General chatter - When did you move in with your sig. other?




Indychick829
02-23-2007, 03:29 PM
I gotta question...so dbf and i have been dating for 5 months now...and for the past 2 - i've been at my own place MAYBE a total of 7 days if that...9 out of 10 times i'm at his place.

Thing is - i've had male roommates before but have never lived with an actual significant other / boyfriend. I know it's a HUGE step and something we've been talking about...well, actually really only started to talk about last night. cuz he knew something was on my mind - and i'm sick of "living out of my duffle bag"...thing is - my current situation - i live with a roommate who i don't like - i HATE our apartment / complex - can't stand the people who run the place - but it IS cheap and our lease isn't up until the end of may - and i won't just up and move out and quit paying her the rent. so i'm stuck paying her the rent $$ til May 1st.

And, basically I "get home" from work around 5 p.m. - go to my "storage shed" as i call it...or my roommate's apartment...lol - say hi to my cat (who, btw, my mom is taking from me next week cuz the bf doesn't like cats), get my breakfast & lunch ready for the next day - get my duffle bag ready for the gym and clothes for the morning - go to the gym - then to my boyfriend's. Wake up in the morning - go to work - and do it all over again. Which - for the part of actually BEING at my boyfriend's with him... I LOVE that of course...and HE'S the one who's always texting me, "you comin' over tonight?"...

so we FINALLY actually brought it up last night - and he finally realizes that it basically SUCKS for me in that i don't have any of MY stuff at his place (besides my pillow & toothbrush)...but he's all for me bringing over my computer (he recently got robbed and they took his 'puter) and my clothes...and he's gonna make me a key and everything...and i'm REALLY happy and very excited because this IS what I want - and once MY lease is actually up, i'll move the rest of my stuff into an actual storage unit til his lease is up end of july and we're gettin' a 2 bedroom (he has a studio loft right now). But, I will admit - as much as this IS what I truly DO want...it's scary...

But i'm just curious - now that i've told ya'll my current life story...lol - when did you move in with your sig. other? now, again, i've lived with male roommates before - but of course this is MUCH different...i mean - even in HIS own words last night, "i already feel as if you live here"...

i'm just curious to read all of ya'll stories and advice. :-D


RidiculouslyAddicted
02-23-2007, 04:20 PM
I moved in w/ DBF after 3 1/2 years of dating, when I was almost 25 (basically 6 1/2 months ago). I came straight from my parents' house, he came from living with his best friend. He liked his situation but wanted to live with me, I didn't like my situation at all. Honestly, it's been TOUGH, but we're closer than we've ever been despite that. I don't regret it at all.

paperdollme
02-23-2007, 04:25 PM
This is just my two cents...

My boyfriend and I have beend dating for about 5 months as well. Things are still fabulous, although we've had some rocky parts. I think 5 months is a little too soon to move in together if you really want the relationship to last. I'm not "old fashioned" by any means, but I think a good rule of thumb is don't make any life altering decisions before you've seen your SO through all 4 seasons. At 5 months, you're probably still in the twitterpaited phase, which is great! And normal! But its a whole other concept to live with someone. Splitting bills, and chores, and living space is a hard thing to do. Even though it "seems" you already live there, you don't and theres still freedom in that for him, and for you. It is scary, and I say wait it out, at least for a few more months.


Angihas2
02-23-2007, 04:27 PM
Matt and I moved in together about 3 years after we met. We met online though, in a tech help room, we were both techie nerds, so offered free help. Anyway, before we knew it, we were really digging each other. This was in Dec 2000, when we met. We met in real life, April of 2003 and both moved to Los Angeles, him in May of 2003, me in Nov. I sent him first as the front runner and I had obligations on my end I couldn't finish until Oct. We've been together since.

I wanted to add, had Matt and I been able to date in the normal sense of the word, we may never have moved in together, to be honest. Don't get me wrong, he's a fantastic guy, charming, charasmatic etc and I'm insane over him, but he's always running late, habitually forgets things, big and small things, like paying the electric bill. Because we could only see each other every 2-3 weeks, I lived in Alabama he lived in Kentucky, we had nothing but the honey moon stage for 3 years. Moving in together meant we spent alot of time adjusting, I'm way organised, I pay pills the same day they come in the mail, a place for everything, and everything in its place and he is the exact and complete opposite, however living together forced us both to adjust, grow as individuals and as a couple. We were both in a new city, even though he grew up there, his closest family was 2 hours south and I had no family, we had to rely on each other, communicate etc. It worked for us, but not everyone can give that whole commitment. At this stage, we both admit and voice that we wouldn't want to be with anyone else, but in the beginning stages of living together, I think I would have happily ebay'd him for a nickle.

nelie
02-23-2007, 04:32 PM
It really depends. DH and I moved together to another state after dating for 5 months. We knew at month 3 though and started planning the entire move. I also forgot to mention though that DH and I had been friends/coworkers for many years before we started dating so I had a general sense of who he was before even dating. Although I learned more about him from dating and even more from living together.

I will say though that it really just felt right. I had dated other guys for much longer time with no real motivation in moving in together. I also had well established my independance long before dating DH. I owned my own townhome, lived alone for quite a few years and I knew it was going to be a big change, not only moving to a different state but also moving in with someone.

I would say that if you want to move in together and take the next step, then go for it. It is quite different than dating and I will say I was so nervous that I was a nervous wreck the weeks before the move. If you want to give yourself more time, then feel free to do that and wait. If you are doing it just for convenience or to save money, then I would rethink your reasonings.

junebug41
02-23-2007, 04:42 PM
We have been together for 2.5 years. We moved in together after 6 months of dating. It just made sense because I was never home (he lived downtown and a LOT closer to school and work).

Our only issue is moving. We SUCK at moving. We are on our second apartment and the moves are definitely the most stressful aspects because we always want to kill each other by the end of it.

I had lived with other girls and then I was in my own place for 2 years and I think before anyone lives with a significant other they should at least live by themselves for a while. I wouldn't trade living with Ross for anything in the world- we have hard times just like everyone, but we have so much fun.

