Weight Loss Support - Trying to get past the dirty looks




Iwant2bethin
05-02-2007, 06:30 AM
Right now I'm trying to lose the weight I'm doing good so far. But I'm getting tired of the dirty looks people are giving me at school and the smirks like they think they are better then me. It hurts alot but I can barely never look anyone in the eyes without them having a laughter look on their face. It makes me feel so darn ugly and that I don't deserve to take care of myself. I want to lose weight so badly but how do I push past this disgusting feeling that people make me feel?

It feels like they think I have no feelings and that they want me to fall back. It's just so usetting and overwhelming to think that.


PinkyPie
05-02-2007, 06:42 AM
I don't want to trivialise the way you feel, because you DO feel this way right now.

However, what would the dirty looks be for? Unless you know FOR A FACT that these people are looking "wrong" at you or smirking, I would say you are projecting how you feel about yourself right now onto them.

I would love to give you some words of advise or comfort, I'm just not sure how. I guess something that would be helpful is if you find some good things about yourself and focus on the positive instead of the negative. I can't imagine that you are "ugly" or "disgusting"; in fact I can't imagine ANYONE here are those two things. If you can just find something nice to focus on, maybe the bad looks will go away (your projection will go away).

Does that make sense? Hang in there ~ you are doing your best and if people are honestly so cruel I'm afraid my response would be f*** them!!

JayEll
05-02-2007, 08:00 AM
Hey, Iwant2bethin,

Good for you for working on losing weight. :broc: You know that this is a positive thing for your health and well-being.

Is there a counselor at school or your church, or some other trusted adult whom you can talk to about your feelings? Because those looks you are interpreting as people smirking at you might not be that at all. Of course, I can't say for sure because I don't live in your world--but it's a possibility.

The only people who want others to fail are those who are insecure themselves. Most people want to see others succeed! Think about all the times we cheer for winners. You can be a winner at this! Others may not cheer--or even seem to notice--but YOU will know, and we here at 3FC will know. Keep going! Find some people who can help! :hug:

Jay


seranab
05-02-2007, 08:17 AM
Hmm, I think I agree with velveteen to a degree but I would like to give you a word of advice. All those bad feelings you feel... all the looks you think people are giving you... all the stares and the upset feelings harbour that energy and put it into your weight loss. You're not exactly extremely heavy according to most graphs I've seen you're still in the healthy weight bracket and so you should be proud of yourself. Just use all the negativity and use it positively... use it in your weight loss... use it to help you walk faster/cycle fast lift weight for longer.. do more situps. It will all be worth it in the end!

Cheryl14
05-02-2007, 08:27 AM
I'm with Renee and Jay on this. It DOES sound like you need to begin to love yourself. Once you take stock and realize all of the wonderful things that make up YOU, the SPECIAL, UNIQUE person that you are, you will fel stronger and better about EVERYTHING!

When we are feeling badly about anything, we tend to LET everything bother us! When we don't feel good about ourselves we tend to let THAT side of our personality show.

Dr. Phil said the other day that "We teach others how to treat us." I have been taking stock myself in the last several days and thinking of things that I have said or done that have given people the idea that they can walk all over me. I DO tend to do for others and then do for myself. I DO tend to ask for nothing and give A LOT. My guess is that I have "taught" others that is the way to treat me. I'm working on standing up for myself and my needs. I'm working on asking for help and asking for what I need instead of always being the DOER. Do you know what? I am finding that people are treating me better! My family is doing more to help, and they haven't minded it either!

Maybe you could think of ways to "teach" people to treat you the way that you want to be treated, too!

In the meantime, I think that you are doing GREAT with your weight loss! I wish I weighed what you weigh right now!

Cheryl

Kery
05-02-2007, 11:50 AM
Here's a {{{hug}}} for you.

What level of 'school' are we talking about here? Because if it's junior/high school, I guess we can all remember that some of the people there aren't exactly the brightest crayon in the box, and will mock others and laugh at them "just because". There's nothing to do about it, I suppose, except ignoring them, or smirking back. Which is always easier said than done.

On the other hand, I think Jay, Renee and Cheryl are likely onto something as well. I mean, it IS a fact that when we're not comfortable in our bodies (and being overweight doesn't help in that), we often tend to interpret looks, smiles etc. the wrong way. It's a habit that is hard to get rid of. For instance, if someone in a group at the library or in the street starts laughing, sometimes I still have that reflex of thinking that they're laughing about me, and I still need to tell myself "hey, girl, maybe they've just shared a good joke among friends, that has nothing to do with the weight of another person, especially yours".

