a baby...saying "I'm eating all this alone? Here have some." It does seem as if they sometimes like us fat .... I often wonder if it's a security thing on their part and when they see us looking good they automatically feel nervous and bringing us food is what makes them feel better......I don't know if that helps at all.....but you have to just tell him when he brings something home...."Honey, you eat it...you've been so sweet...you eat it." lol
I would sit down and talk with him about what he and you are feeling. Tell him it is important to you that he not bring this kind of food home,if he wants to bring you something tell him to bring you a bag of cherries.
My husband you can say hand a hand in me getting this size. When I met him I was a size 12-14 and happy, I ate small meals and was ok, but when we were dating he would encourage me to eat more, and in the years we have been married, he always says " Cheryl you need to eat more to be healthy", lol healthy or dead? He comes from a culture where good eating habits aren't practiced, so most things are fried, and I learned to eat fried stuff from him, now I make seperate meals for him and I , because I just wont eat what he does, and when he tells me I need to eat more, I just say thanks, maybe later.
cheryl
My DH "danced" a box of chocolate truffles across the bed at me last night and when I scooted away from them, he said "Baby, there's something there for you!" He means well, but I am trying to get him to understand that the way to best help me is to NOT do things like that
I dont think its a security issue. He's 6'3" and had gotten up to 296 then refused to get back on a scale and over the last year or so has gotten himself back down to 205. For him, and I think most men, it's just easier to lose weight, not taking anything away from our gents here, working hard. But overall, men have it all over women in the weight dept. More muscle mass, faster metabolism, you just cant fight general biology. So for him, especially being Asian, it was, more of a "Ok less fried food, more rice and fish and less food" viola, weight gone. *mutters blackly* So, now he can more or less eat what he wants and I dont think he can truly understand what its like for me, a woman, to attempt to lose weight in a slower manner. If he stops at DQ to get himself something, he thinks he should get me something. I've tried explaining that he can feel free to "be rude" and bring home stuff for himself without the need to do something for me. Part of it is just good manners and part of it is just lack of comprehension.
Angi - I agree. My husband is very overweight but if he wanted to drop it that's what he'd do. Drop it. And here I struggle day in and day out. It's because our bodies were fiercely and wonderfully made to have babies and in order to have a baby you have to be able to feed and support that baby from our own bodies....so it's a great thing and a curse.
my exhusband has a weight problem....I was thin b4 I married and didn't gain weight til I had a baby.....he would ALWAYS want to eat out, eat junk...lots of pizza.....I didn't realise what was happening til I was suddenly FAT!! (it just SEEMED sudden) because it had never been a problem b4 ...I didn't think about what I was doing to myself til it was done...and he would sabotage my weight loss efforts (feeble though they were) at every turn....because HE wanted to eat....like an alcoholic doesn't want to drink alone...he wanted us to be fat together!!!
Some men do get scared when there wifes lose the weight. I know my cousins husband was that way. I think you just need to talk to him straight forward and if that is what is bothering him tell him there is nothing to worry about.
My ex-husband was one of those. He didn't want me too thin because I'm way HOT! hahaha Seriously, he was hugely insecure. My hubby now is so secure in who he is....and he knows I love him dearly....and I have way too much integrity to step out on my marriage....so he's seriously happy for me. It's a great thing.
Angi...sounds to me like Matt isn't sabotaging....just "clueless"...hehehe you know men! (Sorry howie...) Give him the benefit of the doubt and have a good talk.
It sounds to me like he's worried you're going to get hot and leave him. He may not even realize he's feeling this way. Just sit down with him and ask him point blank why he keeps bringing you food that you both know is bad for your diet. Reassure him you're not going anywhere.
Explain to him why you don't want to eat those things and tell him to instead bring the healthy option...almost every place now has a healthy alternative to the bad stuff. If he hits up DQ's drive-thu, he can swing by another place that has apple slices or grapes. That way, he's still being courteous by bringing you something, but not sabotaging your plan.
Not actually knowing your guy... I would say *maybe* he just doesn't get the concept that we can't actually reward ourselves with food. I have point blank asked my guy if he wants me to stay this way and he says he just wants me to be happy (now I know he likes curvy chicks, and I plan on staying curvy!). My guy could just eat really healthily for a week and lose 10 lbs. Men don't really "get" that our metabolisms are totally different, and so, food rewards seem normal to them.
It could also be a security issue. Ultimately, it could be really helpful to just have a chat with him about how you feel, how he feels, etc., to make sure things are clear and he doesn't bring you "food" gifts anymore.
It's true that most men are oblivious to the way diets work for women or even themselves. We just don't think that way unless we decide to focus on that area of our life and learn about it. I think women have always been conscious of diet and are more in tune with that. So do talk with him and just get it out. He may not realize what he is doing.
Sometimes I think he likes me fat
He means well, but I am trying to get him to understand that the way to best help me is to NOT do things like that 
hahaha Seriously, he was hugely insecure. My hubby now is so secure in who he is....and he knows I love him dearly....and I have way too much integrity to step out on my marriage....so he's seriously happy for me. It's a great thing.