I think two things have contributed to Ross and I living together so well: 1. I knew who I was and was perfectly content to be by myself. 2. I had already had experience living with other people and recognized the importance of having set boundries and deciding things before they became issues (bills, chores, etc...)

Take everyone's experience into account for sure, but you ultimately know if it's best for you. I do think it's important to have a "fall back" plan in place in case it's nothing liek what you expected and it sounds like you do. Good luck :)

Indychick829
02-23-2007, 04:59 PM
well, just to elaborate on a few small things...i have lived on my own before. i've been "on my own" / away from my parents for 7 years (I'm 27) and he has been for 11 years (he's 33) - the only difference is that I've lived both on my own for a few years as well as WITH roommates. he's never had a roommate - it's always been him - himself. I've also lived in 11 different apartments (this IS including my dorm room stints in college). including 2 major cities and one back at home. so i'm a "professional" as you may say at moving...lol.
I lived in Chicago by myself for 3 years (3 different dorm rooms, 1 apt with roommates for 6 months and 2 different apartments on the north side, 1 for 1 year 1 for 6 months - just short leases) - moved back home to my "home town" for about 8 months (with a roommate, kicked her out, various reasons) - then i moved down here to Indy - lived by self for a year - a guy friend for a year - and now my current roommate situation - a girl i met at work.

now, that MAY sound like i'm sorta washy when it comes to apartments - it's not that at all...it was more about - my lease is up, it was too expensive - time to move into a cheaper place. and here in indy - 1st apt by self. 2nd apt. with friend to help with bills - that lease was up and he wanted his own place so found a girl at work who needed a roommate for bill help - and now it's NOT about the bills. i make WAY more than enough to help myself - and he and i love being with each other.

i really do enjoy the stories and seeing how everyone is different - and i know for me & him this IS the right decision - but at the same time, it IS just a bit scary even though we practically live together already...and i do mean that - literally, it's the 23rd of February and there have been THREE nights that i've been at my own apartment this month. same went for january! lol. :-P

and, TECHNICALLY i will still have the OPTION of going to my place during the next two months - cuz i know the first month is always the hardest - from what i hear...cuz i'm not getting rid of my bed or anything like that until once my lease is actually up (may 31st). i honestly think this is better than just literally jumping in and moving in right away...

but anyways, again - i really appreciate and enjoy the stories and would like to hear more about other's situations. :-P

AmberD
02-23-2007, 05:05 PM
I've been dating my bf for about 3 year and we're getting a place together in June. We were supposed to move in together last year, but I backed out. It just wasn't the right time, I wasn't sure, and I know this extra year has better prepared us to share a living space.

Three years later, it's still scary. We're very different people, and recognize that living together will present different challenges than we are used to. That's why we're getting a two bedroom, incase it doesn't work, and one of us needs to move out, the other can get a roommate. Rents where we live are RIDICULOUS. There is no way either of us could afford to live alone.

It's really about what is doing what is best for you. For us, it was best to wait.

BlueToBlue
02-23-2007, 05:35 PM
My SO and I didn't move in together until we had been dating for 5 years. Until then I had a rent controlled apartment that I would have been crazy to give up and that was two small for two of us. We moved in together when I bought a house because once I had a place big enough for two people, it seemed silly to maintain two separate residences.

Because buying the house was such a huge, big scary deal, it consumed all of my worries; I didn't give us moving in together a second thought and I wasn't nervous about it all. Consequently, I was not prepared for the huge adjustment that it was. I had lived on my own for 5 or 6 years (no roommates, just me) and was not used to having someone around all the time, having to compromise on household decisions, having to share stuff, having someone else's junk all over the place (I hate clutter; he views every flat surface, including the floor, as a storage place), etc. During the five years we dated we hardly ever fought, but we were having screaming fights within a month (I'm sure the neighbors heard :o, how embarrassing). A month or two into the move, I thought it was a mistake and that we weren't going to make it. This all was compounded by the fact that the house needed a lot of work, we had so many nightmare problems with contractors that people started to suggest I write a book about it, and we couldn't use the master bedroom for the first six months, so all our bedroom furniture and numerous unpacked boxes were in the living room (did I mention that I hate clutter). Eventually we finished the work on the house, got all the furniture into the right rooms, and things calmed down. It's now been six years and I still haven't kicked him out.

But, boy, if I had to do it again, I'd definitely take the decision to move in together a lot more seriously than I did (it sounds like you have giving it more thought than I did and at least you aren't trying to fix up a house at the same time). In fact, I'm not sure I would ever agree to live with someone without marriage again. I still fantasize about having my own space, that I've decorated my way, with no one else's stuff in it. I read an article in the SF Chronicle about married couples that don't live together (the couples in the article all lived next door or across the street from each other) and I have to say that the arrangement sounded pretty good to me.

nelie
02-23-2007, 05:46 PM
But, boy, if I had to do it again, I'd definitely take the decision to move in together a lot more seriously than I did (it sounds like you have giving it more thought than I did and at least you aren't trying to fix up a house at the same time). In fact, I'm not sure I would ever agree to live with someone without marriage again. I still fantasize about having my own space, that I've decorated my way, with no one else's stuff in it. I read an article in the SF Chronicle about married couples that don't live together (the couples in the article all lived next door or across the street from each other) and I have to say that the arrangement sounded pretty good to me.

The part about seperate houses, that is funny! I could never do that. I always thought couples with seperate bedrooms was weird. I couldn't imagine not sleeping in the same bed as DH.

I agree that it is a very serious decision. Thinking it through and having a back out plan is critical. DH and I don't really fight but there were a lot of tensions with the move, just because moves can do that.

marbleflys
02-23-2007, 05:49 PM
I've been with the DBF for over 8 months...we both have our own townhouses and we both live alone (except I have pets)....At his house I have my own bathroom (THE big one), closet space and two dresser drawers. I do not invade his office which is a scary mess...except to use the computer.