In any case, I will hope that this doesn't deter you from your committment and your success!

kaplods
05-02-2007, 12:58 PM
One of my younger sisters is about your size (she weighs a little less, but she's barely 5'0), and she is smokin' hot! And I bet you are too, or that you would be if you could see it in yourself. When you walk with your eyes on the ground, it does feel like people are staring when they're not. And even if they are, this isn't about them, it's about you feeling like you're worth the space you take up on the planet, and believe me it's not based on how much space that is.

Learning to think good thoughts about yourself, and feel good in your own skin isn't easy, but it's a skill like any other, it takes practice. If you can't do it on your own, get help. Talk to a school counselor, your parents, someone you trust.

Iwant2bethin
05-02-2007, 03:38 PM
Thankyou everyone for your comfort and giving more of an open view as oppose to my close narrow one. Sometimes I know that when I'm down in the dumps because something happened I don't think of other reasons as to why it may have happened.

I guess the only reason why I feel insecure is that When I look at them but the fact that I get smirked at or looked at funny really bugs and upsets me.

Yes...I have a history of being picked on...so I do shy away from people and get confused by how they look atme. they used to call me names like big nose, fat *** and...(awful)...ugly...and I'm 18 now turning 19...so I'm going to be out of highschool this year...thank god!!

JayEll
05-02-2007, 03:45 PM
Sorry, no photo at that site--please remove the link. Try again? You can post a photo right here on 3FC...

Jay

almostheaven
05-02-2007, 03:48 PM
I'm gonna agree with what's been said. You're in a healthy weight range. IF you're getting looks, maybe its for other reasons. But I'm willing to bet its just your perception. You may want to consider seeking a therapist to talk with to try and find out WHY you have these perceptions. If you can get past the negative feelings, you could lose weight effortlessly...if you even really felt you needed to once you worked out those feelings.

BTW, your goal of 120 is actually the low end, if not slightly under, range of a healthy weight for your height.

almostheaven
05-02-2007, 03:52 PM
The history of being picked on may be BECAUSE you shy away. They've found in you a target for their own insecurities and hostilities. Kids LOVE to pick on other kids. And if the kids they pick on get hurt by it, they'll come back to do it again because they, for some twisted reason, find it to be funny. They pick on the kid with glasses, the one with braces, the one who's short, tall, has a weird hairstyle, anything. You don't have to provide them a reason. You don't have to have ANYTHING out of the ordinary about you for it to happen. You DO have to have the backbone to hold your head high and smile and realize THEY are the ones who are insecure.

Gamerchick
05-02-2007, 03:53 PM
I understand how that is, because I used to get these looks A LOT when I first moved to a new state and became self concious about my weight. And truthfully, some of it was dirty looks, but most of it was me being too worried about how people were perceiving me.

I find it a waste of my time now to worry about what they think of me. I mean, why do they care? Why should I worry about what they think? I've been fat my entire life...and so I just say, "You know what? Not gonna bother me anymore."

And really, it was myself making is seem worse. No one looks at me like that. I have a bunch of friends who like me for me.

But when you have the perception that people are looking at your and criticing you...you know what? They probably are! But why in the WORLD should that bother you?

I know almost everyone does the same thing to each other. But do you ponder over everyone's faults at home for hours? I don't. So it goes through the mind and leaves. And you usually never think of it again.

Really :hug: It's a waste of precious time to worry about what people think. If you did, you'd be running in circles.

And don't worry...you aren't disgusting!!

Iwant2bethin
05-02-2007, 04:08 PM
You're right it totally is perception. When I'm feeling great I don't get those looks but when I'm feeling cruddy I do. The issue is that I don't think about things that should not matter way too much.

The only thing I can do is to continue taking care of myself and not taking things to litteraly.

Once again thanxs everyone for your responces:hug:

Hazel

rachinma
05-02-2007, 04:20 PM
Kids suck. High school sucks.

You're in a healthy weight range. There are plenty of women on this site who struggle with their weight like you do. And, actually, lots of them -- like me -- would love to weigh 143. So chin up!

You'll be finished with HS soon enough and off to college or work. What a great opportunity to start fresh with a positive outlook.

Mickey79sf
05-02-2007, 08:20 PM
Hey Hazel,
I'm going to give you the famous words of my uncle.. **** 'EM! LOL.. thats actually what he told all of us growing up when ever someone was bothering us at school.. and the way he would say it would just have me on the floor laughing. (great role model huh ;)) Baby girl, its high school.. and believe me its awfully small in the grand picture of life. I'll tell you what i did in high school though, wow that was like 10 years ago :) one day, when i had been batteling the whole weight thing and feeling like crap, i looked in the mirror and just said, "I have a really pretty face" and then i looked some more and said "wow, my legs aren't to bad either" and i just kept going. i didn't focus on what i thought was "bad" i just complimented myself on what i thought was great. and when i went to school, i carried that confidence with me. People believe what u believe. Love yourself, believe in yourself, achieve for yourself. You are beautiful person, and when u see that, so will the world.

CousinRockingChair
05-03-2007, 04:16 AM
That's outraegeous if people really are giving you dirty looks for your weight - because you arn't even *fat* by weight-charts/etc!

It sounds like a self-esteem issue to me. At 5ft 6ins and about 120lbs (thereabouts) when I was 16 I was convinced that people were giving me those same looks. In hindsight, it was all about my head, my self-loathing, and not actually about what anyone else thought - its unlikely they ever even cared.

Sun_Flower2
05-03-2007, 05:42 AM
hello, good job on the weight loss.

I just want to say, that if you might be projecting your feelings about yourself on other people's view of you, please stop. :hug: It only causes more hurt feelings for yourself and a distorted perception of your own body, I know I've been there. I used to think everyone just looked at me and saw a fat person, I realized several things, for one most people aren't really paying any attention to me, think about it, how many people do you see in a day at school, do you really sit and think about every single one of them, probably not. Also I have a hard time looking at people in the eyes too, I'm really shy, but avoiding eye contact makes the other people feel awkward and so they might smile or seemingly smirk because of an awkward situation, they are unsure how to approach a person or talk to a person who is always looking down, away or with fidgty eyes. I just want to say "Keep your head up!" Keep your chin raised and your eyes straight ahead, don't look down! You confidence will get a boost if you just start acting like you got it, eventually the real feeling will come as you get some practice feeling confident. Tell yourself your a strong confident young woman!
:cofdate:
When I was in highschool I ranged in the 138-145lbs. I thought I was the fattest person in the world. Now that I have gone well beyond that, I look at those pictures with dismay because I was thin, what my problem was, was that I was just not toned up. If I could just go back and tell myself then what I see now as I look at those pictures is that I was beautiful and thin, I was at a healthy weight for my height, I should be happy with myself, and what I should focus on is toning up!
:idea:
Seriously from your ticker you definitely are not a fat person, maybe focus on strength training or doing something like yoga or pilates to just tone the muscles under your skin. Or take a kickboxing class and get that frustration out that builds up from all those stupid classmates. And remember muscle weighs more than fat so if you start toning I would not use the scale to measure your progress I would watch how your clothes fit and watch as your muscles get firmer.

And just try to get thru the rest of highschool and it will be over. I never look back I was sooo glad to be done with it. Although you may come across people in life who seem to have never matured beyond middle school, much less highschool, most of life since then doesn't involve immature bratty kids who feel the need to pick on other to make themselves feel cool. I see the kids who were the "coolest" in highschool out sometimes at a bar and they seem to be stuck there, I focus on my life, my friends, my family, my goals and whatever happened back then stays there, and it may seem hard to imagine, but highschool really doesn't matter much after its over.

Keep your head up girl!

Iwant2bethin
05-03-2007, 07:00 AM
:hug: After reading all your posts I've realized this whole issue is a self esteem issue. I let people if it's (their intention or not) get to me. So far something that I've been struggling to do which is taking care of my self whn these people act immature. I've went 19 days straight and only two binges and one day where I ate a bit too much for me this is taking care of me. I've never went this long especially when school was going on.

Today when I woke up and read all your posts I've been reminded that I need to continue taking care of me and ignoring those negatives. You know what I feel satisfied that I haven't given in.

Everyone who responded thankyou so much!!! *big smile*

Hazel

Kery
05-03-2007, 07:19 AM
That's a good first step. I hope you'll soon get to feel better. :)

Indeed there probably IS a great deal of self-esteem in all of those things. Especially given that if I refer to the charts, yes, you are in a healthy range. (Keep up the good work. :)) To be honest, I can count on the fingers of *one* hand the amount of times I remember having been called "fattie/fatso" or whatever similar at school. I've been overweight since the age of 7-8, I was never less than 150 pounds from 12 to 18 (and never taller than my meager 5'1"-5'2"), had almost always the best grades (I guess this still attracts dirty looks in junior high, haha), I have Tourette's syndrome on top of it, yet very few people have ever dared to shovel insults or glare at me. Maybe they did it in my back, I'm not saying -- just not to my face. So I really think displayed self-confidence had to play a role in that, because Lady Nature sure hadn't make me start with the best physical aspects. :dizzy:

Mickey79sf
05-03-2007, 12:55 PM
CONGRATS HAZEL!, thats the way to go about it. its all about you and making you happy. thats your first priority, everything else just falls into place after that. :)

Iwant2bethin
05-03-2007, 12:55 PM
That's a good first step. I hope you'll soon get to feel better. :)