We are mostly at my house due to traffic patterns, pets and a longer commute in traffic for me....He got the closet in my 2nd bedroom, bathroom space and has learned how to feed the cats....

We both clean each others houses, but we pay 2 mortgages, 2 cable bills, online, etc...there is no $$ shortage, but i pay utility bills (higher) water/sewar (higher),do laundry for both...he pays for dry-cleaning, buys most groceries, liquor, foots bill for going out..., if I want something when we are shopping, he buy me the perfume, make-up, fancy face cream, etc.

This is a perfect arrangement, because we each have space, I can shoo him to his house for a few hours if I want solitude. Eventually we will merge households, and he could certainly rent his place out for good $$, but I'm not in a hurry....and we'll keep the same arrangement if/when we get married.

think twice before you jump into a fulltime living situation....it can take away a lot of the romance.....and you don't want to be a maid.

EZMONEY
02-23-2007, 07:20 PM
IMHO ~ I think 5 months is way too early to even consider it. I'm not here to force my ideas on anyone about living together without marraige either, although I am totally against it. I speak from my own experience when I say that. I think it keeps people from doing their BEST to stay together when times get a little tough AND I think it is a way that keeps people together, that shouldn't be, because they have already "set up house" and don't want to face the fact they made a big mistake. Good luck in your decision.

Bek
02-23-2007, 08:05 PM
I think it is a way that keeps people together, that shouldn't be, because they have already "set up house" and don't want to face the fact they made a big mistake.

Wouldn't the same be true of marriage, having never lived together?

alinnell
02-23-2007, 08:49 PM
DH and I dated for around 6-8 months and then my roommate moved out of state. I refused to move back in with Mom & Dad (I loved my newfound freedom!), so I moved in with my brother and his wife. That lasted about 5 or 6 weeks. Then DH's roommate moved out of state and we decided to move in together. Only problem we couldn't afford ANYTHING so we decided to move in with his best friend so it was a little like a reverse Three's Company. We lived there for 6 months and then DH and I moved into our own apartment. We were there 6 months, bought a house and then got married. We've been married for over 18 years now.

BTW, his best friend met my best friend while we were all living together. They are now married (after living together) and they've been married for 15 years.

cinderly
02-23-2007, 09:22 PM
I think it keeps people from doing their BEST to stay together when times get a little tough AND I think it is a way that keeps people together, that shouldn't be, because they have already "set up house" and don't want to face the fact they made a big mistake.

I respectfully disagree. I've been happily living "without the benefit of marriage," as my dad says, with my Other Human for 9 years, now (together for 10). We've been through the wringer together and it did nothing but strengthen our bond. If we weren't doing our "best to stay together" when times were more than a little tough, I don't know who was. (Incidentally, three married couples of my acquaintance broke up around the same time we had our Black Summer.)

I think whether people stick out a relationship or don't has more to do with the people involved in the relationship than it does with whether or not they threw a big party and exchanged rings. We all have to live as conscience dictates, but it's a stretch, in my estimation, to assume that certain types of relationships are more stable or loving than others.

To answer the original poster: we were together almost 18 months when we finally got our first apartment together. I wasn't ready, financially, before that. We'd been talking about finding a place together since about our third date. Best wishes to you in your new home. (And yeah, it is totally scary, but it's also worth it if he is.)

GreatBigMonsterMomma
02-23-2007, 10:31 PM
When I got married. Which, pathetically, shocked the people at church.

SmartButt
02-23-2007, 10:33 PM
I've had different boyfriends I've lived with over the years. My fiance and I had only been dating 6 months when we moved in together. It wasn't planned out, it was somewhat of an "emergency" situation, and I was going to move out as soon as I found a place I could afford. But when the time came to move, we both realized it was stupid and we had already "crossed that line". We knew I'd either always be at his house, or he always at mine, and that we were a great match.

It was ironic because we'd both vowed not to live together before marriage. We both had not-so-pleasant experiences in the past and thought living together too early ruined a relationship.

Personally, I say it depends on who the people involved are, how well they know each other, and how dedicated and in love they are with one another. One couple could move in at 3 months together and be together for life, and another couple could date 3 years and move in together and be miserable and break up.

The only sad part is that you're going to give up your cat. :(

melekalikimaka
02-23-2007, 11:03 PM
I moved in w/my BF (now DH) after 2 years of dating. We lived together for 4 years before finally getting married--we'll be celebrating our 12th anniversary in 2 days. The funny thing is, when we first moved out together, I left my cat at home w/my parents. My cat had a major attitude problem about it (going from being very docile and loving, to being agressive and b*tchy) and developed an open sore on the underside of her neck, which the vet said could've been stress related. It took quite awhile for it to heal and for me to get back on her good side. She's now 13 years old and still has the attitude problem. :lol:

brandnewme
02-23-2007, 11:25 PM
I like to say that DH spent the night and just never left. We'd dated for 4 months before he started staying over here consistently. Incidentally, 3 months after he moved in, we got married. It was a huge adjustment for me because I'm really not a people person and sharing my space with another person was very difficult. We still have our space issues, and we still have other things we don't agree on (housekeeping, shopping, etc) but we've learned to agree to disagree. If he tries to help, I am thankful rather than irritated that he didn't do something "my" way. In my opinion, that's really the only way living together works out peacefully and relatively stress-free for everyone involved.

Hammer out the big details before you move in. Finances, boundaries, etc are very important in this situation. If you can talk openly about your little quirks and get a semblance of a plan together, things will be much easier.

ennay
02-24-2007, 02:57 AM
Hmmm we started dating in January and kinda moved in together when the dorms closed in May. He was living in a house with 3 other guys, so I moved in there when the dorms closed and then we got an apartment together that fall.

We had already decided we were going to get married when I graduated though.

That was 18 years ago

GatorgalstuckinGA
02-24-2007, 09:27 AM
okay...so i have a big question that no one has addressed...and maybe that just because it's me. See i'm a big time animal lover. (i'm a veterinarian by profession also). WHY THE HECK ARE YOU GIVING UP YOUR CAT TO MOVE IN W/ THE BF (i know you said he doesn't like cats)? Sorry i know you asked about moving in....but here's my deal. Any guy who dated me knew the deal. I have 2 cats and a dog...and they are part of the package. They are my babies...and they will go where ever i go!!!! I did make some adjustments for DH..ie when we moved in together, we agreed that the pets should stay out of the bedroom (and trust me...god do i get better nights sleep now lol). But my DH loves my dog and i think he enjoys playing (boarderline torturing LOL) my 2 cats. But i'm just confused why you would give up your cat. That's sort of sad to me. As a vet who's worked as a shelter vet for 2 years and had to euthanize over 300 animals a year mostly due to ppl who either kicked them to the curb or "gave them up cuz they couldn't keep them"...it makes me sad. it just makes me sad to see ppl "give up their animals" for someone else. I'm sorry, i'll get off my soap box now. :soap: I just don't really understand it? :shrug:

As for the question you asked...me and DH moved in after about 1.5 yrs of dating. At that time...it was looking like we were going to get married (since we had been ring shopping). And the apt i was leasing sold...there fore i had to move out and thought it would be a perfect time to move in, instead of finding another apt to rent. So i addressed the question with DH at the time. He agreed. We were then married 8 months later. So i personally think 5 months is a bit too early. Especially if BF has never had a roomie. But if you think its right...it's your decision.

jillybean720
02-24-2007, 09:59 AM
I think the fact that you're putting so much thought into it shows that you might be ready. I think it's when people jump blindly into a situation that things have a higher chance of falling apart (not that spontanaiety always means disaster, but thinking things through and discussing things seriously shows both maturity and good communication for you guys).

I'm 24 and had gone to college (so I'd lived in dorms with other girls, an apartment with 5 other girls--talk about drama--and a duplex with varying roommates, both male and female). After college, I moved in with my sister and her husband (boyfriend at the time). In early February 2004, I met Jeff online in a chat room. In March, we met in person, and we saw each other just about every weekend (we lived about 4 hours apart at the time) until October when I got a new job closer to him.

Well, little did I know that even though we were not far apart miles-wise once I moved, traffic in the DC area made it so we still only saw each other on weekends. I was living in my own apartment, and he was living in his older cousin's basement. He never lived with regular roommates or even alone--but we had discussed finances and such, and I knew he was responsible (he refuses to get a credit card because he's seen the damage others have done with them, has no debt, doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't gamble...none of the typical ealry-20-something issues).

And so, after about a year-and-a-half of weekends-only dating, we moved in together in a 2-bedroom apartment that is a nice halfway point between our jobs (since I work in VA and he works in MD). We've been living together for almost a year-and-a-half now, and we have never had a single problem.

I think it helped that we got a new place together rather than one of us moving into the other's place, ya know? So we were both getting into something new rather than anyone "invading" anyone else's space. We have a second bedroom with a full bed, and I had that as my comfort knowing that if things got too rocky at any point, we could have separate rooms, but that has never happened. We've never so much as spent a single night not sleeping in the same bed (aside from one trip he took to help his cousins when someone was in the hospital and one overnight trip I took when my sister had her baby). We even survived one major blowout of an argument where I literally packed a bag and was ready to walk out of the apartment at 11:30 at night, but he stopped me, we talked it out (and screamed and cried and all that good stuff), and still ended up going to bed together.

So yeah, it depends. And I disagree with EZMONEY wholeheartedly (shocking, Gray, I know :p )--I think living together before marriage prepares you for what marriage has to offer. Better to be able to break a lease on an apartment if thing don't work out than to have to go through a divorce. Living with someone shows you so many more sides of that person--you literally see them at every high and low--and I personally would never marry anyone without having experienced that first.

jillybean720
02-24-2007, 10:04 AM
OH, and major congrats to those couples who have survived without marriage when dealing home OWNERSHIP. Jeff and I are thinking of getting a townhouse next fall when our lease runs out, but I've already told him I won't get a joint mortgage (in this area, neither of us could afford to buy a home on our own) without at least an engagement with a set wedding date. If he thinks we're ready for a potentially 30-year financial commitment together, then he sure as heck better be ready to commit on a personal level as well ;) I know we would probably survive as an unattached couple, but it just makes me more nervous when there's that much money and paperwork involved (we're talking a $300k townhouse).

EZMONEY
02-24-2007, 11:48 AM
Glad I could :stir: things up here a bit ;) . I already said I made some of the same mistakes I think "some" of you are making. I'm not trying to make personal attacks here because I care for all of you dearly. All I am trying to say is that unless your relationship is blessed by God, then it isn't the one He wants you in OR not as good as it could be.

joshmorrowfan
02-24-2007, 12:23 PM
My hubby and I didn't live together until after we were married. My parents would have killed me and even though I was 24 when I got married I did live in their home and felt an obligation to them and to the way they raised me to not cause them any undo stress. Plus, my hubby and I went out on our first date in January and got married in May, so we didn't exactly wait forever. LOL...

cinderly
02-24-2007, 02:36 PM
[COLOR=Indigo]I've already told him I won't get a joint mortgage (in this area, neither of us could afford to buy a home on our own) without at least an engagement with a set wedding date.