Indeed there probably IS a great deal of self-esteem in all of those things. Especially given that if I refer to the charts, yes, you are in a healthy range. (Keep up the good work. :)) To be honest, I can count on the fingers of *one* hand the amount of times I remember having been called "fattie/fatso" or whatever similar at school. I've been overweight since the age of 7-8, I was never less than 150 pounds from 12 to 18 (and never taller than my meager 5'1"-5'2"), had almost always the best grades (I guess this still attracts dirty looks in junior high, haha), I have Tourette's syndrome on top of it, yet very few people have ever dared to shovel insults or glare at me. Maybe they did it in my back, I'm not saying -- just not to my face. So I really think displayed self-confidence had to play a role in that, because Lady Nature sure hadn't make me start with the best physical aspects. :dizzy:

I don't get how people can get such pleasure from putting down others. I've been called those names before...cruddy feelin...eh? When I think about it..it just overwhelms me. I wish I could have the top marks in my school but when it comes to the academics I'm just above average...bleh! Just like you I'm going to try to display that confidence some how...maybe if I hold my head up high and try to dress better.

Those few kids can be snobs!

Kery
05-03-2007, 01:49 PM
Mmh, I don't know if this could work with you, but personally, I love wearing somewhat-sexy lingerie every day. :D Whether I have a man in my life or not, I mean, just for myself. I know it probably sounds silly, but the sheer fact of knowing that I am wearing something like this tends to boost my ego. Which helps in displaying confidence. :)

All of this to say that maybe a similar 'trick' could work for you, since you mentioned clothing in your previous post.

Anyway, some people can indeed be cruel. At school or later on, but school I guess is a place where it is doomed to happen. :| Somehow, though, it probably all stems from the same issues... They likely put down others because they feel insecure about themselves (teenagers and all that, we all know how crappy that period can be at times), because laughing at someone else in order to forget their own fears and flaws is so much easier than accepting that nobody is perfect, including themselves.

Iwant2bethin
05-04-2007, 04:40 PM
Mmh, I don't know if this could work with you, but personally, I love wearing somewhat-sexy lingerie every day. :D Whether I have a man in my life or not, I mean, just for myself. I know it probably sounds silly, but the sheer fact of knowing that I am wearing something like this tends to boost my ego. Which helps in displaying confidence. :)

All of this to say that maybe a similar 'trick' could work for you, since you mentioned clothing in your previous post.

Anyway, some people can indeed be cruel. At school or later on, but school I guess is a place where it is doomed to happen. :| Somehow, though, it probably all stems from the same issues... They likely put down others because they feel insecure about themselves (teenagers and all that, we all know how crappy that period can be at times), because laughing at someone else in order to forget their own fears and flaws is so much easier than accepting that nobody is perfect, including themselves.

I feel like a doofus when I dress up in anything sexy even if it's underneath...(I feel like the world knows...*shakes head*...:o ). And no it does not sound silly because that you dress up in somethign feminine such as lingerie. I'm envious of woman who can wear feminine clothing...because I'm such a Layed back tom boy. You are confident to pull it off :D I lack it...:( .Hopefully when I lose the weight I'll be able to project the image that I have in my head of how I'll look.


Those people that do bug me I know they are insecure because I overhear them talking at time...they're pathetic. But I'm going to act like they're an obstacle that I have to jump over...on my road to being that confident woman...(I know she's waiting for me...;) )

:hug: Thanks for your help and tips makes me feel comforted that someone is spending their time to write back to me! :hug:

Kery
05-04-2007, 05:21 PM
I'm quite tomboyish as well, in fact (I think I've put up on makeup like... 3 times in the whole of 2006, and skirts about the same amount of times :lol:). But I guess this is one of those things my 'feminine side' likes doing as well, in between wearing jeans and cutting my hair all manners of short and spiky.

I wasn't sure of myself when I first did it, I admit. (I didn't start with G-strings, that is: since all I had before was simple, white cotton panties, even some thing with a nicer cut and colors was already a big change!). Somehow I felt ridiculous... and yes, like "everybody knew" as well. But once I tried it, and got used to it for a few days, I didn't want to go back. ^^ It was sort of like a challenge at first, too. Like saying to the rest of the world: "okay, I'm fat, but I too can wear that stuff, and you can't prevent me from doing it".

Anyway, as I said before, maybe there is something similar you can try. Not necessarily lingerie, anything can probably do, as long as it does the trick (having your ears pierced, a new haircut, dyed hair, whatever--the aime is just to feel prettier :)). I'm not sure if it's worth waiting for the extra weight to be gone, though; I mean, getting using to our new bodies takes time, even once we're at goal, and it may be worth "training" a little before that, in order to not see all the changes happen all at once, and to not discard the "me" we are before the goal is reached? (Hmm, I need to develop that theory someday, hehe.)