Good for you for knowing your own comfort level. Deciding to buy the house together was probably the LEAST stressful part of home-buying. Finding a place that met our needs and we could afford in a hot market - that was stressful. Deciding to buy a place with the love of my life? No sweat. I have no regrets about my choices, but I also recognize that my path is not right for anyone but me.

royalsfan1
02-24-2007, 03:01 PM
okay...so i have a big question that no one has addressed...and maybe that just because it's me. See i'm a big time animal lover. (i'm a veterinarian by profession also). WHY THE HECK ARE YOU GIVING UP YOUR CAT TO MOVE IN W/ THE BF (i know you said he doesn't like cats)? Sorry i know you asked about moving in....but here's my deal. Any guy who dated me knew the deal. I have 2 cats and a dog...and they are part of the package. They are my babies...and they will go where ever i go!!!! I did make some adjustments for DH..ie when we moved in together, we agreed that the pets should stay out of the bedroom (and trust me...god do i get better nights sleep now lol). But my DH loves my dog and i think he enjoys playing (boarderline torturing LOL) my 2 cats. But i'm just confused why you would give up your cat. That's sort of sad to me. As a vet who's worked as a shelter vet for 2 years and had to euthanize over 300 animals a year mostly due to ppl who either kicked them to the curb or "gave them up cuz they couldn't keep them"...it makes me sad. it just makes me sad to see ppl "give up their animals" for someone else. I'm sorry, i'll get off my soap box now. :soap: I just don't really understand it? :shrug:


My thoughts EXACTLY when I read first read the thread!!! Moving in together is a huge decision and personally I think it is WAY too early. However, the fact that he "doesn't like cats" is the deciding factor in giving away a pet is just appalling to me. Sorry, but it is. It makes me question his caring for you...because when you love someone you don't make them give up a part of themselves just because you don't like it....you adapt or you move on. I don't consider my pets to be my children. But I do think that when you commit to a pet that you are doing exactly that...committing...and if you can only commit to a pet until something (or someone) better comes along...then are you really ready to commit to a person? I'm not trying to be hateful, really! I do think you should keep thinking...and reconsider your responsibility to your cat.

One final thought...moving in together should never be a matter of convenience. In my opinion, it's a matter of love, unselfishness, total commitment, shared goals, dreams, and values, and marriage.

lizziness
02-24-2007, 04:19 PM
Then bf now hubby and I moved in together after 6 months... but for us it was a matter of neither of us had been on our own before and living with the parents wasn't working for either of us any more.. and i spent most of my time at his place already...
Plus we already knew we were going to get married at some point, it was one of those met online, met in real life, love at first sight kinda deals..
We lived together for about a year and a half before getting married, and we're about to have our 5th wedding anniversary.
I think it depends on your situation, your relationship, what you are comfortable with. From what you've said the only think that worries me is that he's always been on his own... for him it might be a really tough transition and I think you should be prepared for that.
We had a LOT of fights over stupid stuff that revolved around living together - chores, money, etc... so I agree you need to have that figured out before you do anything. And just as a side suggestion, I suggest you keep your finances separate.
I wish ours were, I also see people every single day at my job that got completely screwed over by their SO and ruined their credit... it's not something you think about when you're in love but it's something that you do need to think about. I don't know if I'd ever cosign for anything major with my hubby, it's got nothing to do with trust or love, and everything to do with common sense and protecting yourself and your future if something happens (breaking up, divorce or even death).

Indychick829
02-25-2007, 12:19 AM
The funny thing is, when we first moved out together, I left my cat at home w/my parents. My cat had a major attitude problem about it (going from being very docile and loving, to being agressive and b*tchy) and developed an open sore on the underside of her neck, which the vet said could've been stress related. It took quite awhile for it to heal and for me to get back on her good side. She's now 13 years old and still has the attitude problem. :lol:

Thank you for posting that!!!!! I went back to my roommate's apartment today to pick up my computer and my clothes (i moved all my clothes and my computer to his place today...) and noticed my cat has a dime sized pink sore on her side!!! :( that really concerned me and i called my mom to warn her about that and have her take her to the vet when she picks her up next week. I honestly wondered if it had anything to do with stress and the fact that i'm NEVER there! :?: that saddens me so much. i really AM going to miss my baby girl - but i AM happy at least that my parents are taking her - i'm very close to my parents (talk to my mom almost more than my boyfriend! lol) but they ARE 2.5 hours away...but at LEAST it's not as if i'm giving her away to a stranger. i'll still be able to see her when i need to!! :)

but that TOTALLY makes sense. :( so yeah - i'll just have to make sure my mom takes her in to the vet next week.

btw - yeah - we went to ashley furniture today to buy a new desk for the place (mine sucks - his sucks - we needed a new one) - and it'll be delivered in a few weeks!!! and then we started looking at bedroom furniture...we're planning on moving into a 2 bedroom here in his complex once my lease is up - and he'll only technically have 2 months left himself...so we'll just transfer.

oh yeah - and the REASON i'm giving her up...well - he really doesn't like cats. and the truth is - my mother has been wanting a new cat - i got her one a few years ago - but they had to put her to sleep a few months ago. :-( and my mom has ALWAYS loved my cat - so i suggested she take my cat for now - plus, too - even if my boyfriend LIKED cats - the pet fee you have to pay to keep a pet in an apartment here is a bit pricey - pay a down payment then a pet rent. :( so it's just better all around - and, again, i'm not TOTALLY giving her up - cuz i'll still see her a lot. :-D but my mom and dad LOVE my cat and it'll be a good thing.

Lyria
02-25-2007, 02:27 AM
I've been with my BF about 8 months or so and live seperately...he lives just down the road though lol. I mean literally probably 500mtrs :P Some days it does seem pointless having two homes as we're over at one or the other house every night of the week. I know he's thinking of buying a second house in about 6 months so who knows, maybe then we will?

As for whether 5 months is way too early or not...my two cents on that is my parents fine example lol.

The met, moved in and were engaged within 5 WEEKS.

27 years and going strong as of Australia Day for them ;)

Just a matter of following what feels right I guess.

Liv

Elerine
02-25-2007, 09:24 AM
Hey Indy -

bf and I both lived in the country, and even though we didn't get along in high school, we got to know each other better about a year later. We both were ready to take bigger steps in our lives (ie Uni, TAFE), and to do that, we both had to move to the city. We were very happy with each other, and I consider myself to be a fairly level headed, responsible person, so we did it. That was after 6 months of being together.

It's been a full 12 months of togetherness since we moved in. I know you probably feel like you know everything about him and how he works, but trust me, you dont know until you move in for real!! For instance, I like to wash dishes with a pot scrubber, he likes to usea scourer. Yep, a full blown argument down the aisle of the supermarket!

We both still lived at home before we moved out, so it was a totally new experience for both of us, but it has really worked out well. We love each other absolutly, and although there is not engagement ring to prove it (yet :P ), we are in together for the long haul.

Kylie

Wolfena
02-25-2007, 11:21 AM
after 5 months the two of you are still really just getting to know each other! Really - even if you spent 24/7 together up until this point, there's much much more to learn IMO.

My BF and I moved in after dating just about 2 years (to answer your question) The decision was made when I bought a house, and he moved in about 2 months after - although the house was chosen with both of our needs in mind. Before that, we both rented, lived about 20 miles apart and talked every day but usually only saw each other on weekends (fri night thru sun afternoon) and maybe one evening during the week for a few hours.

I'm thinking you should just keep your place, bring some of your stuff to his place (the PC if you want - clothes, personal stuff - AND THE CAT) Whether he likes the cat or not, it's your pet & your responsibility... unless you plan on getting rid of it to suit him, then he needs to get used to it. If things work out & you're both still happy when your lease runs out, then look for a place together and BOTH of you move in. If it's OK for you to pay the bills to hang on to your place while your at his place, it should be ok for him to finish up the lease at his place & pay those bills while you live together at the new bigger place together that has BOTH of your stuff there.

Just my opinion :)

Michelle
02-25-2007, 12:35 PM
My hubby and I did not move in together until we were married.:^:

britomart
02-25-2007, 01:07 PM
My fiance and I started dating about 3 weeks before the end of the school year in 2004. The following 3.5 months were spent 'phone dating' as I had moved back home for summer break. We continued dating from September to April 2005, him spending progressively more and more time at my place. By the end of April he was already talking about moving in together, but I knew I wasn't ready for that kind of committment so I said no. Another summer apart... September comes along and he pretty much stopped living at his place. We decided that as of Jan 2006 he'd move in with me. And from January to April, we had some of the best and the worst times in our relationship. I don't regret a single day of it.

I guess that means we waited a year and a half-ish, but 7 months of that we didn't have a choice as we were in a LDR. Since May of 2006 we've been in a LDR again... he finally comes back in April and we get married in June :)

Your question of 'how do you know when to move in with your significant other' is kind of like 'how do you know you're in love'..... No one can answer it for you. You just have to figure it out for yourself. If by asking us you're only looking for examples of precedent to justify your decision to move in with him so quickly, you've already made up your mind, haven't you? :)

GatorgalstuckinGA
02-25-2007, 06:02 PM
ok...this is just my opinion and sorry if i offend but:

Even if your mom wants your cat...i think in the future you should seriously consider having a pet. You don't seem like you are ready for the responsibility of pet ownership. Trust me...right now we are in the process of selling our house to move to Atlanta in a few months and have to move to apt for the interium...and we had to put down $600 for pet deposits...which i think sucks...but because i take pet ownership seriously, i paid the money. Pets AREN'T desposable items. At least you mom would give it the love it needs. But you need to really think before you get another pet. I personally think those are sad reason for getting out of your responsiblity of owning a pet.

Indychick829
02-25-2007, 09:03 PM
ok...this is just my opinion and sorry if i offend but:

Even if your mom wants your cat...i think in the future you should seriously consider having a pet. You don't seem like you are ready for the responsibility of pet ownership. Trust me...right now we are in the process of selling our house to move to Atlanta in a few months and have to move to apt for the interium...and we had to put down $600 for pet deposits...which i think sucks...but because i take pet ownership seriously, i paid the money. Pets AREN'T desposable items. At least you mom would give it the love it needs. But you need to really think before you get another pet. I personally think those are sad reason for getting out of your responsiblity of owning a pet.


wow - well, i'm NOT getting into an argument with you here and yes, i'm offended. First off, i honestly do truly understand where you are coming from and WHY you said what you said...however - THAT being said, you DON'T know anything about me or my situation. believe me - giving up my cat to my mother is NOT an easy decision and it's ALLLL i've been thinking about (when i'm not thinking about the move) - and this is an EXTREMELY DIFFICULT decision - but it's one that i finally made. every night that i'm at his place i DO miss my baby...but knowing that i'm NEVER home to see her right now, as it is - and that he and i are ALWAYS out and about and rarely actually home - at least my mother will be around a LOT more than i will to GIVE her the company she needs.

again, my baby girl is NOT disposable - and it's not ONLY due to the fact that he doesn't like cats. he's also a tiny bit allergic as well (not horribly - just sneezes around them).

So not that it even really matters - your opinion on my "responsibility" when it comes to my cat is just that, YOUR opinion - which you're entitled to - this IS just an internet post board and again, i HATE getting into arguments over posts.

Also - it doesn't really matter anyone else's opinion on the fact that he and i have ONLY known each other for 5 months (which, just to let everyone else know, i'm NOT offended by anyone's opinion on when to or not to move in - my original question wasn't "when's the right time" - it was more just a curiosity of when everyone here did - and i really have enjoyed the stories and responses :) and would like to read more if ya'll wanna keep posting. :) as far as me moving in with him after only 5 months - EVERYONE's situation is completely different. shoot - my bro & sis-in-law got MARRIED after only 6 months of dating, and they're going on 3 years of marriage now!

I know that in my situation when it comes to moving in with him - yes, we DO still have a lot to learn about each other - and i can't WAIT for all the good AND the bad. I've been in MORE than enough relationships - good and bad - to know that this one COULD truly be the one - and like someone else said - "breaking a lease is FAR less expensive than getting a divorce"

RobinW
02-25-2007, 09:20 PM
I met my dh on Nov 11/01 moved in Mar 1/02.

He had 2 cats.....and searched for a long time for homes for the cats. I am very allergic to them. At one point I was visiting, and after going to the bathroom, I asked him if the cats drank out of the toilet. He said yes...why? Why?...........because I had a ring of hives on my behind. He thought it was quite funny. I did too, to a point.

Anyway, we tried to think of alternatives to keeping the cats if they were kept in a certain part of the house. But it really wasnt fair to the cats. Great homes were found, and they are still doing very well.

EZMONEY
02-25-2007, 09:24 PM
I just love a good CAT fight :D

GatorgalstuckinGA
02-25-2007, 10:54 PM
lol at ez money...LOL as robinW...ermh that must have been not fun LOL

Indychick...sorry if i offended. I am just passionate about a few things in life...and the fact that i've killed hundreds of "homeless animals" makes me passionate about ppl accepting responsibilty for their pet. I apologize if i was out of line. But for the record.....not once did you say anything about your BF being allergic...just that he "did not like cats"...there is a big difference there...and that is why i got so passionate about it. from the way you wrote, it sounded like you were giving your cat to you mom just because he didn't want it. There is a big difference and i am more understanding of the situation...but once again...you didn't specifiy. So once again sorry. This is a place where were are suppose to give help/support and not attack. So i apologize.

As for moving in together...i think that is a personal matter. If you feel you are ready...then that is your choice...everyone has their own "right" time...so good luck with everything if you do move in. Just remember...ignore the little things. There are so many stupid things my DH does that i just have to laugh at and then ignore. As the silly saying goes..."don't sweat the small stuff". Let small things go and work on the big things...but good luck.

Indychick829
02-26-2007, 12:38 AM
GatorgalstuckinGA - thanks for the reply...and you're right - i should have been a little bit more specific about the situation...but the original post was just about me moving in with him - not really about my cat - and, again - i DO understand where you're coming from - because, as i repeat myself...this is NOT an easy decision to give my baby girl up. but the way i see it - at least i AM going to still be able to see her from time to time and it's NOT as if i'm giving her back to the humane society (which, btw, is where I rescued her from in the first place) - AND i also know that my mother will be able to afford her vet bills more than i can as well...lol.

but yeah. thanks for the reply - and, i should have been more clear myself.

as for me and him. it'll be good. i know it will...and i also know that the first month is the hardest...and while, yeah...technically i've been sleeping here for the past 2 almost continuously anyways - i know it'll be different cuz we WILL see much more of each other and that's just it - if there IS a day or so that i MAY get sick of him and need a bit of space to myself - i still am paying rent to my old roommate and most of all my big stuff (bed, furniture, etc...) the good thing is that i WOULD have somewhere else to go for a bit if i need to...and that IS for 3 more months. And once those 3 months are up - we're moving to a 2 bedroom so we'll have more space as well.

but i'm really happy & excited. i won't go into details - but this is a HUGE step for me in my life and ya'll have NO idea how long it has "taken me to get here"...this ISN'T just a spurr of the moment sort of decision - and as i said earlier - i've had many relationships that have taught me what i've needed to know to be in this one. :-)

nelie
02-26-2007, 10:10 AM
as for me and him. it'll be good. i know it will...and i also know that the first month is the hardest...and while, yeah...technically i've been sleeping here for the past 2 almost continuously anyways - i know it'll be different cuz we WILL see much more of each other and that's just it - if there IS a day or so that i MAY get sick of him and need a bit of space to myself - i still am paying rent to my old roommate and most of all my big stuff (bed, furniture, etc...) the good thing is that i WOULD have somewhere else to go for a bit if i need to...and that IS for 3 more months. And once those 3 months are up - we're moving to a 2 bedroom so we'll have more space as well.

but i'm really happy & excited. i won't go into details - but this is a HUGE step for me in my life and ya'll have NO idea how long it has "taken me to get here"...this ISN'T just a spurr of the moment sort of decision - and as i said earlier - i've had many relationships that have taught me what i've needed to know to be in this one. :-)

Good luck :) I wouldn't say the first month is the hardest, that is probably the easiest month. It is more around month 4, 5 or beyond where the "little" things may get to you. As long as you are both flexible, it should be fine.

Also, as long as you don't back yourself in a corner where you NEED to live with him, then it will be good. Always give yourself an out just in case :)

marbleflys
02-26-2007, 10:14 AM
indy; if you are at his house almost night and work/school ? all day....don't you think you've already abandoned your pet?

She's not enjoying the benefit of a loving owner. you come home, get your stuff for the next day and leave her alone....it must suck for her. She'll be better off where she can get some attention.

My BF has asthma and the cat hair made it worse....giving up my 2 cats weren't an option. If he wanted me, he accepted my pets...they were there before him. He went to the doctor, had tests, went on Singulair and Advair...eventually built up a tolerence.

Indychick829
02-26-2007, 02:08 PM
indy; if you are at his house almost night and work/school ? all day....don't you think you've already abandoned your pet?

She's not enjoying the benefit of a loving owner. you come home, get your stuff for the next day and leave her alone....it must suck for her. She'll be better off where she can get some attention.


Actually - my other roommate is very good to my baby girl (even though my roomate and i have personal problems - she is very good to my cat) - and believe me - i DO stop by the apartment every day basically to see her to make sure she's ok. and on the nights i HAVE stayed home - i baby my cat every second i get. so believe me - she DOES get TONS of attention. i have NOT abandoned my cat. and i know i'll get flamed for this - but i'm going to say it regardless. as much as i truly do LOVE my cat - and i've LOVED having her for these past couple of years...and yes - i KNOW i've had her longer than i've known my boyfriend...the truth is - my boyfriend IS a human being and someone I love and care for deeply and yes, i agree he SHOULD be understanding that i'm a pet owner - but as much as I love my cat - i would choose him over her. i'm just very happy that my mother wants her and i DON'T have to "give her up" all together.

Think about it guys - if i DIDN'T truly love my cat - i COULD just be one of those people who "accidentally" let her out of the house or go and abandon her somewhere - i would never - COULD NEVER do that to her...which is why it's taking me a LOT to give her up to my mother - but i KNOW she'll be babied and get the attention that at this point in my life i juist can't give her right now. and, i know i'll get flamed for this too - cuz i know many people treat their pets like they ARE their children - but there is a difference...it's JUST a cat - it's not as if she's my child - cuz believe me - if i had a child and a boyfriend didn't want her - the guy'd be gone faster than i could say, "bye". and AS a RESPONSIBLE pet owner - giving up my cat TO my mother - who i KNOW will love and baby my cat and i'll STILL be able to see her when i want to - i believe that IS doing the responsible thing. :)

marbleflys
02-26-2007, 02:15 PM
sorry, I was going by what you said in your beginning post, you referred to your apartment as your "storage shed"....

you must have a great roommate who cleans the catbox for you too. I know I have to scoop more than once a day....

zenor77
02-26-2007, 02:27 PM
I think maturity is a primary factor in whether moving in will work. I also think that sometimes you just "know" that is it the right thing to do.

My husband and I knew we would marry each other after only dating three months and were engaged at 7 months. We, however, didn't move in together for another four months due to finances and living in different cities.

On the other hand, my brother in-law moved in with his girlfriend early on in the relationship because she had nowhere else to go. They are having problems and are now both moving back home. I think that it's good in the sense that they got to see what it was like before jumping into more and maybe in the long run it'll be better for thier relationship (they are still dating.) They are really young though, so like I said I think maturity is a factor.

I think what I'm trying to say is that you should follow your heart, but make sure you have somewhere to go in case it doesn't work out.

GatorgalstuckinGA
02-26-2007, 02:32 PM
Indy...it sounds like you know what you want...and that's great! I never was judging you about moving in with him (if you interpreted that way). I think everyone knows what's right for him/her. Only they can truely make that decision. It will be a step of advancing the relationship and that's always good. It will either make or break one (i've known ppl who had dated for years and then moved in and it killed the relationship). But it sounds like you are going into it with an open heart/mind and as long as you are doing that...your a step in the right direction. Good luck with it. Just remember to take it day by day...things will be good. Like i said, just relax and enjoy..don't sweat little things. Sorry if i stirred the pot...but i am very emotional about a few things in life...and that was one of them. Hope the move goes well...trust me...that alone is trying...almost wanted to kill my DH this weekend during our move...but i guess we survived for now LOL...still have more moving to do next week.

Indychick829
02-26-2007, 02:49 PM
I think what I'm trying to say is that you should follow your heart, but make sure you have somewhere to go in case it doesn't work out.


believe me - i've had enough apartments to know what the polices are and how to get out of a lease, etc...etc...he and i both make more than enough $$ seperately that $$ is NOT the reason we're moving in together - we really care deeply for each other and this is definitely a decision we've both thought a LOT about and have decided - that yes, even this early on - it's the right decision for both of us. Again - it's not as if we're very young - i'm 27 and have lived on my own for 7 years - he's 33 and has been on his own for 11. we've both been in numerious relationships that had their ups and downs and we're both ready to take this step with each other. we are VERY open with each other and the communication is great. and yes - we both also know and understand that there's going to be a LOT more that we're going to learn about each other and some things we're not gonna like - but hey - that's life. right? isn't that what relationships are all about? learning about each other? :)

so - IF anything DID happen and it DIDN'T work out...i know i wouldn't be "stuck" in an apartment. i'm not some dumb under-paid ignorant chick who doesn't know how to take care of myself. i make a very decent living and again, i've lived in more than enough apartments and even WORKED for one before - that i understand the financial penalities of moving out early - and PLUS...as OF right now - the REASON i'm moving in with him into his place BEFORE we sign our own lease is so we KNOW whether we're totally ready in 3 months if we're gonna want to sign a years lease (or hopefully longer) together.

i understand why people are saying, "be careful" - because, unfortunately things don't work out the way you want them to all the time...i can't even BEGIN to tell you the amount of heartbreak i've dealt with in my lifetime - and i'm ONLY 27!!! but - at the same time - i also can't prance around this relationship on my tip-toes either, always thinking that something bad is going to happen. I know i have to keep myself grounded always knowing that something COULD happen - but again, at the same time i HAVE to trust him and ALLOW myself to believe that this IS the real thing.

and yes, i also know that he is in it for the long haul. he's ready and willing to take this relationship further which is WHY we're moving in together - because it's what we both want and believe is the right thing to do for the both of us right now. :love: :goodvibes :D

Indychick829
02-26-2007, 02:57 PM
Indy...it sounds like you know what you want...and that's great! I never was judging you about moving in with him (if you interpreted that way). I think everyone knows what's right for him/her. Only they can truely make that decision. It will be a step of advancing the relationship and that's always good. It will either make or break one (i've known ppl who had dated for years and then moved in and it killed the relationship). But it sounds like you are going into it with an open heart/mind and as long as you are doing that...your a step in the right direction. Good luck with it. Just remember to take it day by day...things will be good. Like i said, just relax and enjoy..don't sweat little things. Sorry if i stirred the pot...but i am very emotional about a few things in life...and that was one of them. Hope the move goes well...trust me...that alone is trying...almost wanted to kill my DH this weekend during our move...but i guess we survived for now LOL...still have more moving to do next week.


first off...i really SHOULD be doing work!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahha.

anyways though...i just wanted to reply. again - AS a pet owner - i DO understand where you were coming from. i HATE having "catfights" (no pun intended) on these boards. :) and i don't want to get INTO a fight with you or anyone else - but at the same time - because I DID post my first post and this thread is all about my situation - i felt the need to defend myself. :) But thanks for the reply - i'm sorry i wasn't clearer to begin with and i do understand why you got defensive yourself. i'm just glad we're on the same page - and again, no fighting. :P

and as i said earlier in a different post - i do understand and know that EVERYONE's situations and opinions are different - which is why i posted my question here in the first place - just to get some insight on how other's dealt with moving in with their sig. others for the first time. Some people HAVE made it after only moving in with each other between 1 - 6 months - some people won't do it for 6 months to a year - some won't do it til a YEAR or MORE after they've met - and many still hang on to the fact of not wanting to until after they've been married. Everyone's situation is different and that's why i asked to read about everyone's situations to begin with - just to get insight on how different everyone is. :D

as for my cat - yes, unfortunately that is a factor in this move and again, it's a very hard decision - but as i repeat - i'm NOT giving her up entirely - my mom loves my at as much as i do - and i know i'll still see her whenever i want/need to for the rest of my life. :D